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’25 A To Z Challenge – Z

This is the final episode of the 2025 A To Z Challenge.  I wanted to end the series with a bang, but this is what has become the standard, two-days-late, so I can’t do that.  Besides, it’s almost impossible, with a word beginning with Z.  I don’t want to go out with a whine.  I do enough of that without a challenge, so I decided to go out with a

ZHUZH

To make something more stylish, lively, or attractive:

It comes from a language/dialect known as Polari, originating in the mid-1800’s British theater workers, or gay community – often the same thing.

I’ve written about Polari before.  I finally, actually, saw/heard the word Zhuzh used, in a YouTube short.  We went to a party store, and bought a bunch of decorations to Zhuzh up the apartment for Christmas and New Years.  It sounds as gay as it looks.  I will not be using it in conversations or blog-posts – any more!

Some more (hopefully) humorous fibs will be coming up on Friday.  Hope to see you then.  😀

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Pretty Little Snowflake

Canadian snowflakes are flakier than Americans snowflakes.  I can prove it.

It all began on a warm, sunny, Southern-Ontario, summer day.  One, of Canada’s answers to American First-Amendment auditors, put on a floppy hat, a large pair of dark sunglasses, pulled his Covid mask up over his nose, grabbed his expensive electronic recording equipment, and went to a nearby plaza.  There, he stood outside, on the public sidewalk, and recorded cars going through a Tim Horton’s coffee-shop drive-thru lane.

The 18-year-old, female drive-thru server was just terrified by this apparition.  She did not contact plaza management.  She did not notify plaza security.  She did not voice her concerns to her own manager.  She just called 911.  Two police officers soon arrived.  They had a quick look.  They asked a couple of questions.  They shook the cammer’s hand, and went into the coffee shop to assure staff and patrons that there was no danger, and that everything was legal, and left.

But they didn’t make the big, bad man go away, so she did what every Entitled Princess-In-Training would do – she called her Mommy and Daddy.  They arrived, and confronted the photographer.  Mrs. Entitled immediately went into full harpy mode – screaming, yelling, demanding, ordering, insulting, and ending by, live and online, accusing the cameraman of being a pervert and a pedophile.

When the cammer stood his ground, Mr. Entitled aggressively pushed him in the chest three times, the last one almost driving him into the path of a car exiting the plaza.  He then violently swatted the recording equipment away, breaking the support frame, and smashing the camera against a passing car.  THEN THEY CALLED THE POLICE.

The cammer was able to show the responding officer video footage from a body-camera, and was close enough to record the Entitleds’ report.  Mr. Entitled was quiet, but his wife was still in full rant mode.
He’s a pervert, and a pedophile, recording a minor!
The daughter you just told me was 18??
Well, he made death threats!
Do you have any recorded proof of that, or corroborating witness?
No, but just look at him.

They were just astounded at what their little snit earned them.  Mrs. Entitled was charged with improper use of an emergency system, filing a false police report, public mischief, and a civil charge with litigation, for defamation of character and malicious libel.

Daddy Dearest got four separate charges of felonious assault, one of reckless endangerment, two of destruction of property, and two civil suits for repair/replacement of the destroyed video camera, and the unfortunate, innocent, passerby-driver’s car.  This pampered little nut didn’t fall far from the dotty doting parent trees.

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Fibbing Friday #310

Pensitivity101 was recycling her questions from July 2021, last week. What did I make of these? But I repeat myself.

1. What is a skiff?

It’s what I – and a bunch of other old geezers – have left on the top of our heads.  First it turned white from fright.  Now it’s leaving me faster than my schoolmates, on the obituary page.

2. What is a liner?

That’s the magic potion that’s mentioned in the online advert that says, Ladies, if you are over 40, this is the cosmetic that you should use, to draw attention away from the fact that you have the skin tone of a Sultana raisin.

3. What is a ferry?

It’s one of those self-deluded psychotics who dress up in fuzzy costumes, and believe that their ‘spirit animal’ is Fawzi Bear.

4. What is a destroyer?

A toddler on a mission to play with every toy (and non-toy) in the house!

