The Shadow Line: A Confession by Joseph Conrad (1917)

A sudden passion of anxious impatience rushed through my veins, gave me such a sense of the intensity of existence as I have never felt before or since. I discovered how much of a seaman I was, in heart, in mind, and, as it were, physically – a man exclusively of sea and ships; the sea the only world that counted, and the ships, the test of manliness, of temperament, of courage and fidelity – and of love.
(The narrator’s feelings in the early, optimistic, part of ‘The Shadow Line’, p.40)

When I turned my eyes to the ship, I had a morbid vision of her as a floating grave.
(The narrator’s feeling after weeks of being becalmed on a plague ship, page 92)

Conrad’s first novel was published in 1895 when he was 38 years old. By 1917 when ‘The Shadow Line’ appeared, he had published ten novels, six novellas and twenty-five or so short stories, so had a lot of experience under his belt. ‘The Shadow Line’ is often taken to be the masterpiece of Conrad’s late period, although he was to go on and publish four more long novels before his death in 1926 (aged 66).

Conrad coined the phrase ‘shadow line’ to mean the dividing line between youth and maturity, ‘that twilight region between youth and maturity’. A simple summary of the story is that it’s a first-person narrative by a young merchant officer who assumes his first command of a ship as captain, and the series of unfortunate and then disastrous events which follow.

Date: in the Officers’ Home the narrator and Giles read papers which are full of details of Queen Victoria’s first jubilee, which was in 1887. The settings of a lot of Conrad’s stories are much earlier than you assume.

Synopsis

Part 1. In port

The narrator has been mate aboard a merchant ship operating around the Malay Peninsula for 18 months when he impulsively quits his job, citing an obscure feeling of ‘life emptiness’ (p.49).

He arranges to catch a ship home but has 4 days before it leaves so goes to stay in the Officers’ Home. Here the sullen steward tries to keep a letter from him which turns out to be a request to go and visit the harbour master about a possible command. The steward had wanted to hide it because he wanted the command to go to the long-term resident of the Home, a captain named Hamilton who hasn’t paid his bill for ages. This situation and the subterfuge of the steward and the encouragement of old Captain Giles to confront the steward and ask for the message and then the way the steward feels almost suicidal when his little deceit is discovered and Captain Giles has to go and comfort him – all this may appear extremely tangential to a story about a young merchant seaman being given his first command, and yet it takes up a third of the entire narrative, up to page 45 of this 130-page text.

Some of the descriptions of this behaviour (the steward’s, Captain Giles’s) barely make sense and the immense amount of time spent describing this trivial incident warns the reader that the sometimes incomprehensible element in Conrad’s imagining and writing are very dominant here; and, more importantly, give you a strong sense that he’s padding his story out.

Anyway, the harbour master has been looking for him because a British ship’s captain died in Bangkok, there’s a vacancy for the captainship and his previous captain, Kent, strongly recommended him, despite being a bit upset that he’d chosen to leave.

So old Captain Giles helps him pack up his stuff, get some coolies to carry it down to the docks, where he jumps into the steam launch which takes him out to the ship which the harbour master has arranged will transport him to Bangkok. He is aboard it for four days and the captain never ceases his antagonistic hostile attitude because waiting for the narrator, delayed their departure by three hours.

Part 2. His disastrous command

They arrive in Bangkok, he leaves the transporter ship and steps aboard his command.

Putting my foot on her deck for the first time, I received the feeling of deep physical satisfaction. Nothing could equal the fullness of that moment, the ideal completeness of that emotional experience which had come to me without the preliminary toil and disenchantments of an obscure career.

He quickly meets Burns, the first mate, a nervous wanting man who puts him at permanent unease. Burns tells him the story of the old captain’s infatuation with a white woman in Haiphong which kept them there long past their time, how he came onboard after a week’s absence looking ill, and declined quickly during the subsequent voyage, dying in his cabin chair about noon. Towards the end he was full of hate and spitefully told Burns he wished the whole ship would go down with all hands. Now Burns is sullenly convinced the narrator has taken the vacant post which he coveted.

So bad karma but worse is to come, namely 1) endless delay due to ‘silly commercial complications’ in getting the ship loaded and underway, during which 2) the tropical heat brings a lot of the crew down with illness. The steward goes ashore with cholera and dies within the week. Burns is afflicted and, sullenly, resentfully, has to be taken ashore.

Finally after 6 weeks stewing in the humid heat, the captain insists Burns, still too ill to walk unaided, is returned to the ship and they are towed downriver to the estuary. He is excited, sleeps and wakes to the first day of his command etc, but the ship is still cursed. There is virtually no wind and so, like Coleridge’s ship:

Day after day, day after day
We stuck, nor breath nor motion
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean

And they haven’t escaped the contagion. Two more of the crew come down with severe fever. The narrator makes a point of keeping burns, confined to his bed, informed of their lack of movement and is dismayed when the mate attributes it to the evil curse of the late captain.

They just can’t escape from the Bay of Siam. In particular the large mountain of Koh-ring stays within sight day after day, as if they’re bewitched, as if they’re under a spell, and Conrad very deliberately deploys words like magic, spell, bewitched, supernatural evil, evil spell, evil powers, purposeful malevolence, fiendish and so on to create a spooky atmosphere. Meanwhile the disease moves through the entire crew, except for healthy Ransome and the narrator, weakening them and leaving them with ‘a hunted, apprehensive look in their eyes’. Conrad lays on the ghost ship vibe with a trowel.

Eventually you realise that there is precious little plot here, instead the narrative is following the classic Conrad parabola from reasonably sensible, real-world affairs and business, larded with a bit of youthful naivete, which is then slowly and steadily crushed, as the sense of doom and fatedness and futility and slow-mounting horror takes control, until the narrator ends up having visions of the ship as a floating grave and wonders whether he’s going mad.

There were moments when I felt, not only that I would go mad, but that I had gone mad already; so that I dared not open my lips for fear of betraying myself by some insane shriek… (p.100)

It is the usual Conrad hysteria breaking through, the same terrifying hysteria which dominates the end of The Secret Agent.

