I'm not going to amend my previous entry, but I will say that I think I've worked out what the issue is and now I am able to let it die and move on with my life - as everyone involved (and on the periphery) can.

Been dabbling with my own fiction a bit. It's weird, you know? Because I've been doing fanfiction for so, so long, it's strange meeting  my own characters. We should  be comfortable with each other, lol, (I hope I'm not the only one who sees their characters this way) but there's a bit of unease, probably more on my part (still weird to think of them as people in their own rights), but I think we'll get through it. I'm just getting to know them...Him, mostly...

I'm doing some writing exercises (I have a book of really good, very helpful ones) that are helping me get to him, helping me see and know him, more easily. So far I know that he's a painter, though often struggling, he drinks (gin) and sometimes takes one too many painkillers (see, writers and their characters have some things in common). His fridge has four magnets on it and about six cherries and a slice of cheese in it. I'm having trouble seeing his body, though his face is pretty clear (he looks stupidly like - but not exactly like - Corey Haim), and he doesn't have a name yet, though Liam is his working title, lol. I have to call him something.

I'm working on two essays right now, and doing the reading for a third one (how many papers require you to read the Gospels?). My English and Philosophy papers are due on Thursday and I'm not comfortable with that because, as per usual, I've allowed myself to fuck with all of the spare time I've had instead of actually getting this shit done. Anyway, I finally managed to find a secondary source for my English essay, so that's basically written itself now because I've done the planning for it. Much work on that tomorrow. And the Phil one is...Terrifying me because I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing (story of my damned life); I mean, I have the information, I just don't have a working knowledge of the concepts and am afraid of it (I'm ditching Philosophy next semester, I swear). Mind you, this essay isn't scaring me like the Phil exam is. For real, it's not doing good things for me. Anyway, for JCTC I'm reading Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and the essay is a comparison of the accounts of Jesus' life (which is weird, because the J in JCTC stands for "Jewish") and that whole thing is due next month.

It's a confronting thing for me to be picking up the Bible and actually studying it. I've been so unable to reconcile who/what I am with the concept of God/religion that I've just shut down this whole - private and quiet - part of myself. It's interesting to be exploring it, though I don't ever think that Christianity is for me.

So yeah, that's that for now. My body is an absolute mass of aches right now, which is weird - my joints are so sore, but I have a feeling that some of that is psychosomatic. I'm just going to go to bed and grit my teeth and plan tomorrow's essay writing routine. Yay me, my life is full of excitement.