Tag Archives: healing

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In The Mood For One-Liners

I’m not saying that my wife is moody, but….
….she could start a fight in an empty house.

When she speaks….
….you never run out of things to listen to.

I sabotaged an origami contest….
….The judges are waiting to see what unfolds.

Being Canadian is never having to apologize….
….for saying you’re sorry.

If you don’t take the time to pack your parachute properly….
….you’re jumping to a hasty conclusion.

The entire world sucks….
….If it didn’t, we’d all fall off….
….People don’t understand the gravity of the situation.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist: While you guys were arguing….
….over the glass of water, I drank it, The Opportunist.

I contracted mood poisoning….
….must be something I hate.

The Bible verse I love….
….Lunch: 11:30

What exercise program do you use to get The Body of Christ?….
….CrossFit.  Nailed it!

My deaf wife was talking in her sleep last night….
….Nearly took my eye out.

I told myself that I should stop drinking….
….but I’m not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

I went to the worst faith healer ever yesterday….
….He was so bad, some guy in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

My dermatologist friend….
….started his career from scratch.

I got kicked out of the Peripheral Vision Club….
….I didn’t see that coming.

Why did the Vegan cross the road?….
….To tell someone that he was a Vegan.

Google Translate – Thoughts and prayers….
….= I don’t give a fuck.

My new year’s resolution is to read more….
…. So, I’ve permanently turned on the TV subtitles.

Ideas for getting more exercise this year….
….Move the cookies.  Buy a heavier kettle.

Fold your worries into paper airplanes….
….Turn them into flying fucks.

I went to a costume party at a bar, dressed as a tennis ball….
….I got served.

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Tell Me If You’ve Heard This One – II

Love English

I’ve been reading again, everything from the Dictionary, down to the laundry label on my jeans, and tea leaves. You will run into a very strange man – but it will just be the full-length mirror in the bathroom.

For no good reason, this is another list of a few more interesting but non-common words that have wheeled through the skateboard park that is my mind.

Bookworm

asseverate – to declare earnestly or solemnly, to affirm positively

brisance – the shattering power of high explosives

cavil – a trivial and irritating objection, to raise such an objection or to find fault unnecessarily

daubery – unskillful painting or work

eristic – someone who engages in disputation, a controversialist, a troll

farouche – fierce, unsociable, shy, sullen

glabella – the flat area of bone between the eyebrows

hie – to speed, to go in haste

illation – drawing a conclusion

jussive – expressing a mild command

kerf – a cut or incision made by a saw or other instrument

lepidote – covered with scales or scaly spots

marmoreal – of or like marble

nictitate – wink

orison – a prayer

picaresque – roguish

quondam – former

redintegrate – to make whole again

scandent – climbing (like a plant)

telluric – earthly, terrestrial – see also Tellurian

univocal – having only one possible meaning, unambiguous

vulnerary – useful for healing wounds

wedeling – a series of alternating turns made at high speed, especially skiing

xeric – relating to an environment containing or characterized by little moisture
the basis for the Xerox machine, which uses dry ink

yaffle – to speak vaguely, pointlessly and at considerable length

zymosis – an infectious or contagious disease
Placed on this list 6 months ago – long before COVID19