gather & create… That’s the next online workshop I just signed up!!! And I am very excited!
Gillian Lee Smith
Unearth…
Vulnerable
filling the cracks
It’s only since last September that I started to seriously experiment with art, create, play and lose myself in the magical sphere of creative expression. I dedicated a room, proudly calling it my studio. I bought decent acrylic paints… heaps of it. I started with a tiny easel, portable and light, which became too little. My husband then made me a strong easel and an art table. I created that space, knowing very deep that I was going to dive into it…
it?
ART! ART! ART!
Creating, painting, drawing, trying things, learning, copying, stealing ideas, experimenting, mixing things, getting frustrated but persevering, trying new things, getting more frustrated, despairing, finding hope, feeling joyful, and learning new skills of course in the process… but also learning to go deeper, to get closer to the cracks, to just be near them without being overwhelmed.
We were reflecting on what this did to my soul… What art does to us…
We all have some cracks in our heart, in our soul. Some hidden pain, some weird shapes, stain of darkness, that remain there…despite the years and the healing work. Childhood wounding, trauma, or simple process of growing up within a family! I know my cracks; and really thought that I would stay ‘this way’ for my entire life.
Creating art fills the cracks…
it’s like going deep into your heart, checking those cracks, taming them and then working with the blank space, as the negative space in art, by using it as a real tool to make your drawing or painting stronger; with highlights and shades and black! After a while, it seems that the cracks, still present, are filled… the empty spaces that you were aware in the past aren’t empty anymore. The things you so wanted to comprehend are at peace somehow!
This image below came to my mind while writing this. Filling the cracks with gold. One of those things that art does.
image via Pinterest
Happy Sunday Lovely People!
in a tunnel
What do you do when you find yourself in the tunnel with no head-light? it’s dark. you try to yell and can only hear your own echo… and while in the dark, how do you keep going? you don’t even know which direction you are going. Should you go back?
I came across several clients this week who were in so much despair, feeling hopeless, betrayed by the system, a relationship, or their own judgment, that it was overwhelming for me to sit there listening to their stories. How not to?
So what do you do when you have lost your children? lost your job and the roof over your head? lost all sense of direction and ground under your feet. All you knew or thought yours has disappeared. What that challenge is doing is not only apparent around you. It deeply impact your sense of self, kind of destroys it. All you have once been, is now gone. The memory of this previous life or self seem not yours anymore; or the thought of it is just too painful.
I have to write about this. It’s bugging me.
People going through hardship of that kind are not asking for help. When they enter the room and sit, they wonder why they are here; and while they wonder, they unconsciously hope that someone will listen. Consciously they know no-one will, but a glimpse of hope remain without them knowing. It’s called survival.
My role is to be with them, hold their pain and despair while their describe their lost life. Just to be with them. Listening, holding the space for them, holding the silence, the tears, the gaze; and the shame. Not only of course. But that is clearly the start.
I feel weary afterwards, overwhelmed, teary. And even though I judge myself for not being strong enough or for not having accomplished anything, I also know that I’ve done a good job, that what I offered was, as little as it was, somehow enough. That this woman or this man left with feeling a bit more as themselves. It’s more than feeling heard. They know that I saw them, they felt it.
…and this is like a tiny little light in the middle of the tunnel.
a spark
Being part of the helping profession is of great reward. Not always. But at times, you can come across little sparks which give you goose pumps. You know, when you are in that special moment, that something very unique has just happened in front of your eyes, with the help of your guidance or presence. This can be simple, tiny, almost insignificant. And yet, the person in front you touches a crucial part of their own soul at that instant. They’ve become their own friend or self lover again. Their understanding of their inner self has become larger. or clearer. And the river starts flowing again…
I had two sparkly moments this week, in two different occasions, and felt humbled and grateful, re-enforcing why I do what I do.
Such a gift!
A process
The creative process is such an interesting one, certainly not a linear one…
Layers after layers, things keep appearing…
And disappearing.
With finally a sense of direction (after so many despairing moments). I sort of knew where it was going, without knowing at all!
As I’m trying to describe this process for this post, I find it difficult to put in sentence a five-week exercise of acrylic painting. Words aren’t the best option to describe the emotions in relation to creative expression.
Certainly my soul understood!
about love, desire…
and erotic intelligence ! beautiful TED talk!
Processing
Hello there, it’s been a while!! How are you all? How are the seasons where you are? Can you smell a change in the air? Have you seen the magnolia blossoming yet? I so miss them…
I miss reflecting at loud on my keyboard too!! I have clearly neglected my blog… but life gets in the way!
and art;
and moods as well…
I am realising about my loneliness. It’s been more than six months now that I have started my job in Darwin. Settled as we are. Things are rolling. Shouldn’t they?
