An Honest Facade

So.

lyss — Wed, 07 Jan 2026 07:09:22 GMT

Come back, or nah?

might as well.

lyss — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 02:27:07 GMT

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera.
1. A picture of the flowers that Chad bought me for our anniversary.
2. A picture of Chad and I at dinner.
3. A picture of 15 of my friends (including Chad and I) at dinner.
4. A picture of Loey in the pumpkin patch.
5. A picture of the boys in a pumpkin patch.

Have you got any half or step siblings?
Yes. I think 4 or 5.

When was the last time you were disappointed?
Today, but it was over candy...and honestly? BFD.

When was the last time you had wet hair?
This morning!

Do you like kids’ movies?
Sometimes.

Describe your handbag.
Multicolored canvas sack purse with holes lol.

Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on?
Yes, and Livejournal.

Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when.
Yes! Probably Ocean City in June.

When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have?
Sick now, no effing clue, wish it would go away already.

When did you last wash your hair?
Two days ago. I didn't wash it last night because my ear was hurting.

Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere?
No.

Have you ever intentionally trolled?
Yes. When I was 14 Molly and I used to troll Christian chat rooms on AOL. We were young lol.

Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say?
My mom, and I said thank you for a ring she gave me.

Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem?
Yes.

Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yes.

What color is your wallet?
Purple

Do you have any homework to do?
Yes, therapy homework that I put off constantly.

Have you ever been to Manhattan?
Yes, it smells like exhaust. I'm shocked to be saying this but I'll take Baltimore over NYC.

Are you wearing any jewelry right now? What are they?
White gold hoops in my ears, my grandmothers wedding ring, the silver ring my mom just gave me (I'm allergic to metal so we will see how long that lasts) a woven heart bracelet on my left wrist, and a woven anklet that has seen better days.

Who did you last call on your home phone? Who did you last call on your cell phone?
Cell phone only, and I called Chad.

Did you get swine flu?
No.

Do you know anyone from Alabama?
No..

How bright is it in the room you’re in?
Not. I like to relax in the dark.

What can you smell right now?
Cinnamon (cinnamon toast crunch), and grilled cheese cooking on the stove.

Are there any teachers that simply hate you?
No, and I don't know if there ever really were.

Have you ever bought a game from a site like Big Fish Games or Shockwave?
No.

Have you ever had a snow day?
Yes! Love them!

What were you last at the doctor for?
Stitch removal.

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies?
Everything except The Hobbit.

What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child?
One that I still enjoy as an adult: Grape Jelly on sausage biscuits!

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes?
Uhh, no.

How often do you change your underwear?
Every day.

Doesn't it bother you when guys in your family/household leave the toilet seat up so that you wind up almost falling in when you’re sleepy and dazed at 3:00 AM and need to pee?
No. I don't turn the light on at night (because it interrupts the cycle) but there is enough ambient light to see if its up or down. Chad usually just puts it down.

Can you scratch every portion of your back by yourself, or are there some areas where you would need help?
I need help in certain areas.

Approximately how many books do you have in your house?
No clue. That would be hard to count.

Which passes by your house/street more often: a bus, a train, or an airplane?
Bus, though there is a regular train.

Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before?
Yes.

Have you ever been to court for something other than a traffic ticket?
No.

Can you sleep without any covers on, or do you need at least a sheet covering you, even if it is really hot outside?
I need at least a sheet.

Do you own a pillow pet? What type is it?
No, but I did. It was a unicorn.

What are you sitting on?
Couch.

How many languages can you say ‘love’ in?
Three

Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die?
I don't care so much.

What’s on your "things to buy" list for the near future?
Meat.

How do you wake up in the morning (alarm, music, naturally, etc)? Do you typically have a hard time getting up?
Alarm, and I have a hard time getting up.

Do you actually enjoy reading?
I used to. I have a hard time now. As if something has changed and I cant quiet my mind anymore. I miss it terribly. I still read, but not as much.

Look behind you, what do you see?
The wall. A very old framed mirror.

Does your hair have layers?
Yes.

Is your hair naturally straight?
Yes.

Have you watched a movie today?
Not yet.

Are you watching anything on t.v right now?
The Fright Night remake is playing in the background.

What kind of phone do you have?
Galaxy SIV

Do you know how to surf at all?
No.

