________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:
________________________

Hey everyone hope your week's been well.

I had the best dream of my life last night.

I dreamed I was invited to host SNL. We did a couple sketches that were basically a parade of early 2000s throwback memes, they let me do Weekend Update, and the musical guest was Rick Astley, reprising his Choir Choir Choir appearance in Toronto with the entire crowd joining in as backup singers. Btw if you haven't seen that 2018 Rick Astley video, you must - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJRsWJqDjFE music starts at 1:00 if you want to jump straight to it.  And check out the rest of their channel. There are some real gems on there.

I don't remember most of my dreams. I woke up strangely euphoric. That one will probably never be topped.

I'm pretty sure it came from a conversation I had a few days ago. A friend's mom thanked me for somehow keeping Fark the wonderful place it is all these years while the rest of the Internet turned to crap. She has a TotalFark account but says she never posts, she wants to support whatever all this is because it's a special and unique place. Remember when it seemed like the entire Internet was like this?

There's a lot of nostalgia for what Fark still is. Keeping this small corner of the Dead Internet alive until everyone else figures out this is what they want again. The kids want this too, and I mean literally the kids, my kids love this place. The oldest two are in college, the youngest will be too after next year. It's been fun telling their friends about Fark, then showing them and watching them scroll through with delight. It reminds me to do something I keep forgetting to do myself: share this place with your friends and on your socials.  Remind the folks who wandered away it's time to wander back. And show the kids because they've never seen a real online community in their lives, only randos shouting at each other for likes. They've never seen an alternative to that. That's Fark.

Thanks for helping to keep this place and this vibe alive. Fark won't make it through the rest of the year on ad revenue, tl;dr check previous NNLs for the deep dive. The good news is there are far more regular readers who haven't subscribed to TotalFark than we'd ever need to sign up to keep Fark going forever. As in 99% of all Farkers don't have TF. Let's go guys, I'm trying to avoid a Save Toby the bunny situation here. IYKYK. Anyhow, this is why I'm not worried, we can make it. But you have to move on this - soon. Today if possible.

No livestream this week due to prior commitments.  However If you missed last week, it'll be up forever on youtube.com/@farkdotcom, with shorter clips if you want bite sized versions also.
________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________

Top Comments
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week.
If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline.
(The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.)

Funny:
- Squid_for_Brains: "Anyway, I'm glad that poor rug found a home. I thought it was dead to us forever."
- MusicMakeMyHeadPound knows you aren't getting delivery in that house.
- Effery Jepstein highlighted this island home's bikeability rating.
- jbc noted touchdown being scheduled for rush hour.
- foo monkey joked about maintenance medications.

Smart:
- whither_apophis knows how Ford used to get around foreign cars being better.
- jbc thinks there'd still be a market for non-Chinese EVs.
- koder: "It's actual weakness to then lie about it to seem more manly and then worse: get caught in the lie."
- RodneyToady thinks this study was biased by who picks up the phone.
- DarkSoulNoHope explained big reasons behind people's dislike of AI.
- EvilEgg knows these photos were taken in the very narrow gap where the house is livable.
- aungen: "I may do other things I can't talk about, but I am really glad I can say I'm a very big part of this rocket and mission."


Politics
Politics Funny:
- Ivo Shandor highlighted a growing meme that everything Vance touches dies.
- Xanlexian captioned the AI photo of TFG.

Politics Smart:
- Kalyco Jack highlights a lesson from Hungary voting out their own horrible leader.
- Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste explained why people are so happy about Orban being voted out. Besides the obvious.
- mattj1984 realized long ago that the church never applies the 'antichrist' title to people who deserve it.
- Raslanl: "lmao - does Trump not realize that none of these things is the pope responsible for?"
- iheartscotch explained why immigrants are positive for the economy.
- log_jammin unearthed a statement about the restaurant industry's reliance on immigrants.


Monkey's Pick
I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes.
Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics.

Smart:
- rmyoung87 remembered why Asia Carrera's drivers license photo has a colander on her head.
- towatchoverme noticed the USA's military doctrine remaining unchanged despite lessons from the Ukraine War.
- TWX explained how to adjust your camera settings to exclude flies.
- snowjack knows what foods to avoid while taking GLP-1 weight loss drugs. From experience.
- gameshowhost highlighted that student loans are no longer cancellable by bankruptcy.


CSB Sunday Morning theme - "Your motorcycle story"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to share the stories they had because of motorcycles. Or stories about motorcycles. It's not really clear.
Funny:
- Brawndo had a Big Adventure.
- cynically depressed ended the night in "that most certainly arrested guy's helmet. And a girls coat."
- LarrySouth still remembers the bike club's outstanding motto.
- TheHighlandHowler: "I hit a bus."

