Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera.
1. A picture of the flowers that Chad bought me for our anniversary.
2. A picture of Chad and I at dinner.
3. A picture of 15 of my friends (including Chad and I) at dinner.
4. A picture of Loey in the pumpkin patch.
5. A picture of the boys in a pumpkin patch.
Have you got any half or step siblings?
Yes. I think 4 or 5.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
Today, but it was over candy...and honestly? BFD.
When was the last time you had wet hair?
This morning!
Do you like kids’ movies?
Sometimes.
Describe your handbag.
Multicolored canvas sack purse with holes lol.
Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on?
Yes, and Livejournal.
Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when.
Yes! Probably Ocean City in June.
When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have?
Sick now, no effing clue, wish it would go away already.
When did you last wash your hair?
Two days ago. I didn't wash it last night because my ear was hurting.
Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere?
No.
Have you ever intentionally trolled?
Yes. When I was 14 Molly and I used to troll Christian chat rooms on AOL. We were young lol.
Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say?
My mom, and I said thank you for a ring she gave me.
Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem?
Yes.
Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yes.
What color is your wallet?
Purple
Do you have any homework to do?
Yes, therapy homework that I put off constantly.
Have you ever been to Manhattan?
Yes, it smells like exhaust. I'm shocked to be saying this but I'll take Baltimore over NYC.
Are you wearing any jewelry right now? What are they?
White gold hoops in my ears, my grandmothers wedding ring, the silver ring my mom just gave me (I'm allergic to metal so we will see how long that lasts) a woven heart bracelet on my left wrist, and a woven anklet that has seen better days.
Who did you last call on your home phone? Who did you last call on your cell phone?
Cell phone only, and I called Chad.
Did you get swine flu?
No.
Do you know anyone from Alabama?
No..
How bright is it in the room you’re in?
Not. I like to relax in the dark.
What can you smell right now?
Cinnamon (cinnamon toast crunch), and grilled cheese cooking on the stove.
Are there any teachers that simply hate you?
No, and I don't know if there ever really were.
Have you ever bought a game from a site like Big Fish Games or Shockwave?
No.
Have you ever had a snow day?
Yes! Love them!
What were you last at the doctor for?
Stitch removal.
Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies?
Everything except The Hobbit.
What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child?
One that I still enjoy as an adult: Grape Jelly on sausage biscuits!
Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes?
Uhh, no.
How often do you change your underwear?
Every day.
Doesn't it bother you when guys in your family/household leave the toilet seat up so that you wind up almost falling in when you’re sleepy and dazed at 3:00 AM and need to pee?
No. I don't turn the light on at night (because it interrupts the cycle) but there is enough ambient light to see if its up or down. Chad usually just puts it down.
Can you scratch every portion of your back by yourself, or are there some areas where you would need help?
I need help in certain areas.
Approximately how many books do you have in your house?
No clue. That would be hard to count.
Which passes by your house/street more often: a bus, a train, or an airplane?
Bus, though there is a regular train.
Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before?
Yes.
Have you ever been to court for something other than a traffic ticket?
No.
Can you sleep without any covers on, or do you need at least a sheet covering you, even if it is really hot outside?
I need at least a sheet.
Do you own a pillow pet? What type is it?
No, but I did. It was a unicorn.
What are you sitting on?
Couch.
How many languages can you say ‘love’ in?
Three
Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die?
I don't care so much.
What’s on your "things to buy" list for the near future?
Meat.
How do you wake up in the morning (alarm, music, naturally, etc)? Do you typically have a hard time getting up?
Alarm, and I have a hard time getting up.
Do you actually enjoy reading?
I used to. I have a hard time now. As if something has changed and I cant quiet my mind anymore. I miss it terribly. I still read, but not as much.
Look behind you, what do you see?
The wall. A very old framed mirror.
Does your hair have layers?
Yes.
Is your hair naturally straight?
Yes.
Have you watched a movie today?
Not yet.
