I'm not actually dead.

Life has been interesting lately...Started this DBT therapy group and have a new individual therapist (who I'm not sure I like), so that's been keeping me busy. The group is at a nearby (mental) hospital that deals with both in- and outpatients, which is, mercifully, within walking distance of my house, so I'm not going to complain about that too much. This lovely fun stuff happens on Tuesdays, 9:30-2:30, and then I trek out to Bondi (yes, home of the famous beach) to see this inordinately expensive woman ($220 per hour!). She's really not bad at all when it comes to her practice -- clearly she knows what she's doing and she comes very highly recommended -- but she looks uncannily like my ex-stepmother and that really throws me. I mean, the woman was a nut...Still is...and unabashedly so, so seeing someone who looks remarkably like her in a therapeutic context is more than a little unsettling.

As for the situation with my meds, my Psychiatrist and I are both comfortable with how things are going so far. No horrible side-effects (aside from tremours and the driest dry-mouth ever), so I'm not unhappy with that, and the moodstabilisers are doing just fine, so I can't complain about that either. It's a nice change, I must admit, to not be horribly suicidal or wishing to do terrible damage to myself. I'd forgotten what a little bit of stability is like...It also made me acutely aware of how bad things have been and for how long. I'm not sure when the last time I've felt like this was. I mean, don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect and I'm not about to pretend that they are, but things are settling down and I have the room to be a lot more objective when it comes to my moods and behaviours. I'm much more firmly in the driver's seat here. Most pleased.

I'm on break from uni which ends July 30th. Fortunately my classes don't start until the 1st, so I have a little time beforehand to get my book together. My classes this semester fall mostly on one day, Wednesday, which is cool, since I don't have to do much running around the place. Originally I was in the Wednesday DBT group because it clashed with last semester's timetable, but I asked if I could be moved to the Tuesday group to avoid clashing with classes for this semester. I was surprised at how easy it was and how easy-going the people who run the program are...They just slotted me right in with no problem at all. There was a vacancy in that group for that day, so it all worked in my favour. So, aside from doing these various and sundry therapy-type things, I really haven't been up to much. Lots of staying in bed until 2pm, not a lot of set routine lately, which is making me a bit stir crazy. Today, for example, I went to my appointment in Bondi and got home to be greeted by an empty house...I knew that sitting around doing more of nothing would make me a little nuts, so I -- and no one is more shocked than I am -- did a load of washing, dealt with the dishwasher, put the rubbish out and cleaned my room. And I mean, really cleaned it...My desk actually looks like a desk, now, rather than a precariously piled book mountain topped with my Mac. It has a flat surface and everything. Had to Tetris some of my books onto my shelves (definitely out of shelf space now), but all in all, not too shabby. Must say, though, it's a weird feeling to be sitting at a desk...I'm also aware of how strange that feeling is...Heaps of people sit at desks all the time and do so with very little to do...

There's really not much else that requires a mention at this point. My life is fairly unremarkable...Even I find me boring.

I trust you are all well xx

So, I've been busy as hell...Trying to keep this train on the tracks, you know?

Gone up on some of my medications (Lamictal and Seroquel) and might have to switch antidepressants soon. I think the mood stabilisers are doing a decent job, but I don't feel better, if you know what I mean. So I think something has to give. Hopefully I can expect more, eh?

Today I went to my first DBT pre-treatment appointment. I think there will be a couple more before the program starts on the 19th. I'm not yet as freaked out as I could be, so I guess that's something. The woman whose name I can't remember was pretty cool...Even though I had to rehash everything right from the beginning up until recently, which is always a pain in the ass, but still, she was OK. It's a nice change from people who don't know their ass from their elbow or people who've never had a bad day. Urgh. Anyway, this DBT thing is a year long course of therapy...One full day a week for a year. Looking forward to it? No. Interested? A tad. I think the biggest thing is I'm quite literally at the end of my rope. I can't do this anymore, you know? I feel like this is just about all I have left in me....So, one last ditch effort, and all that.