Next thing that happens is he discovers four of the vials in the medicine chest which should contain quinine are full of some nondescript white crystals. Burns accuses the captain of selling off the quinine ashore for a pretty penny. This only moderate incident is made the peg for the narrator to blame himself immoderately. it feels willed, it feels as if Conrad needed a pretext to place the narrator in the next stage of his transition from youthful optimism to more weathered manhood.

The person I could never forgive was myself. Nothing should ever be taken for granted. The seed of everlasting remorse was sown in my breast. ‘I feel it’s all my fault,’ I exclaimed, ‘mine and nobody else’s. That’s how I feel. I shall never forgive myself.’ ‘That’s very foolish, sir,’ said Mr. Burns fiercely.

And you’re inclined to agree with Burns, the emaciated obsessive. But the narrator goes on becoming more hysterical. He quotes from the journal where he knocks off standard Conrad expressions of horror and futility:

All sense of time is lost in the monotony of expectation, of hope, and of desire… I emerge on deck the ordered arrangement of the stars meets my eye, unclouded, infinitely wearisome. There they are: stars, sun, sea, light, darkness, space, great waters; the formidable Work of the Seven Days, into which mankind seems to have blundered unbidden. Or else decoyed. Even as I have been decoyed into this awful, this death-haunted command… we were lost in the darkness… (p.97)

What doesn’t help is sick, emaciated Burns’ conviction that the ship really genuinely was cursed by the previous captain and that only when they pass the precise point on the map where burns buried his body at sea, only then will the spell be broken. Privately the narrator is now having Ancient Mariner visions of the entire ship’s crew dying, of it becoming a ghost ship, ‘my appalling vision of a ship floating with a dead crew’. Publicly he tries to keep control of himself and give orders in a calm, rational way.

It feels again and again in these stories that Conrad is giving way to the acute depressions which crippled him in real life. The stories, often with the thinnest of plots, are only as long as they are because draped in cascades of prose which repeats the same idea of horror and futility and anguish and despair again and again:

The memory is now that in those days life was sustained on invincible anguish, as a sort of infernal stimulant

Hundreds of sentences like these drown the reader in thick dark despair. For fifteen days the sick crew endure this hell of being completely becalmed and very ill. Conrad pops in a sentence or two explaining why this was the shadow line, the transition from youth to maturity.

It seems to me that all my life before that momentous day [when they set sail, 15 days earlier] is infinitely remote, a fading memory of light-hearted youth, something on the other side of a shadow. (p.106)

There’s little plot, just an ever-deepening intensification of the jet black atmosphere; literally, because, on that night, some kind of cloud covers the sky and stars and the narrator feels they’ve descended into hell.

The impenetrable blackness beset the ship so close that it seemed that by thrusting one’s hand over the side one could touch some unearthly substance. There was in it an effect of inconceivable terror and of inexpressible mystery… the closing in of a menace from all sides.

Anyway, wading through this hysteria the actual events are that the sky grows pitch black, then there’s an intense downpour of rain which extinguishes the last lights on the ship, plunging them into the blackness of hell etc. In this dark the narrator sees a Shape loom up from the floor, huge and shaggy, and screams with pure unadulterated horror.

Moments later it is revealed to be the emaciated mate, Burns, who’s wrapped himself in a thick coat. He repeats for the hundredth time his conviction that the old captain has doomed the ship and then bursts into hysterical laughter, an ‘insane screeching’. This daunts the drew who think the captain’s gone mad so the narrator has to quickly move to tell them it’s the mate, and ask for help to get him back below decks.

And then a wind comes, the first wind for 18 days, the masts fill and the ship starts moving. The narrator bounds up to the helm, helping Frenchy replace the exhausted Grumbal, while Ransome takes Burns below. He reports that Burns has finally fallen into a deep sleep. The reader guesses all this has happened because they’ve finally passed beyond the spot where the old captain was buried at sea and so broken the curse. And he goes on to state it explicitly:

By the exorcising virtue of Mr. Burns’ awful laugh, the malicious spectre had been laid, the evil spell broken, the curse removed. We were now in the hands of a kind and energetic Providence. It was rushing us on…

And so the ship sails swiftly through the foamy sea and, 40 hours later, arrives back at the same harbour it left 21 days earlier. Conrad describes the immense effort of the weak and feeble hands to reef in the sails and drop anchor. They are flying a signal for medical assistance flying on the mizzen so doctors boats come out to see them. The sick men are taken off. The narrator watches them feeling guilty and responsible. A doctor examines him and recommends a strong sedative for that evening.

Once on shore he bumps into old Captain Giles, which allows Conrad to bring the story round full circle. It also allows him to end it with something like normality, two seamen sharing a meal in the dining room of the Officers’ Home, trying to eclipse the way he has just put us through a steadily intensifying horror show.

When the narrator surprises Captain Giles by saying he’s aiming to recruit a new crew from a recently shipwrecked ship and cast off tomorrow to head for the Indian Ocean, Giles nods approvingly, ‘That’s the way. You’ll do.’

The very final passage of the narrative is the narrator signing Ransome’s termination of contract. Ransome was the only other crewman not afflicted by sickness, was as solid and dependable as a rock, from his clockwork cooking to his encouragement of morale, to his mucking into help with sails and steering. By the end he has become an allegorical figure of devotion to duty. But even he is mortal and is terrified that his faulty heart will give out at any moment. He shakes hands and leaves the ship to the narrator preparing for his next voyage.

And with this highly symbolic apothegm – that none of us know when our common enemy will strike – this harrowing and haunting story ends.

Resemblance to ‘The Secret Sharer’

Obviously the story has lots in common with The Secret Sharer, which also features a captain taking his first command, who becomes possessed by a strange obsession, and keeps going down to the cabin to update a sick man confined there, Leggatt in ‘Sharer’ and the wasted first mate Burns in this story.

Even the location in the Bay of Siam and the ominous and then supernatural power of the mountain island Koh-ring appear in both.

The Great War connection

Conrad wrote the novella after the outbreak of the First World War. His son, Borys, served in (and survived) the war, and ‘The Shadow Line’ is dedicated to him. So plenty of critics have interpreted ‘The Shadow Line’ as Conrad’s response to the Great War. This seems to me most obvious in the descriptions of the haggard band of sick and haunted men, worn down by their ordeal and yet doggedly loyal and dutiful, and the portrait of their pitying and reluctant officer.