Are you watching anything on t.v right now?
The Fright Night remake is playing in the background.
What kind of phone do you have?
Galaxy SIV
Do you know how to surf at all?
No.
What type of math are you the best at?
I'm pretty good at basic, use it every day math.
How’s the weather?
Chilly.
1. A picture of the flowers that Chad bought me for our anniversary.
2. A picture of Chad and I at dinner.
3. A picture of 15 of my friends (including Chad and I) at dinner.
4. A picture of Loey in the pumpkin patch.
5. A picture of the boys in a pumpkin patch.
Have you got any half or step siblings?
Yes. I think 4 or 5.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
Today, but it was over candy...and honestly? BFD.
When was the last time you had wet hair?
This morning!
Do you like kids’ movies?
Sometimes.
Describe your handbag.
Multicolored canvas sack purse with holes lol.
Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on?
Yes, and Livejournal.
Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when.
Yes! Probably Ocean City in June.
When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have?
Sick now, no effing clue, wish it would go away already.
When did you last wash your hair?
Two days ago. I didn't wash it last night because my ear was hurting.
Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere?
No.
Have you ever intentionally trolled?
Yes. When I was 14 Molly and I used to troll Christian chat rooms on AOL. We were young lol.
Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say?
My mom, and I said thank you for a ring she gave me.
Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem?
Yes.
Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yes.
What color is your wallet?
Purple
Do you have any homework to do?
Yes, therapy homework that I put off constantly.
Have you ever been to Manhattan?
Yes, it smells like exhaust. I'm shocked to be saying this but I'll take Baltimore over NYC.
Are you wearing any jewelry right now? What are they?
White gold hoops in my ears, my grandmothers wedding ring, the silver ring my mom just gave me (I'm allergic to metal so we will see how long that lasts) a woven heart bracelet on my left wrist, and a woven anklet that has seen better days.
Who did you last call on your home phone? Who did you last call on your cell phone?
Cell phone only, and I called Chad.
Did you get swine flu?
No.
Do you know anyone from Alabama?
No..
How bright is it in the room you’re in?
Not. I like to relax in the dark.
What can you smell right now?
Cinnamon (cinnamon toast crunch), and grilled cheese cooking on the stove.
Are there any teachers that simply hate you?
No, and I don't know if there ever really were.
Have you ever bought a game from a site like Big Fish Games or Shockwave?
No.
Have you ever had a snow day?
Yes! Love them!
What were you last at the doctor for?
Stitch removal.
Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies?
Everything except The Hobbit.
What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child?
One that I still enjoy as an adult: Grape Jelly on sausage biscuits!
Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes?
Uhh, no.
How often do you change your underwear?
Every day.
Doesn't it bother you when guys in your family/household leave the toilet seat up so that you wind up almost falling in when you’re sleepy and dazed at 3:00 AM and need to pee?
No. I don't turn the light on at night (because it interrupts the cycle) but there is enough ambient light to see if its up or down. Chad usually just puts it down.
Can you scratch every portion of your back by yourself, or are there some areas where you would need help?
I need help in certain areas.
Approximately how many books do you have in your house?
No clue. That would be hard to count.
Which passes by your house/street more often: a bus, a train, or an airplane?
Bus, though there is a regular train.
Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before?
Yes.
Have you ever been to court for something other than a traffic ticket?
No.
Can you sleep without any covers on, or do you need at least a sheet covering you, even if it is really hot outside?
I need at least a sheet.
Do you own a pillow pet? What type is it?
No, but I did. It was a unicorn.
What are you sitting on?
Couch.
How many languages can you say ‘love’ in?
Three
Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die?
I don't care so much.
What’s on your "things to buy" list for the near future?
Meat.
How do you wake up in the morning (alarm, music, naturally, etc)? Do you typically have a hard time getting up?
Alarm, and I have a hard time getting up.
Do you actually enjoy reading?
I used to. I have a hard time now. As if something has changed and I cant quiet my mind anymore. I miss it terribly. I still read, but not as much.