Still not sure about admission. I'm going to wait until exams are over before anything definite happens, and I also have to (preferably) wait for two months or so until our new health cover kicks in. We've pretty much always had private health insurance, but I'm kind of at the point where I need better care (God, I even hate typing that) and if I have to pay through the nose for it, then so be it. You have to do what you have to do, right? It's like I'm haemorrhaging money over here, but still. A couple of months and then Medicare will kick in to take some of the weight off. I think everything I've spent so far can be reimbursed, so it's not so bad, but when you watch the numbers adding up it makes one's blood run cold. But yeah, so I'm going to hold off, if I can, to decided whether admission would be a decent idea...I mean, if I end up changing medications, I'd much prefer to be doing that in a decent environment because the medication I'm on (Lovan) has a really long half-life and you have to wait til it's all out of your system before moving to something else, so you have to taper down and then have a week or so free of the antidepressant so you're clear to start something else. I'm not looking especially forward to trying to work something like that out of my system, but surely I can expect more than this.

So yeah. Uni's just about done for the semester, so all of this couldn't have come at a better time. I've done my exam for Language, Brain and Mind, which did not go swimmingly, and still have a paper to write for Corpus Linguistics and a take-home exam for Modern Irish Literature. Pretty chuffed that we get that last one for a week, so that should take the heat off a bit. It's just two 1000 word essays ;) can't complain about that. The Corpus paper isn't going to be much fun, though, so I guess that kind of makes up for it.

Hope you guys are faring much better than I am xx

I should stop apologising for not posting more frequently, I mean, I really do have quite a lot on my plate right now, but really, sorry :) I hate not being as regularly online as I normally am. I just have no focus, drive or any type of concentration right now. Urgh.

Anyway, saw the new doctor the day before last (Wednesday) to check in about the many and various (OK, only two) medications and to see where stuff is kind of headed. A new drug has been thrown into the mix, Seroquel, and I'm not totally down with that. I've been on Seroquel before and while it does have its pros, and it really does, the cons are irritating, too. For example, dry mouth; doesn't sound that serious at all, and ordinarily it'd be completely manageable, but because my antidepressant also causes dry mouth, I almost literally have no spit. None. I could try to spit at someone and they'd end up being covered in a light sheen of dust. DUST. Seroquel is also known to cause weight gain (not as badly as Zyprexa), which I'm not at all comfortable with because I have a thing about weight (believe it or not), and I often go through cycles of eating normally and then cycles of disordered eating patterns. I feel like gaining some weight wouldn't be awful, but a lot would be problematic. I guess that's a wait-and-see type thing. Ideally it ought to be helping me sleep, but so far, no good. Seroquel combined with Lamictal should put me completely out, lol, but it's all still settling down. I can take 25-50 mg, so I guess I'll see what's what with the 50 mg before I get too worried about it. I'll just have to make sure I don't have anything important to do the following day, lol. I guess the point of the Seroquel is that it kind of keeps things together a bit...I've been on it in the past and it slowed down the self-injury thing quite a bit and made some room for me to get through it, which I (mostly) appreciated. So, everything is kind of contained right now which is a good/bad thing. I can maybe get some shit done, but also emoting is a little problematic because I've been rendered docile by the medication. Not happy, don't get confused, but just made more quiet. Not a lot of fun, but I guess it could be worse. The Lamictal is going fine. The dose has increased from 50 to 75 mg, and it's not that bad. Causes the weirdest fucking dreams I think I've ever had. Honestly, some weird shit has been going on. Also, Lamictal tastes kind of blackberry-ish, so that's not bad, either.

As for all the uni stuff, I'm just hanging in there by the skin of my teeth. I'm still going, but doing any work is damn near impossible, which is a downer, what with having to do assessments and all, but it keeps me occupied and I've been aware or ages that I don't do well at all in an unstructured environment. Today I've applied for Special Consideration (ooh, fancy) to get some deadlines extended. I have an assignment due on Monday (yeah, yeah, poor student trying to shirk due dates, lol) which I've not at all been able to focus on or give any thought to. I can get an extension up to 20 days, so that should allow for things to settle down and stuff. I guess, failing that, I could get a DNF (Discontinue Not Fail) to avoid failing anything and having that both on my transcript and in my head, but that's kind of last resort sort of stuff, so I'll wait it out.