What type of math are you the best at?
I'm pretty good at basic, use it every day math.

How’s the weather?
Chilly.

the hardest thing

lyss — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 07:11:17 GMT

I think the hardest part about being depressed is never knowing if something I am feeling is the depression or not.

It's like I cant trust my own feelings, and its exhausting. I find sometimes I cant even talk to people because of how conflicted I feel.

A close runner up to the "hardest thing" is probably never being able to tell someone how I feel without feeling guilty about feeling down and burdening them with it.

So I'm always okay, or "tired" and its getting pretty old.

In which I get dramatic

lyss — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 07:01:56 GMT

Today has been an extremely long and frustrating day and I haven't really gone anywhere or done anything...which might be part of the problem.

I got a call from my doctor today telling me that my blood tests came back and that my liver tests were off in a bad way. She tested for everything under the sun and I'm clear so now we know its just the meds that I am taking for a condition that I have had for 10+ years that is FINALLY helping. Like seriously. I have had a skin issue for over ten years and I have seen multiple doctors for it and NOTHING has helped until these stupid, tiny, cheap little pills and now if my liver enzyme results get any higher when I go back on the 12th I have to stop taking them. The doctor doesn't want to take me off of the meds and they are working so maybe it will clear itself up by then. I've become a pessimist concerning this particular issue though.

I feel like a leper. I desperately need some new bras but I can't just be fitted for them because of this skin issue and I'm not comfortable trying them on either. What I have isn't contagious per say but I wouldn't want to try a bra on after me. I need to be fitted too because I have measured myself and been measured by friends/family time after time and I've never gotten the same number twice and most of the time its vastly different than the time before. So I want this to go away. I wont sacrifice my liver for it though. I'll just go back to peeling blood soaked ill fitting bras off of my skin at the end of a con, or after the gym.

Seriously, as time goes on I begin to think I have a serious anger issue regarding my body, and especially my breasts. I don't know if it contributes to my self defeatism or pushes me to try harder in regards to getting lighter but I do know that I find my darkest thoughts stemming from my inability to wear a bra and therefore look normal in ANY top ever. Every time I have to lift a strap or pull the back down on a bra that just wont stop fucking RIDING UP I just want to vomit all over someone with a B-cup.

I'm struggling with feeling positive about my body image and getting healthier and losing weight. I have trouble reconciling them or feeling like I can have positive feelings toward my body when I am trying/failing/trying/failing etc to lose weight. Every fail feels like another brick in the retaining wall that surrounds my own personal leper colony.

I think maybe I'm just so tired of having to find new reasons to love myself.

affirmations for today...

lyss — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 00:21:44 GMT

I will write this novel.
I will lose weight.
I will love being healthy.
I will...move on.

Tis The Season!

lyss — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 06:41:56 GMT

Hey guys, I know its early, but I'm a procrastinator so:

Christmas Cards! If you want them please comment on this entry with your mailing address!

The comments are all screened so no one will be able to see your entry but me.

I love receiving Christmas cards and I even make them part of the decor for the holidays so every card will have a place!

Thanks!

On a positive note

lyss — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:43:28 GMT

Oh, not all is bad or weird or tired though. I get to see Florence + The Machine again on Wednesday. I am SOOO excited about that.

Normal?

lyss — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:15:09 GMT

I am really feeling like I need some normal right now. With weddings and kids and roommates and life and working on Saturday I feel rushed, disorganized and tired.

I actually told my husband today that I wished he would go to bed earlier and get up earlier with me because nights were killing me and that my body was fighting me at every single step I take to get back to the schedule I was on with him before everything went nuts. I felt like I was betraying him by just TELLING him that because I know that he will feel guilty and want to try even though he doesnt want to do it, which in turn is going to make me feel like a bad wife. Not that I am, and not that he should. This is just how I feel. I wasn telling him in a jovial kind of way that I really prefered this and that I missed seeing the day light and I wished we could always do it this way. He made a face and said that it wouldnt matter because he would be inside for most of it anyway. Which is when, to my shame, I did say "Great, you are condeming me a lifetime of night." Which was kind of dramatic, but it is pretty much how I have been feeling.

Don't get me wrong. I will fight to keep my schedule to whatever schedule Chad wants for himself. He works hard and if that is what he wants I can't see not trying to make it work the way that he wants me to.