Look behind you, what do you see?
The wall. A very old framed mirror.
Does your hair have layers?
Yes.
Is your hair naturally straight?
Yes.
Have you watched a movie today?
Not yet.
Are you watching anything on t.v right now?
The Fright Night remake is playing in the background.
What kind of phone do you have?
Galaxy SIV
Do you know how to surf at all?
No.
What type of math are you the best at?
I'm pretty good at basic, use it every day math.
How’s the weather?
Chilly.
I think the hardest part about being depressed is never knowing if something I am feeling is the depression or not.
It's like I cant trust my own feelings, and its exhausting. I find sometimes I cant even talk to people because of how conflicted I feel.
A close runner up to the "hardest thing" is probably never being able to tell someone how I feel without feeling guilty about feeling down and burdening them with it.
So I'm always okay, or "tired" and its getting pretty old.
It's like I cant trust my own feelings, and its exhausting. I find sometimes I cant even talk to people because of how conflicted I feel.
A close runner up to the "hardest thing" is probably never being able to tell someone how I feel without feeling guilty about feeling down and burdening them with it.
So I'm always okay, or "tired" and its getting pretty old.
Today has been an extremely long and frustrating day and I haven't really gone anywhere or done anything...which might be part of the problem.
I got a call from my doctor today telling me that my blood tests came back and that my liver tests were off in a bad way. She tested for everything under the sun and I'm clear so now we know its just the meds that I am taking for a condition that I have had for 10+ years that is FINALLY helping. Like seriously. I have had a skin issue for over ten years and I have seen multiple doctors for it and NOTHING has helped until these stupid, tiny, cheap little pills and now if my liver enzyme results get any higher when I go back on the 12th I have to stop taking them. The doctor doesn't want to take me off of the meds and they are working so maybe it will clear itself up by then. I've become a pessimist concerning this particular issue though.
I feel like a leper. I desperately need some new bras but I can't just be fitted for them because of this skin issue and I'm not comfortable trying them on either. What I have isn't contagious per say but I wouldn't want to try a bra on after me. I need to be fitted too because I have measured myself and been measured by friends/family time after time and I've never gotten the same number twice and most of the time its vastly different than the time before. So I want this to go away. I wont sacrifice my liver for it though. I'll just go back to peeling blood soaked ill fitting bras off of my skin at the end of a con, or after the gym.
Seriously, as time goes on I begin to think I have a serious anger issue regarding my body, and especially my breasts. I don't know if it contributes to my self defeatism or pushes me to try harder in regards to getting lighter but I do know that I find my darkest thoughts stemming from my inability to wear a bra and therefore look normal in ANY top ever. Every time I have to lift a strap or pull the back down on a bra that just wont stop fucking RIDING UP I just want to vomit all over someone with a B-cup.
I'm struggling with feeling positive about my body image and getting healthier and losing weight. I have trouble reconciling them or feeling like I can have positive feelings toward my body when I am trying/failing/trying/failing etc to lose weight. Every fail feels like another brick in the retaining wall that surrounds my own personal leper colony.
I think maybe I'm just so tired of having to find new reasons to love myself.
I got a call from my doctor today telling me that my blood tests came back and that my liver tests were off in a bad way. She tested for everything under the sun and I'm clear so now we know its just the meds that I am taking for a condition that I have had for 10+ years that is FINALLY helping. Like seriously. I have had a skin issue for over ten years and I have seen multiple doctors for it and NOTHING has helped until these stupid, tiny, cheap little pills and now if my liver enzyme results get any higher when I go back on the 12th I have to stop taking them. The doctor doesn't want to take me off of the meds and they are working so maybe it will clear itself up by then. I've become a pessimist concerning this particular issue though.
