Tag Archives: Italian

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Natural Stupidity

A comic strip character recently complained, “Artificial Intelligence isn’t as smart as it thinks it is.”
The blog-site name of one of my regular visitors is INGLANDIO.  My squirrel brain can only look at that for so long, before I just have to know what it means.  Despite a similarity in spelling, I doubted that it had any reference to England.  First I plugged it into Bing, because it’s attached to MSN.CA, my home page.

Here are all the results for inguinal; did you only want results for inglandio?
YES! Click
Here are all the results for inguinal, did you only want results for inglandio?
GAAH!!

People who searched for inglandio also searched for:
ingenio
linguine
duolingo
why is England called Britain  (The other three I understand.  This one bemuses me.)

So I gave it to Google – and got exactly the same page of unhelpful stupidity.  😳  I decided to try Google-Translate.  I thought the word was probably Italian, but I’ve been fooled before, so I clicked on “Detect Language.”  Translating – from English – to English – meaning – inglandio.  There is no English word, “inglandio!”

I clicked Translate Italian to English, and was finally rewarded with, “I am going to swell.” which the same translation program, in reverse, tells me is, ”Mi gonfierò.”  That sure is swell.  Now I’m popping blood-pressure pills from a Pez dispenser.  What a ridiculous, useless, unlikely, definition, there is probably an idiomatic connotation for the word, or name, so, Mister Linguine Inglandio, if you hear someone tapping at your website’s back door, it’s just me, searching for meaning.

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I implored Mr. Inglandio to elucidate, and he was kind enough to put me out of his misery.  First, you just take twice the square root of the split infinitive of a word that does not exist.  You add in some verbiage to simulate action.  Then you divide by the number of nosy inquisitive readers who question it – ONE – unity – just me.  You get a genuine imitation word that not only convinces readers that you can do it, but that you can do it in English.  The biggest reason that both AI and I had trouble was that I managed to misspell it as Inglandio – rather than Ingliando.  Poor old new Artificial Intelligence – it never stood a chance.  I know the feeling.

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’21 A To Z Challenge – F


 

There is no “English Language!”

I tried to explain this to a reader, recently.  I don’t think that he understood – or believed me.  Every word in the English language came from somewhere else.  Some are just more obvious than others.  Take, for example, the word

FRANGIPANI

A flower of the tropical American tree or shrub, Plumeria rubra, of the dogbane family
The tree or shrub itself
A perfume prepared from or imitating the odor of the flower

The word is in every English dictionary – yet it is obviously Italian.   It entered the language circa 1860 – 65 from French, who spelled it frangipane – after Marquis Muzio Frangipani, a 16th-century Italian nobleman, the supposed inventor of the perfume.

The true, original meaning of the Signor Frangipani’s name is bread-breaker, as in, to break bread with others, a banquet-giver, a host, or merely, a good travelling companion – another Latin-based word which indicates togetherness, and bread.

Google’s translation department would have you believe that the word means bread-crusher – a totally different concept.

Stop back again in a couple of days, after you’ve had a sandwich that you tried to make by putting cold butter on fresh bread.  I’m going to try for a scratch-and-sniff post using Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop “This Candle Smells Like My Vagina.”   😯

goop x Heretic This Smells Like My Vagina Candle | Goop

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Flash Fiction #54

French cuisine

PHOTO PROMPT – © Kent Bonham

FRENCH CUISINE

He felt weak and empty.  He was hungry again.  He needed some nice warm, rich fluids to sustain him.

Customers at seafood restaurants got to choose their lobster, but his dining venue was somewhat different.  He had already picked a plump young bird for his next meal.  This Left Bank establishment was a bit New Age, but he’d enjoyed several selections from here.  He’d just wander in….

What??!  Garlic above the door?  He already had to avoid Italian restaurants.  He’d need to get a drink somewhere else tonight.  Damned humans!  How was a hungry vampire to get a decent meal?

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I hate vampire stories for the tween clichés they have become, but just couldn’t resist telling this one.  😉

Got to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

#473

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Flash Fiction #44

Deathtrap

© Lauren Moscato

Watch That First Step

“Dey say dissa new, Pope Frank”…..

“Pope Francis!  Avva sum respeck, eh!?”

“Dey say heeza nice guy, a manna da peepul. Dey say he goze owt onna street at night, anna help da homeless.”

“Uh huh!”

“He doan like da fancy cloze, an he doan stay at da Vatican.  He live in some ratty hotel.  Heeze ‘sposed ta wave at alla da peepul from da balcony at St. Peter Basilica.  What he gonna do when dey all show up outside hiz hotel window?”

“Doan wurry about dat.  I got sum material an toolz, an datz all bin tooken care of.

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

 

 

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Don’t Bet On It

How do you tell a Polish guy at a cockfight?  He’s the one with the duck.
How do you tell the Italian?  He’s the one betting on the duck.
How do you tell if the mafia is there?  The duck wins!

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Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

I’ll stop being Grumpy, if you’ll stop being Dopey.

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An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA, when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of “-ese” are you?” The Japanese, confused and replied, “Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”

The American repeated, “What kind of “-ese” are you?” Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yells, “What kind of –ese are you?? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc…” The Japanese then replied, “Oh, I’m Japanese!”

A while later, the Japanese turned to the American and asked, “What kind of “-key” are you?” The American, frustrated, yelled, “What you mean, what kind of “-key” I am?” The Japanese said, “Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?”

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A lawyer charging a high fee, a lawyer charging
a low fee and Santa Claus were seated around a
table in the center of which was $10,000.

The lights went off. When the lights came back
on the $10,000 was missing. Who took it????

Answer: The lawyer charging the high fee took it
because the other two are figments of your
imagination.

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How many lawyers does it take to
shingle a roof?

About 3 1/2 if you slice them thin enough.

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Rules Of Golf

 

  1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen’s balls, either with clubs or hands.
  2. All holes must be kept clean.
  3. Gentlemen making a hole in one shot must change partners for the second round.
  4. In getting down to short strokes, ladies are requested to remain quiet. This co-operation is appreciated by gentlemen players.
  5. In games where partners play with one ball only, the players must go off together on each tee.
  6. Where the lady player goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke, but continue the play.
  7. In cases where the lay is impossible, the lady has the privilege of choosing a new position.
  8. When the gentleman finds this is impossible, he may choose another lay, starting at least a club’s length from the hole.
  9. In an impossible lay, within six inches of the hole, the hands may be used.
  10. Married couples are requested not to meet on the links, but to choose other partners where possible.

Note:  While the management strives to improve the course in every way, it cannot be responsible for balls lost in the bush between certain holes.

 

Just a reminder about proper comportment for next spring’s games.  I know it’s been a while since I played around a round.