Sometimes we are given a chance to apologize, whether we are right or we are wrong. Whether there is probable cause, or lack of. It’s not that we are minimizing our feelings or burying our hurt. It’s that sometimes, even though it feels like it’s worth it, it’s not worth the fight. In moments like these, my pride starts threatening control. Building inside of me as I lash out my frustrations. I try my hardest to choke down the venom it spews through me. Sometimes it’s suffocating, other times I’m able to swallow it as easy as drinking water. Then there’s the times where my pride takes a seat on the back burner, offering my heart a chance to take a few swings. How fragile our hearts are, and yet, they can be a most formidable opponent. Fighting with emotion rather than strength.
It’s how we move on from this that really counts. Can you hold your head high without any regrets to move forward? For me, there are a few regrets I can think to when I need to remember them. As for recent, I have none. I can honestly stand here and say I do not apologize for my feelings, because they are not inadequate. The apology for my actions is warranted, I give that freely. Hot tempers are hard to settle. This is something I am learning to control, and while I still have quite a way to come, it’s coming. The only chance I have to succeed is looking to where I have erred and improve on my reactions. Which I intend to do every moment of every day. On my own, with help, in a pair….however it may come to pass.
Beauty can be found in all things, even in the painful moments. I loved, I love, I will always love. It doesn’t die like they say, not if you really love, it just changes. For it to be lost, you have to hide it or have it ripped from you. Even then, it doesn’t dull, it just becomes bearable. That crushing feeling of loss, seems as much an appendage as arms or legs. Strange to have hanging about, but lost and uncomfortable in its absence.
I will always love. I will go on. I will learn.
I am the Master of my Fate 