Smart:
- Stephen_Falken domed someone with a bike helmet.
- aaronx's dad died in a bike wreck :(.
- SloppyFrenchKisser remembers a motorcyclist's risky move really, really not paying off.
- Priapetic's mom warned them against getting a motorcycle, even for campus.


Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, sorted by how likely they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun even if you don't get the most votes!

Photoshops:
Since there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only one.
- GoodDoctorB will never stop.
- Yammering_Splat_Vector wandered onto the dance floor.
- PhotoshopCrazy lived happily ever after.
- Thoaar should probably move away from the window.
- RedZoneTuba found corn instead of tribbles.
- west.la.lawyer noticed Jason help break ground on the building his dad paid for. (reference: Back to School (1986))
- whatsupchuck old man yells at car that won't fly.
- asstamassta maybe this is why they keep mising.
- bucket_pup fixed TFG's makeup.
- Tom G is about to jump the...dolphin?.
- Resident Muslim went for a swing.
- John_From found Scooby and Shaggy after Mystery Inc. broke up.
- GaijinH practiced the pan pipes with a chaser of rum.
- samsquatch missed horribly.
- Vortex Dweller worked on their robot double.
- gayzuponme will tear your toll apart.
- steklo worked on the formula.
- Double_B would really regret it if he fell.
- Mock26 reworked their world map.
- X-Geek shouldn't snort chalk.


Captions:
"Caption this ball selector"
- skybird659: "Aaaaaaaaannnnnnndddddd it's gone!"
- Driver: "Baubles Rory, they're called Baubles!"

"Caption this employee opening a door"
- Karla_Jean: "Yeah, it's a biatch to open and close all the time so we usually just prop it open with a brick."
- dionysusaur accidentally let the cat out.
- Bonus: atari_eric remembered a movie this door starred in.

"Caption this safety equipment test"
- The Third Man: "I say, with these newfangled 'helmets' football will be a completely safe sport!"
- Walker: "That man's name was Frederick Trump."

"Caption this camel"
- KC Dutchman: "You kids want to try cigarettes? They're REALLY cool."
- The Third Man: "Hey kids! What day is it???"


Farktography theme: "A Shore Thing 3"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to show us beachside pictures, or at least ones taken from the water's edge.
- gorrck witnessed a beautiful sunset.
- All Latest took to the rocks.
- BecauseISaidSo visited Haystack Rock.
- thisispete encountered Mitre Peak in the fog.


Upcoming Fark Parties
It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one!

NYS Craft Brewer's Festival - Canalside Buffalo, June 13, 1-6PM - Hey, It's Cheaper Than LA*


Fark Headlines of the Week
A selection of some of the top headlines from last week.

Hungary for change

Indiana mayor ends surveillance program because "we take civil liberties seriously" and not because someone told all the local crackheads that every Flock camera contains 2lbs of copper and 3g of gold

Trump announces Strait Of Hormuz blockade will begin Monday April 13th 10 a.m. Eastern Time, to be followed by TACO Tuesday

Throw blasphemy on the pile

Guns in Hamilton killing linked to US trucker, Aaron Burr

On this day in history, in 1360, a hail storm killed a thousand English troops in France, in a sign from God himself that either He did not want King Edward III to conquer his enemies, or that someone had opened a banana from the wrong end


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where we learned potential other uses for napkin rings sold one at a time rather than in a set. On the Quiz itself, Evildog came out on top with a score of 1034, followed by mjvvjm in second with 978 and rfenster in third with 960. bud jones made fourth with 923, and TheMothership made it into the top five with 904.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which planet has a clearly defined hexagonal cloud formation around its north pole. Only 36% of quiztakers caught the article about Saturn and its surprisingly geometric cloud formation. Planetary meteorologists will tell you it's because of some kind of thing having to do with the magnetic poles and ionization of atmospheric gases, but I'm just gonna go with aliens.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the discovery made by Swiss chemist Albert Hofman back in 1943. 81% of quiztakers knew that while WWII was raging through Europe. Hofman accidentally ingested some lysergic acid compounds he had been working with and then went home and stared at his hands for hours. And the first thing he did after recording his results was try it again. Twenty years later guys like Timothy Leary would bring it to the counterculture hippies, and Jefferson Airplane appeared suddenly out of thin air. 

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about who wrote the first American English language dictionary.back in 1828. Only 59% of quiztakers knew that it was Noah Webster who saved millions upon millions of Americans all that time it takes to write extraneous U's in words that don't need them. Daniel Webster was the noted attorney and statesman who once defended a poor itinerant farmer against Old Scratch himself in a 1836 short story by Stephen Vincent Benét. Although the two were not closely related at all, they did know each other well and worked together on issues like copyright reform.

