Tag Archives: crazy

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Ask – And You Will Be Answered

Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

A Friend – Am I as crazy as I believe you think I am??!
We did not become friends so that you could get free psychotherapy.  Swallow the meds that you can take with alcohol, and break us each out a tall-can of that good, dark ale.  After a few of those, we’ll know which one – or both – of us is crazy…. But it won’t matter.

Another Blogger – Can I ask you a few questions?
Uh…. Possibly….  What questions?
Damned if I know!  I’m just supposed to interview someone.  The prompt didn’t say what it was supposed to be about.  A lot of times, I just question myself.  Sometimes I have answers.  Sometimes I don’t.  Are zebras white, with black stripes – or black, with white stripes??  If a centipede a pint, and a velocipede a quart, how much would a precipice??!

Your Mother – Mom, I’d like to ask you some questions. Mom??  Mommm??!….  I don’t think this Ouija Board thing is working.  Do I have to move it nearer to the cemetery?  I wonder what their Wi-Fi password is.

The Mailman – Can I ask you a few questions about your job?  How did you become a postman?  How big is your bag??  Do you like your job?  What is the greatest benefit, and disadvantage?
ALL INQUIRIES ABOUT CANADA POSTAL SERVICE MUST BE MADE IN TRIPLICATE – ONE QUESTION PER ENVELOPE, BY REGISTERED MAIL.  EACH SUBMISSION MUST BE ACCOMPANIED WITH A $25 CERTIFIED CHEQUE – MAIL TO CANADA POST 199 OVERLOOK AVE, OTTAWA, ON.  QUESTIONS MAY ALSO BE SUBMITTED ONLINE @ canadapost.fu/disdain  PLEASE HAVE VALID VISA, MASTERCARD OR DEBIT HANDY

No wonder I talk to myself.  I’m the smartest guy in the room.  Speaking of which…. Could somebody let me out??  This canvas jacket is beginning to chafe.  😮

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Wifely One-Liners

My wife still hasn’t told me….
….what my New Year’s resolutions are.

She asked if she could have a little quiet while she made dinner….
….so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

I had a vasectomy so that my wife wouldn’t get pregnant….
….All it did though, was change the color of the baby.

I told my wife that my Mom was deaf, so speak loud and slow….
…..then I told my Mom that the wife had something wrong with her.

Without my loving wife….
….I would have no clue of all the things I do wrong.

A lethal dose of something….
….is also a lifetime supply.

What do you call fancy profanity?….
….Cursive.

I don’t use profanity….
….I speak trucker, with a sailor accent.

Beer does not make you fat….
….It makes you lean – against things.

I wonder if people look both ways….
….before they get on my F#@king nerves.

Lead me not into temptation….
….Who am I kidding??  Follow me.  I know a shortcut.

I actually prefer tinnitus….
….to Christmas music.

I’m in an abusive relationship….
….with the cost of living.

My mind thinks I’m 25….
….My body thinks I’m an idiot.

LIFE….
….Not as fun as advertised – 3/10 rating – Proceed with caution.

People say that I act like I don’t give a shit….
….I’m not acting.

You have to pay some people to be good….
….Not me!  I’m good-for-nothing.

There are two kinds of people….
….1.  Morning people 2. People like me, who want to slap morning people.

It’s just a matter of time till they add….
….the word SYNDROME after my name.

Name a book that made you cry….
….Algebra.

No need to drive me crazy….
….I can walk from here.

In our family, we don’t hide crazy….
….We put it on the porch and give it a beer.

😀