Tag Archives: dancing

by

Fibbing Friday #303

Mixed bag of silliness from Pensitivity101 last week:
My  suggestions for these!

1.  What is a mamba?

Aunt Jemima’s sister, who taught her how to make pancakes

2.  What is a rumba?

I knew I shouldn’t have had that second chili dog with jalapenos!!  Fortunately, the bathroom is unoccupied.  😮

3.  What is a samba?

A character in The Lion King movie

4.  What is a metronome?

A really short guy who rides the Paris subway

5.  What is a mantra?

A big, really flat fish, that flies though water, and could make you believe that its ancestors mated with space aliens

6.  What is a salsa?

That is the sly, slinking sidestep that the office rumor-monger takes, when the boss demands to know who started  the story that Richards, in Accounts Receivable, is an ICE agent.

7.  What is a cappella?

The new, largest size coffee that Starbucks serves

8.  What is canasta?

An archaic card game that is only played in the country north of the USA  (Not) Speaking of Canada…. did I mention archaic??

9.  What is alabaster?

A chef in a Muslim restaurant

10. What is a stanza?

He was the Italian actor who was (supposedly) the male lead in the TV series “Who’s The Boss.”  Elton John wrote about him – Hold me closer, Tony Stanza.  If you don’t remember him, don’t feel bad.  With his acting abilities, he was often upstaged by furniture.

by

Fibbing Friday #270

Pensitivity101’s theme last week was What The H?

1. What is halitosis?

Better than no breath at all

2. What is an hallucination?

A wet dream about Charlie Brown’s girlfriend.  Not me!!  I’m not into that sort of thing.  Tonight I hope to have a dream about Wilma Flintstone.  She’s kinda sexy in that fur bikini.

3. What is hell?

Hell is other people.
Hell is working in retail – on Black Friday.
Hell is being a Starbucks barista.
We can’t go to Hell – ‘cause we’re already there!

4. What is a hurricane?

A short stick with a curved top that helps old geezers like me to hobble a little faster

5. What is ham fisted?

That’s Cousin Clay, at any family Thanksgiving dinner.  By the time he’s got his Fair Share, the kids are eating tofu burgers.

6. What is the hokey cokey?

It’s a ritualistic little party dance, engaged in by revelers who absorb their recreational medication through their nostrils.  I was addicted to it for a while, (the dance!  Not the drug) but I turned myself around.  The hokey-pokey is a ridiculous little jail, like the one in James Garner’s movie, Support Your Local Sherriff.

7. What is hoosegow?

See above.  Great line from the movie, “He tricked me, Pa.”

8. What is a higgler?

ERROR 404
No Inspiration Found

9.What is a hogger?

I’ve already mentioned Cousin Clay.  He was recently escorted off an airplane because he was occupying two seats – only one of which he paid for.  The airline thought they were going to have to make two flights.

10. What is a hodge?

Also known as a longhouse, it was the communal housing building that the Squamish Indians of Canada’s British Columbia used to live in.  Nowadays, they all have nice, individual homes that are better than those of taxpayers who fund them.

by

Adams Fibbing Friday

Something a little different last week courtesy of Jim Adams who has been inventive in making up words and asks us to describe what these, if they existed, are or could be used for.

1) Antiplixen

With the increase in world population, Santa is considering using a larger sleigh, and adding two more reindeer to pull it.    To gauge public reaction, he set up an online survey.  Most people were okay with adding Meteor, but many were antiplixen.

2) Mortangru

Once upon a time, in the deep, dark forest, three men sat around a campfire.  Suddenly, from out of the dark, a voice said, “Mortangru.”  The man tending the fire said, “Bill, you still doing ‘shrooms?”

3) Clydearum

This is the much-favored adult beverage of sailors putting into the port at Newcastle.  Any further north, it’s Scotch Mist whiskey.

4) Monogrifrt

These are the perks enjoyed by those who support Donald Trump in his campaign.  They include outrageous amounts of money, power, and the occasional opportunity to grab them by the p%**y.

5) Ulangabop

Popular in the clubs, and at parties, this is a new dance from darkest Africa, which has finally replaced the Macarena.

6) Krixashobie

We’re sorry, but your application for citizenship and residency in Poland has been denied at this time.

7) Xgreapey

You apparently have ten thumbs, and they’re all on your left hand.  It’s a good thing that AI is making Spell-check and Autocorrect more powerful, or no-one would know what your hunt-and-peck gibberish meant.

