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Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

Missing You

Posted in Daily struggles, Life, Work, tagged , , , , on April 20, 2012| 2 Comments »

I haven’t blogged in so long it’s like going to a foreign country for the first time. What’s new, what’s new….hmmm where to start is the real question. I’m sitting in my kitchen right now staring down the dishes willing them to wash themselves…..it hasn’t happened yet but, I’m determined. Conquering the telepathic abilities is top priority today. I’m going to Eat that Frog …so to speak. (For all of those who are confused, it’s a self-help book about procrastination hahaha)

Ahem, anyhow, I have officially become a stay at home mommy again. Everyone jump up and say YAY! My life still feels just as busy as when I worked full-time, but, I’m always home. So, I dig it. I’m getting married in two months, well less than two months…and I’ve never been happier :D. <–That deserves another yay. All together now….YAY. Sometimes it is kind of weird to be home all day, like look at me blog, I haven’t had the energy or the inspiration to write one measly sentence in months. Yet here I am, getting back to my roots. The plan is to keep up with both of my blogs and start managing an etsy account. YEAH, etsy….I’m jumping on the bandwagon. What I’m thinking is I’ll start off with a few nail designs on artificial nails, some cute drawing journals for kids, and knitted wash cloths for babes to see how well it takes off. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a full-fledged crafting business by the end of summer. HEY, don’t judge…..I can dream :D. I have all this crafting crap in my closet that has not been getting anyyyy good use, so I might as well start-up the things I love and make a living out of it. Now if only I could get myself on a decent schedule…..I have a great sleep schedule, I need a working from home schedule…. I suck at organizing.

OH! Forgot to mention, I also have started a zoo…yep you heard me a zoo. I have my pup, Ollie….my bearded dragon, Godzilla…..my psycho beta fish, Tank…..a gajillion tadpoles, No Name haha. I’m working on getting a rat, because their cute. Or another lizard. I’m not sure yet…one day when I become an Etsy god, I think I’ll look into the Savannahs again. They’re beauuuuutiful and the size of a dog, but, they’re a cat. A cat that looks like a leopard. A cat that costs more than 3 thousand dollars…..heh.

So, just like the dinosaurs, I’m Baaaack.

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Early

Posted in Daily struggles, Work, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I’m here at work….my schedule says 8 but I don’t see anyone else. So I’m just awaitin’. I’m starting to wonder if there was a boo boo on my schedule because usually I’m the second person here not the first. Its nice to have that extra moment alone sometimes but, this girl sure could’ve used that extra half hour of sleep.

So, at least I get to write and jam! Last night I wrote a letter to Mr. Insomnia….let me tell you that bastard didn’t listen. He has absolutley no respect for the tired. Next time I will reach to his superiors first. Although, I did get a bit of sleep last night. I don’t remember S coming to pick the baby up. She must’ve come right after I fell asleep because I was wide awake at about 2:30am. Does anyone else have tricks or rituals they do to try and sleep? I pile my blankets and pillows into the living room, flip on the tv, and try to bore myself to sleep. I also….don’t laugh!….have a bear I can’t sleep without. D gave it to me to replace the other one I used….I know, I know, but I can’t get rid of it! It takes me somewhere when my life made sense.

Speaking on that subject…..I’ve started the healing process. Every second gets easier and easier. Yesterday I went and got my nails done, the next step is to get my hair done. 🙂 my sister and I took the baby out for lunch and met up with some family. We had a good time! There are so many things I missed that I didn’t even realize. I was so consumed in my relationship, I forgot about the world. (One could argue D was my world, but I digress) What’s making this easier than normal, is all the things I keep finding out. I never realized how fake things were and how wrong I was…..I never realized how controlled my life was. I’ve met a great group of people and I’m rebuilding some old relationships. I can’t say that I don’t still love D or that our relationship was a waste, because I learned so much from it. I’m finally at the place where I can forgive her and I do. I will always be there for her as a friend but, I’m standing on my own two feet and I’m ok. 🙂

Ok, work time. 

