The above is another misleading blog title. It implies that someone went looking.
About five years ago, I posted that I’d lost my younger brother. He didn’t die. He just disappeared. He was born a “blue baby,” with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, almost strangling him. Always a delicate child, he almost died of pneumonia three times by his fifth birthday. Our parents, particularly Mom, invested a lot of time and effort into him.
He got used to lots of attention, and getting things his way. He wasn’t a narcissistic, sociopathic ‘user.’ He was just unconsciously entitled. As an adult, it just didn’t occur to him that other adults would not bow to his every whim and request.
First, his wife left him. Then, his two 20’s daughters moved 15 miles to get away from him. Soon he also moved to be near them. The older one just packed up and moved again, leaving no forwarding address. The younger one moved another 15 miles, got married, and started a family and her own small business.
A one-time co-worker grew tired of being expected to take a day off work, to drive six hours with him, split the gas and motel costs, and sit in a cold arena to watch curling that he could have seen better on TV. Two car-nut brothers decided that they would rather stay home with their wives and kids, than drive 500 miles, into the US, to watch a NACAR race. Another ex-friend stopped calling in to see him, only to find him playing video games that he wouldn’t put away, because the visits were never reciprocated.
In retirement, he talked himself out of a lucrative part-time job, driving limos, because he didn’t like their rules. The only times he ever phoned me was to have me use my computer to get dates and locations of curling Bonspiels or NASCAR races, find him cheap motels and book him reservations, and order tickets for him. Then he complained that I never called him – only to hear, “Can’t talk now. The hockey game/race is on.
He had a live-in lady friend who lost her waitress job when the restaurant closed. She started her own home-cleaning service, and was developing a solid list of good customers. Because he was bored, and cold, he expected her to just dump her client list and drive to Florida with him, and stay a couple of months.
Finally, a property line/fence dispute with a neighbor did not resolve as he wanted. He cancelled his land-line, changed his cell phone number, sold his house, and did what his older daughter had done. He just moved – somewhere!
Mom had a saying that she used when he pulled one of his sulky pouts. She would say, “He’s just gonna go out to the garden, and eat worms.” I guess the worms started to taste bitter, because no-one followed him out to invite him in for dinner. After more than seven decades, no-one gave a damn.
His younger daughter and mine parlay over Facebook. Recently she told us that he had contacted her. He had had a minor stroke and lost a bit of vision in his left eye. He spent a week in hospital, and now wanted to move in with her family, so that she and the grandkids could take care of him.
He somehow acquired a new girlfriend, although a woman of seventy years is hardly a girl. Apparently she runs his life, and takes no shit from him. She’s welcome to him. He may have changed a little, but I think that the habits of a lifetime are engrained. I’m not going looking for redeeming qualities. 😮




