Nothing much besides the above has been happening...I guess I mostly spend my time being unwell and trying to keep my head above water. It's exhausting as hell and I'm not sure how I'm still going through the motions, but I'm trying to carry on to avoid hospitalisation. I know that the second I lose control or cease to function, that's where I'll end up. Not the worst thing in the world, but it's not what I planned. I'm kind of in the middle of things, you know? Lol. I think if things haven't looked up by the semester break, then I could defer a semester and do what I need to do more intensively then, but I hate interruptions, so I'll try to keep it together for as long as I can.

Fuck, all of that sounds bleak as hell, but it's been considerably worse in the past. I'm just stupidly tired. No sleep and all that makes one a bit weird. Anyways, I hope that you all are doing better than I am :)

Holy crap, I've been busy, lol.

Finished that 1000 word assignment and managed to hand it in (only a day late) and I handed in my 2000 word paper for Modern Irish Literature today. So busy. And so exhausted.

Really haven't had much time to sit lately, just so busy with uni and appointments here and there.

Got an appointment tomorrow morning with a private psychiatrist. Oh, what a treat *sarcasm*. He comes highly recommended by my doctor who referred me, so I feel alright about that, but the whole thing is so expensive. Seriously, I might as well become a shrink myself...This guy is $350 per hour. Thanks God for medicare, which should take care of about 2/3 of the cost. Eventually. I'm not happy about how this is going to eat into my savings, either, but I guess that's what that money is there for. Urgh. One session with this guy costs more than my stupidly expensive new coat...Which I haven't even been able to wear yet...OK, no more talking about the money. It's starting to make me feel nauseous.

I really haven't been up to much else...

I saw Henry Rollins talk on stage for three hours on Friday :) He's too good, really. Extremely intelligent and hilarious. I can't believe I don't have a single one of his books...Should rectify this ASAP. And Saturday, even though I should have been working on my essay/studying, my brother and I went with our dad on a ghost tour. Hurrah. Much walking, interesting stories, weird as hell tour guide, but all in all, not that bad.

Anyway, just a quick update to let you all know I'm still here, lol, and I'll probably let you know how everything goes tomorrow...Woo.

Putting the finishing touches on what was supposed to be a rather small assignment (which may need some paring back) for my Modern Irish Literature class and I came across this poem by W.B. Yeats called "Cuchulain Comforted". Cuchulain is a mythical Irish hero who is a youngish boy with quite the temper. Fortunately he's a good guy. Anyway, thought some of you might like it :)

CUCHULAIN COMFORTED

A MAN that had six mortal wounds, a man
Violent and famous, strode among the dead;
Eyes stared out of the branches and were gone.

Then certain Shrouds that muttered head to head
Came and were gone.  He leant upon a tree
As though to meditate on wounds and blood.

A Shroud that seemed to have authority
Among those bird-like things came, and let fall
A bundle of linen.  Shrouds by two and three

Came creeping up because the man was still.
And thereupon that linen-carrier said:
'Your life can grow much sweeter if you will

'Obey our ancient rule and make a shroud;
Mainly because of what we only know
The rattle of those arms makes us afraid.

'We thread the needles' eyes, and all we do
All must together do.' That done, the man
Took up the nearest and began to sew.

'Now must we sing and sing the best we can,
But first you must be told our character:
Convicted cowards all, by kindred slain

'Or driven from home and left to die in fear.'
They sang, but had nor human tunes nor words,
Though all was done in common as before;

They had changed their throats and had the throats of birds.

Good Lord...The last great book I read was Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism by Natasha Walter. I'm not a rah-rah feminist kind of person, which is not to say that I'm not a feminist -- I think it's only fair that if women have all of the same responsibilities as men, they should have all of the same rights -- I'm just not much of a flag waver. Anyway, it's kind of unusual for me to read anything that even remotely touches on gender studies because I know a handful of people who are doing gender studies Majors and they're all a little...Militant. I try to avoid that stuff when I can because it irritates me and stuff about sexism and so forth usually turn out to be seriously biased (for real, there are some real bitches out there. Acknowledge it, women aren't perfect), but having said all of that, I picked up this particular text when I was in line at the uni Co-Op while holding a stupidly heavy basket of textbooks. It turns out I can't avoid impulse shoppping even when my hands are full. Living Dolls was actually a real treat; it was well balanced, there was actual academic information in there, not just hearsay and social psych stuff, and simple, but well-documented experimental evidence. All of that coupled with a little bit of sass and decent writing was a lot of fun to read. I blew through that thing in under a week, I think. 