I just hate it.

I need sunshine. There were no clouds in the sky this morning and it was cool outside and I felt energized and good and positive. Seriously? Even a little giddy. I cant say that every morning would be that way, and I cant say it would last forever. I can say that I was happier for that moment.

So Chad said he would try to switch us around, but knowing how much he doesnt want to makes me want to let it go.

*sigh*

Eyes Burning

lyss — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 05:26:36 GMT

I am so tired that my eyes are burning. I am typing this mostly with my eyes closed. I know, that sounds so funny, but I am in a pretty sad state over here.

You see my husband works from 1:30 in the afternoon until sometime between 10:30 and 11:30pm 5 days a week. He comes home and doesn't want to go to bed. He also doesn't like eating at work so let me just get some of those suggestions out of the way. Not having dinner after he comes home is not an option and going to bed early is not an option. Going to bed early makes him antsy, like he is wasting his day. Getting up early makes him feel like he doesn't get a break. So he prefers to take his free time at night when he gets off. I really do not have a problem with any of this. My body however seems to revolt against this schedule every 6 months or so. So here I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I have been falling asleep around midnight every night for a few days now and waking up between 8 and 9am. I miss my husband. So tonight I am fighting it.

My husband is awesome though, as he is bringing me icecream as we speak. I am going to eat some of that with him and play a board game (Carcassone).

Ice cream is here! Goodnight!

The movies!

lyss — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 19:54:52 GMT

I have actually missed a ton of movies in theater recently like The Apparition, The Possession, Expendables 2 etc. I have been watching movies on Netflix and from Netflix (Bluray) though and I have a bunch to review.

The Tunnel

Okay, so this movie is about a news team that goes down into the abandoned underground of England (Old subway tunnels, sewers, bomb shelters etc) to investigate why the government suddenly decided to stop working on a project that was supposed to help create more clean water by recycling it. The news team assumed that the government had been lying about homeless people living living down there and they thought it might be an exciting story. Well, obviously they found a story. This movie is so boring. I mean like, I was losing interest and trying to stay awake boring. Well, until the last (roughly) half an hour. The end was so intense I had to pause it at times to take a break. SPOILER: This is one scene in particular that will be with me for a while. Watch until the end. *shudder* 8/10

Abduction

"When teenager Nathan comes across his own childhood picture while scrolling through a missing persons website, he begins to question everything he ever took for granted -- including the people he always assumed were his parents" Okay, so this movie acts like it is going to give you something exciting. You keep getting little scenes where maybe the kid is going to bust out some supernatural power or something but all of the way until the end there is NOTHING. You don't even get to meet one of the characters that people have been talking about for the ENTIRE movie even though he is on the phone at the end. This movie is boring, unbelievable, akward and pointless. Why was this movie even made? Go watch a James Bond film or Mission Impossible. 3/10

Forget Me Not

This actually endeed up being a pretty cool movie. (Slight Spoilers) Basically these kids go to a graveyard one night to play Ghost in the Graveyard (which I used to play!) and they meet this other girl who wants to play with them. They agree and she wins. However, upon finding out she won, she throws herself off a cliff, presumably to her death...only the cops cant find her body. After that the group of friends begins to drop, one by one but no one can remember them but Sandy! 7/10

The Moth Diaries

I didn't really know what to expect from this film. I hadnt really heard much about it but it was late, and I was clipping coupons (which is MINDLESS) so I needed something to do. This movie is about a girl named Rebecca who is coming back to school (the remote Canadian boarding school her mother shipped her off to after her father killed himself) for a new year. She is really excited to see her friends, especially one friend in particular named Lucie. I have to admit, I got the "Rebecca likes Lucie as soooooo much more than friends" vibe off of this movie almost as soon as I saw the two interact. I think that though that might have been true, the movie was also trying to convey that Rebecca had formed a really unhealthy attachment to Lucie after her father died. The first day of school is going really really well until a new girl named Ernessa arrives. Ernessa wants to be friends with Rebecca, but not as much as she wants to be friends with Lucie. Rebecca's jealousy leads to some pretty hard to believe ideas about who Ernessa is and where she comes from. I thought that this was going to turn the twist of the movie into our protagonist being insane (yawn) but it didn't. It ended up being dark, creepy and kind of poinant. 7/10

The Portering

lyss — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 19:16:05 GMT

Shannon and Porter are finally married! I feel like today is the first day I have had down in almost 4. The wedding was outside on the water, but it was incredibly hot and I was sweating SO much that it was running off of me in waves. The gold color changing fabric I bought was pretty much used as a really long scarf/shaw because I literally didn't have time to do anything else or plan anything better. It was okay though, the scarf was prettier than I was.

