I assume you’re not gonna call back — trauma says, “Why would you? Don’t you see my flaws? Don’t you see my fears written out in flowers and bulbs?” Ballpoint pens do not lie like the rest of the world, like my mind hearing you say I am pretty, or I am adventurous, I am,Continue reading “Assumptions”
Category Archives: fear
Three Parts
I. Our hearts wide open on the sofa, in the den, we glide past memories and landscapes of lost wishes and dreams untouched– but oh, my dear, did you touch them! How far you ran! How far we traveled when home was right next door? I can only tell you so many times how muchContinue reading “Three Parts”
My Body, My Choice
Vinny chats me up as one can do in 8th grade (as boys can do in 8th grade), and says, “Girls look better with their hair down.” 10th grade: Allie tells me over pizza in a torn up, faux leather booth: “People think you’re really pretty.” “Take the bait,” they whisper. “We areContinue reading “My Body, My Choice”
Trees
My back is strong like a piece of bark it has its edges but it is stable, it stands tall– it is stillness and silence and me. These elements of control have never been my friend. Illusive fears of loosing a self that I had forged by lack of force the word loss–Continue reading “Trees”
All
It’s all about leaning forward. In the moments fear grabs your neck like a thief and you don’t know where you belong– the sky or the ground– realize that all we can do is lean into the moment. It’s all about being honest with yourself, about yourself. In the times joy cradles youContinue reading “All”
The Human Condition
Alone in my head how did this happen again? Afraid of myself more than anyone else afraid of my mind’s tricks like the devil part of me runs, part of me nourishes. External realities versus internal dimensionality my vulnerability got me everything good and everything bad trust my mind– it is strong, then flies outContinue reading “The Human Condition”
The Fight
I once thought of life as a screen. Shakespeare had his stage. Silverstein, some blue skin. Entirely hidden. A teardrop in a lake. We all have our moments. The daunting school hallway at ten. The basement party at twenty. The busy conference room at thirty. But I don’t want to hide. I don’t have anythingContinue reading “The Fight”
My Mind
At times, I feel nervous– nervous that it is stronger than me. * It can make any situation into a problem, labeling itself a “worry wart” (and who would ever want to be a wart?) this is my fear: * It will change my relationships it will tarnish my career it will make all the beautyContinue reading “My Mind”
Home
I’m not looking for The One. I suppose I’m just looking for the one I won’t get tired of. …… The number of betrays I have felt– they are buried down deep and it was not until I was ready enough to hold the shovel that I could dig them out and start to peekContinue reading “Home”
Washing Off Fear
Things that scare me: too much movement, not enough time, students failing classes, children falling in line to a code of conduct the state tends to copy from one generation to the next– why can’t they provide bandaids instead for the multitude of broken hearts and wings clipped off before they got to fly, myContinue reading “Washing Off Fear”
Reaching Joy 