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the name of the dude ranch where an Alaskan plumber popularized his salad dressing. 93% of quiztakers knew it was the Hidden Valley Ranch where the dressing began and where it got its name. Wish-Bone dressing gets its name from a fried chicken and prime rib restaurant that opened in Kansas City back in 1945. The proprietor's Siciilian mother made their vinaigrette from scratch from a recipe she had brought over from the old country. It was so popular, the owner eventually closed the restaurant to focus on the salad dressing, and this is how Americans got the "Italian" dressing we enjoy today. 

If you missed out last week, it's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:
________________________

Hey everyone hope your week's been well.

Hate to talk politics but I can't let the opportunity to discuss AI Jesus just pass by. There's lots to unpack about this particular post, but I want to focus on one particular media observation, bear with me.

On Sunday, the President posted an AI-generated image of himself as Jesus Christ. In the image, Trump is wearing a white robe and red shawl, light is emanating from his hands as he heals a man in a hospital bed, and there are bald eagles and fighter jets in the background. I forget which book of the bible this was taken from. I know it's in there somewhere.

The President's explanation was ""It's supposed to be me as a doctor making people better". The media observation I've got is there's a news pattern forming where AI-generated images give politicians a kind of built-in plausible deniability. "I didn't make it, I just saw it / someone sent it to me, I thought it was something else." 

AI is the new Overzealous Intern. 


Anyhow Thursday 4pm ET it's the Fark News Livestream on Twitch with me, Lucky, Christine, and Dill. We are absolutely loaded this week. We've got both AI Jesus obviously, and we're going to try to figure out why two airlines decided to play chicken with each other at O'Hare until the FAA had to come in and literally play dad. Also a guy won a million-dollar Picasso in a raffle for $117 and his first reaction was "how do I check that it's not a hoax" which is honestly the only correct response to any good news in 2026. Plus: science made underwear that counts your farts. 32 times a day apparently. It's been a regular week around here. See you Thursday - or watch the archive when it shows up. Also clips.
________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________

Top Comments
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week.
If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline.
(The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.)

Smart:
- markie_farkie: "Agitated dementia patient driven around in an attempt to calm him down just like an infant that won't go to sleep."
- The Third Man - the writers meant 'racist'.
- Warthog broke down just how expensive that rescue was.
- italie: "My favorite image of the week."
- Intrepid00 shared how they adapted to overpriced chips.
- Metal1951: "My grandkids don't know Bezos, Musk, or any billionaires. But they sure know Dolly because she sent them books to read."
- Caelistis sees Microsoft's slow decline as exactly like IBM.
- Last Man on Earth: "At a certain point, it's not a case of being dumb enough to record yourself committing a crime, it's wanting to make a statement badly enough that you're willing to get caught to do it."


Politics
Politics Funny:
- Tr0mBoNe noticed that some people were focusing a bit too much on the profanity, and not enough on the 'wiping civilizations off the map' comment.
- I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise "And it's all in the original English."

Politics Smart:
- Alty McAltface: "How the fark is that not a war crime?" Good news - it is.
- mrshowrules noticed that, no, it was a ceasefire deal with Pakistan.
- Carn wonders at these statements by Melania. "What odd things to say."
- Fart And Smunny noticed the press really, really wanting to pretend that the ceasefire is still in effect.


CSB Sunday Morning theme - "Learning to drive"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to share stories from when they learned to drive.
Funny: 
- The Pope of Manwich Village's grandmother learned how to drive at 10. So - "Your goddamn grandma taught you how to drive, didn't she?"
- SloppyFrenchKisser: "Punched a good sized hole in the drywall."
- jasonvatch got out of the mandatory safety movie.
- gyre8: "I failed my first Driving Test here in the UK, on account of 'making hand signals not present in the Highway Code'."

Smart: 
- educated loves driving.
- vudukungfu: "I still have what's left of the car 59 years later"
- Glockenspiel Hero didn't have to replace the sign.
- Ragin' Asian's dad threw them into the deep end.
- Don't Troll Me Bro!'s mom panicked.
- IrieTom: "It was easy after I learned the secret handshake."


Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, sorted by how likely they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun even if you don't get the most votes!

Photoshops:
Since there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only one.
- RedZoneTuba plans to dive into this loaded baked potato.
- whatsupchuck was visited by the ghost of a cat with homophobia. [know your meme: 'homophobia' instead of 'heterochromia']
- Thoaar deflated the pufferfish-balloon.
- samsquatch: "YOU HAVE NOW ENTERED THE JURISDICTION OF THE MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS."
- GoodDoctorB joined a street-race.
- Yammering_Splat_Vector held the Founders' beer.
- TrollingForColumbine designed a more relatable example of shrinkflation.
- Mock26 should've watched out for that cliff.
- Eunice's Social Calendar gave out copies of the Clown 10 Commandments.
- OldRod witnessed a civilization-destroying impact.
- Vortex Dweller let Mr. Bean onto a construction site.
- Dodo David scooped out some of the plastic to recycle.
- Petey4335: "Well, we're alive. Lets party!"
- west.la.lawyer recovered Medusa's head.
- SkoalReaver knows SOMEBODY'S bound to upgrade their grill with these.
- asstamassta showed the cameraperson just how creepy they looked.
- GoodDoctorB destroyed some very expensive equipment.
- The Pope of Manwich Village recounted their last day on the assembly line.
- NINEv2 knows this scene could enhance a Malört ad.