Those who were able to walk remained all the time on duty, lying about in the shadows of the main deck, till my voice raised for an order would bring them to their enfeebled feet, a tottering little group, moving patiently about the ship, with hardly a murmur, a whisper amongst them all. And every time I had to raise my voice it was with a pang of remorse and pity.

It’s easy to take the disease which afflicts the ship as a metaphor of war:

The disease disclosed its low type in a startling way. It was not so with many of the men. The wastage of ill-health seemed to idealise the general character of the features, bringing out the unsuspected nobility of some, the strength of others, and in one case revealing an essentially comic aspect.

And this passage seems to be an unambiguous tribute to the suffering of the soldiers:

If I remember all their faces, wasting tragically before my eyes, most of their names have vanished from my memory. The words that passed between us were few and puerile in regard of the situation. I had to force myself to look them in the face. I expected to meet reproachful glances. There were none. The expression of suffering in their eyes was indeed hard enough to bear. But that they couldn’t help. For the rest, I ask myself whether it was the temper of their souls or the sympathy of their imagination that made them so wonderful, so worthy of my undying regard. (p.100)

The thematic structure

His critics follow Conrad’s claims in his boring prefaces that his stories are about ‘morality’ but they aren’t really, are they? They are far more accurately described as harrowing visions of horror and futility. The figure of Ransome is meant to be some kind of rock to which the narrator can cling, a symbol of what is, in the end, Conrad’s extremely simple Victorian belief that (as the editor of the Oxford World’s Classics edition, Jeremy Hawthorn puts it) ‘work has a moral force and action a therapeutic value’.

A kind of intellectual duality is built into the text, which obviously aims to contrast moral strength with moral dissolution, Ransome’s dutifulness with the narrator’s sense that he has failed, visions of sin and hell with Ransome conceived as an angel and old Captain Giles’s wisdom. These antitheses are all very cleverly worked out and inhabit what you could call the world of liberal sensibility. But the actual experience of reading the text has nothing to do with moral discriminations; it is extraordinarily intense and melodramatic. It is like being hurled into Samuel Beckett land, only even bleaker than Beckett land.

Ransome stepped back two paces and vanished from my sight. At once an uneasiness possessed me, as if some support had been withdrawn. I moved forward, too, outside the circle of light, into the darkness that stood in front of me like a wall. In one stride I penetrated it. Such must have been the darkness before creation. It had closed behind me. I knew I was invisible to the man at the helm. Neither could I see anything. He was alone, I was alone, every man was alone where he stood. And every form was gone too, spar, sail, fittings, rails; everything was blotted out in the dreadful smoothness of that absolute night. (p.113)

The text again and again immerses the reader in such feelings of existential dread, aloneness, crisis and collapse. It makes for an extraordinary experience.

Three elements

As ever, the reader is struck by three really obvious elements of a Conrad story:

  1. it is very wordy, and the style is that of a non-native English speaker, with odd vocabulary (‘unexpugnable’) and unidiomatic word order which frequently reminds you of French rather than English
  2. the wordiness sometimes obscures the events, which themselves sometimes feel odd, not in a profound writerly way, but frequently in a cack-handed, surprisingly amateurish way
  3. although 130 pages long (in the Oxford Classics edition), like so many other Conrad novellas and short stories ‘The Shadow Line’ has a surprisingly large number of characters, named and unnamed

Cast

The unnamed first-person narrator, admits that he has the touchiness of youth. He describes himself as sullen and sarcastic, petulant and grumpy.

On his first ship

Its Arab owner, a Syed, the head of a great House of Straits Arabs, an old, dark little man blind in one eye, in a snowy robe and yellow slippers’.

The Captain, Kent, a man with a thick iron-gray moustache.

The second engineer, John Nieven, ‘a sturdy young Scot, with a smooth face and light eyes’, ‘a fierce misogynist.’

The chief engineer, ‘young, too, but very thin, and with a mist of fluffy brown beard all round his haggard face’, ‘a confirmed dyspeptic’.

Ashore

Unnamed official in the Harbour Office who is sad the narrator is signing off from his ship.

Chief Steward of the Officers’ Home, ‘an unhappy, wizened little man, who if put into a jockey’s rig would have looked the part to perfection’.

The dozing stranger who Giles says is an officer from some Rajah’s yacht.

Hamilton, well-groomed aloof permanent resident of the Officers’ Home who a) regards everyone else as ‘an outsider’ and b) to the despair of the Steward, has never paid his bill.

Captain Giles, seasoned old expert navigator round the Malayan seas.

Mr R, the Head Shipping Master, secretary to…

The Harbourmaster, Captain Ellis, who sends for him and asks if he wants to captain the skipperless ship in Bangkok.

En route to Bangkok

The unnamed captain of the unnamed ship which transports the narrator to Bangkok, ‘a thin, long-armed, long-legged man, with a closely clipped gray beard.’

His command

The steward.

Burns, the first mate, ‘His long, red moustache determined the character of his physiognomy, which struck me as pugnacious in (strange to say) a ghastly sort of way.’

The previous captain, now dead: ‘He was a peculiar man – of sixty-five about – iron gray, hard-faced, obstinate, and uncommunicative. He used to keep the ship loafing at sea for inscrutable reasons. Would come on deck at night sometimes, take some sail off her, God only knows why or wherefore, then go below, shut himself up in his cabin, and play on the violin for hours – till daybreak perhaps. In fact, he spent most of his time day or night playing the violin. That was when the fit took him. Very loud, too.’ (p.58)

The former captain’s white woman in Haiphong, seen only in a photograph.

The doctor of the Legation and Consulate.

Ransome the cook, a fit handsome man who, however, cried off being a dull seaman because he has a heart condition’. Ransome becomes the stoutest, bravest, most loyal and dutiful of the crew throughout the nightmare voyage.

The second officer, ‘a callow youth with an unpromising face.’

Frenchy, a short, gingery, active man with a nose and chin of the Punch type’, ‘To see him coming aft to the wheel comforted one. The blue dungaree trousers turned up the calf, one leg a little higher than the other, the clean check shirt, the white canvas cap, evidently made by himself, made up a whole of peculiar smartness, and the persistent jauntiness of his gait, even, poor fellow, when he couldn’t help tottering, told of his invincible spirit.’

