Of course there’s tons more!! I just didn’t have time to nit pick through them all 🙂
–T
Posts Tagged ‘lesbian’
As Promised….Wedding and Engagement Photos :)
Posted in Family, Life, tagged beautiful, building relationships, engagement, family, feeling, friendship, fun, happiness, lesbian, life, love, marraige, wedding on February 11, 2013| Leave a Comment »
Date Day!
Posted in Love, tagged building relationships, challenges, cooking, date days, dates, dinner, family, feeling, friends, friendship, fun, happiness, lesbian, life, love, movies, reaching out, romance, shopping, snuggle on February 10, 2013| Leave a Comment »
One of the most important things in a relationship is dating! Life can get so busy to the point where romance is neglegted. Trust me I know!! D and I have four kids, she works full time, I go to school full time on top of looking for a job, and I’m working out every single day. (uh…except rest days of course :D) Add in taking care of the house, cooking, and homwork….it’s like the day flies by in an instant. We’ve started having date days as a way to stay connected to eachother and give us a break from life! Oh, you may have noticed I said date “days” instead of date “nights”. Well, that’s because we use a whole free day to spend with eachother!! Yesterday we woke up and got ready to head out….without a real plan. HAHA! We ended up stopping at a couple of stores and shopping for the house. I know you “guys” probably wouldn’t find this entertaining, but we had a blast!! I did cheat a bit and had a skinny vanilla latte……..soooooo delish…….but, we wanted to have a free fun day. D found herself a new pair of work shoes that are to die for. Her other ones had holes straight through the soles! Lol. The best part of the whole day is we finally found a new dishware set that we both completely love. It’s just clear glass, no patterns or anything, and it was on sale. JACKPOT!!! The original plan was to head to dinner….but D cooked for me instead, which turned out way better than any resturaunt. She grilled filet mignon, roasted redskin potatos, and steamed some green beans. She was so cute all day, it was good to laugh with her and just hang out without the concerns of day to day life. Whoever said laughter is the best medicine was on to something BIG! 🙂 It was absolutely my favorite day of the year. We even continues through the night by snugging up to a movie….she’s my favorite person in the whole world. 🙂
I strongly suggest setting date DAYS to stay connected with your significant other. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal, but make it something fun and light.
Look at that nummy-ness!!! I had more green beans….but I ate them before I remembered to take a picture!
What are you doing to keep your realationships strong???
–T.
Revamping Lifestyle
Posted in Daily struggles, Family, Life, Love, tagged building relationships, busy, catch up, challenges, eating right, fitness, happiness, healthy, kids, lesbian, life, love, marraige, promotions, scool, time, wife, work, working out, writing on January 29, 2013| Leave a Comment »
WOWOWOWOWOW!!
It has been a long time, my sweets. I have been busy, and crazy…..and busy!!! The way time can get away from us is really quite frightening, isn’t it? Currently, I’m stretching out my blogging muscles so I can get down and dirty with some updating! First I should say, Happy New Year, Merry Christmas….or Happy Holidays? What is the socially acceptable terminology these days, because we, over in this household, are out of touch! *Ahem* anyways, before I start going off on a tangent, I hope everyone is having an amazing time with life and all of it’s possibilities. 🙂
Time for some current events, D and I got married in June of last year!! It was an amazing day, everything went perfect…..well, mostly went perfect…after we finally got my dress zipped and to the ceremony (an hour late) theeeeen things went swimmingly. The little munchkins had a blast getting dolled up, which was too stinkin’ cute. Not that I’m biased or anything like that. 🙂 My wife was gorgeous as ever!! I’ll have to do a post full of updated pictures….not this one, maybe the next one.
Let’s see, I started eating healthier, which for me means I’m actually eating. My fridge is loaded with fruits, veggies, soymilk, greek yogurt, homemade fruit water, and whole grain wheats. I wake up I eat a healthy breakfast, I even started busting out some morning yoga to jumpstart my day. Hey, girl, heeeyyy ;). Truthfully, eating healthy has helped me feel better, more energized, less like my stomach is trying to give my backbone a hickey. Ohh yes, and we finally got me off of the caffeine addiction. Don’t get me wrong when I want a cup of coffee I will have one. The only difference now is I keep decaf in the house, and get treated with Starbuck’s once in a while. Who knew that kicking the coffee would help me feel 300% better in the mornings? My alarm goes off, I’m up out of bed, making breakfast, doing some yoga, taking a shower, and out the door in about an hour and a half. No dragging of the feet, or snoozing until I’m going to be late, it’s really a fantastic feeling. Oh, and I don’t need to nap everyday of my life. What a phenomenon….