Captions:
"Caption this chicanery"
- RedZoneTuba: "So, should we continue with the 'active lifestyle' crap or hit the bars?"
- Eunice's Social Calendar: "More like 12 hours of pettifoggery...we got this!"

"Caption (or Photoshop) what this sign actually says"
- GoodDoctorB's letters fell off.
- Yammering_Splat_Vector decided this sign was an anagram.


Farktography theme: "Happiness is...3 "
Last week, Farkers were challenged to photograph what makes them happy.
- gorrck was visited by a deer.
- New Age Redneck went skiing with a friend.
- Dumb-Ass-Monkey's cat wants a high-five.
- skybird659 celebrated their nursing school kid's graduation.


Upcoming Fark Parties
It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one!

Farkers go to Hollywood: LA Fark Party at the Rooftop Bar at Madame Tussauds Hollywood, April 18. Full weekend details in thread
In two days!

NYS Craft Brewer's Festival - Canalside Buffalo, June 13, 1-6PM - Hey, It's Cheaper Than LA*


Fark Headlines of the Week
A selection of some of the top headlines from last week.

TACO TACO TACO now I want tacos. Bonus: "two weeks" *drink*

There once was a flight from Nantucket / The door opened up and unstuck it / Would be loose and not tight / For the rest of the flight / Instead of air pressure to suck it

That rescue of the downed US pilot came at the cost of two C-130's and a helicopter destroyed when we couldn't fly them home from a forward landing strip within Iran. This is not a repeat from 1980

Social media is 'influencing growing interest in potatoes' in Ireland, proving the value of YouTuber videos

Seven days of meditation can rewire your brain, scientists say, although some argue that that much thinking can make one week

More Americans are breaking into the upper middle class, presumably while no one is home

Scientists say the world's oldest octopus fossil isn't an octopus after all, before cryptically adding "Cthulhu fhtagn"

Women gains millions of followers by showing off her one eyed beaver

CDC warns about new mix of fentanyl and animal sedative that resists overdose reversal, although observers suggest that someone willing to take 'rhino tranq' probably isn't going to listen to cautionary warnings

A man, a plan, a canal, and his ex: Florida

Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where we learned that the French probably don't deserve their reputation for personal hygiene, since Paris is where modern soap and shampoo actually began. On the Quiz itself, reachforthetop9 did so and made it out on top with 1038, followed by rfenster in second with 991 and The Third Man in his rightful place with 955, jjwitek, made fourth with 954, and mrs. badcrumble made it into the top five with 952.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the real identity of "Freida McFadden", the author of the popular "The Housemaid" series, now a major motion picture starring Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney. Only 32% of quiztakers caught the article about her big reveal as a physiatrist who specializes in treatment of people with brain injuries and disorders. This is why you see such a high degree of accuracy in her work in medical settings, such as her debut novel "The Devil Wears Scrubs". Not sure where she learned about psychopathic murderers, but she does write them pretty well. 

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about what brand got some free product placement on the Artemis II mission last week. 84% of quiztakers saw the jar of Nutella escape confinement and go floating about the cabin like a pool toy on the first day of spring. As far as the other answers, NASA would not allow large jars of Miracle Whip because it requires refrigeration after opening, and Jif peanut butter is subject to separating which could put oil into the cabin. Both salad dressing and peanut butter are allowed by NASA, but only in single-use squeeze packets. 

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about Taco Bell's newest taco flavor following a "Global Taco" vote over the past few weeks. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that butter chicken is a very popular Indian dish from 1950s New Delhi. Tikka Masala is actually a British dish and traces its origins to a Pakistani chef working in Glasgow, Scotland in the 1960s. Questions of cultural appropriation aside, I'm expecting Taco Bell's take on this to be worth a stop-in. 

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which artist (and I use the term loosely) wound up getting an entire festival canceled when the UK told him he wasn't welcome there. 95% of quiztakers knew that some wanker promoter who apparently lives under a rock in the Shires had scheduled Kanye West as the headliner for the Wireless Music Festival in Finsbury Park, to which the Home Office I;m guessing said something along the lines of  "bollocks to that, 'e's not bringing that Nazi rubbish 'ere. we fought a war over that, y'know!"  Rather than finding a new headliner without all the *waves hands around*, they just canceled the show. Surprisingly, some people had actually bought tickets for this. 