Gambril, ‘the only grizzled person in the ship’.

Vivid phrases

Like diamonds in mud Conrad continually comes up with vivid images.

Captain Giles… began to haul at his gorgeous gold chain till at last the watch came up from the deep pocket like solid truth from a well. (p.27)

The doctor’s glasses were directed at me like two lamps searching the genuineness of my resolution. (p.71)

Cosmic visions

As usual I spotted a couple of Conrad’s cosmic comparisons, the astronomic similes which seem to lift you clean off the surface of the earth and into another dimension or genre.

The darkness had risen around the ship like a mysterious emanation from the dumb and lonely waters. I leaned on the rail and turned my ear to the shadows of the night. Not a sound. My command might have been a planet flying vertiginously on its appointed path in a space of infinite silence. (p.74)

As I’ve repeatedly said, his bleakness often becomes so intense as to carry him out of the realm of realistic literature altogether and into the realm of science fiction.

There was still no man at the helm. The immobility of all things was perfect. If the air had turned black, the sea, for all I knew, might have turned solid. It was no good looking in any direction, watching for any sign, speculating upon the nearness of the moment. When the time came the blackness would overwhelm silently the bit of starlight falling upon the ship, and the end of all things would come without a sigh, stir, or murmur of any kind, and all our hearts would cease to beat like run-down clocks. (p.108)

Conrad’s style

In the first half of the story Conrad’s aim is to make the narrator appear naive and innocent; part of this strategy is to make him feel superior and quick to judge all the other characters. He has the arrogance, the cocksureness of youth. When he is offered the captaincy it makes him feel like he is walking on air, floating with happiness, feels as if he’s in a fairy tale etc. In the second half, well, I’ve described and quoted how the story collapses into horror and terror.

Clunkers

As usual, a lot of the text is only borderline English and Conrad fairly often writes sentences that cross the border, into being non-English and sometimes almost incomprehensible.

‘Well, no,’ I conceded, restraining a desire to laugh at that something mysteriously earnest in delivering the conclusions of his wisdom as though it were the product of prohibited operations. (p.41)

The doctor’s round, full face framed in a light-coloured whisker was the perfection of a dignified amenity. (p.66)

These occasional weirdnesses have a charm of their own. Alternatively, sometimes his sentences aren’t incomprehensible, they’re just poorly written and phrased.

Seizing eagerly upon the elation of the first command thrown into my lap, by the agency of Captain Giles, I had yet an uneasy feeling that such luck as this has got perhaps to be paid for in some way. (p.83)

I said to myself disdainfully that it should take much more than that to affect in the smallest degree my fortitude. (p.86)

French word order

In English we tend to put adjectives and adverbs before the noun or verb. In French they do it the other way round. Very often Conrad writes sentences with the adjective or adjectival phrase following the noun in a pronounced and foreign-feeling way.

He turned to me his face grotesque beyond the fantasies of mad dreams… (p.90)

Ransome’s unperturbed voice uttered pleasantly the words…

Poor quality wisdom writing

Conrad has a related habit which is writing something which starts out looking like it’s going to be a quotable bit of wisdom writing, but then turns out to be disappointingly banal or flat. To be harsh, he sounds like a man who, in the first fifteen years of his career, had written everything interesting and shocking and insightful he was ever going to write, and is now just going through the motions.

People have a great opinion of the advantages of experience. But in this connection experience means always something disagreeable as opposed to the charm and innocence of illusions. (p.65)

It starts off with the flow and feel of something which is going to be profound but ends up, in fact, being both obvious and clunkily phrased.


Credit

The Shadow Line by Joseph Conrad was first published as a serial in the English Review from September 1916 to March 1917 and published in book form by J.M. Dent in 1917. Page references are to the 1985 Oxford World’s Classics paperback edition.

Related links

Conrad reviews

The Last Enemy by Richard Hillary (1942)

They would say, ‘I hope someone got the swine who got you: how you must hate those devils!’ and I would say weakly, ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ and leave it at that. I could not explain that I had not been injured in their war, that no thoughts of ‘our island fortress’ or of ‘making the world safe for democracy’ had bolstered me up when going into combat. I could not explain that what I had suffered I in no way regretted; that I had welcomed it; and that now that it was over I was in a sense grateful for it and certain that in time it would help me along the road of my own private development.
(The Last Enemy, page 166)

Potted biography (from Wikipedia)

Born in April 1919, Richard Hillary was 20 when the Second World War broke out. He was the son of an Australian government official and his wife, and attended one of the UK’s top public schools, Shrewsbury School, before going on to Trinity College, Oxford (‘a typical incubator of the English ruling classes before the war’).

At Oxford he was a fit, handsome man who devoted all his energy to rowing, hoping to achieve a ‘Blue’ (‘Unfortunately, rowing was the only accomplishment in which I could get credit for being slightly better than average.’) His memoir contains some very funny rowing stories, particularly the tour of German and Hungarian regattas he went on with seven fellow rowers who wangled free tickets and hotel rooms on false promise that they were the ‘official’ Oxford Eight, which they very much weren’t.

But at the same time as rowing, he joined the Oxford University Air Squadron and the Royal Air Force Volunteer Reserve. The undergraduates all knew war was coming.

Hillary was called up to the Royal Air Force in October 1939. He was sent for training in Scotland then, in July 1940, was posted to B Flight, No. 603 Squadron RAF, located at RAF Montrose, still in Scotland but, for the first time, flying Spitfires.

On 27 August the Squadron was moved south to RAF Hornchurch, in Essex, and immediately saw combat in the Battle of Britain (10 July 1940 to 31 October 1940). In one week of combat Hillary personally claimed five Bf 109s shot down, claimed two more probably destroyed and one damaged.

On 3 September 1940 i.e. seven days into his new posting, Hillary had just made his fifth ‘kill’ when he was shot down by a Messerschmitt Bf 109. He describes vividly the key mistake he made. After getting an enemy plane in his sights he let off a 2 second burst of machinegun fire which he saw hit the machine. But instead of breaking off and wheeling away, he let off another 3 second burst to make sure and that was long enough for another Messerschmitt to get on his tail and hit him.

Trapped in his cockpit while the Spitfire burst into flames Hillary was badly burned, then passed out, then literally fell out of the plane as it tumbled down towards the sea. The cold air revived him, he deployed his parachute and landed in the North Sea, where he was rescued by a lifeboat from the Margate Station.

