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Friends

October 24, 2010 by tmw0618

It’s hard to find a good solid group of friends. People who will stick around forever and be there no matter what. As a closeted lesbian I had a lot of friends who I thought would always be there, and they were…..until I became an uncloseted lesbian. Now that I’m growing into who I want to be and I’m open with myself not to many people have stayed through the fire with me. D and I were discussing how we wanted more friends….to be specific more lesbian and gay friends. I am ready to go out and meet new people and get this on the ball. D, however, has had a little bit of an unsatisfactory track record with finding gay buddies. The last time she tried to reach out to someone they ended up pursuing her current girlfriend. I understand her fear completely but, what harm comes from trying? We could go to gay and lesbian parenting events or couples get togethers. Where I am employed offers a GLBT group that holds events and does fundraising. There is a whole world out there of normal non-homewrecking people, we could make this happen. Also, I need this. I need some outside source who understands “the gay” and can empathize wth any current situations I have. Mama needs a night out!

Who has some advice on finding a good solid group that we can call framily? 

Posted in "The Gay", Daily struggles | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

.Habits.

October 19, 2010 by tmw0618

There are good habits and bad habits right? Good habits are…..hold on don’t tell me……reading? I’ve decided I do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to smoke anymore. Sitting here on my lunch break I realize this is not as easy as it looks. Smoking fills up space and time, now, I’m going to need a new habit to fill in my time. Something has to take its place, fill it’s void. Maybe blogging everyday will help keep me pre occupied…..or reading…..maybe running? All of these thing combined? I think I can do this!

Positives: I will no longer smell like an ashtray
                 I will be able to breath again
                 I will be able to function through work for long periods of time.
                 I will be healthier.

Back to work!

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Life is to Short?

October 9, 2010 by tmw0618

I have not been speaking to my mother or any of my family for months now. My siblings are not the cause of this but they are affected. The lack of contact with them is killing me. I miss them so much. Is stubborness enough reason to let go of a family? One of my best qualities has been to forgive and let bygones be bygones. However unfortunate, I am trying to please everyone and my wife has been offended repeatedly by my mother. So on one hand I have to defend her and prove a point, on the other hand I know my mother and she will never change the way D wants her to. She never accepts the person I chose to be with and this is an ongoing stance she has taken. Its like she wants me to be under her thumb forever. Well that can’t happen, I’m an adult and I’m taking care of my family the best I can. I don’t have the time to come over and babysit her or run her around. I don’t have the money to give her. She expects to much from me. How do I go about getting my family back and keeping my home intact? I am so lost in this situation. I’m being torn.

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Yes!

September 2, 2010 by tmw0618

Sometimes, one hears something that gives one a sense of smug satisfaction. It is an “Aha moment”, an “I told you so”, an “I was right and you were wrong moment”. Not that I could ever imagine rubbing that type of thing in someones face. It gives me an introspective pleasure that I do not mind keeping to myself.

Now the real question is; Is that wrong?

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Change

August 31, 2010 by tmw0618

It’s not as if I do not like change per say. I think change is an integral part of becoming who you are meant to be. So why, pray tell, do I feel so out of sorts? I went from being a stay at home mother to a soldier, to a part time worker, to a single mother, to a full time business woman and a part time mother. It seems as if my life has been turned completely around. Do not mistake my words, I love my job. I love that I can support my family and take care of what needs to be taken care of. However, in my heart I feel like I’m negleting the emotional welfare of my kids. Currently I am going to school full time as well. Juggling home, work, and school is becoming harder and harder as the days wear on. I am grateful that I do not struggle like we used too. It is empowering to know I can make it on my own two feet as a woman with four kids. Some days, it’s as if I am looking into a glass ball. My family is on the inside and I am outside trying to keep the glass from breaking. But, I never really get to be in there with them anymore. I miss making tents in the living room and sailing off to the worlds only a childs mind could think of. Lying around on Sundays and reading to eachother or watching the “latest” kids movie. I miss being a full time mommy. Part of me feels like my kids do not belong to me anymore. We are nothing like we used to be. It is my fault.

It’s easy to adapt to change from the outside world, but when my home is changing I feel like I’ve stumbled into an abyss of unease.

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A small Post

August 28, 2010 by tmw0618

Usually I am all wordy and ready to write. So I made this as my second blog to use as a journal type blog. I want to share some important life changes and thoughts for people to comment on. I, however sad it is, have not been in a writing mood lately. I feel stressed to the max. Hopefully that changes by tonight. There is just so much going on right now.

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Hello world!

August 25, 2010 by tmw0618

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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