The ottoman sits, four legged, brown bodied with flowers sewn in pink and gold, green leaves trailing off the edges. I’ve seen it every day, this quarantine. Next to it, the refrigerator stands silver, tall, certain — more spacious than we could have bet on for a three bedroom in Brooklyn — humanized withContinue reading “The Kitchen”
Category Archives: feeling
Shame
It’s difficult to look myself directly in the eyes — for fear of what I’ll see in them. Fear? Or his brother, shame. Yes, I’ll see him sitting in there, one leg dangling out of each socket. “Look at what an anxious fool you let yourself become!” he says, patiently, all-knowingly. I walk around withContinue reading “Shame”
Q-tips
Q-tips feel good when I scratch inside my ear, try to find what’s living in there. Is it guilt for being “the golden child,” my sister running away to the Hewitt playground because of the dark shadow behind me? Maybe it’s associations, trauma, changing the narrative as a practice, taking gentle effort, taking time?Continue reading “Q-tips”
2020
Is time part of the game? Capital in, capital out, nothing in the middle? No room for humanity, No room for boredom; No room for shame as I sit, anxious, chatting with friends, one part future, one part ashamed of the anxiety itself. Tell me why all this money matters more thanContinue reading “2020”
Sun
You are a star in a sky I have not seen, you are a drop of rain in a hundred deserts and desserts because walking in the rain can be fun with ice cream and an umbrella, no? Your voice plants bits of light under my skin, your slender frame and well-styled hair have meContinue reading “Sun”
Assumptions
I assume you’re not gonna call back — trauma says, “Why would you? Don’t you see my flaws? Don’t you see my fears written out in flowers and bulbs?” Ballpoint pens do not lie like the rest of the world, like my mind hearing you say I am pretty, or I am adventurous, I am,Continue reading “Assumptions”
Fallen
She’ll be perfect for you– I know, Jo invited me. I’ll be standing next to you but not close enough, holding onto false hopes but no real dreams, only “but’s.” Your friend will be in the corner, mine in California remembering New York’s flaws and I’ll say “fuck you” because I’m from here– don’t youContinue reading “Fallen”
Oh, heart
How many ways can a heart break? How many ways can it be seen? It’s different than being watched– that’s what they teach us (that’s what I’ve learned, anyway). They are watching me, all of them: walking, sitting, eating, drinking, readying themselves to be the same animal I am. But they don’tContinue reading “Oh, heart”
Rebel
Lets celebrate the gift that has been lent to me– let us remember that thought is unnecessary unless there is a problem…and there is no problem here. The curves and edges of elbows and shoulders and thighs and necks swooped over the sides of balconies, either wishing for a way out or a way intoContinue reading “Rebel”
Anxiety
When you open up about it I’m not promising it will be easy. . When the air becomes thick like white cream cheese and you can’t simply scrape off the edges with a knife you wonder who else is feeling this way? . I thought my mother did; but she said, “What I’m feeling isContinue reading “Anxiety”
Reaching Joy 