If school and university were part 1 and combat flying was part 2, now began the third part of Hillary’s short life, an extended period of medical treatment for his appalling burns.

Hillary was first treated at the Royal Masonic Hospital, Hammersmith and then at the Queen Victoria Hospital in Sussex. Here he came under the direction of the plastic surgeon Archibald McIndoe and endured three months of repeated surgery in an attempt to repair the damage to his hands and face. Pioneer patients were known as McIndoe’s ‘Guinea Pig Club’. It was a painful and psychologically devastating period.

The Last Enemy

The Last Enemy is a carefully crafted text. I’ve copied the outline of Hillary’s life from Wikipedia in order to show how he treats it in The Last Enemy. The Last Enemy is in three parts:

  1. The proem (‘a preface or preamble to a book or speech’)
  2. Book One – his life up to the shooting down, focusing on Oxford then his RAF training
  3. Book Two – medical treatment, plastic surgery, return to a semblance of civilian life

1. Proem

A short 6-page Proem, an intense description of the day he took off with the rest of his squadron, engaged in a dogfight, was hit and his cockpit immediately burst into flames, how he struggled to open the hatch, tumbled through the air, and then the long, long time (four hours) he spent in the cold North Sea, entangled in the straps and ropes of his parachute, the tortured thoughts that went through his head, his feeble attempts to deflate his life jacket and drown himself, which turns out to be harder than he expected. It is told with the winning, upper-class sang-froid of his class.

There can be few more futile pastimes than yelling for help alone in the North Sea, with a solitary seagull for company, yet it gave me a certain melancholy satisfaction, for I had once written a short story in which the hero (falling from a liner) had done just this. It was rejected.

Then willing arms are pulling him up, his parachute is cut free, brandy, a blanket and the long chug back to Margate, ambulance, hospital, anaesthetic. Blimey. It’s harrowing stuff. But what led up to this fatal moment? How did we get here?

2. Book One

Book one contains five chapters. He skips past his parents and childhood and boyhood and school, and the text opens with young Richard a bright young undergraduate at Oxford University, and this is where we get introduced to the book’s style and purpose.

There’s a lot of facts about Oxford and undergraduate life, as there will later be a lot of facts about the different planes he trained and flew in. It is all told in the bright and breezy style of the confident English upper class, with lashings of self-deprecation and irony.

The press referred to us as the Lost Generation and we were not displeased. Superficially we were selfish and egocentric without any Holy Grail in which we could lose ourselves. The war provided it, and in a delightfully palatable form. (p.24)

But what sets it apart from other memoirs of bright young things is Hillary’s earnest, if rather immature, young mannish attempts to make sense of it all, to make sense of his life, how it fit into his generation’s attitudes and experiences.

On the face of it this gives rise to a number of descriptions of how he and his generation felt about, say, international politics, English society, the British Empire or the writers of the 1930s, the poets of the generation just before them, all of which give rise to quotable soundbites (which are often included in social histories of the period).

On politicians

We were convinced that we had been needlessly led into the present world crisis, not by unscrupulous rogues, but worse, by the bungling of a crowd of incompetent old fools.

Class consciousness and the 1930s poets

Despising the middle-class society to which they owed their education and position, they attacked it, not with vigour but with an adolescent petulance. They were encouraged in this by their literary idols, by their unquestioning allegiance to Auden, Isherwood, Spender, and Day Lewis. With them they affected a dilettante political leaning to the left. Thus, while refusing to be confined by the limited outlook of their own class, they were regarded with suspicion by the practical exponents of labour as bourgeois, idealistic, pink in their politics and pale-grey in their effectiveness. They balanced precariously and with irritability between a despised world they had come out of and a despising world they couldn’t get into… (p.13)

The post-war future

Was there perhaps a new race of Englishmen arising out of this war, a race of men bred by the war, a harmonious synthesis of the governing class and the great rest of England; that synthesis of disparate backgrounds and upbringings to be seen at its most obvious best in R.A.F. Squadrons? While they were now possessed of no other thought than to win the war, yet having won it, would they this time refuse to step aside and remain indifferent to the peace-time fate of the country, once again leave government to the old governing class?…Would they see to it that there arose from their fusion representatives, not of the old gang, deciding at Lady Cufuffle’s that Henry should have the Foreign Office and George the Ministry of Food, nor figureheads for an angry but ineffectual Labour Party, but true representatives of the new England that should emerge from this struggle?

(Partly this passage stood out for me because of his use of the phrase ‘the old gang’ referring to the corrupt old aristocrats and public school johnnies who run everything, because it copies the phrase from an Auden poem:

We know it, we know that love
Needs more than the admiring excitement of union,
More than the abrupt self-confident farewell,
The heel on the finishing blade of grass,
The self-confidence of the falling root,
Needs death, death of the grain, our death.
Death of the old gang…

From The Destruction of Error by W.H. Auden, 1929)

There’s a lot of stuff pitched at this level, undergraduate generalisations about society and it’s very readable and interesting, as far as it goes. It took me a while to realise that Hillary has a deeper, sometimes quite buried, purpose to all this. And this is to describe how the narrator matures and grows up, so that the book could have been titled The Socialisation of an Egotist. Or maybe, How The Egotist Grew Up.

I read a commenter on Amazon saying they disliked Hillary because of his sense of entitlement and arrogance, but I take that as being precisely the point of the book, to show the reader that that’s how he started off and to take you on his journey of maturing. It is a Bildingsroman. It is a coming-of-age story. The whole point is to start with the hero being immature, rootless, drifting and fantastically self-absorbed. He lives for the moment. He lives to express himself and fulfil himself. Rowing’s what he’s good at and partying and being handsome and witty with other gilded, witty, athletic posh types, and so this is how he spends his time.