I feel like a leper. I desperately need some new bras but I can't just be fitted for them because of this skin issue and I'm not comfortable trying them on either. What I have isn't contagious per say but I wouldn't want to try a bra on after me. I need to be fitted too because I have measured myself and been measured by friends/family time after time and I've never gotten the same number twice and most of the time its vastly different than the time before. So I want this to go away. I wont sacrifice my liver for it though. I'll just go back to peeling blood soaked ill fitting bras off of my skin at the end of a con, or after the gym.
Seriously, as time goes on I begin to think I have a serious anger issue regarding my body, and especially my breasts. I don't know if it contributes to my self defeatism or pushes me to try harder in regards to getting lighter but I do know that I find my darkest thoughts stemming from my inability to wear a bra and therefore look normal in ANY top ever. Every time I have to lift a strap or pull the back down on a bra that just wont stop fucking RIDING UP I just want to vomit all over someone with a B-cup.
I'm struggling with feeling positive about my body image and getting healthier and losing weight. I have trouble reconciling them or feeling like I can have positive feelings toward my body when I am trying/failing/trying/failing etc to lose weight. Every fail feels like another brick in the retaining wall that surrounds my own personal leper colony.
I think maybe I'm just so tired of having to find new reasons to love myself.
Hey guys, I know its early, but I'm a procrastinator so:
Christmas Cards! If you want them please comment on this entry with your mailing address!
The comments are all screened so no one will be able to see your entry but me.
I love receiving Christmas cards and I even make them part of the decor for the holidays so every card will have a place!
Thanks!
Christmas Cards! If you want them please comment on this entry with your mailing address!
The comments are all screened so no one will be able to see your entry but me.
I love receiving Christmas cards and I even make them part of the decor for the holidays so every card will have a place!
Thanks!
Oh, not all is bad or weird or tired though. I get to see Florence + The Machine again on Wednesday. I am SOOO excited about that.
I am really feeling like I need some normal right now. With weddings and kids and roommates and life and working on Saturday I feel rushed, disorganized and tired.
I actually told my husband today that I wished he would go to bed earlier and get up earlier with me because nights were killing me and that my body was fighting me at every single step I take to get back to the schedule I was on with him before everything went nuts. I felt like I was betraying him by just TELLING him that because I know that he will feel guilty and want to try even though he doesnt want to do it, which in turn is going to make me feel like a bad wife. Not that I am, and not that he should. This is just how I feel. I wasn telling him in a jovial kind of way that I really prefered this and that I missed seeing the day light and I wished we could always do it this way. He made a face and said that it wouldnt matter because he would be inside for most of it anyway. Which is when, to my shame, I did say "Great, you are condeming me a lifetime of night." Which was kind of dramatic, but it is pretty much how I have been feeling.
Don't get me wrong. I will fight to keep my schedule to whatever schedule Chad wants for himself. He works hard and if that is what he wants I can't see not trying to make it work the way that he wants me to.
I just hate it.
I need sunshine. There were no clouds in the sky this morning and it was cool outside and I felt energized and good and positive. Seriously? Even a little giddy. I cant say that every morning would be that way, and I cant say it would last forever. I can say that I was happier for that moment.
So Chad said he would try to switch us around, but knowing how much he doesnt want to makes me want to let it go.
*sigh*
I actually told my husband today that I wished he would go to bed earlier and get up earlier with me because nights were killing me and that my body was fighting me at every single step I take to get back to the schedule I was on with him before everything went nuts. I felt like I was betraying him by just TELLING him that because I know that he will feel guilty and want to try even though he doesnt want to do it, which in turn is going to make me feel like a bad wife. Not that I am, and not that he should. This is just how I feel. I wasn telling him in a jovial kind of way that I really prefered this and that I missed seeing the day light and I wished we could always do it this way. He made a face and said that it wouldnt matter because he would be inside for most of it anyway. Which is when, to my shame, I did say "Great, you are condeming me a lifetime of night." Which was kind of dramatic, but it is pretty much how I have been feeling.
