So, I've been busy as hell...Trying to keep this train on the tracks, you know?

Gone up on some of my medications (Lamictal and Seroquel) and might have to switch antidepressants soon. I think the mood stabilisers are doing a decent job, but I don't feel better, if you know what I mean. So I think something has to give. Hopefully I can expect more, eh?

Today I went to my first DBT pre-treatment appointment. I think there will be a couple more before the program starts on the 19th. I'm not yet as freaked out as I could be, so I guess that's something. The woman whose name I can't remember was pretty cool...Even though I had to rehash everything right from the beginning up until recently, which is always a pain in the ass, but still, she was OK. It's a nice change from people who don't know their ass from their elbow or people who've never had a bad day. Urgh. Anyway, this DBT thing is a year long course of therapy...One full day a week for a year. Looking forward to it? No. Interested? A tad. I think the biggest thing is I'm quite literally at the end of my rope. I can't do this anymore, you know? I feel like this is just about all I have left in me....So, one last ditch effort, and all that.

Still not sure about admission. I'm going to wait until exams are over before anything definite happens, and I also have to (preferably) wait for two months or so until our new health cover kicks in. We've pretty much always had private health insurance, but I'm kind of at the point where I need better care (God, I even hate typing that) and if I have to pay through the nose for it, then so be it. You have to do what you have to do, right? It's like I'm haemorrhaging money over here, but still. A couple of months and then Medicare will kick in to take some of the weight off. I think everything I've spent so far can be reimbursed, so it's not so bad, but when you watch the numbers adding up it makes one's blood run cold. But yeah, so I'm going to hold off, if I can, to decided whether admission would be a decent idea...I mean, if I end up changing medications, I'd much prefer to be doing that in a decent environment because the medication I'm on (Lovan) has a really long half-life and you have to wait til it's all out of your system before moving to something else, so you have to taper down and then have a week or so free of the antidepressant so you're clear to start something else. I'm not looking especially forward to trying to work something like that out of my system, but surely I can expect more than this.

So yeah. Uni's just about done for the semester, so all of this couldn't have come at a better time. I've done my exam for Language, Brain and Mind, which did not go swimmingly, and still have a paper to write for Corpus Linguistics and a take-home exam for Modern Irish Literature. Pretty chuffed that we get that last one for a week, so that should take the heat off a bit. It's just two 1000 word essays ;) can't complain about that. The Corpus paper isn't going to be much fun, though, so I guess that kind of makes up for it.

Hope you guys are faring much better than I am xx

Oh, people, people, people....Studying is a bitch. Exam time reminds me why I hardly ever do it, lol. But, if I put in more effort through the semester and actually gave a shit, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard now. I always say it's going to be different every semester -- and every year when I was still at school -- but it never changes. I should probably just stop saying it.

Urgh. Not looking forward to these exams...Even though there are only two of them, lol. The Shakespeare one will probably be alright, but Phonology not so much. I'm going to stop talking about it because I know I've talked about it a lot lately, but it's just on my mind.

Went to the zoo yesterday with my mum and brother. It was fun :) Hot, but fun. We saw a seal show and I've decided that, now we live in a place with a tub, I want a seal. Not a leopard seal, though, those ones are scary and eat penguins. I also wouldn't mind a giraffe...Not that there's any place to put it, of course. We stood in front of the giraffes for ages just talking about what we think they'd feel like. I mean, they look velvety or kind of like suede...Do they have hair or fur? Is their mane bristly or soft? It was a stupidly involved conversation, lol. We saw the new tiger cubs (very cute and fuzzy), the otters (a favourite), and the meerkats (also a favourite). It was so hot that most of the meerkats (most of the animals, actually) were hiding away inside a log, but since one of them always stands watch to guard the...troop? family? team? pack?...there was this lone meerkat who was initially standing upright on a rock, as they do, but he clearly decided that there was no danger and flopped over onto the ground and spread himself out like a dog on a tiled floor. Very cute. The meerkats also sparked another "I wonder what they feel like" conversation. We decided kind of soft, but mostly bristly. If anyone has some definitive answers regarding these questions, feel free to shed some light.

Seven days until I'm back at home. I'm actually not really looking forward to it, which is kind of weird. I don't know, I guess I just like being on my own more than living at home. It's quieter, everything is done the way I want it to be done, there's no one in my space...That's probably the biggest issue. Before we moved, we had two TV rooms, so everyone could do and watch whatever they wanted, you know? And there was plenty of space. In the house we live in now, there's the main living/dining room and a spare bedroom that's kind of set up as a gaming/TV room, but there's not enough space in there. I just always feel cramped there, you know? And I'd spend more time in my room, but it's so much smaller than my old room and doesn't have any TV reception. Issues. Anyway, I'll be sad to leave. It's been eventful, lol. 