The wedding ended up being a lot of fun, especially once I changed into a tank top and pulled my hair back. We drank a lot of wine (in glasses that said Bridesmaid and Groomsman), and then continued to party when we were trapped by a severe tornado producing storm. I managed to get a few slow dances with my husband in. It was really nice.

When the party continued back to the wedding parties hotel I got something to eat and napped off the wine.

All in all it was a really successful wedding, and I was really honored to be a part of something they will remember for the rest of their lives.

Karma

lyss — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 09:01:56 GMT

Okay, so things are looking up, but it is kind of a seesaw. Life is like that. The minute you think things are getting better something else comes to your attention. I think that's a lot less Murphy and a lot more that you suddenly have more attention to pay to something new.

We managed to get a little bit caught up because Chad was able to work through one of his vacation weeks. I had to make a very, very large grocery shop two weeks ago that was really hard on us, and we had to pay a rather large bill with a credit card, but we are okay. I even got the new cellphone I so desperately needed.

I still need glasses and a body shaper for an upcoming wedding. It's Renaissance themed. Everyone in the wedding works or has worked at the Ren Fair here including me. The thing is, I do not own any garb. I borrowed it all or jury rigged an outfit that would last me one season. Plus, I am a big girl. I'm fat (Gen used to me saying that, it's my word.). Corsets and bodices are not so easy for me to find or afford. The cheapest I have found in my size is over $200, and I very sincerely do not have that kind of coin to toss around on something I *might* wear once a year. SO inevitably I am the only bridesmaid with no bodice or corset. This makes me feel incredibly insecure about my appearance on the big day. I have a black skirt, and a black top (bought from Ren Fest, JUST the shirt? $55.). Today I went to Joann Fabric to get something I could make a hip scarf from so that I have a pop of color. It is gold, but the fabric is shimmery and color changing from black to gold, copper, orange, red and yellow. I love it.

Things in my house and in my life are changing rather quickly. I gained a temporary roommate because I had a hard time knowing where she was sleeping. I'm not sure how long it will last but I'm okay with it right now. It's hard for me to imagine that amount of desperation. I don't have a lot to offer, and I don't even have enough space for the people that already live here (not to mention the furry beasties) but I think I could use the karma! If I was in that position I would like to think that regardless of my choices someone would be willing to give me a reprieve (or two or three etc). So, I'm gathering karma.

In any case I have watched a ton of movies and I need to review them here I just haven't had the time. After Otakon life has been pretty much non-stop. So sorry for the lag.

Mother Monster?

lyss — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 07:36:08 GMT

WTF is this??!

This is kind of like everyone thinking that Zombies were real because of some isolated incidents and international news coverage. I don't have any love for Lady Gaga (don't particularly like her music or her style of celebrity) but this is just too much. The song is addressing "young people". Some of the lyrics are:

"You act like a whore and a superstar"
"Don't you get it, they're bringing you down just to make you an easy victim"
"Please don't be so crazy, and be a puppet for the worlds elite"
"Please don't get under(?) the deception, and let the mother monster steal your heart"

I should also point out that the video includes some elderly mans head popping in and out of focus at times so that you can see the word "Illuminati" written across his forehead. Yeah. WTF.

Never mind that the video and the lyrics and music are bad. Bad. I'm sure Lady Gaga is so upset. People are ridiculous. Enjoy for the LULZ everyone.