Don't get me wrong. I will fight to keep my schedule to whatever schedule Chad wants for himself. He works hard and if that is what he wants I can't see not trying to make it work the way that he wants me to.
I just hate it.
I need sunshine. There were no clouds in the sky this morning and it was cool outside and I felt energized and good and positive. Seriously? Even a little giddy. I cant say that every morning would be that way, and I cant say it would last forever. I can say that I was happier for that moment.
So Chad said he would try to switch us around, but knowing how much he doesnt want to makes me want to let it go.
*sigh*
- Current Music:Florence + The Machine - You've got the love
- Current Mood:
distressed
I am so tired that my eyes are burning. I am typing this mostly with my eyes closed. I know, that sounds so funny, but I am in a pretty sad state over here.
You see my husband works from 1:30 in the afternoon until sometime between 10:30 and 11:30pm 5 days a week. He comes home and doesn't want to go to bed. He also doesn't like eating at work so let me just get some of those suggestions out of the way. Not having dinner after he comes home is not an option and going to bed early is not an option. Going to bed early makes him antsy, like he is wasting his day. Getting up early makes him feel like he doesn't get a break. So he prefers to take his free time at night when he gets off. I really do not have a problem with any of this. My body however seems to revolt against this schedule every 6 months or so. So here I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I have been falling asleep around midnight every night for a few days now and waking up between 8 and 9am. I miss my husband. So tonight I am fighting it.
My husband is awesome though, as he is bringing me icecream as we speak. I am going to eat some of that with him and play a board game (Carcassone).
Ice cream is here! Goodnight!
You see my husband works from 1:30 in the afternoon until sometime between 10:30 and 11:30pm 5 days a week. He comes home and doesn't want to go to bed. He also doesn't like eating at work so let me just get some of those suggestions out of the way. Not having dinner after he comes home is not an option and going to bed early is not an option. Going to bed early makes him antsy, like he is wasting his day. Getting up early makes him feel like he doesn't get a break. So he prefers to take his free time at night when he gets off. I really do not have a problem with any of this. My body however seems to revolt against this schedule every 6 months or so. So here I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I have been falling asleep around midnight every night for a few days now and waking up between 8 and 9am. I miss my husband. So tonight I am fighting it.
My husband is awesome though, as he is bringing me icecream as we speak. I am going to eat some of that with him and play a board game (Carcassone).
Ice cream is here! Goodnight!
I have actually missed a ton of movies in theater recently like The Apparition, The Possession, Expendables 2 etc. I have been watching movies on Netflix and from Netflix (Bluray) though and I have a bunch to review.
The Tunnel
Okay, so this movie is about a news team that goes down into the abandoned underground of England (Old subway tunnels, sewers, bomb shelters etc) to investigate why the government suddenly decided to stop working on a project that was supposed to help create more clean water by recycling it. The news team assumed that the government had been lying about homeless people living living down there and they thought it might be an exciting story. Well, obviously they found a story. This movie is so boring. I mean like, I was losing interest and trying to stay awake boring. Well, until the last (roughly) half an hour. The end was so intense I had to pause it at times to take a break. SPOILER: This is one scene in particular that will be with me for a while. Watch until the end. *shudder* 8/10
Abduction
"When teenager Nathan comes across his own childhood picture while scrolling through a missing persons website, he begins to question everything he ever took for granted -- including the people he always assumed were his parents" Okay, so this movie acts like it is going to give you something exciting. You keep getting little scenes where maybe the kid is going to bust out some supernatural power or something but all of the way until the end there is NOTHING. You don't even get to meet one of the characters that people have been talking about for the ENTIRE movie even though he is on the phone at the end. This movie is boring, unbelievable, akward and pointless. Why was this movie even made? Go watch a James Bond film or Mission Impossible. 3/10
Forget Me Not
