Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘help’

Blog Withdraw

Posted in Daily struggles, Family, Fitness, Life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

It hasn’t been that long….but, it feels like it!!

This has been a crazy weekend, starting with our winter trip to the zoo. Before you have me committed, let me explain!!! There was a really nice giraffe lady that told us to come in the winter because many of the animals are more active and vocal during the cold months. So…we decided to brave the cold….and it was WORTH it!! Not only did we learn that our (<–yes we’ve staked claim) giraffe has finally become pregnant, but holy crap the animals were relishing the cold weather. The lions were playing…and growling like crazy, the elusive red panda was playing in the snow, oh and we learned the zoo has a Starbucks. It was fantastic! Not to mention…no one goes to the zoo when it’s cold so we practically had the place to ourselves. 🙂 We learned the birds created this beautiful 200lb nest in the atrium, which we’ll be posting pictures of, and when the cold became too much there were plenty of indoor exhibits to warm up in. 🙂 By far, it was one of my favorite trips to the zoo.

Aside from that, we also had my sister’s birthday and birthday party. Talk about chaos….*groan*. Currently, we are working on science fair projects…right before bed time. -.-

I failed slacked on my eating and workout plan. BUT!!! Tomorrow is a new day and we’ll be right on track again. Early morning run down will go as follows: 5am alarm, 15-20 min of yoga, 1mile run, 1st day of Insanity, then of course…..breakfast!!!! Oh..did I forget to mention my brother put Insanity on my phone so we could transfer it to the computer…? I will start it tomorrow, and I’m taking weekly photos that I may or may not post on here. Eff it….we’ve all been there right? By this time next year…the goal is to be the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life! Fit and strong…not skinny fat, not underweight, not starving.

I make it a point to let you know when I screw up as well as when I’m doing well, so that you know you’re not alone. The key idea is to stay positive and never give up. So you ate that extra slice of pizza….evaluate, learn, and keep going!

Hopefully everyone is having a great weekend!!!

–T

image

image

Read Full Post »

Falling off the Bandwagon???

Posted in Daily struggles, Fitness, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Well, get back on that proverbial bandwagon….don’t just lay there in the dust!! Don’t beat yourself up either, it’s ok to slip up. Your training yourself to become healthier and it doesn’t happen over night. Just take a deep breath and grab some water….start again. I would say start over, but that sounds so dooming and technically you are not starting over! You’re still going. 😀

Let me share yesterday’s experience with you….

Once upon a time….wait…wrong kind of story. My bad.

I woke up ohhhh, about an hour late!! Rushed to grab a quick breakfast, throw on clothes, and run into the out the door. I made it to school ten minutes late, realizing I forgot a lunch and snacks. *doh* Since I’m in school from 7 am to 3 pm, this was my biggest mistake of the day! By the time I finally got home my tummy hated me….I ate candy, cookies, an apple and two helpings of dinner. Feeling guilty and bloated, I didn’t even work out. -.-

Buuuut, today is a new day and I had the breakfast of champions!!! My water is ready….and as soon as the kids hop on the bus, p90x yoga will be kicking my ass. I’ll do an extra session of working out this evening and call it a day. My rest day for the week turned into yesterday so I’ll be working straight through the weekend. Improvising is my best friend.

Next time you feel like you’ve slipped, don’t let it be permanent!!! Drink lots of water to flush out your system, and make better choices from then on. Never give up. 🙂

Until next time

–T

image

image

image

Read Full Post »

*Disclaimer*

Posted in Daily struggles, Fitness, Life, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I don’t know if that’s the right title for this, but I felt like I should share a little bit of my history with you. Reading my blog, I probably sound like some tree hugging, yoga loving, nutritional nut job….well I am. HAH! But, it hasn’t always been the case. It took a long time for me to get to the emotional place I am at now, and I had a lot of help along the way. My wife was my number one fan and contributor to getting me on a healthy track. She saved me in so many ways, I’m not sure she even realizes it. I’ll try to put this all in a nutshell so you don’t have a 3 page load of nonsense.