Now if I could just start pushing myself to work out for strength and endurance, we’d be golden. Whose going to hold me accountable? Anybody? Somebody?
Ok, what else, what else……OH! I started school last fall at a local community college. Graphic design and illustration is my major. I’m rocking that sh–stuff, hehe. This semester is totally crazy because of my three-hour art class each day, but I was smart and scheduled myself down to two days a week instead of five. Last semester I was a little retarded. I’m already two weeks ahead in my computers class, and I’m determined to be finished with my math by the end of next month. Cross your fingers for me…it’s going to be a rough one. Thank god for the wifey because she is on point when it comes to maintaining the household if I have homework. The only time I pause, is for our dinners because they are important. If D has to work at night, I just work around the kid’s school schedule to get it done. We have great teamwork here.
Speaking of the little munchkins, they’re doing pretty well in school also. Their first parent teacher conference was and amazefest. Lee is finally in kindergarten, so they all get to ride the bus together in the mornings…for at least this year. Next year Kole will start…..*gulp*…..MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!! He’s planning to play on the basketball team. I really hope he sticks to it because I think my grandma’s more excited than he is. We are having a little bit of a problem with Miss Madison the liar, liar pants on fire. She decided after Christmas break that she didn’t have to turn in her homework or study, or do anything she was supposed to. Nevermind, that she completes the homework at home so all she has to do is drop it in the homework tray. (I know, I have no idea….kids, ugh) She was also hiding notes and bad test grades from her teacher in her desk, so that she could throw them away without me ever seeing it. Being the nazi’s we are, she’s grounded from everything for the rest of her natural life….or until she proves she can bring her grades up. Mrs. Z is sending home weekly progress reports that I have to sign, so we can make sure she moves on to the fourth grade. I told you, we’ve had craziness around here. On top of all that, Kole smells like a man, and needs deodorant and man soap…..I am not thrilled. OH and I found a Victoria Secrets magazine in his pillow. So we had the “talk”. Not the sex talk….the “make sure the bathroom door is locked” talk. If only I would’ve video taped this….I could not stop laughing to save my life. Seriously, I had to walk out of the room to compose myself. Fortunately, for him, he is allowed to keep the Vicky C’s magazine because they are clothed, but he is never allowed to have or watch anything porn related. He says he understands, so we’ll see. Teenage years are really wierding me out as a mother. I’m sure there’s more fun interesting facts about the munchkins, but those are the most current developments.
D is blowing CVS management out of the water!! She went back to work for them with her desired amount of pay and a fast track opportunity to store management. She’s basically running the store she’s in now, because the manager is….well, he’s a little….what’s the word….oh, lazy. I’m so proud of her and very excited to see her succeed so quickly. It’ll be nice if she can get a store that’s still relatively close to home when she’s assigned one. The only downfall to this job, is working the night-shift. We all had gotten so used to her being on a set schedule with weekends off, that this is torture. The kids miss her at dinner when she’s gone, and I try so hard to stay alive until she’s off of work. But, we make it work and always, always make time for family nights and date nights. Since we’ve been married, it’s like a whole new world. Never in a million years did I think we would feel any different, but it truly is. Life is great and we are amazing. Not only that, but wifey is going to start some yoga with me…heck yes!!! I’m so excited, the only thing is we have to find a schedule that works for us. I’m usually up at 430-500 on school days, and D’s work schedule is unpredictable. Boo.
Even though today is a sick day for me, I’m trying to find some motivation to work out. I have p90x, brazilian butt lift, insanity (coming soon), zumba, and endless YouTube workouts. I don’t even know if working out is a good idea when sick or not. Yoga still worked for me this morning, even though I’m not remotely energized. Google will know, google knows all. So now that the gist of my life is caught up, I’m going to attempt a butt lift and stretch using my “splits in two weeks stretches, hop in the shower, and head off to a funeral.
Until next time…..(which is hopefully not as long as this last time wheweee!)