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Why we Write

Posted in Daily struggles, Love, Work, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2011| 6 Comments »

I have many reasons for why I write. Even though, I never really thought about them until recently during a discussion I had with a friend. Keeping things bottled up in my head makes my life stressful. I need outlets for my thoughts even if they are random ones. Sometimes I just need to vent, other times I feel quite political and I want to share with someone. Even more so, I usually cannot articulate my feelings when I’m speaking. Writing gives me time to gather the thought coherently….and then edit appropriately. At times when I’m upset, my talking and writing becomes country and full of slang. So to be able to get it all out into a journal or a blog allows me to hold  on to it then edit it so I don’t sound so….childish or uneducated. I take pride in being able to write good. I may not be great, but I’m not bad.

What reason do you write? When I was younger, about 12, I saw a therapist. (Go figure, right?) He got me hooked on journaling. He said it was good to get everything out to clear my mind so that I could focus on situations and ways to make them better. From that day forward I kept a journal of my deepest darkest thoughts, you know, the ones you don’t want to say because it makes it to real. Like speaking the thought breathes life into it, transforms it into a live being. As I got older my venues changed. I started using my computer to log my entries then eventually moved onto the smart phone. Which I must say is the most convenient invention I’ve seen so far. Now, I am your regular blogging fanatic. During the day I use my phone to blog or journal, at night I’m glued to the laptop.

I’ve even tossed around the idea of writing a book. Writing has become a large part of me. So much so, that when I’m not writing….I’m thinking about what I’m going to write later. At times where I don’t have the time to write, I don’t feel complete. For goodness sake, I’ve scheduled in writing when I first started my job at the bank! I would wake up at 5am, just to give myself coffee and thought time. Yes, I realize I am a little crazy. However, I LOVE it!! My biggest fear about diving into a novel is: What if I’m not good enough? What story will I tell? I can come up with all kinds of ideas, but, once it comes down to putting it out there I freeze. Maybe the real reason is I’m afraid of bearing my soul to the world. Letting someone into that sacred spot of my heart. Really, that’s what writing is. Even in fiction you find some truth buried under it.

I probably should be going to bed..or working on homework….or something, but my brain does not want to shut off!

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Range

Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, Work, tagged , , , , , , on March 15, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This weekend it’s time to play Army again! Complete with my M16 and combat boots. Running through the muck in full gear is just what I want to do this weekend. Good times. <—Loaded with sarcasm. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Army, I love being in it and I love shooting a weapon. It’s full of challenges to overcome every second. It seems as though lately, since I’ve had a big girl job, it’s becoming a slight inconvenience. The weekends I have drill means I don’t get a day off for 13 days, which isn’t to terrible….until you throw in four kids and college. A bonus is I can pretty much be openly gay! Yay Army for getting with the times.

I’m hoping before I go, I get my new bag and my lense in the mail!! I have taken up learning photography (I know, I know on top of everything else I’m doing!) and bought a Nikon D3000 digital SLR camera. It’s beautiful! The bag I’ll be getting allows me to fit 4 lenses the camera, lots of doodads, some notebooks and pens…and wait for it….wait for it….my laptop!!!! It also has an attatchment for a tripod, which I do not have…..yet. If I do get this stuff before I go, watch out WordPress! You will get a plethora of photos, hopefully good ones too. Before you know it I’ll be a pro, I feel it!

I have so many obsessions, some say hobbies, I say obssessions. Doing hair is one. Photograpy is another. Those are my two biggest. I have a plan that I won’t spill on here quite yet, but, it’s huge! Believe me, I dream big and I can make anything happen. =)

I would love to write more….but, dag’ gone it, I’m falling asleep.

Goodnight, world.

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Here we go again

Posted in Daily struggles, Work, tagged , , , , on March 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

When I wrote that title I was singing….u know the song….like twister I was boooorn to walk alooone. It about sums up the way I feel this morning.

I had a restless night of sleep. Being at that spot right between sleep and awake all night is not a good rest. As I’m pouring my coffee my hands are shaking……my body says “Woman, go back to bed!” Too bad all of my sick time at work has been used to stay home with my sick kids. The glamorous life of a single parent, we sacrifice more than most know of. The kids are dressed and ready for school while I hide in the bathroom dreading the loooong day I’m going to have. That sounds so cliche. My mother used to tell me a womans best friend is a bathroom with a lock on the door….who knew! I believe her now.

I just had a case of the deja vu! Deja vu always creeps me out…..what does it mean? With all of the hypothesis on it, I don’t have the energy to reflect on it. Nor do I have the time.

I’m thinking I’ll nap at my lunch time ❤

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