Tag Archives: pastry

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Dirty Fibbing Friday

This week Long, long ago, Di, at sparksfromacombustiblemind said that the Fibbing Friday is all about the food.  Do you believe her??  Pensitivity101 doesn’t.  Says she lies.

  1. Garlic is said to ward off [What]?

Door-to-door salesmen.  It works, too.  I’ve been eating the wife’s Italian food for half a century, and there’s no sign of them in my neighbourhood.  Although, I did recently see/hear a soft-serve ice cream truck near the daughter’s place.

  1. Man does not live by [What] alone?

Beer!  You need a shot of your favorite liquor dropped into the mug, to produce a Depth Charge, or Boilermaker.

  1. Fish isn’t everyone’s favorite, because ..?

Some of us still prefer to play Whist, Bridge, or Euchre, or even Uno with the grandkids.

  1. Eat more green and you’ll be lean and ?

Falling over from weakness.  Mankind did not struggle to get to the top of the food chain, to eat salads.  Salads are a promissory note that real food will arrive soon.  We’ll eat it with sautéed mushrooms and HP Steak Sauce.

  1. Over imbibing may invoke the hair of the [what] the next day?

A nude-nosed wombat – with you wondering how you managed to get into the zoo, and bring this thing home without getting bit.

  1. Revenge is a dish best served ?

To the asshole who screwed you over, now that you’ve devalued his crypto-currency, bankrupted his company, and have him working as your majordomo.

  1. Little Jack Horner stuck his thumb in a Christmas pie and pulled out?

But his girlfriend still insisted that she was enceinte.  And stop eating while we’re shagging!

  1. Raw fish is a delicacy when prepared as [What]?

Bait!  There’s a reason that God invented stoves.  Maybe we could convince the Japanese to use them in the 21st Century….  Or microwave ovens – they make ‘em.  Don’t they know how to run them?  😕

  1. An apple a day does what?

Puts you in jail if the cops find out you’ve been stealing them from the Internet Café.  Personally, I prefer PCs, but I guess some people like them.  Running one feels like having to learn Esperanto.

  1. Ice cream is best on a ?

Whim!  Quietly!  Don’t let the wife hear.

I’m going to have seconds, but I’ll be back, serving up something different on Monday.  😀

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Lying Around Again

Pinnochio

Here’s another chance to exercise your imagination muscles.  Take down the following questions.  Get some help from your friend Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, or Donald Trump, and compose some really inventive responses.  Mine are beneath the list – and beneath belief.

  1. What are Porkies, Chorkies and Morkies?
    2. Why did the Wicked Witch of the West melt?
    3. Will Smith said ‘I have got to get me one of these’. What was he referring to?
    4. Why aren’t dumb blondes quiet?
    5. Why do they call it ‘High Tea?’
    6. What makes a banana split?
    7. What happened when the Princess kissed the frog for a second time?
    8. What goes best on rhubarb?
    9. How is the best way to serve coffee?
    10. Why are rock buns so called?

Have fun (and fib away to your heart’s content!!)

1: They’re just words that the author of this list made up to confuse us…. Attention!  Breaking news!  Scientists have just discovered that they are pretentious breeds of dogs.  They are Yorkshire Terriers, crossed with Pekinese, Chihuahuas, and Maltese Terriers – all except the Porkies.

Porky Pig

They might alternatively be – a juvenile 1981 frat-boy movie, meat pies, hats which look like the pork pies, porcupines in the American South, chubby kids – or cartoon characters, and British rhyming slang for lies – pork pies = lies – which has oozed like toxic waste from Cockney London, 500 miles north to the border of Scotland, where they already have their own ridiculous slang.

2: Because she got a look at the waiter at the grandson’s recent wedding reception.  Two of the old-enough-to-be-ashamed women at the table were drooling – and not from the food.  The son said, “He doesn’t do anything for me.”  I replied, “He might, if you asked nicely.”

3: A wife who can do a media interview without revealing all their sexual secrets.  Open marriage, three-ways, sex toys, polyamory, which their just-18 daughter thought meant having a series of boyfriends, and went on social media to extol.  Surely Will has something that he can shove in her mouth to keep her quiet.

4: Dumb blondes are like black holes, if they didn’t make noise, you’d never see them.  A lot of it is just all that hot air leaking out of their heads.  When one of them walks into a room, it’s like two normal people walk out.

5: It’s a custom that began with the British Raj in India.  The tea was brewed with marijuana leaves added.  By the time they were finished, waiters were serving through second-story windows.  It’s why Swamis think that they can levitate.

6: The arrival of a hungry orangutan.

7: She acquired a socially acceptable excuse for those genital warts.

8: I put a bag of sheep manure on ours.  ….And boy, does it grow??!  Well, that’s what that orangutan swung down out of, looking for bananas.

9: Bow, say Yes Sir a lot, and grovel, hoping that, when Coffee gains dominion over the entire world, that you’ll be awarded a position where you’ll get money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

10: Suzanne Somers called them that when she and the little waiter used to exercise together, using the ThighMaster©, and the ButtMaster©.  He used to give her makeup tips.  For those of you like me, so old that you only vaguely remember sex, but remember lunch – twice – here’s a recipe for Rock Buns, a Scottish delicacy even more mouth-watering than deep-fried oatmeal.

It’s no lie that I’ll have something a little more serious to publish in a couple of days.  Don’t be late!  The meeting is called for 1:00 AM, EST.  I’ll do a reading, and then take up a collection.   😆