5. What is a cruiser?

He’s a handsome, dashing young fellow who provides assistance and crowd control at roller-skating rinks..  Now that it’s making a comeback – at least in my area – I may have a new hobby/part—time job, in my retirement.  I’ll discuss it with my therapist.

6. What is a galleon?

It is the amount of gasoline/petrol that you get at the pumps these days for Antonio’s my pound of flesh.

7. What is a pedlow?

The name of Jeffrey Epstein’s estate, on his getaway island.

8. What is a kayak?

An indecisive ditherer, who is not sure if they are coming or going.

9. What is a schooner?

A glass tanker tankard of rich, October ale, that sails down the pub bar-top, and docks in front of me.

10. What is a coracle?

A method of birth-control used by Eskimos.  I just use my looks and personality.

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Doctor!  Doctor!

This growing old shit is not for the faint of heart.  Even just Stayin’ Alive can become a full-time job.  I recently read a post from a young woman who complained that she had two doctors’ appointments in one day – and then she went for a workout at the gym.  It is possible, but not likely, that they were both with the same doctor.

Damned amateur!!  For those whose idea of excitement is perusing a long list of medical appointments and whines – Read on Mac Duff!

MONDAY – The worst
I took the wife to see her GP.  I insist on using that term.  Clinics and medical labs use the term ‘Family doctor.’  She has one.  The son and I have another.  They both treat “Families,” just not this family.  This visit was not medical.  It was administrative.
The polyp in her duodenum that was removed two years ago, has regrown.  We hadn’t heard anything from the specialist in Toronto who was going to operate, until we got a Sayonara Suckers email from him, telling us that he’s moving to Vancouver to practice.  Since it’s been precisely located and identified, the less-than-specialist in Cambridge feels that he can handle it.  We await an appointment.

Her dentist found a lesion on one side of the wife’s tongue.  A local Oral Surgeon snipped out enough for three stitches, and a biopsy.  It might have been Hyperkeratosis, a callus-like thickening of tissue.  (Insert shrewish housewife joke here.)  It was Dysplasia, a modification of cells that isn’t, but could become, cancer.
We were sent 75 miles to an Oro/Fascia/Maxillary Surgeon.  He felt that it extended too far back into the throat and ligament, and suggested an ENT.  The GP referred the wife to a local one who is probably the best in the Province.  We hadn’t got an appointment, so we asked the doctor to check.  The computer file showed that the ENT had declined, because his wait-list is 4 years.  He suggested 3 or 4 other names.  The GP wanted to know, if she couldn’t contact a local one, would we be willing to travel 75 miles east again, to Hamilton, or 75 miles West, to London.  As long as somebody does something, soon.

TUESDAY
We both had an appointment with our new Osteopath, because our last one decided to practice from her home, 20 miles away.

WEDNESDAY

We both had appointments with our Optometrist.  They already had to be delayed and rescheduled three weeks later.  The wife had her lenses with cataracts removed, and new, plastic lenses inserted about six months ago.  An emergency visit later showed that, as often happens, not all the organic matter was flushed out of the sacs, and it combined and grew like ivy, clouding her vision.  Only last week, she spent a half a day at the hospital, having it burned out with a laser.  Both her sight and mine are better than they were a year ago.

THURSDAY

Both the wife and daughter put their best foot forward, and I took them to their Podiatrist.

FRIDAY

It was the car’s turn for a service visit at the dealer.  The son dropped it off at 8:00 AM after work, and was Uber-ed home.  It was both his, and the driver’s, first Uber trip.  I was Uber-ed back to pick it up in the afternoon.  I have ridden in a few electric cars, although not a Tesla, yet.  Even including Toronto taxis, this was my first ride with a dash cam – front-facing, cabin and audio.

The week was so busy that neither of us had time for a workout at the gym.   😳

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Meet-Less Humor

Meet My Lazy Co-Workers

Cordless – only works for two hours.
E.T. – always wants to go home.
Kit-Kat – always taking a break.
Muffler – always exhausted.
Seaweed – just floats around all day.
Sensor Light – only works when someone walks past.
Wheelbarrow – only works when pushed.

