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Posts Tagged ‘late’

Early

Posted in Daily struggles, Work, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I’m here at work….my schedule says 8 but I don’t see anyone else. So I’m just awaitin’. I’m starting to wonder if there was a boo boo on my schedule because usually I’m the second person here not the first. Its nice to have that extra moment alone sometimes but, this girl sure could’ve used that extra half hour of sleep.

So, at least I get to write and jam! Last night I wrote a letter to Mr. Insomnia….let me tell you that bastard didn’t listen. He has absolutley no respect for the tired. Next time I will reach to his superiors first. Although, I did get a bit of sleep last night. I don’t remember S coming to pick the baby up. She must’ve come right after I fell asleep because I was wide awake at about 2:30am. Does anyone else have tricks or rituals they do to try and sleep? I pile my blankets and pillows into the living room, flip on the tv, and try to bore myself to sleep. I also….don’t laugh!….have a bear I can’t sleep without. D gave it to me to replace the other one I used….I know, I know, but I can’t get rid of it! It takes me somewhere when my life made sense.

Speaking on that subject…..I’ve started the healing process. Every second gets easier and easier. Yesterday I went and got my nails done, the next step is to get my hair done. 🙂 my sister and I took the baby out for lunch and met up with some family. We had a good time! There are so many things I missed that I didn’t even realize. I was so consumed in my relationship, I forgot about the world. (One could argue D was my world, but I digress) What’s making this easier than normal, is all the things I keep finding out. I never realized how fake things were and how wrong I was…..I never realized how controlled my life was. I’ve met a great group of people and I’m rebuilding some old relationships. I can’t say that I don’t still love D or that our relationship was a waste, because I learned so much from it. I’m finally at the place where I can forgive her and I do. I will always be there for her as a friend but, I’m standing on my own two feet and I’m ok. 🙂

Ok, work time. 

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Sleep

Posted in Daily struggles, Life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It seems so easy to do. Just lie your precious head down on a pillow, wrap up in a warm blanket, and drift off into dreamland. Easy? Not lately. I lay in bed hoping to get to that comfy, happy place….and BAM my brain doesn’t shut off, my legs don’t sit still, and I need to do something. I get up for a drink of water, a smoke, to make sure the doors are locked……then slowly but surely I come to my computer. One punch of the power button, a flash of the screen, and I’m in my happy place for insomnia. Nothing like the feel of my fingers flying over the keys to release my thoughts.

So let’s talk about what’s on my brain tonight. I have two one year olds sleeping in my bedroom, well one in the bedroom and one (who threw a fit) wrapped in a blanket on the dining room floor. It’s been a while since I’ve had the babyness in my home. It’s a comfort for me in ways and in others I’m a nervous wreck. My house is far from baby proofed, or even baby friendly anymore. My baby is four years old going on 35 so she pretty much knows what to touch and what not to. It’s funny though, how somethings are so natural, even after not having a baby around in years. Patience floods back to you….that patience only used for babies. (and idiots) There’s also a sixth sense mothers have, like eyes in the back of their head. NO REALLY!! It’s so true. With babies around it’s intensified by a million.

I miss having babies, I want more, like an orphanage of small, cute, plump babies. Maybe I should get a puppy….

I guess I feel a little better. A short blog, a looooong journal entry, and some sweet tea. I’ve got the regular American dream right here….

Sleeplessly Yours,

Random Insomnia Girl

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