If you missed out last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:
________________________

Hey everyone hope your week's been well.

So apparently there's a "new" "trend" called "digital campfires." Harvard Business Review wrote about it back in 2020, Deloitte picked it up recently, and now every marketing consultancy on the planet is releasing breathless reports about how the future of the internet is small, gated, high-trust communities where people actually know each other instead of screaming into the algorithmic void. The metric of success has shifted from "reach" to "resonance," they say. A million followers is worth less than a thousand active participants.

Sound familiar?

The basic idea is that people are abandoning the public town square of social media, which is now roughly 51% bots anyway per a report that dropped last week, and returning to niche forums where the signal-to-noise ratio is actually managed by humans who give a damn.

Discord just crossed 200 million monthly active users, and 90% of all activity on the platform happens in small servers. Ninety percent of their private servers have fewer than 15 members. The guy who co-founded it literally said the small servers are where people "developed true connections and belonging."

So on the one hand you have the open internet turning into a bot farm, and on the other hand you have humans quietly migrating to smaller spaces where they can verify that the person they're talking to has a pulse. Consultants are calling it "the Great Fragmentation" and charging six figures for the insight. Fark's been doing it for 27 years and charging about eight bucks a month. One of these is a much better deal than the other.

Speaking of which, and I'm not going to make this a whole thing because you already know the deal, TotalFark subscriptions are what keep this place running. Not ads, not bots, not some AI-optimized algorithmic engagement funnel. Actual humans hanging out with other actual humans in a corner of the internet that still works the way the internet used to work. If that sounds like something you're into and you're not already subscribed, well, let's go. Overcome inertia and click the link. It really makes a difference.

Fark will not make it through this year on advertising revenue alone. We need more subscribers. Today's a good day for subscribing, I figure :)

Anyhow we'll be talking about all of this on the livestream Thursday at 4pm ET on Twitch. More war stuff than we'd like, but more moon stuff than we'd usually get. Material's been a little sluggishthis week but worst case we're going to talk about ducks in submarines for 5-10 minutes.  Plus: Doritos has figured out no one wants to pay $7 per bag, peanuts in coke, and it's time again for everyone's favorite Japanese wang festival.

________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________


Top Comments
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week.
If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline.
(The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.)
Funny:
- neaorin: Keith Edwards: "YouTube's play button doing the lord's work"
- Martian_Astronomer spotted the seed of a conspiracy theory.
- Walker: "I am just a simple caveman... your world frightens and confuses me."

Smart:
- HugeMistake doesn't think the person with this huge car collection is hurting for money.
- SBinRR celebrated emission-decreasing engineering.
- Elfich: "I think the word 'Damaged' is doing a lot more work there than it should be."
- koder: "It's only $58 billion per year for nationwide free college. Or we can just spend 25 times that and murder the kids at the same time."
- Bootleg listed the reasons they think the USS Ford wasn't sunk by enemy action.
- Groupon boob job: "Should be treated for them the same way refusing a breathalyzer is for someone suspected of DUI: a tacit admission you were doing something illegal. "


Politics
Politics Funny:
- elvisaintdead joked about the rumors of TFG ending up in a hospital being a way to reenact the legend of Easter.

Politics Smart:
- Miss Nova knows from painful experience not to get excited about TFG health stories.
- Shadow Blasko really, really hopes Pam Bondi releases the whole Epstein files as a final f-you.
- MelGoesOnTour noted the physical toll of being associated with TFG.
- pehvbot knows Iran has no motive to ever reopen the Strait of Hormuz.
- hardinparamedic: "So correct me if I'm wrong, but this appears to be an actual case of government-funded spyware/hackware being passed off as a white house news application."
- Jake Havechek parroted someone else's observation that TFG straight-up signed a tweet with the English translation of Allahu Akbar.
- NewportBarGuy compared how long it took the Bush administration's Iraq war supporters to decide otherwise, to the 5 weeks it took for the TFG Iran war's turnaround.


Monkey's Pick
I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes.
Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics.
Smart:
- Opacity: "When they refer to Italy as the 'old world' they must be referring to a simpler time when a scandal was people farking."
- Ekilov warned us that we might also have to mail in our taxes on the first week of October now.


CSB Sunday Morning theme - "The first time you ever realized that you were too old for something"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to tell us stories from when they were still learning to drive.
Funny:
- FirstDennis gets the senior discount.
- Stephen_Falken: "When I realized my Fark membership was old enough to drink."
- vudukungfu: "And that's when I knew I was too old for tighty whities."
- JediKangaroo: "When I realised I was older than Danny Glover was in the first Lethal Weapon movie."