8) Knobweg

This is a delightful, strong, but fine-tasting, limited-run dark ale, brewed in the cellar of the town hall of a little village in Slovenia…. Or is it Slovakia??

9) Betalafil

This is a technological obsolescent term that describes the short-term ascendancy of VHS tapes.  Yay streaming!!

10) Dvpslyaran

Dyslexia is a neural malfunction where sufferers mix up letters within words.  This is the slightly more powerful version, where entire words are misplaced and confused, like – A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

Pensitivity101 and I look forward to reading your inventiveness!

by

Rosy Retrospective Fibbing Friday

Once upon a time, Pensitivity101’s theme was They don’t make them like that anymore.
You might be familiar with them, and her apologies for being biased towards the UK. but if you didn’t know what these were, what are your thoughts?

1.Mini Clubman

The first time my girlfriend saw me naked, she said, “Who are you going to satisfy with that??”  I replied, “Me!”  As David Niven once said, I’m not afraid to show my shortcomings.  Caution!  Objects in your imagination may be smaller in reality.

2.   Morris Minor

This is a constellation near Ursa Major, and Ursa Minor, but it’s not a bear.  It’s a hedgehog.

3.   Range Rover

That was “The Duke” John Wayne.  He has been replaced by Patrick Stewart.  Somehow, Pilgrim, it just ain’t the same.

4.   Hillman Imp

He’s the wee fellow who lives across the way.  Not a bad lad – not evil – but our neighbourhood’s version of Dennis the Menace – always into something – spraying the neighbour’s cat with a garden hose, if it climbs over the fence – making a battle-flag for his two-wheeler from his Dad’s golf club and his mom’s underwear.  How I envy him his freedom and fun.

5.   Datsun Violet

Nissan wanted to produce and market a low-priced car.  Soon they had plants, and equipment, and employees, and suppliers, and dealers ready.  What they didn’t have, was an advertising and promotion package, because the sales staff could not come up with a name that was agreed on.  With the deadline looming, a female marketing exec, whose Japanese name meant “Violet,” called a counterpart at Volkswagen for inspiration.  Und, how zoon do you need a name?  She answered, “By next Monday.”  Ach!  Datsun, Violet??

6.   Triumph Herald

Once upon a time, there was an Angel who could not sing in public.  God sent him to Heavenly counselling, to cure his shyness.  Now, Hark, the Herald Angel sings.  It is a triumph.

7.   Austin Cambridge

He was the 7th actor to portray Dr. Who.  He had a fantastic vehicle.  It got 1000 light-years to the gallon.

8.   Ford Capri

Capri pants are items of women’s wear that don’t reach the shoes – or even the ankles – by THAT much.  So, a Ford Capri is a vehicle that fails to be a real car – by just THAT much.

9.   Alfa Romeo

He’s “The Quicker Picker-Upper” down at the dance club.

10. Talbot Horizon

That’s the imaginary vista of freedoms that the Woke Brigade feels they should have – as long as it’s at someone else’s expense.  Today’s newspaper headlines – page one
Activist claims lowered speed limits in residential areas mean nothing without enforcement – page two
Police lay six speeding charges in school zone in one hour
wah, wah, gimme, gimme, I want, I want!  Don’t bother me with facts.  I’m busy being outraged.

by

A Syne Of Fibbing Friday

Auld slang syne last week: Your interpretations for Pensitivity101, please!

  1. Sling your hook
    This is also known as click-bait.
    A good-looking young blond buys her first small house, and finds a secret door. You won’t believe what’s behind it.
    Do not – I repeat – DO NOT click on the link or you’ll find out what it was like to be Alice.
  2. Here’s mud in your eye
    This could be the result of a New Year’s Eve party. I decided to be safe and walk home, rather than risk driving drunk.  I was doing great, until some damned fool stepped on my hand.
  3. Bun in the oven
    Bun in the oven is the expansion of my abdomen over the holidays.  I can’t even claim that it is Molson Muscle.  It’s just turkey stuffing, stuffing.  I only wish that I could still get the even lower portion of my abdomen to expand like that anymore.  I would prefer a firm, upright French baguette, to a German pumpernickel boule.
  4. Twinkle Toes
    Twinkle Toes is the dance director on the RuPaul Drag Race television program.
  5. Moolah
    Moolah is a Frenchman, saying, “There’s a cow over there.”
    Look at the bunch of cows.
    Not bunch, herd.
    Heard what?
    Herd of cows.
    Sure I’ve heard of cows.
    No, I mean a cow herd.
    What do I care what a cow heard?  I got no secrets from a cow.
  6. Bazillian
    He’s the guy from Rio, who invented that bougainvillea drink.
  7. Airhead
    She’s my ‘Emotional Support Doll’ that I ordered from that special website.  Her body can be filled with warm water, for comfort, support, and a lifelike feel.  😳
  8. Goof off
    I just drove the wife’s brother to the airport, and saw the goof off.  They stayed with us for a week over New Year’s, which was about eight days too long. She’s nice people, but he has to go to the library to borrow IQ points.  He’s figured out the difference between wet and dry, but feels that it’s a fine distinction.
  9. Mickey Mouse
    That’s the code word for the local swingers club.  Do you wanna meet Mickey Mouse, actually means, “Swap yer partners all around.”