And so this is the attitude he brings to fighting the war: he laughs at all the ‘rot’ about the Empire and patriotism and the great this, that or the other. He doesn’t give a stuff for any of that grand talk. Keith Douglas, in Alamein to Zem Zem, sees the advent of war as a personal challenge, and that’s just how Hillary sees it:

For myself, I was glad for purely selfish reasons. The war solved all problems of a career, and promised a chance of self-realisation that would normally take years to achieve. As a fighter pilot I hoped for a concentration of amusement, fear, and exaltation which it would be impossible to experience in any other form of existence. (p.24)

It’s a point he rams home with repetition, convinced most of his peers feel the same:

We continued to refuse to consider the war in the light of a crusade for humanity, or a life-and-death struggle for civilization, and concerned ourselves merely with what there was in it for us… (p.46)

He gives us good pen portraits of his undergraduate friends and then he enlists and is whisked off to Scotland for training. Here we are introduced, once again, to quite a large number of chaps, some of whom are really very well off: a son of Lord Beaverbrook, several landed gentry who invite them to go grouse shooting on their vast estates. (It’s notable that Hillary positions himself as very much not part of the huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’ set; he describes at least two separate shooting invitations at length and each time makes it clear he hates stomping through wet heather and mud in order to stand around on a windswept hillside shooting at a few wretched pheasants. He dips into that world, but he is not of it.)

But the point I’m making about the fairly large cast of other characters (for example, all the pilots he trains with and then in his squadron – I counted 32 named individuals in all) is that although we get their height and hair colour and university background and everything, there’s a persistent thread of Hillary considering them as psychological types, and measuring them against his own, very well expressed egocentricity. Take what he says about his fellow pilot Peter Howes:

The change in Peter Howes was perhaps the most interesting, for he was not unaware of what was happening. From an almost morbid introspection, an unhappy preoccupation with the psychological labyrinths of his own mind, his personality blossomed, like some plant long untouched by the sun, into an at first unwilling but soon open acceptance of the ideas and habits of the others. (p.45)

He sees in others the maturation process which the book ends up being about. This comes into focus in the character of one of the young flyers he meets, a chap named Peter Pease, who is a devout Christian.

Peter was, I think, the best-looking man I have ever seen. He stood six-foot-three and was of a deceptive slightness for he weighed close on 13 stone. He had an outward reserve which protected him from any surface friendships, but for those who troubled to get to know him it was
apparent that this reserve masked a deep shyness and a profound integrity of character. Soft-spoken, and with an innate habit of understatement, I never knew him to lose his temper. He never spoke of himself and it was only through Colin that I learned how well he had done at Eton before his two reflective years at Cambridge, where he had watched events in Europe and made up his mind what part he must play when the exponents of everything he most abhorred began to sweep all before them.

Many, many things happen. They train, they fly, they fight, they go dancing and drinking. There is an interlude where we discover some of the pilots have been using their spare time to entertain small children who have been evacuated from urban centres to the small hamlet of Tarfside (pages 78 to 79). There is a lot of detail and incident and character, all described in a winningly confident pukka style.

But at the core of Book One is the longest chapter in the book (26 pages in the Penguin edition) titled ‘The World of Peter Pease’ for it contains a prolonged debate between Richard the selfish atheist and Peter the quietly spoken, selfless Christian. Richard volunteered for the RAF because he selfishly wants the experience of flying a Spitfire and shooting down enemy fighters. Peter is serving because has observed events across Europe and come to the conclusion that the Nazis represent real Evil, Biblical Evil, created by the Devil. What they are doing is Devilish and must be combated by all good Christians.

Hillary isn’t Dostoyevsky or Sartre. Their debate isn’t pitched in sophisticated theological or philosophical terminology. And it doesn’t last that long, pages 82 to 91. But you have the sense, the dramatic literary sense, that although he’s writing the account, Hillary himself knows he’s on quicksand. There’s an old saying that you know you’re losing the argument when you resort to insults, as Hillary finds himself doing:

‘You are going to concern yourself with politics and mankind when the war is over: I am going to
concern myself with the individual and Richard Hillary. I may or may not be exactly a man of my time: I don’t know. But I know that you are an anachronism. In an age when to love one’s country is vulgar, to love God archaic, and to love mankind sentimental, you do all three.’

But the more fiercely Hillary argues that nothing matters except the self, that he’s only fighting for the experience, that life is about self expression and getting as much out of it as you can, the more you can feel him beginning to doubt himself:

I’m not concerned with genius. I’m concerned with my own potentialities. I say that I am fighting this war because I believe that, in war, one can swiftly develop all one’s faculties to a degree it would normally take half a lifetime to achieve. And to do this, you must be as free from outside interference as possible. That’s why I’m in the Air Force. For in a Spitfire we’re back to war as it ought to be–if you can talk about war as it ought to be. Back to individual combat, to self–reliance, total responsibility for one’s own fate. One either kills or is killed; and it’s damned exciting. (p.85)

‘Exciting’, the same word Keith Douglas uses in Alamein to Zem Zem:

It is exciting and amazing to see thousands of men, very few of whom have much idea why they are fighting, all enduring hardships, living in an unnatural, dangerous, but not wholly terrible world, having to kill and to be killed… (Alamein to Zem Zem)

Interesting coincidence as this may be, it doesn’t strengthen Hillary’s case. A close reading suggests the quietly spoken Christian, Peter Pease, is on the solider ground. I couldn’t say whether Hillary intends the reader to take his side, but I think he intends it to be a close-run thing.

(It might be worth mentioning in passing that Auden felt the same. After he had emigrated to America in 1939 her came to realise that all the so-called ‘political’ poetry he wrote in the 1930s was, deep down, motivated by personal needs and urgencies and that, if it came right down to it, why were we fighting the Germans? If everything is personal and psychological, then maybe it’s possible to change your personality, or in a different mood, support the Nazis. Where was the solid, objective basis on which to found your belief that the Nazis were wrong, not a matter of taste or scruple, but the conviction that what they were doing was simply wrong and anti-human? Arguments like this were part of Auden’s process towards readopting the lapsed Anglican Christianity of his boyhood. You cannot allow the fight against the Nazis to depend on your vacillating mood, on personal preference. There must be an objective truth outside yourself. There must be a God who underpins a universal moral order, who underpins Human Morality. This is the conviction expressed in different styles by Auden, T.S. Eliot, C.S. Lewis and many other writers of the age, and explains why the Second World War saw an upsurge in Christian faith, from a wide range of people asking themselves this question: ‘Why am I so sure the Nazis are wrong? Because there are universal moral standards external to me, there is a Moral Law, there is a timeless Creator who underpins them.’)