***

My parents spanked me as a child.  As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition called “Respect for others.”

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DON’T MESS WITH ME!
I’m a
Wooden spoon
Lead Paint
No car seat
No bike helmet
Pickup bed ridin’
Garden hose drinkin’
SURVIVOR

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My ducks are definitely not in a row.  I don’t know where some of them are, and I think that one of them is a pigeon.

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WARNING

Visitors with no sense of humor are advised to turn back now.
Management is not responsible for any damage to feelings.

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At this point Jesus doesn’t need to take the wheel.  He should just pull over and spank some of you with his sandal.

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A man loses three fingers in an industrial accident.  At the hospital, he asks the doctor, “Will I still be able to drive with this hand?”
The doctor replies, “Possibly, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

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Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from going in your eyes.  But every time I get something in my eye, it’s an eyelash.
That’s eyeronic.

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Fibbing Friday #309

Music and song titles from Pensitivity101 last week.
Who could have recorded these classics (doesn’t necessarily have to be a singer or even a real person)

1. I want to know what love is.

It was originally sung by Andre Agassi, but more recently, Venus and Serena Williams did a cover, on their new album, Making A Racket.

2. Money, money, money.

A celebrity duet, featuring the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and the Director of Inland Revenue

3. Tea for Two.

An inspirational jingle, sung at meetings, by the Board of Directors of Twinings

4.  There’s a kind of hush…………..

The Glasgow City Librarians Choir

5.  Take the Money and Run

The Bernie Madoff Band

6.  Time after Time.

The Office Clock-Watchers

7.  Rock Around the Clock.

Fred Flintstone and The Quarrymen

8.  Windmills of my Mind.

Donkey Hotey and the Rocinantes

9.  Hang on Sloopy

Rick Derringer and the Ohio State Marching Band
(Please comment if you get any part of this joke)

10. It started with a kiss……………….

and ended up in the maternity ward.

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What An Ordinary Atheist Looks Like

(Spoiler alert – It’s Boring)

If your mental picture of an atheist includes anger, black clothing, constant arguments, or a bookshelf organized alphabetically by anti-religious authors, I’m about to disappoint you.

An ordinary atheist looks like… me. And I am painfully average.

I don’t wake up every morning celebrating the absence of God. There’s no ritual. No moment of smug reflection. I don’t stand at the window whispering, “Still no gods today.” I mostly wake up thinking about orange juice , knees that creak more than they used to, and whatever appointment I forgot to put on the calendar.

I’m married. Have been for a long time. My marriage didn’t require divine oversight to function, just patience, compromise, humor, and the occasional strategic silence. We didn’t need shared belief—just shared values and a willingness to grow up when it mattered.

I have a son. He’s grown now, functional, kind, and not secretly plotting the downfall of civilization despite being raised without religious instruction. Turns out teaching empathy, accountability, and curiosity works just fine without invoking eternal consequences.

I care about people. I care about fairness. I care about not being a jerk when no one’s watching—which, inconveniently, turns out to matter even without cosmic surveillance. Morality didn’t disappear when belief did; it just stopped outsourcing responsibility.

I don’t have all the answers. That’s not a bug—it’s the feature. I’m comfortable saying “I don’t know” without rushing to fill the silence with certainty. Mystery didn’t vanish when belief left; it just stopped pretending to be solved.

And no, I’m not angry at God. That would require believing there is one. I’m occasionally frustrated with how belief is used—to control, to silence, to oversimplify—but that’s a human problem, not a supernatural one.

Being an atheist didn’t turn me into something exotic or dangerous. It made me quieter. More cautious with claims. More appreciative of time. More aware that this life—messy, finite, unrepeatable—isn’t a rehearsal.

So if you’re looking for outrage, you won’t find it here.

If you’re looking for certainty, I can’t offer that either.

But if you’re curious what a normal, peaceful, belief-free life actually looks like—welcome. This is it.