    10. Razz
    Razz is the past participle of Oxford’s Word of the Year for 2023 – Rizz.  It’s not a very useful word, ‘cause only Christ is Rizz.

by

Straight Line To One-Liners

I went line dancing last night….
….Okay – roadside sobriety test – same thing.

Have you ever noticed ‘The” and “IRS”….
….spells “Theirs”?

Patience….
….What you have when there are too many witnesses.

If my body is ever found on a jogging trail….
….just know that I was killed somewhere else, and my body dumped there.

Forget world peace….
….Visualize using your turn signal.

Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers….
….Now they drink like their fathers

Damn right I’m good in bed….
….I can stay there all day.

Old age is when you still believe….
….you’re going to feel better in the morning.

Instead of a sign that says Do Not Disturb….
….I need one that says Already Disturbed!  Proceed with caution.

The wife and I had words….
….I just didn’t get to use mine.

Funny!!?….
….I don’t remember being absent-minded.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents….
….Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It was a whole lot easier to get older….
….than it was to get wiser.

It’s not hard to meet expenses….
….They’re everywhere!

I wish the buck really did stop here…..
….I could use a few of them.

Energiser bunny arrested….
….Charged with battery.

Early this morning, there was a tap on my door….
….My plumber has a strange sense of humor.

I just ate 12 pieces of KFC chicken….
…..It’s always been on my bucket list.

A shopkeeper told me to have a nice day….
….I didn’t – so I sued him.

The dumbest thing I ever did….
….was to become an adult.

I sympathize with batteries….
….I’m never included in anything, either.

All dogs are therapy dogs….
….The majority are just freelancing.

My wife’s not too smart.  I said, “Our kids are spoiled.”….
….She replied, “They all smell like that.”

Good Morning….
….I see the assassins have failed.

I took a urine test at the hospital today….
….My kleptomania is out of control.

If your outgo exceeds your income….
….then your upkeep will be your downfall.

A guy said to me, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”….
….I replied, “No it doesn’t.”

Did you hear the rumor about butter?….
….Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

by

X Marks The Fibbing Friday

No need to blame Pensitivity101 for all the sins of the anonymous blogger.  This week, I’m going with collective nouns.  These came in via my pension newsletter this month.

Can you ‘invent’ what creature or something else would apply in the following…

  1. A walk of …………Ads about running shoes/trainers/court shoes/high-tops, on TV and YouTube videos. Avia, Converse, Nike, Adidas and Reebok, heel to toe, all stepping on each other’s feet, trying to get a bigger market share, and keeping third-world sweatshop children busy.

    2. A bed of …………. Organic, Hipster, vegan-restaurant, salads – made with healthy, wholesome things like chia sprouts, kale, radicchio, and other items which are impossible to identify, pronounce, spell or swallow, that fell off a pig-farm feed truck.

    3. A horde of …………. Inane, unusable attempts to conjure up an intelligent, interesting, and amusing – Lie Your Face Off Theme.  I had to settle, as I have done too often in the past, for a large, cold, disappointing serving of If You Can’t Fix It – Feature It!  😳

    4. A bike of …………..two-wheeled urban couriers, flitting and fluttering like butterflies, darting in and out of traffic like barn swallows.  Sadly, an incautiously-opened car door, or an arrogant, impatient cab-driver, too often can suddenly change all this exercise and speed, fresh air and exhilaration from two-wheeled freedom and fulfilment, into four-wheeled disability.


    5. A rhumba of ………..Dance steps.  Congratulations!  You’ve won five free lessons at Bo-Jangles Dance Studio (Even though you didn’t enter any contest, and the telemarketer only called because your number was the next in sequence.)  To claim your prize, bring along your credit card, and your reluctant husband, in case you wish to sign up for the advanced course.