-T
P.S. Soon enough I’ll be posting yummy recipes, my workouts that I’ve tried, crafts, inspiration and oh so much more!!! ❤
Just a Dream
Posted in Daily struggles, Love, tagged building relationships, challenges, dyke, family, feeling, fights, friends, friendship, hate, help, inddiference, insomnia, lesbian, life, loss, love, opinion, sleep, stress, tired, work, wrong on April 30, 2011| Leave a Comment »
I’ve been MIA lately….sorry to my stalkers. 🙂
I’m at a weird place in my life right now, a sort of crossroads. I try and try to get over my relationship with D and then I see her…it all comes flooding back to me. Japan’s Tsunami has nothing on this monsoon of emotions. There’s been hope, fighting, lack of hope, more hope, distancing, friendship, and the list goes on. Hashing out all of the issues would be a pointless drag of time. It’s been made clear to me that I’m never going to have what I want, that I’m not a good enough person. On one hand I’m angry and I want to point out all of the things that went wrong for me….you know the one’s that weren’t my fault. However, at the same time I can not justify anything I’ve done out of spite or fear. This may seem like a confusing mess of nonsense…but the point is it makes perfect sense in my head. Deep down I know where I’m right and where I’m wrong….but, that doesn’t give me a sense of peace or even understanding. Sometimes I think if I was willing to put up through everything that was disagreeable then why the heck can’t she??? I’m constantly going back and forth in my head, I beat myself up then I drag out that lock and chain to barricade my heart from feeling anything.
I am supposed to make a decision now…to move on. But, I know I can’t especially with her so involved in my life. I live for the moments that give me hope and I see that look in her eyes again. So if I can’t move on while she’s here and I can’t make the decision to let her go completely where does that leave me? Will it get easier after time with us being friends? Can I bear to see her move on so quickly with other people? Will I ever be able to look at other people? I don’t know, I have no answers for these questions flooding my mind. I know that I’m hurting and there’s no one to help me pick up the pieces. The person I want to talk to about it is her, and I’m sick of fighting.
I seen her yesterday. It was emotional. I cried myself into restless fits of sleep and dreams of agony.
I have empowering moments too….I think about how happy she deserves to be, so I should be ok because that was the only purpose I had in life for the longest time. We are really good friends so a friendship should be good enough. I think about how I deserve to be happy….Right? RIGHT?
It’s a rough road, a rough decision. I’m waiting for the day when it becomes easy to exist. Yeah, I know I won’t hold my breath or anything. It’s nice to dream though. That’s all the good things are is a beautiful dream.
So, I will continue to try to fill my life with meaning, be happy with myself, and try to be content with the way things have been laid out for me. I will continue to love her through it all.
Breaking..up, down, around…
Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, Love, Uncategorized, tagged brain, broken, challenges, desire, failure, feeling, fights, friends, hate, heart, hurt, lesbian, life, loss, love, opinion, stress, tired, writing, wrong, wtf on April 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Today after work I went to take a nap…I failed. I laid in bed and tried to close my eyes, my brain was like a run on sentence. When I opened my eyes all I seen was the huge matted collage of our family pictures. From when we were a family…or so I thought. I’ve made a hard decision, probably the hardest I’ve ever had to make. D and I broke up last night. We always said that we would stay friends if we ever broke up.
I can’t do it. I can’t watch her life go on without me, it hurts too much, I can’t ignore the anger I feel from things she said. It isn’t easy for me to push her away completely however, I know that’s the only way I can move on and get over this hump. I’m trying to separate her from me. I went on a rampage today and took down all the pictures….except I can’t bring myself to throw them away.
If we aren’t meant to be together then why does it hurt so bad? I’m trying to listen to my brain instead of my heart this time….there’s been about a million and one times I wanted to grab the phone to text her about something or call her. We had a ritual, when we were on smoke breaks or leaving home from work, we called each other every single time. Do you know I got out of work and I couldn’t wait to call her? Except, I can’t anymore. My heart is so broken. It’s like there’s a piece of me, right down there in the center of my chest, that has been ripped out. I feel so empty. I don’t even want to sleep because that’s when it’s the worst. I’ve tried turning on music, the tv, writing, drawing, reading….I can’t focus on anything! My brain just runs and runs…..I wish half the batteries I bought were this persistent.