In high school/middle school years, I struggled with my body image.( You know those awkward teenage years where things aren’t really growing in to each other, and other things are….well just plain awkward.) Living in a home that placed high value on size “skinny”, I started skipping a few meals here and there. We all know where that leads. Having kids only worsened my self-esteem. I HATED my body and I didn’t have the courage, willpower, drive, or whatever word you want to use, to do something about it.

In 2007, I joined the military. You want to talk about working on fitness….holy cow!!! Oh, and they make you eat in training. Slowly I was feeling better about myself, but not nearly where I should’ve been. (Looking back at pictures, I go holy hell look at that booottyyy!!) Once I got to the part where I could workout and eat whenever I wanted….I stopped…doing both for the most part. I kept running for a while, but it does no good when you’re suffering nutritionally.

Then I met my beautiful, loving, crazy wife. She made me happy….I still struggled with my image and eating, though. By the end of the first year she started realizing I was only eating with her. (oops) I had gotten down to 115-118lbs at 5’3″, with absolutely no muscle strength. I was “skinny fat”. Actually, I looked pretty disgusting. Let me tell you how bad I felt all the time too!!! I was tired, grouchy, lethargic, bored, moody, depressed….I had a hard time focusing at work and balancing my family life. D was a persistent woman though, she was always encouraging me and telling me I was beautiful. We had so many talks about self-esteem, food, and the list goes on. I cannot tell you at what point I decided to believe her, but I did and ohhh boy did I start eating.

I still wasn’t eating healthy, I was just eating….whatever I wanted….everything I wanted!! Because I knew no matter what D would always be there, and I started believing that the only opinion that truly mattered was my own. Both of those things are so very true….but, I started putting on weight…like the bad kind. I got up to almost 140lb, which is by no means heavy or fat! But, when you’re not working out or eating the right kind of foods, the weight is just pure fat. I started to get that feeling again….panic….clothes weren’t fitting, I jiggled, I didn’t have much more energy than before…..then I told myself to shut up. Remember those two things I realized? Yeah, they still applied!!! So I decided to work on my eating habits and my fitness habits….and here we are today. I’m 134.4lbs (give or take), some of my jiggle is more of a bounce now hahaha, and I feel great!!! Every day I get stronger and stronger…..I’m rarely tired or lethargic…..I no longer try to be “skinny” (or twiggy, whatever you wanna call it)….I try to be fit, strong, healthy, a good mama, and a good wife. My family keeps me going, and I should keep going for them! Besides….what would they do with out me ;).

Every person has their own struggles, so don’t get discouraged!!! The only person who can make positive changes in your life is YOU, and you have to want it for the right reasons. 🙂

 

Until next time

-T

imagesCA9QV8RK imagesCALZCB3S positive-quotes-Favim_com-488174 think-positive-6

Read Full Post »

Just a Dream

Posted in Daily struggles, Love, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been MIA lately….sorry to my stalkers. 🙂

I’m at a weird place in my life right now, a sort of crossroads. I try and try to get over my relationship with D and then I see her…it all comes flooding back to me. Japan’s Tsunami has nothing on this monsoon of emotions. There’s been hope, fighting, lack of hope, more hope, distancing, friendship, and the list goes on. Hashing out all of the issues would be a pointless drag of time. It’s been made clear to me that I’m never going to have what I want, that I’m not a good enough person. On one hand I’m angry and I want to point out all of the things that went wrong for me….you know the one’s that weren’t my fault. However, at the same time I can not justify anything I’ve done out of spite or fear. This may seem like a confusing mess of nonsense…but the point is it makes perfect sense in my head. Deep down I know where I’m right and where I’m wrong….but, that doesn’t give me a sense of peace or even understanding. Sometimes I think if I was willing to put up through everything that was disagreeable then why the heck can’t she??? I’m constantly going back and forth in my head, I beat myself up then I drag out that lock and chain to barricade my heart from feeling anything.