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I could have written this myself – if I had a smidgen more ability.  Instead, I stole researched it wholesale from What an Ordinary Atheist Looks Like ‹ No Santa to No Gods ‹ Reader — WordPress.com

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’25 A To Z Challenge – Y

 

This week’s A to Z challenge is to honor a request of – though, hopefully, not to honor the memory of – yet another blogger who seems to have quietly disappeared.  A couple of years ago, one of my regular visitors/commenters, who named himself Daniel Digby, requested that I do a challenge for the letter Y, with the word

YCLEPT

The all-too-often-late, great, blogger named Archon, finally got around to it, just after the nick of time.

Yclept is a word that means “named” or “called.” It is an archaic term that was commonly used in Old English and Middle English, but it has largely fallen out of use in modern English.

The word “yclept” is derived from the Old English word “cylt,” which meant “called” or “named.” This word was often used in phrases such as “yclept by name” or “yclept after his name,” to indicate that someone had been given a specific name or title.

In modern English, we might use the word “called” or “named” instead of “yclept,” so for example: “He was called John” or “She was named Sarah.” However, “yclept” can add a more formal or archaic touch to writing, and it can be used to create a sense of historical or literary context.

Archon was never called to the bar, but has been sent home from a few in a taxi.  Y’all come back in a coupla days.  We havin’ barbecue and Coors Lite.  CU then.

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Fibbing Friday #308

Here are last week’s questions from Pensitivity101:

1.  What is a canopy?

A larder or cupboard for storing tinned foods.

2.  What is a cookie?

Dagwood Bumstead’s daughter – and his wife is Blondie – and their neighbor is Tootsie – no real names, and all before marijuana became legal.  I’m surprised that his son isn’t DUDE.

3.  What is a pup cup?

It’s the cap that screws on the top of a Saint Bernard’s rum keg.

4.  What is a typhoon?

A rich, powerful person who is full of…. hot air – and other, less pleasant, substances.

5.  Why are nails sharp at one end?

Because the other ends are still attached to my fingers.

6.  What’s the difference between a chip and a fry?

A chip is found either in an electronic device, or at a golf course, while a fry is most often found at a tailgate in a football stadium parking lot.

7.  What is a shoe horn?

A source of merriment and celebration at footwear stores.  C’mon!  The clerks need all the help they can get.  It’s not like they’re a cell phone kiosk.  All the salespeople ever see – and smell – are feet.

8.  Why do spirit levels have bubbles?

They were originally manufactured in the Champagne region of France, and filled with second-grade wine that hadn’t passed the Quality Assurance standards.

9.  Why do we have tea leaves but coffee grains?

You keep tellin’ the cops that the stuff in the baggie is tea leaves, while “your cousin,” Manolito, shipped you that coffee from Colombia.

10. What is a diplomat?

A man who always remembers a woman’s birthday – but not how many she’s had.

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Stolen One-Liners

 

I have kleptomania….
….When it gets bad, I take something for it.

I gotta teach my facial expressions….
….how to use their indoor voice.

After over 50 years of marriage, the wife and I still find things to talk about….
….just not to each other, obviously.

I have an aviation joke….
….but it would probably go over your head.

Four out of three people….
….struggle with math.

It’s all shits and giggles….
….till someone giggles and shits.

Black cats don’t cause bad luck….
….Your life was already shit.

I used to think drinking was bad for me….
….so I gave up – thinking.

Dear Santa, before I explain….
….how much do you know already??

Due to a recent coin shortage….
….no-one is allowed to put in their two cents worth.

The less people know….
….the longer the explanation.

Many people stop looking for work….
….when they find a job.

If you think that marriage is 50/50….
….you don’t know the half of it.

Weed, beer, and whiskey are all made from plants….
….I think I might be a vegetarian.

Knock, knock.  Who’s there?….
….Doorbell repairman.

If people make you sick….
….maybe you should cook them longer.

I’ve taken up pottery in retirement….
….Just kiln time.

The “Earth” without “Art”….
….is just “Eh.”

Do electricians listen to AC/DC….
….or something more current?