We had so many good times, bad time, goofy times, cute times…and so much. How do I function without her? I’ve written probably 30 notes to her, tossed them in the garbage, then started over. I have the worst mood swings, one minute I’m crying, the next I’m angry and starting to throw things out, then I’m perfectly calm about the situation…then I got back to the crying bit. The ocean has nothing on my tears.
I’ve gone as far as googling ways to get over your girlfriend…tried hanging out with friends, played with the kids, cleaned up the house, and watched some brainless television. EVERYTHING reminds me of her….every last effing thing. I’m just at a crossroads. I want her in my life, I want to love her, I want her to love me, I want a family. But, it’s not in the cards for us. We are way to different…..see this is my brain trying to talk my heart out of feeling what I feel.
I’ve heard everyone say that it’ll get easier, or it’s for the best, or it’s about time….well, thanks guys, thanks for supporting my breaking heart. See here I go getting to the angry part. Perhaps it’s time for me to try to shut off…….I’ll be back if that doesn’t happen.
Starting Over: Fresh Outlooks
Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, tagged Begginings, building relationships, challenges, feeling, friendship, lesbian, life, love, New, reaching out on March 30, 2011| 2 Comments »
Today I received a surprising letter from my partner. We have been through some rough times and…well, to make a long story short we are no longer living together. Obviously, we are still madly in love with each other and we talk all the time through texting, instant messaging, and phone calls. Face to face interaction is limited for the time being, with her working nights and my busy schedule. Our conversations end up on the topic of us being friends…where we decide no (every time) and then try to make something work. Really, she is my best friend and the love of my life. I feel like personally we can overcome the obstacles we face as long as we’re together. It’s like when we hold hands we join forces and no one can break down our wall. (you know like Batman and Robin….except prettier with more poetry) We just need to open up better, communication is key….knowing what to say, as well as, what not to say.
So back to this letter I received, she texted me and told me I had a letter in her car for me to pick up but, after I read it I would have to wait 30 minutes to think about it before I called her. So I, being the some what pessimistic type, immediately thought, “Oh, my god…this is the we should just be friends letter.” Much to my surprise, I was WAY off base on that assumption. As I read the letter my heart filled with joy, simultaneous to the tears that filled my eyes. I could feel my chest filling up with love, excitement, joy, happiness….if you have another happy word, it will fit in this sentence. She not only listed all of the things she loves about me, well a lot of them, she told me that has to be enough. She asked for a fresh start….you know, let go of the past and move towards the future kind of fresh start. Then at the bottom she wrote, “Will you go on a date with me? Text Yes or No.” A historic romance with a modern touch….I’ll take it!
So, needless to say, I am sitting here with butterflies in my stomach….freaking out about what to wear….and feeling fantabulous about my life.
My lesson: Love can be enough, if you let it.
When Goodbye’s are Necassary
Posted in Daily struggles, tagged building relationships, challenges, failure, feeling, fights, friends, lesbian, life, loss, love, opinion on March 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »
There are so many things we attach ourselves to in our lives. Eventually, we face the same outcome. We must say goodbye. Remember that blanket you carried around for years, that little piece of security you held so dear? How long was it before mama came in and ripped security from your poor little hands? There are a few of us who decided on our own to get rid of our precious possessions, I use “few” very heavily here. Usually we are forcefully recommended that we let something go. Of course there are always promises of better things, or it will be ok statements….then we grow up and realize they’re liars.
It’s a pattern we follow even into our adult years. You go through school with your favorite pencil, seat in class, or your lucky bracelet. We outgrow them, or so we feel, and move on. Then we get into relationships. Everyone’s looking for their fairytale, the happy ending. Romeo & Juliet minus the death part and all the fighting. We fall in love over and over ……and over again. Hoping for the forever after we seek.
So let’s say we have found our perfect match, the big kahuna of partners. There’s some warning signs, you know a few red flags your willing to overlook. Then your standing in the living room having the calmest break up talk known to man. On the inside it hurts, but your logic is saying….get over it. Opposites attract, so they say. Needless to say my partner and I have decided it is time to say goodbye. It’s going to be long and painful I’m sure, but it’s time. It’s no one’s fault really, more like a realization that we are fundamentally different in all of the important areas. She doesn’t want more than one kid and well, I have four….and I wouldn’t mind four more. That’s oversimplifying it quite a bit but, in a nutshell that’s something we cannot overcome.