This actually endeed up being a pretty cool movie. (Slight Spoilers) Basically these kids go to a graveyard one night to play Ghost in the Graveyard (which I used to play!) and they meet this other girl who wants to play with them. They agree and she wins. However, upon finding out she won, she throws herself off a cliff, presumably to her death...only the cops cant find her body. After that the group of friends begins to drop, one by one but no one can remember them but Sandy! 7/10
The Moth Diaries
I didn't really know what to expect from this film. I hadnt really heard much about it but it was late, and I was clipping coupons (which is MINDLESS) so I needed something to do. This movie is about a girl named Rebecca who is coming back to school (the remote Canadian boarding school her mother shipped her off to after her father killed himself) for a new year. She is really excited to see her friends, especially one friend in particular named Lucie. I have to admit, I got the "Rebecca likes Lucie as soooooo much more than friends" vibe off of this movie almost as soon as I saw the two interact. I think that though that might have been true, the movie was also trying to convey that Rebecca had formed a really unhealthy attachment to Lucie after her father died. The first day of school is going really really well until a new girl named Ernessa arrives. Ernessa wants to be friends with Rebecca, but not as much as she wants to be friends with Lucie. Rebecca's jealousy leads to some pretty hard to believe ideas about who Ernessa is and where she comes from. I thought that this was going to turn the twist of the movie into our protagonist being insane (yawn) but it didn't. It ended up being dark, creepy and kind of poinant. 7/10
The Tunnel
Okay, so this movie is about a news team that goes down into the abandoned underground of England (Old subway tunnels, sewers, bomb shelters etc) to investigate why the government suddenly decided to stop working on a project that was supposed to help create more clean water by recycling it. The news team assumed that the government had been lying about homeless people living living down there and they thought it might be an exciting story. Well, obviously they found a story. This movie is so boring. I mean like, I was losing interest and trying to stay awake boring. Well, until the last (roughly) half an hour. The end was so intense I had to pause it at times to take a break. SPOILER: This is one scene in particular that will be with me for a while. Watch until the end. *shudder* 8/10
Abduction
"When teenager Nathan comes across his own childhood picture while scrolling through a missing persons website, he begins to question everything he ever took for granted -- including the people he always assumed were his parents" Okay, so this movie acts like it is going to give you something exciting. You keep getting little scenes where maybe the kid is going to bust out some supernatural power or something but all of the way until the end there is NOTHING. You don't even get to meet one of the characters that people have been talking about for the ENTIRE movie even though he is on the phone at the end. This movie is boring, unbelievable, akward and pointless. Why was this movie even made? Go watch a James Bond film or Mission Impossible. 3/10
Forget Me Not
This actually endeed up being a pretty cool movie. (Slight Spoilers) Basically these kids go to a graveyard one night to play Ghost in the Graveyard (which I used to play!) and they meet this other girl who wants to play with them. They agree and she wins. However, upon finding out she won, she throws herself off a cliff, presumably to her death...only the cops cant find her body. After that the group of friends begins to drop, one by one but no one can remember them but Sandy! 7/10
The Moth Diaries
I didn't really know what to expect from this film. I hadnt really heard much about it but it was late, and I was clipping coupons (which is MINDLESS) so I needed something to do. This movie is about a girl named Rebecca who is coming back to school (the remote Canadian boarding school her mother shipped her off to after her father killed himself) for a new year. She is really excited to see her friends, especially one friend in particular named Lucie. I have to admit, I got the "Rebecca likes Lucie as soooooo much more than friends" vibe off of this movie almost as soon as I saw the two interact. I think that though that might have been true, the movie was also trying to convey that Rebecca had formed a really unhealthy attachment to Lucie after her father died. The first day of school is going really really well until a new girl named Ernessa arrives. Ernessa wants to be friends with Rebecca, but not as much as she wants to be friends with Lucie. Rebecca's jealousy leads to some pretty hard to believe ideas about who Ernessa is and where she comes from. I thought that this was going to turn the twist of the movie into our protagonist being insane (yawn) but it didn't. It ended up being dark, creepy and kind of poinant. 7/10
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