Tag Archives: numbers

by

F*#king One-Liners

I like to surround myself with people with extensive vocabularies….
….but still say fuck a lot.

If you crossed a fish with an elephant….
….would you get swimming trunks?

Fibonacci’s Soup ingredients….
….Yesterday’s soup – Day before yesterday’s soup….

If at first you don’t succeed….
….try twice more so your error is significant.

An expensive laxative will give you….
….a run for your money.

I have a joke about statistical analysis….
….but it’s mean.

Nothing tops….
….a plain pizza.

Why don’t people from India play soccer?….
….Because, when they go in the corner, they open a store.

The guy who invented the wind chill factor died….
….He was 87, but felt like 75.

Did you hear about the stockbroker who got electrocuted….
….when he shorted Tesla?

I am a bad influence….
….but DAMN, I’m fun!

I wrote a joke about the number 288…
….but it’s two gross.

I gave my History teacher a gift….
….but she didn’t like the present.

I have an economics joke….
….but there’s no demand for it.

Age is not a number….
….It is clearly a word.

I’m not old.  I’m only 39*….
….*plus shipping and handling

I woke up this morning, and nothing hurt….
….I thought I was dead.

I asked Siri a question about my life expectancy….
….She changed the subject.

Sign in store window, No Help Wanted….
….I’m going to apply.  I’d be great!

An Ampersand walks into a bar, and is served a free beer….
….A customer says, “Wow, he must be some kind of special character.”

I’m going back to the 80s….
….Anybody want anything?

If a grocery store has a section for health food….
….then what is the rest of the store??

by

Cold Turkey

The blogpost that you are currently not reading, is brought to you by the words

LASSITUDE, INDOLENCE, AND PROCRASTINATION

As well as the number

TWILLINGATE

I found that I couldn’t just ‘STOP’ posting on Wednesdays.  I always want to have something to say – even when I’ve got nothing to say.  Next Wed. will probably be blank, although I’ve got a post ready to publish on the 26th.

There will be a Fibbing Friday post.  I didn’t have to, but I farmed out a large portion of it.  Maybe that will give me enough time to select and compose something for the letter X for next Monday.

by

’24 A To Z Challenge – L

Here’s another, number 17-5/9, in a Long List of interesting, pretentious, but Largely useless words.

Littérateur

As you can see
By the tail on the é

It’s a word which is barely normalized into English, from French.  It means a literary person, especially a writer of literary works – someone who enjoys, or produces literature- a man of letters.

I am definitely a man of letters.  I often use all 26 of them in various combinations, occasionally to good effect.  This is a pre-Woke word.  It refers to men only.  There is “no woman of letters.”  If there were, his wife would be a “Littérateuse.”  When the French invented this word, the only letters allowed to women were the likes of tbsp., or PMS.

My baby, she wrote me a letter  It was a Q, in purple crayon.  They don’t allow sharp objects at ‘The Home.’  😮 

by

’23 A To Z Challenge – T

What comes after number two?  (Besides TP)
What do you hang your Christmas ornaments on?
How many guesses did Jethro Tull give about a job, in Steel Monkey?
What darling little yellow cartoon canary always outsmarts Sylvester T. Cat?
What century-old, Scottish insult, that rhymes with That’s so gay! usage has died off, but really needs to be brought back??  Like Ian Anderson, ‘I’ll give you guesses’

TWEE

Adjective Chiefly British.

  1. affectedly dainty or quaint:

excessively sentimental, sweet, or pretty

Twee describes someone or something as affectedly and cloyingly cute, sweet, and quaint. It’s also a subgenre of indie pop music.

ORIGIN OF TWEE

1900–05; apparently reduced from tweet (perhaps via pronunciation twiʔ), mimicking child’s pronunciation of sweet

 

Gotta go!  Christmas dinner is on the table.  I’ll be out of here as quick as One – Two -…… TWEE.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a ‘Good Grief!’

 

by

“19 A To Z Challenge – V

AtoZ2019Letter V

 

Stalling, distraction, avoidance, procrastination!

I had a month…. Actually, I had a year from when I chose to do this year’s version of the A To Z Challenge – but realistically, I had a month to get this post for the letter V ready. I had posts composed for the letters T and U, so I had four weeks to get my act in gear – four weeks to choose a V-shaped word, pick a theme, light a flame of composition under it, and bring it to the boil of intelligent presentation.

Did I do that??! OH NO!!

Instead, I spent an inordinate amount of time debating with Christian Apologists. Some guy who styles himself TheistThug, and lives up down to the name, really needed an opinion readjustment, and I was just the guy to do it. Saturday night, instead of dutifully typing, I watched some fool build a log cabin in Alaska, and read part of a book…. because it has 800 pages, and needs to be returned to the Library in 17 days.

A character in the book returned to her tough childhood neighborhood after escaping it at 15, and being away for another 15 years. She observed that the worldly-wise woman that she was now, barely matched the frightened teen who left it years before.

There were all my V-word candidates
venal
vivacious
vapid
vicinity

VENN DIAGRAM

vainglorious
vacuous

Venn

when suddenly “Venn diagram” stood out. Venn diagrams visually indicate how and where two or more different sets of data do, or do not, overlap. They help making decisions which will satisfy the greatest number.

For most of us, the Venn diagram of our early life, compared to our current life, need not be quite as severe as hers, where only a tiny point intersected the two segments. Still, it seems a good idea to strive for continual change and improvement. Get smarter, better, and happier. I know that I am not the same naïve, trusting, callow young man who ventured into the World and wedlock 52 years ago. If I could only enlarge that “Get Projects Finished On Time” section a bit…. 😉