meditation
I stand here, present to my feet,
my bones, my spine, holding me.
I stand here, present to my heart,
the blood going through my veins like rivers.
Outside the rain is battling the roof;
I stand here present to my mind,
the thoughts and the hopes,
the melancholy running like a river.
the sound of the rain resonating in my heart.
I stand tall in the storm of my mind.
This inspired me to create this mixed media piece on paper…
It is often when you feel strong(er) or grounded, pretty sure that you’ve now attained stability and happiness that, all of sudden, you get swept and shaken by stronger winds, a storm that you didn’t see coming.
It must be for a reason, right? but when it happens, the new storm irritates me immensely as my quiet stability was just a delightful comfort.
And it sounds or feels familiar too! because it always happens! it always comes back. This emotional or psychological challenge knocking to our door.
We are here to expand and stretch and learn more. Yes! Clearly there is not much interest in stagnation. Yes! But how do we keep direction? How do we know for sure that we will survive…this time?
I guess we don’t. we won’t know.
We need to get lost again, in order to go deeper; or higher depending on the image you prefer. Is this a rule? I’m not sure. I only know that’s how it has worked for me. And even though I feel confronted by what is required from me, I am reassured that what I have built until today is solid.
Well… I hope so anyway…
I had an osteopathic session today… My osteopath is an incredible therapist. He works holistically and intuitively. This is the second time I find someone like this. And because he is not a psychologist, he drops little bomb and then keeps working on my body. He goes like this… “your heart chakra seems quite closed. What’s the problem? do you feel unloved or something?”…… hum…yes…no! not really! I’m quite good actually, thank you!”
The thing is though…the body never lies; and the body-work (and my desire to expand) always helps to engage or embrace this challenge.
So I’m here, exhausted by this osteopathic/therapeutic session…and wondering if the tide is coming in or going out. While wondering, might as well take some picture of the view.
I’m still laughing!! I found this video on Martha Crawford’s blog http://whatashrinkthinks.com/
I might try this technique with my clients!!
What is it that will make a difference for growth to happen?
what will it take to let go of the grievance? the bitterness? the hope for revenge?
and at what cost? what about the children??
will you be able to forgive? to put aside the hurt?
How?
These are my thoughts today… while working on enhancing a program destined to parents who have separated, and trying to find the punchy argument that will make them realising the impact they have on their children, when in conflict with an ex-partner.
and while reading great research articles on the matter, I realised that without that very unique component that is emotional intelligence, not much can happen…
So what is it? emotional intelligence? where can I learn some more?? Some say it is innate, others say we can learn it… and if so, can we learn it while in conflict with an ex?? I doubt. However I want, or I need to remain hopeful (I am an educator after all) as I know the damages some parents inculcate to their children. This ability to perceive, understand and even control emotions is a subtle but powerful one. And if it is innate, is there another option to help people going through separation to open their eyes and to de-center themselves, for the sake of their children? And if we can learn EI, how do we foster and encourage it? Not sure what the answers are…
for some further reading, check: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives by Joan B. Kelly and Robert E. Emery (Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352-362)
How I love when work meets creativity… while reading some paper at work, I came across some interesting comments from Winnicott about creativity. He said: ..‘creative living involves, in every detail of its experience, a philosophical dilemma – because, in fact, in our sanity we only create what we find’. He continues…‘such creativity – whether artistic, religious, or scientific – is the doing that arises out of being’.
Winnicott’s concept of Transitional Space is about bridging our inner world, the sacred space within self, including the world of fantasy and the outside world, full of stuff and people.
Art does that.
Read the full article ‘The Nature of the ‘In-Between’ in D.W. Winnicott’s Concept of Transitional Space and in Martin Buber’s das Zwischenmenschliche’ ‘ by Laura Praglin here.
What do you do when you find yourself in the tunnel with no head-light? it’s dark. you try to yell and can only hear your own echo… and while in the dark, how do you keep going? you don’t even know which direction you are going. Should you go back?
I came across several clients this week who were in so much despair, feeling hopeless, betrayed by the system, a relationship, or their own judgment, that it was overwhelming for me to sit there listening to their stories. How not to?
So what do you do when you have lost your children? lost your job and the roof over your head? lost all sense of direction and ground under your feet. All you knew or thought yours has disappeared. What that challenge is doing is not only apparent around you. It deeply impact your sense of self, kind of destroys it. All you have once been, is now gone. The memory of this previous life or self seem not yours anymore; or the thought of it is just too painful.
