I was dreaming of being in a car and listening to the radio about a man who was a competitor in the Olympics as a figure skater. He was being interviewed by a male reporter regarding allegations that he put something in a drink mixture and offered the drink to other figure skaters. The drink decreased the performance of whoever drank it. The man claimed that he wasn’t doing anything wrong because he wasn’t taking any performance-enhancing drugs himself.

From the car, which was slowly moving forward throughout this interview, I could see a huge, gray, cement building where the interviewee was “hiding.” The building had no windows except at the very top and a few on the sides. People were climbing out of these pane-less windows as if they were escaping from a burning building. The building was tall (about 30-stories high?) and the dropping people fell into the cold, blue-gray ocean below. Some hit the side of the building as they fell, and I was sure that they must be severely injured or dead. I could not see the ocean, but guessed that its existence was real --- otherwise why were all the people so eager to jump from such a height? Some of the people hung on to yellow tethers as they lowered themselves from the windows before they let go. One man threw his daughter from a window.

I had a very long dream about my life. In this dream, Mom and Dad got married and Chudo and I were there, but Seri and Aiko were not. The overall theme was about how people change/show their true colors after getting married. Dad was a nice, “normal” person with Mom prior to getting married, and then turned into a very selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate man after getting married. Mom was very sad at first, and later she decided that things were going too far.

We lived in Japan in a Japanese-style house with a large, grass-covered yard. It was either breakfast or lunchtime. Mom, Chudo, and I started to eat our meal in a room, which opened to the yard. The view was great. The atmosphere was pleasant and quiet/peaceful. Dad set things up in the middle of the yard, so he could eat his meal “picnic” style. He put down two tatamis on the grass, covered it with a dark gray tarp, and placed a blanket on top of that. He also had 4 large blocks of something (wood?) on top of the blanket, which he used as a table to put his meal on.

Chudo asked Dad what was under the tarp. Dad replied, “tatami.” Chudo told that the moisture from the grass and the ground were not good for the tatami. Dad was not concerned. Chudo said more forcefully this time, that the tatamis should go on top of the tarp, not under it. Dad ignored Chudo and continued to eat. Chudo got mad and walked up to Dad and his setup. He forcefully rearranged things so that the tarp was on the grass, the 4 blocks were on top of that, the tatamis rested on top of the blocks, and the blanket covered the tatamis. Dad’s meal was placed on the blanket.

[Reading this made me sad because I haven’t done many of the things I planned to do.]

From today I am going to try doing the “morning pages” as described in “The Artists’ Way.” I woke up this morning when Kathy called. She wanted to know why I said I don’t want to go to Las Vegas with her and Jen. I explained that I haven’t been feeling well and that I expect to be feeling worse later (when the trip was planned). My energy level seems to be steadily going downhill. When spring comes around, I should be able to start to feel better. Kathy asked if It would be better if the trip was one day shorter. I said, “yes.” She told me that she really wanted me to go and may be I’ll feel better once I’m there. I agreed that may happen, but I’m worried about putting a damper on things if I’m too tired to go out. She said it’d be okay if I stayed I the hotel if I’m not feeling well, and she and Jen won’t change their plans because of it. So I agreed to go for 2 nights.

Today I plan to finally fill out the necessary forms for the COBRA health insurance, my exit interview, and medical bill reimbursements. Around 5:30pm, Soyoka should come over. We’ll study for an hour or so then head over to the Vallco Ice Chalet to skate. I need to sharpen my hockey skates before Sunday (1st class for ice hockey lessons). I’m looking forward to the skating.

If I finish all of the above, I’m going to clean my room some more and sketch Fishbone as he plays. [This is when I still thought Fishbone was a boy]

I wonder what the ice skating classes are going to be like. I’m so physically unfit right now! Sometimes I worry that I’m going to be so low on energy that I’m not going to be able to attend all of the lessons. I’m determined to go through with it. Also I would like to just exercise more, in general. It’s sad how quickly I run out of breath. I need to take things slowly at first. Don’t rush it. Be patient. Don’t try too many things at once.

Food—I need to eat better. Lately, I’ve been eating too much sweets and just eating larger servings at mealtime. It’s a good thing I like oatmeal and veggies.

Once my room is clean, it’d be cool to design Fishbone’s play area. I miss Pecha so much. Fishbone’s been good for my depression though. He’s quite fearless of people and smart. I’m very thankful he’s very good about not pooping or peeing when he’s out of the cage. It makes things so much easier.

Next quarter maybe I’ll sign up for 1-2 classes at De Anza. I was surprised to see so many new classes. Many of them seem like they’d be cery useful to me.

Oh, no. Christmas is coming around and I need to either design a card or go out and buy some. This year I’m determined to send out Christmas cards to my friends. I’ve neglected it for so long (3-5 years?). I wish I knew Cristina, Azmar, Justin, Rafeeza, Sarah, and Eli’s current addresses. I’ll send it to their parents if I know the address, I guess.

Do I need a more ritualized daily routine? Sleeping earlier at night is definitely a good idea. I don’t need to be up at the crack of down, but I need to be awake in the morning and take a walk in the park to start my day.