As a B-Side on the book front, I'm currently reading (aside from all the uni stuff) a book called The Importance of Being Trivial: The Search for the Perfect Fact. Yeah, sure, it's an easy read and not at all unlike the myriad other trivia books out there, but the guy who's written it, Mark Mason, is just so funny and awesome, I'm glad I couldn't help myself to this one...Even though I promised myself I wouldn't buy any more books. I still haven't finished all the ones I bought online over my time off. Oops.

So, if you're still with me, you'll have picked up on the fact that my classes for the semester have started. We're in week two, here, people. Tutorials started yesterday and lectures started last week and, much as I love formal education, I'm finding it tiring. I keep forgetting that I'm still saddled with this depression thing too and that takes it out of one physically, too, but I'm trying to just push on, you know? Get back to a routine and stop driving myself crazy. Though I think I'd rather be crazy than tired right now, lol. I was at uni for six hours today and five of them were spent in class -- one hour long lecture, a two hour long tutorial, an hour break and a two hour long lecture after that. I find it hard to sit still and focus for two whole hours...That's stretching the upper limits of my patience and focus. Anyhow, quick list of subjects for the semester, what?

• Modern Irish Literature: So far I figure it requires a lot of reading. I've done some. Yeats is featuring heavily (I don't mind him, so it's all good), Joyce is in there too (Dubliners...Which I found a copy of on my shelves after I brought my new one home). Some assorted plays and criticisms, and some other writers I've never heard of like John Banville and Elizabeth Bowen.
• Language, Brain and Mind: So far my favourite subject. Even though it has a two hour lecture. And it's only the second week in. Yesterday's lecture topics were brain damage and how damage to certain areas of the brain can cause problems with speech production and comprehension (aphasia, basically), and where the linguistic faculties lie in the brain (all over the place, not just on the left side as previously thought). The textbook is easy and fun to read and the lecturer is the delightful Bill Foley, the gem of a man who taught my first year, first semester, Linguistics course. He's kind of a rock star in the department. It's weird.
• Corpus Linguistics: My prediction for this class was that it was going to be simultaneously fascinating and dry. So far, I'm right. Long story short, a corpus is a body is a large collected body of language from one or a number of sources (news discourse, TV shows, books of a particular genre, etc) and which is then analysed to establish certain patterns such as frequency of word usage or variation in usage. This last one is what I'm interested in...This linguistic technique is how lexicographers build dictionaries and that's what I'm into. Well, that and the idea is just cool. The lecturer is a woman who irritates me (she's German but about to become naturalised), but she does have one or two upsides, the principal of which being the fact that her area of study is TV discourse and she's written a paper on Sheldon Cooper's peculiar use of language. 
• Introduction to Literary Theory: Now, I'm going to be up front and say that I know what literary theory is not...It's not literature, drama, poetry or film and it's not analyses of those things. Beyond that, though, I've got nothing. This is precisely the reason I decided to do this subject and every time I leave a lecture I feel like I've been beaten half to death with the massive (massive and expensive) textbook we have to deal with. I'm still not sure what the hell's going on yet, but I figure, as an English Major, I should probably have at least a rudimentary basis of what literary theory is about. Just sayin'. 