Smart:
- sswo had to let go of some of the hands-on part of their hobby.
- cherryl taggart cleans the gutters themselves.
- Fear the Clam: "This week I became too old to be penalized for withdrawing money from my Roth IRA."
- neofonz "So apparently I'm too old for folks to assume that I'm not too young."
- Pigeonhole experienced the alienating feeling of an age gap when they were very young.


Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, sorted by how likely they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun even if you don't get the most votes!

Photoshops:
Since there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only one.
- Yammering_Splat_Vector Apocalypse Monkey.
- GoodDoctorB accidentally put their finger into the shot.
- Thoaar witnessed the Easter Bunny's gladitorial debut.
- DrSandyBeech left an offering.
- RedZoneTuba balanced the sun.
- Petey4335 framed this photograph.
- Mock26 tossed the kitten.
- Stephen_Falken sees a man, not a monkey.
- The Pope of Manwich Village would love to know where their furniture went.
- Sonic Yawn was the best fish-catcher.
- asstamassta joined the people fleeing napalm.
- Dodo David: "Holy crap! I'm on Fark!"
- pawndromat led an assault from the trees.
- TK-593 would rather not have Easter at all.
- Vortex Dweller made hats that fit.
- X-Geek found another partner.
- west.la.lawyer yes? Can I help you?
- kolpanic prefers dessert.
- p51d007 found the live-action tootsie pop owl.


Captions:
"Caption these skeptical space shiatter studiers"
- The Third Man: "Look, when I said 'test the toilet,' I didn't actually mean..."
- Rene ala Carte: "No, Jeanette, clapping two times won't open it,"


Farktography theme: "Farktographer's Choice"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to show us their best photographs they haven't submitted before.
- gorrck visited the pyramids.
- Lovesandwich watched the sky burn.
- Elsinore fondly remembers the 2024 eclipse.
- greenwald got a close-up of a tulip bud becoming a flower.


Upcoming Fark Parties
It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one!

Farkers go to Hollywood: LA Fark Party at the Rooftop Bar at Madame Tussauds Hollywood, April 18. Full weekend details in thread

NYS Craft Brewer's Festival - Canalside Buffalo, June 13, 1-6PM - Hey, It's Cheaper Than LA*


Fark Headlines of the Week
A selection of some of the top headlines from last week.

There's a map now, fellas. No excuses

Scientists say there is a massive freshwater reservoir under the Great Salt Lake. And under the water, carry the water. Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean. Water dissolving, and water removing. Same as it ever was

In the criminal justice system, maple based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Québec, the dedicated detectives who investigate these viscous felonies are members of an elite squad known as Enquête en Tabarnak. These are their stories

Leg of banker missing since 1999 washes up on beach, representing a 20 percent return which outperformed all markets over that timeframe

Spice maker McCormick to combine with Unilever's foods division, because he who controls the spice controls Unilever

Amazon surge protectors recalled for spontaneously turning into Fire Sticks

Stop: Collaborate, Assistin': ICE is back with a broader mission / Airports: Screening still not sprightly, ICE will stay there in-defi-nite-ly / Will it ever stop? Yo, I dunno / It's our all-purpose Gestapo: If there is a problem yo they'll solve it

Festus data center proposal sparks airing of grieveances

What are you going to do to protect me from Elon Musk? Stab me?



Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we learned that card games aren't Vietnam, there are RULES. On the Quiz itself,bud jones came out on top with 935, followed by Glockenspiel Hero in second with 929 and Garza and the Supermutants in third with 903. runwiz made fourth with 897, and Donald Terwiligar Spamme made it into the top five with 891.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the new exhibit currently being built at the Smithsonian National Zoo courtesy of a donation by Saudi Arabia's Royal Commission for AlUla, Only 26% of quiztakers knew that of the three choices, only the Arabian leopard was a real animal, although with only about 200 remaining in the wild it may not be real for much longer. The Smithsonian Zoo will focus on breeding the animals, with any cubs produced being sent back to Saudi Arabia, much like the deal with Chinese pandas. 

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about James Cameron's newest project while he takes a break from Smurf Ferngully. 83% of quiztakers remembered the 1966 sci-fi classic "Fantastic Voyage" co-starred Raquel Welch. You can also catch James Doohan in the film with a mid-Atlantic accent rather than the thick Scottish brogue you're used to hearing him in (he's actually Canadian). 

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the final dissolution of Allbirds, a company that hit a market cap during its IPO in 2021 of nearly $4 billion but just sold off its remaining assets for a mere $39 million. Only 47% of quiztakers knew that they were a maker of sustainably produced shoes that became the ubiquitous virtue-signaling casual footwear for the Silicon Valley crowd. The brand is being taken over by AXNY, a brand ,management and licensing company who plans to distribute their products to other retailers via wholesale rather than in company-owned stores, as well as offer direct-to-consumer sales via their website.