I am supposed to make a decision now…to move on. But, I know I can’t especially with her so involved in my life. I live for the moments that give me hope and I see that look in her eyes again. So if I can’t move on while she’s here and I can’t make the decision to let her go completely where does that leave me? Will it get easier after time with us being friends? Can I bear to see her move on so quickly with other people? Will I ever be able to look at other people? I don’t know, I have no answers for these questions flooding my mind. I know that I’m hurting and there’s no one to help me pick up the pieces. The person I want to talk to about it is her, and I’m sick of fighting.

I seen her yesterday. It was emotional. I cried myself into restless fits of sleep and dreams of agony.

I have empowering moments too….I think about how happy she deserves to be, so I should be ok because that was the only purpose I had in life for the longest time. We are really good friends so a friendship should be good enough. I think about how I deserve to be happy….Right? RIGHT?

It’s a rough road, a rough decision. I’m waiting for the day when it becomes easy to exist. Yeah, I know I won’t hold my breath or anything. It’s nice to dream though. That’s all the good things are is a beautiful dream.

So, I will continue to try to fill my life with meaning, be happy with myself, and try to be content with the way things have been laid out for me. I will continue to love her through it all.

Read Full Post »

Sleep

Posted in Daily struggles, Life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

It seems so easy to do. Just lie your precious head down on a pillow, wrap up in a warm blanket, and drift off into dreamland. Easy? Not lately. I lay in bed hoping to get to that comfy, happy place….and BAM my brain doesn’t shut off, my legs don’t sit still, and I need to do something. I get up for a drink of water, a smoke, to make sure the doors are locked……then slowly but surely I come to my computer. One punch of the power button, a flash of the screen, and I’m in my happy place for insomnia. Nothing like the feel of my fingers flying over the keys to release my thoughts.

So let’s talk about what’s on my brain tonight. I have two one year olds sleeping in my bedroom, well one in the bedroom and one (who threw a fit) wrapped in a blanket on the dining room floor. It’s been a while since I’ve had the babyness in my home. It’s a comfort for me in ways and in others I’m a nervous wreck. My house is far from baby proofed, or even baby friendly anymore. My baby is four years old going on 35 so she pretty much knows what to touch and what not to. It’s funny though, how somethings are so natural, even after not having a baby around in years. Patience floods back to you….that patience only used for babies. (and idiots) There’s also a sixth sense mothers have, like eyes in the back of their head. NO REALLY!! It’s so true. With babies around it’s intensified by a million.

I miss having babies, I want more, like an orphanage of small, cute, plump babies. Maybe I should get a puppy….

I guess I feel a little better. A short blog, a looooong journal entry, and some sweet tea. I’ve got the regular American dream right here….

Sleeplessly Yours,

Random Insomnia Girl

Read Full Post »

Friends

Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2010| 2 Comments »

It’s hard to find a good solid group of friends. People who will stick around forever and be there no matter what. As a closeted lesbian I had a lot of friends who I thought would always be there, and they were…..until I became an uncloseted lesbian. Now that I’m growing into who I want to be and I’m open with myself not to many people have stayed through the fire with me. D and I were discussing how we wanted more friends….to be specific more lesbian and gay friends. I am ready to go out and meet new people and get this on the ball. D, however, has had a little bit of an unsatisfactory track record with finding gay buddies. The last time she tried to reach out to someone they ended up pursuing her current girlfriend. I understand her fear completely but, what harm comes from trying? We could go to gay and lesbian parenting events or couples get togethers. Where I am employed offers a GLBT group that holds events and does fundraising. There is a whole world out there of normal non-homewrecking people, we could make this happen. Also, I need this. I need some outside source who understands “the gay” and can empathize wth any current situations I have. Mama needs a night out!

Who has some advice on finding a good solid group that we can call framily? 

Read Full Post »

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started