So, beyond all of this, everything's OK. Mentally things are settling down and I feel pretty good. I'm not sure what to do with that or how to deal with it (I keep expecting another downturn), but everything is alright. I could do without feeling tired all the time. Medically things are alright, too; I had a blood test on the first of March and got the results back a couple of days ago. My TSH is still very low, but consistent with my previous results, but the doctor has come to the conclusion that this might just be how it is for me. He said that there are plenty of people who fall above or below the normal range and aren't compromised or physically unwell in any way, so he thinks we shouldn't worry about it. The only concern is that the thyroid antibodies are still very high (this is the whole reason I went through all those other tests in the first place), and he's not sure what to do with that either. I'm clearly not sick, so the doc's recommendation is that I have another test in a few months' time and just see what's what...Of all the things that are (or potentially are) wrong with me, this antibodies thing is the one to look at because it's indicating that something, somewhere, is not right. Not necessarily awfully wrong, but still not all the way right. Urgh.

Snappy's still off with his shoulder and will be for a while yet and, just quietly, I'm so glad to be back at uni. I don't know what it is with men, but apparently they can't do pain that well. And he has a license to take pretty much all the painkillers he wants and just complains about it...Maybe that's just my (still) jonesing brain talking, lol. Bust seriously, the whingeing about the shoulder is making my brain ache...Sure, it hurts, I get it, but for real? Sack up! 

Rant and story over :) I hope you're all doing well xox

What-ho, flist!

I'm not dead (clearly). The day before yesterday I had my last exam (Phonology) and, without any drama at all, it was devastating. I doubt very much that I will have passed, but I'll have to deal with that at some other time. Irritating and disappointing, but it shouldn't hurt me too badly in the long run.

Came back from my aunts' house on Sunday. They got me some gifty-gifts from their travels: an Ivy League t-shirt, a Harvard t-shirt and, oddly, an Oscar Wilde action figure. These people know me too well. It's weird being back at home, though...It's noisy, it's crowded and I can't stick to the routines I'd gotten used to because other people get in the way. Very irritating. 

Haven't really been up to much, except for studying and panicking, but now that uni's over for the year I can try to relax a bit. I'm free 'til March, lol, so if I'm not thoroughly relaxed by that point, then there's something wrong with me.

Preparations for Christmas are getting underway...I can't believe we're halfway through November already. This year has just flown past, it's ridiculous.

Not a terribly interesting update, granted, but I am still in bed and it is only my second day of freedom, lol, let's let is slide, shall we? 

Anywho, I know you guys are all well, I've checked, but I hope you keep it up :) Big love x

Oh, people, people, people....Studying is a bitch. Exam time reminds me why I hardly ever do it, lol. But, if I put in more effort through the semester and actually gave a shit, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard now. I always say it's going to be different every semester -- and every year when I was still at school -- but it never changes. I should probably just stop saying it.

Urgh. Not looking forward to these exams...Even though there are only two of them, lol. The Shakespeare one will probably be alright, but Phonology not so much. I'm going to stop talking about it because I know I've talked about it a lot lately, but it's just on my mind.

Went to the zoo yesterday with my mum and brother. It was fun :) Hot, but fun. We saw a seal show and I've decided that, now we live in a place with a tub, I want a seal. Not a leopard seal, though, those ones are scary and eat penguins. I also wouldn't mind a giraffe...Not that there's any place to put it, of course. We stood in front of the giraffes for ages just talking about what we think they'd feel like. I mean, they look velvety or kind of like suede...Do they have hair or fur? Is their mane bristly or soft? It was a stupidly involved conversation, lol. We saw the new tiger cubs (very cute and fuzzy), the otters (a favourite), and the meerkats (also a favourite). It was so hot that most of the meerkats (most of the animals, actually) were hiding away inside a log, but since one of them always stands watch to guard the...troop? family? team? pack?...there was this lone meerkat who was initially standing upright on a rock, as they do, but he clearly decided that there was no danger and flopped over onto the ground and spread himself out like a dog on a tiled floor. Very cute. The meerkats also sparked another "I wonder what they feel like" conversation. We decided kind of soft, but mostly bristly. If anyone has some definitive answers regarding these questions, feel free to shed some light.

Seven days until I'm back at home. I'm actually not really looking forward to it, which is kind of weird. I don't know, I guess I just like being on my own more than living at home. It's quieter, everything is done the way I want it to be done, there's no one in my space...That's probably the biggest issue. Before we moved, we had two TV rooms, so everyone could do and watch whatever they wanted, you know? And there was plenty of space. In the house we live in now, there's the main living/dining room and a spare bedroom that's kind of set up as a gaming/TV room, but there's not enough space in there. I just always feel cramped there, you know? And I'd spend more time in my room, but it's so much smaller than my old room and doesn't have any TV reception. Issues. Anyway, I'll be sad to leave. It's been eventful, lol. 

