Gettin’ Physical Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 went all geeky on us, and asked some deep, technological questions, to which I have shallow, silly answers, that may have some vague relation to truth and reality.

Physics
What came before the big bang?

A teen-aged, trans-dimensional entity, clumping around the meta-verse in its size 13 sneakers.

What did Galileo drop off the tower of Pisa?

The large pizza that the Uber-Eats delivery guy had to schlep all the way to the top.  While a shame, he didn’t feel that it was that much of a loss, because it had Genoa salami, instead of hot Pisan sausage.

Is a Cartesian bear similar to a polar bear?

It depends on how you observe it.  From the shaded side, it does indeed look much like a Polar bear.  From the sunward side, it more resembles a casserole of lasagna.

What did Newton say when the apple landed on his head?

#$%@&*%#!!!  Oh – after that??!  That does it!  No more Mister Nice Guy!  I’m going to invent calculus to see if I can bend gravity, so that the next one misses me.

Why did Columbus think the world was round?

Because he kept getting calls from India and Pakistan, offering to have the ducts on the Pinta, the Nina, and the Santa Maria cleaned.

What was Heisenberg uncertain about?

The whole LGBTQ2+ thing, and why so many good Christians, instead of worrying about their own sexuality, are so concerned about other people’s.  Eskimos rub noses to express love.  Too many Christians love to stick their nose in where it doesn’t belong.

What was the name of Schrödinger’s cat?

Iffy, until it died…. or did it??   🙄

When a photo finish decides the winner of a race, did they change the outcome by measuring it?

Not really!  It enlarged the noses of both front-running horses by the same amount.

What is the God particle used for?

A source of irony when Christian Apologists try to use it to define their pet deity into existence.

Is the theory of everything all you need to know?

In theory – YES.  But there will always be another irritating, smart-ass know-it-all, ready to bend your ear about some fool topic.  🙄

Flash Fiction #185

Ferris Wheel

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

GOING NOWHERE FAST

Why is a Ferris wheel like the workaday world?

The word ‘wheel’ implies progress. On his Day Off, with the wheel Ferris Buehler invented, it achieves no progress. It lifts you up to see vistas of productivity. Then it lets you back down to the mundane.

It spins you around several times. There are exciting lights and sounds that make you think that something is actually being accomplished, but when it comes to a stop, you’re right back where you started, ready to get taken for another ride tomorrow. And, you’re surrounded by geeks that would make any fair proud.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers

Lost In The Urban Jungle

Department Store

In my little hometown, in the late 1940s, the selections in the two small, local, independent grocery stores were not great, and low-volume buying and shipping made prices a bit higher than in ‘the big city.’ My Dad suggested that we start driving 25 miles to the ‘giant metropolis’ of 10,000 people, and shop at the Loblaw’s store.

In our little blue-lawed town, stores closed at 6:00 PM, and there was no such thing as Sunday shopping. On Friday nights, the Loblaw’s stayed open until 9:00.  Dad would come home from work at 5, we’d have a quick supper, and be on the road by 6.

It became a routine. The choices were greater.  The lower grocery prices paid for the gas burned, and it was a family adventure.  There might even be enough left over to have some French fries from a ‘chip wagon.’

One warm July Friday night, we rolled up main street. Dad found a parking spot about a half a block from the store, and put a dime in a parking meter for an hour’s stay. Long before the advent of suburban malls, stores were ‘downtown.’

We walked to the Loblaw’s, did our shopping, and checked out, with some time to spare.  In the days of good manners and social restraint, shopping carts were not allowed out of the store onto main street.  All groceries had to be carried.

We had four large paper bags. I was 6 years old, and my brother was three. We weren’t going to carry any.  My Mother tucked two of the lighter ones in the crooks of her elbows, and my Dad hefted the rest.  When we exited the store, there were no hands free to guide us, so my Mom said to me, “You take your brother, and go on ahead to the car.”  So, leading him by the hand, off we set down an un-busy sidewalk.

We got to the (unlocked) car long before they did. In the days before air conditioned stores, the double doors of the store beside the car stood propped open.  Just as I was about to open the car, I heard ‘clickety-click, clickety-click.’  What was that sound?  Dragging him, we stepped over to the store doors and looked and listened.

This was not quite a department store, more like a 5 and 10, five times as big as the tiny Dime Store in my town.  There were sales-clerks in various spots, but no cash registers or money.  They had a something much like a pneumatic tube system, only made out of steel mesh.

All the price tags, and the customers’ money, were put into a 4” X 4” x 6” steel mesh car, with a little electric motor, and pushed into a drop-tube. Clickety-click, clickety-click, up it went, turned at the top, and clickety-click, clickety-click, ran around the store, and up into a cash office on a mezzanine level.  There, a clerk verified all totals, made change, and returned the little car along with a receipt.  An adjustable semaphore determined which station it would drop out at.

This was the sound that I’d heard. We, or at least techno-geek me, stared in awe.  The nearest clerk noticed us, and asked if we’d like to see it again. “Yes please!” She wrote a note that said, “I have two fascinated kids here.  Just return it.” and stuffed it up the tube. Clickety-click, clickety-click, up it went, around the room and up into the office.  Thirty seconds later, clickety-click, back it came.

She wasn’t busy, so she asked, “Wanna do it once more?” “Yes please!” She added, “One more time” to the note and, clickety-click, off it dashed again, like a 1950 slot-car and clickety-click, soon returned and popped out one more time.

Now…. Let’s step outside, and see what this looked like to our parents.  They’d sent two kids half a block on a main street sidewalk, in broad daylight, but when they got to the car, we weren’t there. Where the Hell did the kids go??! Had someone kidnapped us?  Had we got into the wrong car, and inadvertently been driven off?  Were we lost, and wandering the streets?

They quickly stowed the groceries, and began searching. Up and down the street, asking random pedestrians if they’d seen two little boys – back to the Loblaw’s – Dad went one way, Mom went the other.  They finally returned to the car in a panic….and we calmly walked out of the store.  We hadn’t been more than twenty feet away, all the time, but there had been no reason for them to think we’d gone inside.

Too happy, to give me shit, Mom still impressed on me that I should never do such a thing again. And while we weren’t at the car, the dime’s worth of parking had expired, and an eagle-eyed meter maid had given Dad a parking ticket to pay.  No French fries that night.  I didn’t get lost again for 8 years, when I got swept up in another school group touring a Niagara power station, and had to explain to the Principal, why I wasn’t there for our head-count.  😳