Need a snotty and superior description for a wine (or other drink) in your game? Look no further.
Roll 2d4 and then roll on the following tables that many times to get your wine’s characteristics.
D6: 1-2 column 1, 3-4 column 2, 5-6 column 3.
Don’t forget to categorise these descriptions within the following sort of things: Aftertaste, Aroma/Bouquet/Nose, Body, Definition, Finish, Midpalate, Palate, Structure, Texture, Undertone
Example:
Taken from the Queen’s personal reserve only five bottles of Synotian Melon-wine remain in existence.
(2d4, total 4 characteristics)
Column 1: Charming
Column 2: Lavender
Column 2: Lean
Column 3: Sweet
Description: The Queen’s-Label, Melon-wine, is a charming little wine with a lavender bouquet, a lean flavour on the palate and a sweet finish.
| Column 1 | Column 2 | Column 3 |
| 1. Acacia | Egg | Orange |
| 2. Accessible | Elderflower | Orange Blossom |
| 3. Acidic | Elegant | Oxidized |
| 4. Aggressive | Eucalyptus | Passion Fruit |
| 5. Alcoholic | Expansive | Pea |
| 6. Almond | Expressive | Peach |
| 7. Aniseed | Extracted | Peanut |
| 8. Appley | Fallen over | Pear |
| 9. Apple Blossom | Farmyardy | Peardrops |
| 10. Apple Peel | Fat | Pebble |
| 11. Apricot | Feminine | Peppermint |
| 12. Asparagus | Fennel | Peppery |
| 13. Baked. | Fig | Peppery Herbaceous |
| 14. Banana | Finesse | Petrolly |
| 15. Barnyard | Firm | Pine |
| 16. Basil | Flabby | Pineapple |
| 17. Beery | Flat | Plastic |
| 18. Beetroot | Fleshy | Plummy |
| 19. Bell Pepper | Flinty | Polished |
| 20. Big | Floral | Polythene |
| 21. Biscuity | Flowery-Fruity | Popcorn |
| 22. Bite | Foxy | Potato |
| 23. Bitter | Fresh | Powerful |
| 24. Black Pepper | Fruit | Prickly |
| 25. Blackberry | Full | Prune |
| 26. Blackcurrant | Garlic | Quince |
| 27. Blackcurrant Leaf | Gas | Racy |
| 28. Blowzy | Gasoline | Raisin |
| 29. Blue Cheese | Geranium | Raspberry |
| 30. Blueberry | Gingerbread | Redcurrant |
| 31. Brazil Nut | Goat | Reticent. |
| 32. Bread | Gooseberry | Rhubarb |
| 33. Bright | Grapefruit | Rich |
| 34. Broadbean | Grapey | Robust |
| 35. Bubble-Gum | Grassy | Rose Petal |
| 36. Burnt | Green | Rotten Egg |
| 37. Burnt Match | Green Apple | Round |
| 38. Burnt Rubber | Green Pepper | Rubber |
| 39. Buttermilk | Greengage | Sassy |
| 40. Butterscotch | Gutsy | Sauerkraut |
| 41. Buttery | Hard | Sharp |
| 42. Cabbage | Harsh | Sherry-like |
| 43. Camphor | Hay | Short |
| 44. Candle-Wax | Hazelnut | Skunk |
| 45. Candy | Heavy | Smokey |
| 46. Candyfloss | Herbaceous | Smoky-Spicy |
| 47. Capsicum | Herbal | Smoky-Toasty-Burnt |
| 48. Caramel | Hollow | Smooth |
| 49. Carnation | Honey | Soapy |
| 50. Cassis | Horse | Soft |
| 51. Cat-Pee | Hot | Sour |
| 52. Cauliflower | Inky | Soy Sauce |
| 53. Cedarwood | Jammy | Spearmint |
| 54. Celery | Kerosene | Spicy |
| 55. Chalk Dust | Lavender | Stables |
| 56. Charming | Lean | Stalky |
| 57. Cheesy | Leathery | Stemmy |
| 58. Cherry | Lemony | Stewed Apple |
| 59. Chewy | Light-Struck | Stilton |
| 60. Chive | Lilac | Strawberry |
| 61. Chocolaty | Lily Of The Valley | Summer Fruits |
| 62. Cigar-box | Lime | Supple |
| 63. Cinnamon | Lime Tree | Sweaty |
| 64. Citrus. | Linalool | Sweaty Saddles |
| 65. Classic | Liquorice | Sweet |
| 66. Clean | Liveliness | Sweet Pepper |
| 67. Clear | Luscious | Tannic |
| 68. Closed | Lychee | Tar |
| 69. Clove | Macaroon | Tarragon |
| 70. Cloying | Magnolia | Tart |
| 71. Coarse | Malt | Tea |
| 72. Cocoa | Mandarin | Thin |
| 73. Coconut | Manure | Thirst-quenching |
| 74. Coffee | Margarine | Tight |
| 75. Compact | Marsh-Mallow | Toasty |
| 76. Complete | Marzipan | Tobacco |
| 77. Complex | Mature | Toffee |
| 78. Concentrated | Mean | Tomato |
| 79. Concoction | Meaty | Tomato Leaf |
| 80. Connected | Mellow | Tropical Fruit |
| 81. Cooked | Melon | Truffle |
| 82. Corky | Metallic | Unoaked |
| 83. Corn-On-The-Cob | Milky | Upfront |
| 84. Cranberry | Mineraly | Urine |
| 85. Creamy | Mint | Vanilla |
| 86. Crisp | Mothball | Vegetal |
| 87. Crust | Mouldy | Vinegar |
| 88. Cucumber | Mouse | Violet |
| 89. Currant Leaf | Muscat | Vivid |
| 90. Delicate | Mushroom | Voluptuous |
| 91. Depth | Musky | Walnut |
| 92. Dirty | Musty | Warm |
| 93. Dirty Dishcloth | Nail-Polish | Watery |
| 94. Dried Fruit | Nervy | Wax & Honey |
| 95. Dried up | Nutty | Wet Dog |
| 96. Dry | Oaky | White Pepper |
| 97. Dusty | Oily | Yeasty |
| 98. Earthy | Old | Young |
| 99. Easy | Onion | Zesty |
| 100. Edgy | Opulent | Zippy |

One thing I believe strongly in, is that you can get a game plot from just about anywhere. Rip off a couple of films or TV series and mix them together. Take a couple of books and rip the bits you like out of them. Listen to an album and look at the song titles and see what comes to mind.