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about Nancy Cartweight's interview with Joe Mantegna on his podcast. 94% of quiztakers knew she is the voice of Bart Simpson, and hearing her account of being asked to provide the landing announcement for a flight to London is worth a listen if you're a fan. I guess it's better than having her give the "fasten seat belts due to turbulence" announcement - "Attention people who are flying, this is your captain, well, not your real captain, he's, uh, busy and stuff, but you really wanna buckle up soon or you'll be doing a faceplant on the ceiling, and trust me, that's not going down on *my* permanent record."

If you missed out last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again next week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:
________________________

Hey everyone hope your week's been well.

Also Happy April Fools to those who celebrate.  We went kind of light this year, mostly because we live in a time where the range of believable April Fools pranks is quite high. Anyhow, I hope you got a chance to toot your own horn if you know what I mean, and I think you do.  It's about butts.

Thursday 4-5pm EST it's the Fark News Livestream with me, Lucky, and Christine.  Dill's away at a water park because that's how he celebrates Easter. I made that up, the Easter part I mean, he really is at a water park. We are loaded with material and it's just getting weirder out there. Lots of aliens stuff flying around out there, but so weird that even UFO fans would probably head for the exits. Also looks like KY has its own Powerball Winner Gone Wild, making the news for the third time now. Also, the Shroud of Turin is "crusty".  All that and more.

If you miss it, we always put the recordings up on the YouTube channel.
________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________

Top Comments
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week.
If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline.
(The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.)

Funny:
- Tr0mBoNe joked about what odd marketplace sales might show up after the foreign router ban.
- Red Shirt Blues - ah yes, Brrt.
- Ivo Shandor located a photograph of a homemade bidet.

Smart:
- NewportBarGuy thinks the router ban could be to add spying devices.
- fullyautomatic remembered moving away and setting off a trap on their bullies.
- hardinparamedic: "So you want to have an armed weapons system capable of shooting down any airline over a crowded city in the hands of a private individual?"
- MrBallou joked about the Trump administration's preferred naval target.


Politics
Politics Funny:
- ifky joked about how oversimplified this budget statement was.
- BizarreMan noticed two last brain cells waking up just to go back to sleep.
- OptionC thinks the possibility of a moon base is just as outlandish as blowing up the moon.

Politics Smart:
- unixpro knows that the Republican party could impeach TFG instead of whining about the war.
- Znuh: "That said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them."
- Unobtanium: "I have mostly gone way past being stunned by any of Trump's blather."
- allears knows why the US government's finances can't truly be simplified to a household budget.
- To Wish Impossible Things: "When I want to reassure voters who are afraid that a war may turn into a bloodbath, I would avoid references to the Pacific island campaign during WWII. "
- gunga galunga found a meme about Texas Latino voting.
- Jaws_Victim: "When this is over, we need to figure out how to keep people from embracing extremism or we will do it all over again with someone taking notes of current events."
- Enigmamf: "That's it? There's a google doc that people are sharing? That's the entire justification for the headline claim that 'its own internal documents tell a very different story'?"
- napjerk: "They truly cant imagine caring this much about something without being PAID TO."


Monkey's Pick
I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes.
Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics.

Smart:
- Tax Boy knows you can make your own routers.
- maxandgrinch remembers how a prohibition on foreign-sourced electric production gave companies an excuse to raise prices.
- Virtual Pariah: "I have no understanding of how a company who has legendary IP, and the Muppets under their umbrella, doesn't use them as the remake studio?"
- Walker highlighted an odd post by the White House.
- Dr Dreidel: "I read that as 'Right-wing booger,' and honestly? Except for the fact that I've never heard a political opinion expressed by nose gold, those two seem just about identical."


CSB Sunday Morning theme - "How you managed to triumph over fear"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to share their tales of bravery.
Funny: 
- neofonz: "By doing this, I Triumph-ed over the (Cape) Fear River. "
- theknuckler_33 found the One Ring.
- bighairyguy: "Still working on my fear of flying monkeys."
- No Catchy Nickname pretended they were present for Znuh's CSB story.

Smart: 
- Znuh made it.
- hubiestubert: "So, fear of heights is pretty much kicked at this point. Respect for a fall? Oh, that NEVER goes away, but jumping out of helicopter is a very good cure for a fear of heights. Thanks, Dad."
- Sub Human knows the only difference between fear and bravery is action.
- bedonkadonk donated a kidney.


Top Contest Entries
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, sorted by how likely they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun even if you don't get the most votes!

