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Happy birthday to my blog!!
2 years that we’ve traveled together!!
It has been a wonderful companionship and learning experience…

But more, it helps me to keep myself in the flow; whether straight and strong, vulnerable or raw, but at least connected.
with myself. and with others, with old friends across the world, with my family, and with new friends that I haven’t met (yet)…

It challenges me to take things further or deeper; it stimulates me to get more creative in my expressions..to step out of my comfit zone; it allows me to be me, to show up in various ways…

Sure there are times where I’d like to turn it off, unable to see any meaning to this virtual sharing world…unable to keep up between my full time job, my yearning to learn about art and creative expression, the books I want to read and life… life to live… the blog falls behind a bit I must admit!
but that kind of thought doesn’t last too long…I have built I think a bit of a relationship with this blog now…some sort of attachment to it I suppose.

So there I am, happy to be here with you and will continue to do so…
at my own pace
with my whole heart!
Happy birthday dear blog…

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To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Monkey mind

I didn’t write much for quite some time… Not that I don’t have anything to say… probably the opposite in fact. So much is happening in my mind and in my heart that there is no room for else…

No straight thoughts. Nor calming. Just an enormous flow of mixed feelings. Excitement. Fear. Doubt. Joy. Anticipation. Hope. And so on..It’s mad! The monkey is crazy!

Only a few days now before our departure into the wild.. Have you seen the movie “Into the Wild”? Well..our adventure won’t be the same kind of cut-loose from society portrayed in this amazing movie. But it will be about (re-)connecting with our soul, with ourselves, connecting with the land, discussing with it in a different language.  I am looking foward to be far away, to be isolated and looking at the big big sky… to be in the desert or on a different beach with a different ocean..

Until then, I will feel a little bit crazy..

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Check this out… on Radio National this week.

Monkey Mind

http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/rn/podcast/2013/04/aim_20130421.mp3

Anxiety is an essential human emotion but it’s important to distinguish between normal day to day worry and an actual anxiety disorder. It can manifest in a range of forms including obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, social anxiety and panic attacks. New Yorker Daniel Smith has lived with chronic anxiety, or his ‘Monkey Mind’,  for most of his life and says it’s the only mental disorder which can be both excruciatingly painful and funny at the same time. Hear about what eventually helped him manage his intense worrying.

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/monkey-mind/4617718

Attached

It’s when we leave that we realize how much we are attached. I left my job last Friday. I was dreading this moment as I knew it would be difficult to say good bye. It was not about my job there, it was all about people. So my last day was quite emotional. I didn’t feel for leaving anymore. I just wanted to stay there and get back into my routine. We know it’s not true. I am ready to go. But I am reflecting today on how much this time here means to me. And how important friends are to my heart.

So my friends, thank you for making me welcome in your hearts, thank you for sharing your stories, for listening to mine, thank you for grabbing my hand, thank you for pushing me further, showing me another way. I am grateful of you being part of my life. Me part of yours. As I prepare to leave on a new adventure, I will take you with me.

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Quest as life

It’s not easy to embrace life fully. Think about it. We grow up through childhood and teenage years without knowing what life is about, and become adult with hopes and dreams, still ignorant for most of us what life means.We live those early years of life without much awareness. And then we start waking up slowly. We learn lessons, gain some wisdom, get hurt, experience various joy, success and disappointment, try to figure out directions and meanings. Things, people and experiences will change us, define us, modify our direction and our goals. We will get lost or find ourselves, fall in love, leave, come back to our roots, leave again. And so on. Beautiful and endless learning.

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So how do we fulfill our destiny through the path we choose? How do we know that we are doing the right thing for self, for our soul? How do we know we are on the right track? How many of us will find their passion? How many of us will flourish? How many will walk straight with their purpose in mind? How many of us will settle for less or give up their quest?

This is an enormous task put on our shoulders..and yet, the most amazing adventure if we decide to embrace life fully and consciously.

Thankfully we will cross path with this inspiring teacher or that amazing book. We will discover a bit of the mystery of life on a corner of a road. But still, life will remain mysterious and complex. And also, at a practical level, quite demanding.

At 42, I know I am on my path. I have no doubt about it and this brings reassurance to me through moments of doubts and fear like now! I do remember a time where I embarked in someone else’s path. It didn’t feel right. You know when it happens. This one is mine. But I am still wondering…

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Perhaps the quest is the purpose..