Last Year’s Fibbing Friday

These were our questions from Pensitivity101 last week.  How would you define these?

1.  Ackamarackus

That’s the advertising motto of the local greasy spoon diner.  The owner is still angry that “Finger Lickin’ Good” was already taken, because he doesn’t provide paper napkins.  At least he rejected, “Kelley’s Kitchen: Kleen As A Kowshed.”

2.  Anencephalous

These are the type of mosquitoes which cause malaria.  They are related to other bloodsuckers like the IRS, and Inland Revenue, which cause penuria.

3.  Antediluvian

She is my Father’s alcoholic sister, who believes in reiki, channeling and crystals.

4.  Accismus

That was Prince Chuckles’ failure to launch succeed to the throne, because his Mum was a better man than he was.

5.  Agelast

This is how you should fill out all official documents, name – address – telephone number – email address – sex (yes please) – and finally, a date of birth that hopefully does not begin with 18..

6.  Arabinose

It’s a Middle-Eastern cosmetic surgery clinic where they transplant camel snouts, because they’re smaller.

7.  Antimacassar

Being strongly opposed to Russia’s invasion of the Ukraine.

8.  Anagrammatic

Being like the local female drug dealer, who doesn’t touch the stuff, herself.

9.  Aichmophobia

It’s an ‘abit that certain regional Brits have, of failing to pronounce the 8th letter of the alphabet, when it begins a word.  Y’ve got Sparkle Markle, and self-imposed exile.  Are ya ‘appy, ‘arry??   😕

10.  Atrabilious

It’s what more than a few customers of Kelley’s Kitchen have become.  Even the cockroaches won’t eat there.

Flash Fiction #167

Taxes

PHOTO PROMPT © Yvette Prior

TAXING FREEDOM

Start your own business, they said.  Become an independent sub-contractor.  Be your own boss and answer to no-one.

It was a great idea, but this was a downside that the cube drones only had to worry about once a year, by April 15thHe had to calculate and pay his business taxes quarterly.

If he had a heart attack while filling in all these arcane forms, would the cause of death be listed as ‘acute bureaucratitis?’  He wondered if he could list the government as a dependent.

Another shot and a smoke, and he’d be filed by the midnight deadline.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers

Foul Language

Dictionary

Let’s face it — English is a crazy
language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren’t invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet,
are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we
explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings
are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but
fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce
and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of
booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one
moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make
amends, but not one amend, that you comb
through annals of history but not a
single annal? If you have a bunch of
odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat? If you
wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your
tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English
speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and
send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell? Park on driveways
and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites? How can overlook and
oversee be opposites, while quite a lot
and quite a few are alike? How can the
weather be hot as hell one day and cold
as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about
certain things only when they are absent?
Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or
a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or
experienced requited love? Have you ever
run into someone who was combobulated,
gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where
are all those people who ARE spring
chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in
which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of
course, isn’t a race at all). That is
why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are out,
they are invisible. And why, when I wind
up my watch, I start it, but when I wind
up this essay, I end it.

#499