Anyways. The studying continues tomorrow...Had enough for today. It's Sunday evening, lol, enough is enough. I'm just hanging out for the 16th...Last exam. Free for a few months. Hurry up!!

 What-ho, poppets...

I had my Philosophy exam today and I totally...winged (?) it. Wung it? (help me!). I answered two and a half questions, lol, and got the hell out of there. I was in the exam room for about an hour, which I thought would never happen, lol, and wrote everything I could remember about the things I had studied (thankfully that stuff was actually in the exam). So, it's not likely that I'll pass with flying colours - if at all - but I obviously had to give it a go or else bad things would have happened. I'm just glad that it's over.

Friday will bring the last two exams and then that'll be that for semester one, and then I'll have a month holiday (yesss!!). A whole month to sleep in and watch TV and do nothing. Love it.

Saturday I went with my mother to the theatre (at the Opera House, you know) to see Waiting For Godot, for which she'd purchased tickets a few weeks back (which reminds me, I have to transfer some money to her, lol). It was awesome. I'd read the play last year for the first time during my English Literature course and just loved it...It was so far out, you know? Very different from anything else I read. So naturally I jumped at the chance to see the play on stage...With Sir Ian McKellen as Estragon. It was brilliant. Gobsmacking. His presence was amazing; the man is definitely a force onstage, even when he's playing a character as docile as Estragon. I can only imagine how magnetic he'd have been as King Lear or Iago (or Captain Hook, lol). I definitely feel lucky to have seen him.

Today I became a dot in the Michael Jackson tribute portrait :) Largely because I couldn't help myself, but also because it's only a few days away from the one year anniversary of his death and I really felt the need to do something, you know? And it really is a lovely gesture, this tribute portrait. I can't wait to see it when it's finished. If you're interested in joining me in being a small dot on a large portrait, check out:

www.michaeljacksonributeportrait.com 

It's free and quite the thing.

It's been some time since I've updated...Dang, lol. But to my credit, I have an excuse that's better than "life got in the way", lol. This time I've actually been studying.

So, I had my JCTC exam today and it didn't suck as badly as I thought it might. We got two of the essay questions in advance, so I had pretty solid answers for them, and then I sat down at the exam today and saw the remaining two questions on the paper and was pretty comfortable with one of them. For the last question we had the option of doing another essay or chose five topics from a list and write an informative paragraph on each of them (guess which one I picked?) It went OK. I then went back to the second last question and realised that I might have hit a snag (it was all going too well)...There were two options again, but this time I didn't know much about either, lol, so it was kind of a shot in the dark. One of them was about King Herod, so I went with it and wrote a bit on him in the vague hope it answered the question, lol. But at least it's done.

Tuesday next week is my next exam and this time it's Philosophy. I have pretty much no confidence in this arena, lol, and I'm worried that I'm only going to be able to deal with one half of the paper. I mean, hell, even I thought the philosophy of art bit was a bludge, lol. I'm really worried about the reality section because I really have no clue. It's not as though I skipped out on the lectures and don't have the notes - I didn't miss a single lecture and went to all the tutorials, I just didn't get it, so trying to learn something for the first time for an exam just isn't feasible, you know? Anyways, I'm going to give it a shot and if I can only answer one half of the exam, then that's what'll happen. I've dropped Philosophy for next semester and replaced it with History, so whatever. I don't care about it anymore, lol. Not quite the attitude, but what can you do?

So, chicklings, tomorrow I face the day of my dotage. Yes, you heard (read, rather) correctly, tomorrow is my birthday and I will be twenty-two. And I'm not sure how that happened. I think I found myself in the same position last year, but I'll go there again - I'm not looking forward to it. I'm just one of those people who isn't into their birthday, you know? I don't like to think about getting older...Not aging, because that happens, but actually getting another step away. Or closer. Or whatever. Anyway, I'm just not into it. I am, however, into the idea of getting a new TV, lol. I've had the same TV for...Uh...ten years or something and it's definitely on its last legs. The two channels I watch most have lost their colour, the set no longer responds to its remote (however many times I beg or change the batteries) and has to be turned on and off from the powerpoint. Which is a bitch, especially when one is dozing off. So that'll be kind of nice. Damn, I feel old. 

Anyhow, that's that for the mo' and I will catch up to you lovely people (hopefully) sometime soon xox