The first rule of Thesaurus Club is that you do not….
…. talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.

An obese psychic is….
….a four-chin teller

My momma didn’t raise no fool….
….but if she did, it was my brother

It was so much more fun being 20 in the 70s….
….than being 70 in the 20s.

Today I accidently locked my coat hanger in my car….
….Fortunately, I had my keys.

Acting perfect in church….
….is like dressing up for an X-ray

For musicians who want a perfect sound….
….Stay tuned.

A meeting without food….
….should be an email.

Any stairway can be a stairway to Heaven….
….if you’re clumsy enough.

If I agreed with you….
….we’d both be wrong.

Someone stole all my limbo trophies….
….How low can you go?

I don’t have the faintest idea….
….why I passed out.

All the excitement about an eclipse….
….seems pretty shady to me.

The only substitute for good manners….
….is fast reflexes.

I wish I was full of tacos….
….instead of emotions.

Wind chimes are….
….a sound investment.

Don’t fly Virgin Atlantic Airlines….
….They never go all the way.