    6. A shrewdness of …………. A failed group of “Make Trump President Again’ supporters.  They got as far as ordering the hats – although MTPA doesn’t have the same impact as MAGA – before they were hit with a restraining order from a dictionary, barring them from using the term.  It was, be an “Ironic,” or nothing.

    7. A raft of ……………..Mark Twain stories about Huck Finn, and Jim the runaway slave.

    8. A mess of …………….complaints about army food – mostly from guys who had to peel a hundred pounds of potatoes on KP duty.  Drop your socks and grab a spud, bud.

    9. A huddle of ……………ESPN football announcers and game analysts.  They’re busy watching the backfield in motion of the visiting team’s cheerleaders, when they’re not on-camera.

    10. A family of……………….Plastic Surgeons R Us LLC, causing silicone supply chain problems while exclusively serving the Kardshians.  They took the ‘Kan’ out of Kanye West, and added it to Kim’s ample bosom. “Ye”-God!  😳

I’ll dress it up with tinsel, or glitter, or Easter eggs, but, the truth is, there’ll be more of the usual on Monday.  Stop by anyway.  Watching me circling the drain might be entertaining.  😯

by

’21 A To Z Challenge – E

I’ve often said that, if the English language must evolve, I don’t want the changes caused by people who have their names on their work uniforms.  I want it guided by intelligent, educated scholars and linguists.

I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND!

One of the newer words in English is

ECDYSIAST

added sometime before his death in 1956, by the all-time pompous spoilsport American journalist, H. L. Mencken.

Also called stripper, exotic dancer, or stripteaser. a person who performs a striptease.
From ecdysis – the shedding or casting off of an outer coat or integument by snakes, crustaceans, etc.

With at least three acceptable alternatives, this pretentious prat added yet another, to turn an enjoyable, social pastime into something as cold and clinical as a colonoscopy.  He makes Mr. Spock seem like a party animal, and looks like he parts his hair with an axe.

Some of them can appear as dumb as a sack of rocks, but the stoners flipping burgers, and dreaming up new words seem to be a helluva lot more fun than tight-ass, Latin-loving Mr. Mencken.  Ignore the word.  Ignore the nerd who birthed it.  What is your opinion about strippers?  😕

by

Time For More One-Liners

Every time I ask what time it is….
….I get a different answer

I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing….
….This is as close as I could get.

Before they invented drawing boards….
….What did they go back to?

I crossed an alligator with a homing pigeon….
….That will come back to bite me

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent….
….I never know what those fuckers are planning

I was going to have wine and cheese for dinner….
….but I remembered that I can’t have cheese.  Cheers!

I was sitting in traffic the other day….
….That’s probably why I got run over.

My favorite word is “Drool.”….
….It just rolls of the tongue.

My family tree is a cactus….
….There’s a bunch of pricks

They say that laughter is the best medicine…
….but sometimes, a good sleep is better for you

When does a Dad joke become a Dad joke?….
….When it becomes apparent.

How many Optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?….
….Is it one or two??  One….or two?

This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind….
….said the patient to the brain surgeon

Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar….
….My life is a joke

I have an inferiority complex….
….but it’s not a very good one.

I’m trying this new, all-sugar diet….
….It’s pretty sweet

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation….
….Never again

Did you hear about the guy who broke his leg tap dancing?….
….He fell off the sink.

I picked up a hitchhiker….
….You have to if you hit them.

I bought a dog from a locksmith today….
….As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?….
….He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them

A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank….
….The rabbit says, “I think I might be a Type-O.”

What do you call a fly with no wings?….
….A walk.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed….
….Everybody!

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick….
….Especially since his name is Steve.

No matter how cynical you become….
….It’s never enough to keep up.

My neighbors listen to some really wild music….
….They have to.

Always give 110%….
….unless you’re a statistician

by

One Jackass – Or Two?

Jackass

An Old Man and His Mule

An old man walked up and tied his old mule to the hitching post. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?”

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old fart, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.

The old prospector — not wanting to get his toe blown off — started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old man and the large gaping holes of the twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No Sir… But I’ve always wanted to.”

There are five lessons here for all of us:

  1. Never be arrogant.
  2. Don’t waste ammunition.
  3. Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
  4. Always make sure you know who has the power.
  5. Don’t mess with old people, they didn’t get old by being stupid.