Photoshops:
Since there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only one.
- RedZoneTuba know who goes into the largest baby carriage.
- Thoaar suspects the Son of Man was just juggling.
- GoodDoctorB crashed the game show's computers.
- noazark created a reaction video of a reaction video of a reaction video.
- Yammering_Splat_Vector conquered the Leaning Tower of Dumplings.
- TrollingForColumbine dropped new recruits into the sea on the way to see Kid Rock.
- asstamassta borrowed a fancy red hat.
- samsquatch thinks it's Easy to be a Rider
- Petey4335 made this car coin-operated.
- Eunice's Social Calendar surrendered to the oblivious urban racers.
- west.la.lawyer probably didn't get the train to stop.
- Vortex Dweller blew up the car's auto-pilot a little too big.
- X-Geek lands a different doomsday machine on the playground .
- sdinter wants to know why you're dumping people into its perfectly good nest.
- The Pope of Manwich Village advertised a new bike wheel.
- GoodDoctorB survived an old-lady death race.
- Dodo David's polar bears switched to Pepsi post-Super Bowl LX.
- Petite Mel trained the next Air Cat.
- bucket_pup witnessed the obligatory double-cross.
- Driver designed a decoy School For The Gifted.
- SubsequentDamage: "Don't put all your eggs in... Nevermind. You got this."


Captions:
"Caption this odd performance"
- The Third Man gave up on trying not to have bad luck.
- RedZoneTuba titled this "Progressive Insurance: The Slumber Party."

"Caption these patient patrons"
- RedZoneTuba: "The new Bean & Cabbage Muffin helped ensure social distancing during the COVID crisis."
- Devolving_Spud wants to know the Muffin Man.
- kdawg7738: "Wait, we still are social distancing on Drury Lane?"

"Caption this dramatic confrontation"
- RedZoneTuba: "Bob? Bob Winston! Man, you are a sight for sore eye!"
- nucal begged for sweet release.
- Subtonic: "No! For you see, as thee hast smelt it, doth it is THOU that dealt it!"


Farktography theme: "Spring Fever"
Last week, Farkers were challenged to photograph spring.
- kittyhas1000legs: "The gardens on campus started to bloom a few weeks ago"
- All Latest picked one of the first spring flowers.
- Elsinore noted a tiny tulip.
- gorrck walked under a flowered tree.


Upcoming Fark Parties
It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one!

Farkers go to Hollywood: LA Fark Party at the Rooftop Bar at Madame Tussauds Hollywood, April 18. Full weekend details in thread
(Two-ish weeks away!)


Fark Headlines of the Week
A selection of some of the top headlines from last week.

Cha

Pope hosts exorcists at Vatican as surge in Satanism raises alarm. This should turn some heads

U.S. State Department: "We are issuing a WORLDWIDE ADVISORY because everyone hates us and wants to kill us and we have no idea why"

Please note: do not bring your kitten along with you when stealing cars. You'll just teach them to become cat burglars

The Merriam-Webster word of the day for March 27 is dross, as in "If Jennifer Lopez can be jlo, Diana Ross can be dross"


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we learned that office supplies can sometimes wind up fumding great social commentary. On the Quiz itself, rfenster came out on top with 960, followed by Oak in second with 943 and Panic Near Detroitin third with 925. runwiz made fourth with 921, and Dallymo made it into the top five with 913. 

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about what state might soon allow nursing homes to have a cocktail hour for their residents, because the book club needs wine, the bridge club needs old fashioneds, Monday Night Football in the common room need beer, and that special gathering in Ethel's room every second Tuesday at 10 PM needs some Mad Dog 20/20. Only 24% of quiztakers knew that the last remaining state that still limits gas stations and grocery stores to 3.2% "beer" is Minnesota. Oklahoma raised their limit to 8.99% in 2018, and Utah moved to 5% in 2019. 

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the new National Security Directive issued last Monday. 89% of quiztakers knew that all household networking devices including wifi routers must now be made in the US. While I understand the thinking behind this, I'm not sure it will prove effective at stopping the things NSA is most worried about, since a) we don't have any factories making router hardware here, so the chips will still have to be imported, and b) American-made routers are not inherently less susceptible to software-based exploits. In reality, this seems more protectionism than security.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which actress filmmaker Jason Moore (Pitch Perfect 1&2, Shotgun Wedding) has chosen for his Jessica Fletcher in the upcoming "Murder, She Wrote" movie he is directing. Only 55% of quiztakers knew that Jamie Lee Curtis has been married to Nigel Tufnel, the 5th Baron Haden-Guest, since 1984. According to Curtis, she was leafing through a copy of Rolling Stone that featured the "This Is Spinal Tap" trio in street clothes, pointed at Christopher Guest's image, and told "Halloween" co-writer and producer Debra Hill, "I'm gonna marry that guy." They didn't actually meet until a few months later, and were married 4 months after their first date.

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the meaning of the word "cadence". 98% of quiztakers knew that it meant "rhythm". Merriam-Webster needs to start featuring more obscure words if they want to keep being included in the Fark Weird News Quiz.

If you missed out last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday.