Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together. Half of them don’t work, and the other half aren’t very bright. Some of them are like Slinkies. They don’t really do anything, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
***
A blonde drops her dress of at a dry-cleaners. The clerk says, “Thanks, come again.” The blonde replies, “No, it’s toothpaste this time.”
***
My wife told me to go to the doctor and get some of the pills that would help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I dropped a bottle of diet pills in front of her. BTW: I’m still looking for a place to stay.
***
A man goes to a wizard and asks him if he can remove a curse that was put on him years ago. The wizard says, “I might be able to, if you can remember the exact words.” The guy responds, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
***
CHINESE SICK LEAVE
Ho Chow calls into work and says, “Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, legs hurt. I no come work today.”
The boss says, “You know, Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better, and I go to work. You try that”
Two hours later, Ho Chow calls again. “I do what you say, and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.”
***
After an exhausting 18-hour hospital shift, a nurse walks into a bank. She grabs a deposit slip, and takes a rectal thermometer out of her purse and attempts to write with it. Realizing her mistake, she says to the flabbergasted teller, “Well, isn’t that just great??! Some asshole’s got my pen.”
***
A timid little man was terrified of flying, and was on a long distance trip.
He was on his first ever flight, and he had the window seat. Besides him sat a giant man, heavily tattooed, and not smelling the cleanest.
After the plane took off, the timid little fellow soon found himself feeling sick. But he didn’t know how to get past the large fellow that sat between him and the way to the bathroom, especially because his neighbour was now fast asleep.
Suddenly it was too late, he couldn’t help himself, and he got sick all over the other man. He frantically tried to wipe up the mess, hoping the giant wouldn’t wake up.
Despite his best efforts, he noticed the man stirring, and his eyes opened. Thinking quickly, the timid little man smiled and said, “Are you feeling better now?”























