The Ultimate Examination: When One’s Life Is Questioned By Mountains…
I hurt myself two weeks ago. And no, pain is not the last thing one feels, just the opposite. Pain is not the only thing that’s real. Far from it. In extreme circumstances, when survival is a question mark, even if one is severely injured, instead of abject pain, if there is a chance, the brain switch to survival mode, and logic rules.
Due to several coincidences, I fell into rocks, at the top of a peak, in a thunderstorm, and got injured. A brutal exam, the ultimate sort: live or die, that is the question. I got hyper rational, excluding all factors not crucial to survival. Not for the first time I found myself trying to manage a situation where my existence was compromised… It felt familiar. and I knew what to do: Fully concentrate, act fast, decisively, yet wary of a sur-accident… before shock sets in.
Life is a gift, yet a fatal one. That makes life very precious, and yet a somewhat poisoned gift one may sometimes be inclined to scoff at in the name of more enduring values. Preserving life is an attitude, a will, a wish… Yet, even if successful, that success is only ephemeral… We have to live with our lives threatened always: we may not look injured, but in a sense we all are.
Thus, one should not look down upon those who risk their lives, sometimes… Because, although life is immensely valuable… being finite, it’s NOT infinitely valuable. Paradoxically, the precarity of life gives us the freedom of acting divine… By inventing higher values than life itself. And those values are highly… practical.
Indeed, values higher than life form the core of what makes human culture more volitional, thus they constitute the specifically human evolutionary accelerator… Which has to be more intelligence, hence experiment driven, hence risk friendly (and risk friendliness, although resting on a specifically human neurobiological substrate, in turn is further justified by these values higher than life itself…)
Deliberate evolution is the essence of the human condition. It is hard wired in us and forces us to live for higher values than life itself.
Why do we come hard wired with the capability of transcending life itself? Because, without higher values, our distant ancestors would not have evolved down the adventurous and unlikely line which led to us. Yes, all right, transcendence is not a sole invention of humanity. When fishes crawled on land and evolved into amphibians, one can argue that they, too, took trillions of individual decisions, every few days, which led them to progressively conquer the continents. But this standard evolution took 50 million years. Arguably, human evolution, in the last million years, has proceeded at a thousand times faster clip, and that speed of evolution is caused by the conscious selection of higher values by humans.
Evolution is a matter of chance and necessity, but also a matter of will, in conscious animals. Our ancestors decided obsessively to go get meat in the savannah five million years ago while their more risk adverse peers cautiously stayed where the trees were. Our ancestors chose to evolve, those they genetically evolved away from preferred to keep on living as common apes.
A life is like a work of art. Each life is a miracle. But then what to do with that gift? Explore maximally all the sensations the gift can provide with? Those sensations and passions come with risks, often proportional to the sensations they procure. Who adjudicates life? Obviously clinging to the rock like barnacles is not our nature. Our nature is the next frontier.
The call of the wild was always the shrine of human destiny, since our ancestors left the trees for the savannah. Going wild is where the illusions of human culture fade and physics, nature, rules without mercy.
***
How pertinent those reflections are for yours truly! All this metaphysics came in handy when their carrier crashed among blocks. Gravity and a treacherous rock had their moment shattering my thinkery.
My left arm is in a cast. I fell on a ridge in the Chablais mountain range, above Lake Leman, twenty miles as the eagle flies north from Mont Blanc, more than two weeks ago. That is my third close call in the Chamonix mountain area (the other two were caused by serac and rock avalanches). Third time breaking that arm… Examining one’s life is what makes life worthy, said Socrates during his trial… Socrates’ examinations included the field of battle, in defense of Athens, where he illustrated himself. More prosaically, examining one’s life is a life saver. Past stumbles teach how to do it right.
I had been running on a ridge that I had never been on; a thunderstorm was twenty miles away… I had been suspicious of the weather and thought, once I got below the peak, about going to another, milder mountain. However, and that was my first mistake, I had left a detailed description of my itinerary with my family, and that safety measure then influenced my decision making… when the weather started to not look kosher… After my unfortunate adventure, now we have agreed I will also write down a plan B… Thus I engaged in a run with some rock climbing and huge cliffs, and a miles long ridge system.
Up high I became even more suspicious, from a very strong wind in altitude;with thunder rumbling far away… But it was too late to turn around. Suddenly a thick curtain of rain appeared between the ridge where I was, and the next crest over, three kilometers away, and I knew water conducts electricity. Lightning followed, less than a fraction of a second away.
It was out of the question to go on with the ridge, and the next peak, with its milder descent. An emergency descent to get below timberline was a must, right away, as the storm suddenly raged. A couple, coming from the peak where I had been going, was also caught and rushed down. While trying to give space to the gentleman, I ran off trail. However, a large rock broke or rolled below my left foot, just when I was completely off balance to the side for a fraction of a second, and I crashed sideways and head down into large rocks. However my big backpack is a natural airbag (I make it so) and protected me quite a bit, as I rolled.