I suppose it’s when things settle that feelings start coming back to a surface… stirring the so-called settled happy self!!!
well..this is where I am right now. and I am trying to stay quiet about it, to see what will emerge. Listen carefully, I say to my inner self… I hear whispering…
Don’t get me wrong. I love being alone. This, to me, is the dream. Not having to worry about anyone…in the studio or in my thoughts. But when the time comes, it’s good to feel close again.
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
― Anaïs Nin
Bloomin’ good
I have booked myself to a five week painting online class with Flora Bowley!!
I AM SO EX-CI-TED!
I have booked this course a while ago… and it took me that long to tell my news at loud.
Felt unworthy or not talented enough, this is a mistake, I won’t have time with my job! and so on…
I have shut those voices up to only let the excitement and anticipation of the new learning ahead be.
Gift to myself, because, simply, I am enough!
and here, some snapshots of my last creation…
One Year
One year of blogging!! what an amazing year.. Thank you all… This blog has been good for me… It has challenged my thinking, fed my creativity, and pushed me to be braver…
Here is a TED video from the marvelous Ken Robinson
and heard in another TED Talks from Tim Brown ‘…We fear the judgment of our peers and we are embarrassed to share our ideas…’
The lesson, after a year of blogging… S h a k e the fear of judgment, let go the embarrassment, Be BRAVE and DARE GREATLY, stop comparing yourself, J u m p …because it is so much F U N . . .
seen on the gorgeous blog of the even more gorgeous Jessica Swift…another inspiring woman!http://www.jessicaswift.com/_blog/treasuring
Climbing the mountain
or how to (not) be (so) lost in migration!
I am happy! It doesn’t happen easily to me… but at the moment, I am happy. It could last only a few hours but I am hoping it will stay with me longer. I am hoping that the learned lessons are really integrated and that Happiness is the way. But I also know that wobbliness alongside doubtful thoughts are just behind the corner… It’s called life;) So how do I stay solid and grounded, ready for the next storm? I am not sure..
But I have some ideas…
I have a home again. A house that feels home, with all my things around. With some love and colors on the walls. When I look around, I feel content. I have arrived. As we have recently re-settled in Darwin, these feelings could be simply relating to the end of our relocation from Queensland to the Northern Territory. Having a home is for me definitely one of the key that leads to happiness. Or contentment. It is a bit like coming back to the self. My heart sing and dance and laughs all at once!
I sense there is more to that.. The yearning of a home has been present for a long time. Migrating in another country is a lengthy process of adaptation, with many ups and downs. And while I’m writing this post, I realize that I am now on the other side. It’s been almost four years now that I’ve left New Zealand. It was such a difficult process for me, where I didn’t want to leave the life I had created there. My dear friends. A sense of direction and meaning. And the nurturing beauty of that land that had welcomed me and saw my rebirth.
What I mean by being on the other side is that I think I’ve made it. I climbed the hardest part and am now on the other side. Migrating in another country is like climbing a mountain. Even well equipped and trained, despite a strong desire and a heart full of hope, it will be a difficult climb. And the only thing that helps is time. It is somehow a grieving process…
There is no easy recipe here. To help a grieving process, you simply grieve. In other words and similarly, to help an adaptation process when you migrate in another country, you adapt. You learn about that extra bit of patience that is required from you and that you cannot find anymore. You wait patiently for months and months, while this strange feeling of being an alien, an outsider from everywhere you look, in everyone’s eyes who look at you, keeps creeping at your legs, at your heart, in your mind. You sit there patiently, with your doubts and your misunderstandings, with your broken hopes. And you wonder if you had made the right decision back then. These feelings can accompany you for some time. You will learn about your very own limits. All of them probably. These stages of adaptation can be extremely challenging. It is like loosing your identity, your sense of self. You’ve lost your ground. Everywhere you look is foreign, feels cold. Loneliness is your coat.
It is quite a debilitating experience. And the only advice I would give is make sure you get some help. Don’t wait too long (as I did). Feeling heard, understood and guided is needed during such a lonely experience. Hearing that the way I was feeling was somehow normal reassured me immensely. It offered me a new ground to build on.
Thank you Jacqui!
Part of my pile of books near my bed, is this little book called Just One Thing by Rick Hanson. Little book of wisdom (and practices) to tap into any time. In the intro, it says:
There are three fundamental phases to psychological and spiritual growth: Being with difficult material (e.g. old wounds, anger); Releasing it; and Replacing it with something more beneficial.
To be with it. To let go and to let in. Good advice;)
sur le chemin du zigodor 