Anyways. The studying continues tomorrow...Had enough for today. It's Sunday evening, lol, enough is enough. I'm just hanging out for the 16th...Last exam. Free for a few months. Hurry up!!

What ho, chickadees...And chickadudes? 

Semester is finished. My 18th Century essay was awful. Dreck. But it met the word limit and was handed in on time, so I'm not going to complain too much. I did that last Phonology assignment the day it was due, which is not something I would usually do, but it got done too, so no more complaining about that either. Hurrah. Coursework is now finished. Let the studying begin. 

Actually, that's what I'm supposed to be doing right this very second, lol, but it's not even 11 ack-emma yet, so meh. On the 11th is my Shakespeare exam. I think the focus of that is going to be The Winter's Tale (which I am still yet to read, balls), and the on the 16th is the Phonology exam from Hell. Ordinarily I wouldn't worry because my assignment marks should bring me up to a pass mark, but this time the exam is pass/fail. So if I fail the exam (great likelihood because I so did not pass the midterm), then the marks for the assignments don't count and I fail the whole course. Yay. I, like everyone else, do not want a fail on my transcript, but it's not the end of the world. It's not a core subject and so I can still keep my linguistics major, it just means that I might have to pick up another subject somewhere down the track to make up the units. I might already have to do another semester because I dropped Syntax (thankfully, it was a real killer) and will possibly have to make that up too, so it's not a huge deal. I guess if I end up doing another semester I could throw in a couple cool English subjects I didn't get to do ;)

So yeah, everything's been pretty good. Had a "hurrah we finished Syntax" dinner with some friends on Wednesday, one of whom ditched the subject ages ago, like I did, at a place called Ice and Slice. As you might guess, they do pizza and gelato. Now, I'm partial to the odd pizza here and there, but I don't like how nasty and over full they make you, but at this place, they're really light and fresh and awesome. So I ate a whole one. And since I ate a whole pizza, I thought, "fuck it," and had dessert. A waffle pretty much floating in maple syrup and cinnamon. It was sickly sweet, but good. Thursday I had dinner with my mum and we went to this place called Moo Burgers -- all burgers, as I'm sure you can tell -- and they have onion rings, which I love. They really need to be served at more places, I think, because you can never have too many or have them too often. And then, finally, Friday night I went to a pub for a friend's birthday drinks. Not that bad, even though this friend is someone I actually find quite irritating, lol, but a whole bunch of cool people were there, so that was fun. I didn't drink very much at all (finally mastered this not getting shitfaced thing), and had another burger. Gawd.

Funny thing is, this Saturday coming, this particular friend's family is throwing her a surprise party. Naturally, she doesn't know about it, hence the surprise, but I'm reasonably confident that she's going to hate it. Her family is Indian and her parents' greatest desire is for her to marry a nice Indian boy. This chick hates the idea of having to marry someone her parents might actually like and who might be good for her (she's very contrary), lol. So, there are going to be a whole lot of family friends there and, methinks, one or two eligible bachelors. Apparently there were only going to be 12 of her friends there, but another friend managed to sway her parents into inviting more people. Better for us, lol. There's supposed to be a dress-up-and-dance-around-like-a-fool thing too, which I'm most emphatically not participating in. Party-pooper, I know. I don't really want to go, but her parents have spend thousands of dollars to hire out this fancy Indian restaurant and I do like Indian food, and I really want to see what happens with the surprise, if my friend likes it or not (because I'm awful, I kind of hope she doesn't enjoy it...I've never seen that happen in person before), and if they try to push her to meet some nice Indian boys or not. 

Anyway, so that's about it. Convoluted and awful, but I have no brain left. It's still at uni, I think. I'm going to be taking it easy over the next few nights, too, no more burgers and stuff for a while, lol. And I have to be good and actually study; lots of people treat this week before the exam period as a holiday, but some of us don't have that luxury. 