The two alpinists met by chance (and part contributors to the accident by sheer happenstance) asked me if I were OK, and I replied that my left arm was broken (other injuries became clearer later). They kindly accompanied me down the mountain. That was helpful as they found the way, and there were several sections of vertical terrain, up to 30 meters high, equipped with chains and cables. I had to climb down such cliffs, with just one arm, using my long climbing experience (once, long long ago in a galaxy far away, I could do one arm pull ups)…Get two good footholds, well balanced on them, then jerk my right hand down to get a new grip on the drenched chain, ignoring the lightning flashes.
I had to self rescue because the raging storm prevented any helicopter rescue, and the location was remote. Waiting until the next day was less survival friendly than going down right away. So I spent the next two hours carefully choosing footholds, grabbing rocks and chains with one arm in the rain, as lightning struck thunderously here and there… (I was surprised that the descent was so technical; that had not been indicated in guidebooks and the Internet…)
Running in the mountains is not as easy as competitions with thousands of participants, rehearsed videos and their sponsored celebrities would make one believe…. While running on unprepared rocks, rocks decide… My accident was caused by discarding half a dozen of my own, normal safety procedures (I had been grounded for two months by long COVID and pneumonias, hence this burst of over-enthusiasm for overriding normal caution)…
Besides the obvious neglect of the thunderstorm danger, I. discarded, at the instant of the accident, what I call inertial running… in inertial running, if a push on the ground by a foot fails, it can be compensated by the next push from the other foot, directional changes are anticipated and do not depend upon just one move because the body’s own momentum provides with main force vector; what caused my fall was that I was completely off balance, pushing with the left foot towards the right while leaning left when that rock gave way: I applied considerable force perpendicular to overall momentum… Even on a dance floor, the move would have been difficult. Some mental subsystem had suddenly decided to trust rocks. When mountain running, periodically my overall consciousness has to recall to mental subsystems to pay more attention, as the situation would be catastrophic if they didn’t. In this particular case I got distracted by a combination of lightning and people and my own general consnciousness failed to properly oversee what some subsystems in my brain were up to, suddenly trusting rocks…
As far as I know, I started the activity of mountain running, summer or winter, ages ago… For decades, as I ran in Europe, Africas, the Americas, mountain running was viewed as madness, sheer lunacy: climbing was supposed to be careful and ponderate (Reinhold Messner introduced running in his training; as a math professor, he was probably led by logic…).
I was insulted more than once (and even attacked!) for hurting the snow (!!!!!)…. Times have changed to the point of being unrecognizable… Now mountain running is big business…. With stars like Kilian Jornet, surrounded and supported by spectators, helicopters, drones, helpers, assistants, sponsors… And the occasional rescue mobilizing a horde of professionals graciously provided by taxpayers (I am myself insured, worldwide; mountain rescue, or any rescue, is free in France where my accident happened). Running and stalking the mountains as a business of course defeats the purpose of examining the self, and what creates it, the interaction with nature and culture. So much of this mountain running industry is running after a mirage it itself creates.
Mountain running got me nearly killed in Zermatt when I was ten (running down the fabulous Gornergrat)… Although insured for wildlife adventures, worldwide, I was never rescued by the authorities (although they tried three times in the USA)… Yet! … But I was certainly repaired by very competent doctors… All too many times… although I always try to be careful… Once putting aside my choice of circumstances…
Chamonix and other famous ranges may be a playground for some, but mountains teach life, the human condition, humility and honesty… within oneself. Every ascent is a new world, and we must learn, and fast, if we want to survive, far from the hollow make-believe of those for whom nature is at best a business, and to whom the fake human world is everything…
Many have pondered from restful positions the meaning of life, but the meaning of life does not need to be pondered, life is not made to be pondered. The meaning of life does not need to be pondered when dangling off a cliff with a mangled arm and a mild brain concussion. because then all what matters is very clear. All that matters is the next move. That’s the primordial essence of the human condition… But not the whole story.
Indeed, life’s shtick is all carrots and sticks, right… But we humans can decide what constitutes carrots and sticks to such a great extent that it has made us capable of steering our destiny, mostly in the direction we wish… And then we can feel omnipotent as the mythical Gods because we then have power over what is most important…We escape Sisyphus and Prometheus. Prometheus stole fire from the gods, and had his liver eaten by day. But we stole meaning from the gods, after creating them, so we are OK.
Behaving well for humans mostly means behaving intelligently. And not just over that next step. Inertial running is a neurobiological process, and must guide us many steps ahead, and not just while running mountains, but even more importantly, when steering civilization.

No good up there, must go down, but not too fast or head first…
Patrice Ayme