I don’t want to say to much about it because I am heartbroken. I wanted it to work. I wanted it all….
But, here I am, forced to let go yet again.
“Butch”
Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, tagged butch, dyke, feeling, femme, fights, futch, girlie, heels, lesbian, lez, look vs feel, paradigm, paradox, sports, tomboy, Ulla on November 24, 2010| Leave a Comment »
I have to say I love dyke labels, they are a paradox of verbage. Butch, femme, futch, lipstick lez, ect. What do I feel about the word butch? To me these labels are a feeling not a look. D and i have been together for well over a year, getting closer to the two year mark, and if people were to look at us they would see her as the butch…..wrong again society! I am the one who likes to roll around in the mud, play soccer, watch football, and all that nice “boy” stuff. The summertime, to me, means no shoes, bbqs, and cut off jeans. They may be bootylicious cut off jeans but I’ll be damned if I am prissy about it. I am perfectly comfortable in my stilletto heels….playing baseball. D has short hair, which is about all the butch look she has going for her, if that counts. Rereading this I feel like I sound rude, I just get a little excited!
The most important part of why I feel more butch, even if I don’t look it: When we fight, I am emotionally detached. She gets emotional and cries and “moves out”. She throws tantrums, I make valid points and she yells at me for not listening to her. We are the paradigm of a heterosexual relationship when it comes to fights. She is the girl…always right, needs extra comfort, blah blah blah….and I am the man, I give up because I know I am right and give her what she wants so she will be happy again and stop yelling at me. Sometimes it is suffocating and other times it is just ….. normal. Even the way I think sexually is more, as she says it, like a man. But, that is a story for another time, friends.
Butch is not a gender identifier. I do not want to be like a boy or be a boy…..I just sometimes think more masculine. Like I said it’s a feeling. Most people think I would rather shop than anything, uh, not so much I would rather smoke someone in football. Yes, yes I still do all the girly things like bake and cook dinner, I do my makeup and I like to look nice…but at the end of the day deep down inside I am your average hick tomboy who cleans up nice.
So Very Short and Sweetly Yours: T.
P.S. I tried to get her to let me wear a white pant suit for our wedding….we bought dresses if that tells you how well that worked out for me. They are beautiful and I love them. I still think a white pant suit would have been bitchin.
Or not
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged failure, fights, hate, hurt, lesbian, love on November 8, 2010| 2 Comments »
It is funny how I feel so validated in my feelings and they can be reduced to making me feel like nothing. I am losing the sense of what I feel. Do I agree that I am stupid because now I feel like I am? Or do I hold onto my first fight because I felt right then?
I am hurting because I hurt her. I am hurting because she thinks I control her. I am hurting because I remember what I felt like to be in her shoes and her in mine, when the tables were turned. I am hurting because I still have a lot to talk about with her and she has nothing. I cannot stay up late with her and that is hurting me too. I feel like a terrible gf and I don’t know how to change that.
When did I become this way? I feel like a failure…..
Friends
Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, tagged building relationships, family, friends, friendship, gay, help, lesbian, loss, love, new friends, reaching out, stress on October 24, 2010| 2 Comments »
It’s hard to find a good solid group of friends. People who will stick around forever and be there no matter what. As a closeted lesbian I had a lot of friends who I thought would always be there, and they were…..until I became an uncloseted lesbian. Now that I’m growing into who I want to be and I’m open with myself not to many people have stayed through the fire with me. D and I were discussing how we wanted more friends….to be specific more lesbian and gay friends. I am ready to go out and meet new people and get this on the ball. D, however, has had a little bit of an unsatisfactory track record with finding gay buddies. The last time she tried to reach out to someone they ended up pursuing her current girlfriend. I understand her fear completely but, what harm comes from trying? We could go to gay and lesbian parenting events or couples get togethers. Where I am employed offers a GLBT group that holds events and does fundraising. There is a whole world out there of normal non-homewrecking people, we could make this happen. Also, I need this. I need some outside source who understands “the gay” and can empathize wth any current situations I have. Mama needs a night out!
Who has some advice on finding a good solid group that we can call framily?
I am the Master of my Fate 