In the moral or philosophical terrain (i.e. not the fighter pilot or medical parts) of the narrative, Peter Pease is triangulated with another character, David Rutter, a convinced pacifist. It is worth quoting Hillary’s description of Rutter at length for what it tells about the ideas floating around in 1939:

‘Modern patriotism,’ he would say, ‘is a false emotion. In the Middle Ages they had the right idea. All that a man cared about was his family and his own home on the village green. It was immaterial to him who was ruling the country and what political opinions held sway. Wars were no concern of his.’ His favourite quotation was the remark of Joan’s father in Schiller’s drama on the Maid of Orleans, ‘Lasst uns still gehorchend harren wem uns Gott zum Köng gibt,’ which he would translate for me as, ‘Let us trust obediently in the king God sends us.’

‘Then,’ he would go on, ‘came the industrial revolution. People had to move to the cities. They ceased to live on the land. Meanwhile our country, by being slightly more unscrupulous than anyone else, was obtaining colonies all over the world. Later came the popular press, and we have been exhorted ever since to love not only our own country, but vast tracts of land and people in the Empire whom we have never seen and never wish to see.’

So he’s not just a pacifist but has clearly thought-out views about the meretricious role of the popular press and the bogusness of the British Empire (something Hillary isn’t very impressed by, either). Rutter is only one among many named characters in the book, but Hillary explicitly links him to Pease by virtue of his thought-through, principled stance.

3. Book Three

As mentioned above, book three starts with Hillary recovering in hospital and follows the long, gruelling process of the treatment for his burns and then the plastic surgery designed to give him a semblance of a face and of hands (at one point the surgeon taps the shiny white part of his knuckle – which Hillary can’t feel – and points out it’s raw bone; he was burned to the bone).

This is very gruelling for the reader because in each of his hospitals Hillary, of course, meets and finds out about patients in much worse plight than himself. Worst of all is the burns hospital in Sussex which includes a 15-year-old girl who was totally burned by molten sugar on her first day in a factor, and who screams in agony all the time. God.

He has umpteen hallucinations under the influence of heavy painkillers for months. In one he is in the cockpit with his friend Peter Pease when he is shot down and killed. (This chimes eerily with the Roald Dahl short stories of close relatives, mothers or wives or friends, witnessing at first hand the deaths of their loved ones miles away in bombers or fighters. Was it a very common hallucination or intuition, one wonders.) The nurses are almost universally excellent and there are many little examples of their kindness and tact when dealing with the devastatingly injured, and the towering example of Sister Hall, who is a firm but compassionate ruler of the burns ward at the Queen Victoria Hospital, Sussex.

Peter’s wife, Denise, comes to visit and, when he is well enough to leave hospital, Richard often goes to stay at her house in Eaton Place. In fact it’s one of the mild surprises of the book that he is allowed to leave hospital and travel to London, to meet old friends for drinks etc, even while his treatment continues. It’s because each of the skin grafts to give him new eyelids or new lips, takes months to ‘take’.

The climax of the book comes quickly and I found overwhelmingly moving, if for reasons I don’t fully understand. It is in two parts. One day Hillary accepts an invitation from his old friend David Rutter, the pacifist, and takes the train out to his cottage in Norfolk. The door is opened by David’s wife, Mary, who is visibly shocked at Hillary’s appearance. They shake hands, make a pot of tea, sit down to chat but Hillary finds Mary quite aggressive. After a while Rutter intervenes to explain that she is over-compensating, because so many of their friends in the Forces end up berating Rutter for being a pacifist. OK, Hillary processes this fact, but senses there is a deeper reason for Mary’s unhappiness.

Then it comes out. David has lost his pacifism. As the war has continued he has come to doubt his stance. The Nazis have emerged as not just another enemy in another war, but the most evil force history has ever thrown up and this is a war to preserve not just democracy but all human decency. And so David has come to doubt his contented pacifism.

As country after country had fallen to Hitler his carefully reasoned arguments had been split wide open: it was as much the war of the unemployed labourer as of the Duke of Westminster. Never in the course of history had there been a struggle in which the issues were so clearly defined. Although our peculiar form of education would never allow him to admit it, he knew well enough that it had become a crusade. All this he could have borne. It was the painful death of his passionate fundamental belief that he should raise his hand against no man which finally brought his world crumbling about his ears. (p.168)

And so his wife Mary is distraught. She thought she knew where they stood. She thought they shared common values and now she doesn’t know any more. I thought this was all beautifully sense, imagined and described.

In the climax of their conversation, David asks Richard what he should do and Richard suddenly feels like a fraud, a fake. He has no principles of his own beyond seeking self-fulfilment and adventure. He has no moral ground on which to stand, from which to give David the certainty he has lost and wants to find again. They shake hands and Richard catches the train back to London feeling like a fraud.

This is what I mean by Bildungsroman. Remember the Amazon commenter who said they disliked Hillary’s arrogance and elitism. Well, this scene exemplifies my point that the initial arrogance is calculated; it is part of a calculated literary strategy, to follow the journey of cocky, handsome, privileged young public schoolboy on his journey to shame and humility. And the interesting thing is that it is not the shooting down, the burning or the terrible pain which does it; it is the example of the other people around him, it is Peter Pease and Denise and David and Mary.

Psychological climax

All this prepares us for the climactic last few pages of the book. His train from Norfolk pulls in to Liverpool Street Station during a German air raid. A taxi picks him up but then the driver says they’d better take cover, so Richard tells him to pull over at the nearest pub and they both duck inside. Here the atmosphere is febrile as the bombs fall all around. Then they hear a series of bombs coming closer and closer and everyone throws themselves to the ground. Is this it? the reader wonders.

No. There’s an almighty explosion, the floor jumps up, the windows shatter and so on, but they stagger to their feet alive. The bomb fell next door. An air raid warden opens the door and asks for help digging through the rubble, Richard volunteers. After a while of removing rubble they come to a bed, and slowly disinter a little girl who is stone dead. She was being held and protected by her mother, pinned by rubble to the bed, her leg broken under her. Richard has a flask of brandy and pours a little into the woman’s mouth and she opens her eyes to weakly thank him and then, seeing his melted face, says ‘I see they got you too’, and then she died.

