I am the Master of my Fate

I don’t know if that’s the right title for this, but I felt like I should share a little bit of my history with you. Reading my blog, I probably sound like some tree hugging, yoga loving, nutritional nut job….well I am. HAH! But, it hasn’t always been the case. It took a long time for me to get to the emotional place I am at now, and I had a lot of help along the way. My wife was my number one fan and contributor to getting me on a healthy track. She saved me in so many ways, I’m not sure she even realizes it. I’ll try to put this all in a nutshell so you don’t have a 3 page load of nonsense.

In high school/middle school years, I struggled with my body image.( You know those awkward teenage years where things aren’t really growing in to each other, and other things are….well just plain awkward.) Living in a home that placed high value on size “skinny”, I started skipping a few meals here and there. We all know where that leads. Having kids only worsened my self-esteem. I HATED my body and I didn’t have the courage, willpower, drive, or whatever word you want to use, to do something about it.

In 2007, I joined the military. You want to talk about working on fitness….holy cow!!! Oh, and they make you eat in training. Slowly I was feeling better about myself, but not nearly where I should’ve been. (Looking back at pictures, I go holy hell look at that booottyyy!!) Once I got to the part where I could workout and eat whenever I wanted….I stopped…doing both for the most part. I kept running for a while, but it does no good when you’re suffering nutritionally.

Then I met my beautiful, loving, crazy wife. She made me happy….I still struggled with my image and eating, though. By the end of the first year she started realizing I was only eating with her. (oops) I had gotten down to 115-118lbs at 5’3″, with absolutely no muscle strength. I was “skinny fat”. Actually, I looked pretty disgusting. Let me tell you how bad I felt all the time too!!! I was tired, grouchy, lethargic, bored, moody, depressed….I had a hard time focusing at work and balancing my family life. D was a persistent woman though, she was always encouraging me and telling me I was beautiful. We had so many talks about self-esteem, food, and the list goes on. I cannot tell you at what point I decided to believe her, but I did and ohhh boy did I start eating.

I still wasn’t eating healthy, I was just eating….whatever I wanted….everything I wanted!! Because I knew no matter what D would always be there, and I started believing that the only opinion that truly mattered was my own. Both of those things are so very true….but, I started putting on weight…like the bad kind. I got up to almost 140lb, which is by no means heavy or fat! But, when you’re not working out or eating the right kind of foods, the weight is just pure fat. I started to get that feeling again….panic….clothes weren’t fitting, I jiggled, I didn’t have much more energy than before…..then I told myself to shut up. Remember those two things I realized? Yeah, they still applied!!! So I decided to work on my eating habits and my fitness habits….and here we are today. I’m 134.4lbs (give or take), some of my jiggle is more of a bounce now hahaha, and I feel great!!! Every day I get stronger and stronger…..I’m rarely tired or lethargic…..I no longer try to be “skinny” (or twiggy, whatever you wanna call it)….I try to be fit, strong, healthy, a good mama, and a good wife. My family keeps me going, and I should keep going for them! Besides….what would they do with out me ;).

Every person has their own struggles, so don’t get discouraged!!! The only person who can make positive changes in your life is YOU, and you have to want it for the right reasons. 🙂

Until next time

-T

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