I have to write about this. It’s bugging me.
People going through hardship of that kind are not asking for help. When they enter the room and sit, they wonder why they are here; and while they wonder, they unconsciously hope that someone will listen. Consciously they know no-one will, but a glimpse of hope remain without them knowing. It’s called survival.
My role is to be with them, hold their pain and despair while their describe their lost life. Just to be with them. Listening, holding the space for them, holding the silence, the tears, the gaze; and the shame. Not only of course. But that is clearly the start.
I feel weary afterwards, overwhelmed, teary. And even though I judge myself for not being strong enough or for not having accomplished anything, I also know that I’ve done a good job, that what I offered was, as little as it was, somehow enough. That this woman or this man left with feeling a bit more as themselves. It’s more than feeling heard. They know that I saw them, they felt it.
…and this is like a tiny little light in the middle of the tunnel.
Being part of the helping profession is of great reward. Not always. But at times, you can come across little sparks which give you goose pumps. You know, when you are in that special moment, that something very unique has just happened in front of your eyes, with the help of your guidance or presence. This can be simple, tiny, almost insignificant. And yet, the person in front you touches a crucial part of their own soul at that instant. They’ve become their own friend or self lover again. Their understanding of their inner self has become larger. or clearer. And the river starts flowing again…
I had two sparkly moments this week, in two different occasions, and felt humbled and grateful, re-enforcing why I do what I do.
Such a gift!
or how to (not) be (so) lost in migration!
I am happy! It doesn’t happen easily to me… but at the moment, I am happy. It could last only a few hours but I am hoping it will stay with me longer. I am hoping that the learned lessons are really integrated and that Happiness is the way. But I also know that wobbliness alongside doubtful thoughts are just behind the corner… It’s called life;) So how do I stay solid and grounded, ready for the next storm? I am not sure..
But I have some ideas…
I have a home again. A house that feels home, with all my things around. With some love and colors on the walls. When I look around, I feel content. I have arrived. As we have recently re-settled in Darwin, these feelings could be simply relating to the end of our relocation from Queensland to the Northern Territory. Having a home is for me definitely one of the key that leads to happiness. Or contentment. It is a bit like coming back to the self. My heart sing and dance and laughs all at once!
I sense there is more to that.. The yearning of a home has been present for a long time. Migrating in another country is a lengthy process of adaptation, with many ups and downs. And while I’m writing this post, I realize that I am now on the other side. It’s been almost four years now that I’ve left New Zealand. It was such a difficult process for me, where I didn’t want to leave the life I had created there. My dear friends. A sense of direction and meaning. And the nurturing beauty of that land that had welcomed me and saw my rebirth.
What I mean by being on the other side is that I think I’ve made it. I climbed the hardest part and am now on the other side. Migrating in another country is like climbing a mountain. Even well equipped and trained, despite a strong desire and a heart full of hope, it will be a difficult climb. And the only thing that helps is time. It is somehow a grieving process…
There is no easy recipe here. To help a grieving process, you simply grieve. In other words and similarly, to help an adaptation process when you migrate in another country, you adapt. You learn about that extra bit of patience that is required from you and that you cannot find anymore. You wait patiently for months and months, while this strange feeling of being an alien, an outsider from everywhere you look, in everyone’s eyes who look at you, keeps creeping at your legs, at your heart, in your mind. You sit there patiently, with your doubts and your misunderstandings, with your broken hopes. And you wonder if you had made the right decision back then. These feelings can accompany you for some time. You will learn about your very own limits. All of them probably. These stages of adaptation can be extremely challenging. It is like loosing your identity, your sense of self. You’ve lost your ground. Everywhere you look is foreign, feels cold. Loneliness is your coat.
It is quite a debilitating experience. And the only advice I would give is make sure you get some help. Don’t wait too long (as I did). Feeling heard, understood and guided is needed during such a lonely experience. Hearing that the way I was feeling was somehow normal reassured me immensely. It offered me a new ground to build on.
Thank you Jacqui!
Part of my pile of books near my bed, is this little book called Just One Thing by Rick Hanson. Little book of wisdom (and practices) to tap into any time. In the intro, it says:
There are three fundamental phases to psychological and spiritual growth: Being with difficult material (e.g. old wounds, anger); Releasing it; and Replacing it with something more beneficial.
To be with it. To let go and to let in. Good advice;)
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