I’m crying all over again as I write this. Richard struggles to screw the lid of the flask back on, gets to his feet and pushes past the other rescuers on the rubble, into the street and struggles with all his strength not to start screaming, to start running as fast as he can and screaming at the top of his voice. Something inside him has finally, totally, utterly snapped. Forgive me for quoting it at length, but its power lies in the thoroughness and cumulativeness of the horror;

Someone caught me by the arm, I think it was the soldier with the girl, and said: ‘You’d better take some of that brandy yourself. You don’t look too good’; but I shook him off. With difficulty I kept my pace to a walk, forcing myself not to run. For I wanted to run, to run anywhere away from that scene, from myself, from the terror that was inside me, the terror of something that was about to happen and which I had not the power to stop.

It started small, small but insistent deep inside of me, sharp as a needle, then welling up uncontrollable, spurting, flowing over, choking me. I was drowning, helpless in a rage that caught and twisted and hurled me on, mouthing in a blind unthinking frenzy. I heard myself cursing, the words pouring out, shrill, meaningless, and as my mind cleared a little I knew that it was the woman I cursed. Yes, the woman that I reviled, hating her that she should die like that for me to see, loathing that silly bloody twisted face that had said those words: ‘I see they got you too.’ That she should have spoken to me, why, oh Christ, to me? Could she not have died the next night, ten minutes later, or in the next street? Could she not have died without speaking, without raising those cow eyes to mine?

‘I see they got you too.’ All humanity had been in those few words, and I had cursed her. Slowly the frenzy died in me, the rage oozed out of me, leaving me cold, shivering, and bitterly ashamed. I had cursed her, cursed her, I realised as I grew calmer, for she had been the one thing that my rage surging uncontrollably had had to fasten on, the one thing to which my mind, overwhelmed by the sense of something so huge and beyond the range of thought, could cling. Her death was unjust, a crime, an outrage, a sin against mankind — weak inadequate words which even as they passed through my mind mocked me with their futility.

That that woman should so die was an enormity so great that it was terrifying in its implications, in its lifting of the veil on possibilities of thought so far beyond the grasp of the human mind. It was not just the German bombs, or the German Air Force, or even the German mentality, but a feeling of the very essence of anti-life that no words could convey. This was what I had been cursing — in part, for I had recognised in that moment what it was that Peter and the others had instantly recognised as evil and to be destroyed utterly. I saw now that it was not crime; it was Evil itself — something of which until then I had not even sensed the existence.

And it was in the end, at bottom, myself against which I had raged, myself I had cursed. With awful clarity I saw myself suddenly as I was. Great God, that I could have been so arrogant!

In the final pages Hillary reviews the entire narrative in a new light, his cocksure self-centredness destroyed for good. Why did he enjoy bating Peter Pease, so obviously right about the moral aspect of the war? Why had he quietly mocked the selfless determination of Peter’s widow, Denise? Why had he failed to acknowledge the deaths, the sacrifices of all his flying colleagues, ‘the Berrys, the Stapletons, the Carburys’ who instinctively honoured the dead? And all the people with terrible burns and amputations who he met in hospital, in his self-centredness, he had seen them only as objects of interest and then irritation.

Even David who he had gone to see earlier the same day, when he needed help, advice, some kind of guidance, Hillary had recoiled into his smart and aloof self-centredness, because his philosophy of life – that life is entirely and only about Self Fulfilment – could provide no guidance, no basis for helping anyone else.

Again memory dragged me back. It had been this very day who had sat back smoking cigarettes while David had poured out his heart, while his wife had watched me, taut, hoping. But I had failed. I had been disturbed a little, yes, but when he was finished I had said nothing, given no sign, offered no assurance that he was now right. I saw it so clearly… ‘Do you think I should join up?’ On my answer had depended many things, his self-respect, his confidence for the future, his final good-bye to the past. And I had said nothing, shying away from the question, even then not seeing. In the train I had crossed my legs and sat back, amused, God help me, by the irony of it all.

Now the enormity of the pointless, cruel death of the woman in the bombed house finally breaks his reserve, smashes the smooth, protective arrogance which has been his carapace all his life. He has lived in a trivial world of ‘nice comfortable little theories’ (p.176), protected by his ironies and his detachment. All his life he has refused to embrace the reality of the world.

Stricken with guilt, Hillary spends a sleepless night agonising over his hundred and one failures and only in the last two paragraphs does some kind of way forward appear to him, a way to atone for his shallowness, his heartlessness, his failure to help. He will write. He will write it all out.

I would write of these men, of Peter and of the others. I would write for them and would write with them. They would be at my side. And to whom would I address this book, to whom would I be speaking when I spoke of these men? And that, too, I knew. To Humanity, for Humanity must be the public of any book. Yes, that despised Humanity which I had so scorned and ridiculed to Peter.

If I could do this thing, could tell a little of the lives of these men, I would have justified, at least in some measure, my right to fellowship with my dead, and to the friendship of those with courage and steadfastness who were still living and who would go on fighting until the ideals for which their comrades had died were stamped for ever on the future of civilization.

Those are the last sentences. Reader, you hold in your hands the fruit of Hillary’s decision to help in the wider struggle, to honour his comrades, dead and still living, and to redeem himself. It is, I think, an incredibly powerful ending.

Epilogue

What follows isn’t in the book; it’s the rest of Hillary’s biography as copied from Wikipedia:

In 1941 Hillary persuaded the British authorities to send him to America to rally support for Britain’s war effort. While in the United States, he spoke on the radio, had a love affair with the actress Merle Oberon (!), and drafted much of this book, which was to make him famous.

Hillary managed to bluff his way back into a flying role even though, as was noted in the officers’ mess, he could barely handle a knife and fork. He returned to service with No 54 Operational Training Unit at RAF Charterhall, for a conversion course to pilot light bomber aircraft.

Hillary was killed on 8 January 1943, along with Navigator/Radio Operator Sergeant Wilfred Fison, when he crashed a Bristol Blenheim during a night training flight in adverse weather conditions, the aircraft coming down on farmland in Berwickshire, Scotland.


Credit

The Last Enemy was published by Macmillan and Co in 1942. All references are to the 2018 ‘Centenary Collection’ Penguin paperback edition.

Related links

Other war flying memoirs

Second World War reviews