Ciao xo

I swear to many and various gods that last week was the most tiring, stressy week ever. EVER!

My fourth phonology assignment was due on the 5th, which got done the day before because, somehow, I had thought it was due on some other date and so neglected to do it during my week off. I'm a fucking legend sometimes, seriously. Fortunately I worked steadily(ish) on my Shakespeare essay during that week and had been dealing with sources in the weeks prior, so that all came together without too much to-do, but getting that done and dealing with my linguistics assignment which, stupidly, looked much, much less complicated than it was, was exhausting. I'm still wickedly pleased with my Shakespeare essay, though, lol. For only the second time ever, I think, I wrote an essay that actually needed to be cut down and reshaped to comply with the word limit. Extraordinary and deeply amusing. I'm not sure how I'll go marks-wise, even though I feel pretty good about it...You never can tell.

I've seen two really, really good movies in the last four (three?) days or so. The first I went to by myself (which I love) on Friday just gone and it was *gags* a chick flick...But, to redeem it, it was Crazy, Stupid, Love with Steve Carell in it and I freakin' love him. He's extremely funny but somehow manages to do the quiet pain thing well. Kudos. Anyway, I was surprised how good it was. I just picked it kind of at random (didn't have any plans, just wound up at the movies, lol) and I seriously recommend it. I'm not going to give away too much, because anything I say about how it ends will completely ruin it and wouldn't do it justice anyway, but family falls apart, people fall in messy, awful love and, eventually, after a measure of embarrassment, all is more or less well again. Heh, didn't give anything away, did I? But, seriously, go see it.

The second I saw with my mum today. Project Nim, people!!! There are too many things to say, most of them not nice. The film itself was deeply interesting; as fascinating as it was appalling (and it was definitely appalling), and it was about the people who were supposed to be in charge of this "scientific" experiment as much as it was about Nim, the chimp in question. That poor bastard really had a rough time. I loved how surprised everyone was when things didn't turn out the way they wanted it to, after all, you can't raise a wild chimpanzee in a human family unit and expect it to be a human. Nature always wins over nurture when it comes to wild animals. Always. The linguistics and psychology were against them all right from the beginning and they either didn't see it, or they chose not to see it. Methinks it was the latter. The aim was to see if they could raise a chimp as a human child and teach it to communicate via sign in a way that is comparable to human language use (among the myriad other things they were looking at), and -- as was seen with Koko the gorilla (whom I adore) -- it didn't pan out. Nim could sign, no doubt, and he could communicate effectively, i.e. he was able to sign about things that weren't in his immediate vicinity (food, toys, bathroom), but he never mastered syntax (word order), which is the key to human communication. He ended up in a medical testing facility and then in a refuge for abandoned/abused animals (primarily equines), but was left alone and without much contact with people and none with other chimps until much later in the piece. Eventually other chimps were introduced, as was someone who cared for Nim years prior (whom Nim still remembered, I might add), and he lived in relative comfort and happiness for the remainder of his life. Possibly as a result of his more difficult life, Nim died of a heart attack at 26 years old in 2000. That's pretty young for a chimp. Poor bastard.

Anyhow, if you can stand some of the anger-making, harrowing bits, the movie is a good one too, though, obviously, for different reasons than Crazy, Stupid, Love.

As for my more personal life, such as it is ;), not much is going on. I'm house-sitting again for my aunts as they trek around the world (see: fly in comfort) to Dallas and then on to New York, Massachusetts and all that good stuff on the east coast. I have requested a hoodie or t-shirt from either MIT or Harvard, either is fine by me, and I shall consider it remuneration for my services. I'm looking after their increasingly frail dogs (praying that nothing untoward happens to them while I'm here) and their increasingly weird cats and their beautiful house, and in so doing will have plenty of time and space to study and relax in preparation for my oncoming exams (of which I only have two. Life is decent).

So, that's about it for me...If life manages to keep its sometimes sedate, sometimes irritating pace, all should be OK and I'll get through exams and all that with relative ease. I'm sure you all are well (I know you are, I checked your LJs!!) and all in one piece xox