Post Baby Shower game of life

lyss — Sun, 17 Jun 2012 09:14:55 GMT

So the one thing I can say is that the baby shower was quick. I felt like an alien. I wonder if I would still feel as overwhelmed by people if I had kids too? The one thing I didn't get this time (I think because it was such a small space and the host did not think about the fact that my hugely matriarchal family was also HUGE and that all 5 of the living matriarchs would be there, my mom, and 4 aunts) was a lot of "when will it be your turn?" comments. That was a huge relief. I did get the questions about dieting, and the uncomfortable silence between my god mother (Aunt Linda) and I at first. There are two reasons for that. 1. She has lost almost 200lbs and she looks so much like my grandmother that the sight of her almost brought me to tears (Yes, I miss my grandmother and my grandfather THAT much), 2. She had bariactric surgery and everyone in the room loves me so much they want me to have it too. We were fine though, she rode home with my mom and I so that they could catch up. She is going to bring all of her surgery info up with her next time she comes so I can see it. She offered because I was asking questions.

I know that some people would be angry and rebellious against this situation, but while I can admit it makes me a little uncomfortable and a little pressured, I know the reasoning behind their thoughts is benevolent. They really do love me (youngest granddaughter and namesake of the original matriarch, and I know I keep bringing up that matriarchal thing, but guys...that is a big deal in my family. We are run by women born to rule) so much that they want to see me live a long, healthy and full life. Oh, and they all want me to procreate, but I think the infertility thing has trickled down through the lines and they finally get it on that front.

The evening ended well enough though. I played a long (and rage filled) game of Life with some friends over some delightful Chinese take out (crispy beef!).

It was an indulgent day. I have yet to watch Gone. I may need to do that tomorrow. Good night guys!

Some other things

lyss — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 06:20:58 GMT

Some other things? Feeling kinda cagey lately. I was doing okay but then a small thing happened that made me so angry in the moment that I feel like everything got flipped over on its head. There are things I want: a bigger (No, I'm not being greedy. There are too many of us (cats and dogs included) living in this tiny row home with almost no yard.) house, an office (nothing special, just a place that I can leave my laptop, printer, coupons and such that the cats cant get to), to lose weight, and to be happy. I feel like we are in a place we will never be able to get out of. I can't live here forever like this. I don't want to. Chad and I really need some privacy. I had my own space and I miss the hell out of it and now even if it were to become vacant I couldn't go back. I just turned 29 and I'm not sure Chad and I are ever going to get to experience more than this routine we are in. Oh, our marriage is fine. Strong and the best part of my life, but I have a feeling I am holding us back from some other life experiences.

As it stands right now I can't have kids. Just typing that hurts me down in the deepest, most intimate places. Chad is okay either way. He never wanted kids. He changed his mind as time went on, and now I think he just wants me to be happy. Which just makes me feel like less of a woman for not being able to give him this base facet of married life and for not being able to do something so human, something I want/wanted so badly. The thing I am currently trying to wrap my head around is that there is more to life. Life doesn't just stop because I've reached a hurdle I can't get over. Maybe it's time to go around? Embrace a child free life a little bit? Not having kids has it's benefits (though I would gladly give them up and become a parent) and maybe we could learn to exploit those a little. If I could lose weight. But then if I could lose weight I might be able to conceive. The problem with that as a goal is that is hurts me too much and makes the journey too intense and the failure more than I can bear twice. So what now? I'm exploring my options. Obviously if I cant conceive I'm not healthy, health is a nice goal, but for the love of GOD I can't seem to make that a good enough reason to get going in a fucking serious way. (Can you sense me getting angry now? These days, sometimes its all I feel at all.)

The Seminar is on Tuesday and part of me is ready to jump on an operating table and get on with my life. Is that what would happen though? Part of me is stymied by simple fears: What if I don't wake up? What if there are complications? What if there are a lot of them? What if I fuck this up too? Life decisions are not my forte. It seems like my life has been a never ending series of differently themed accidents.

I have family encouraging me to get this surgery even though they have no idea that I am going to this seminar on Tuesday. These family members will be at a baby shower for a cousin I love very much on Saturday. I am afraid to go. I haven't answered the RSVP, and my mom keeps asking me if I am going. When my cousins first child was born she was living in California and most of my family couldn't make it, so this one seems so important. I'm just afraid I will cry, or not be gracious enough even though I am genuinely happy for her. Plus, my aunt, who also had bariatric surgery (and who lost almost 200lbs so far and is off all of her medication and is walking again and having sex with her husband again which she hadn't done in the ten years before surgery) will be there. Me? I would be there bearing gifts, having gained back all of the weight I lost, with no kids, still living at home (only people close enough know that we moved back to help out, not because we needed to). What if I end up and angry old woman resentful of kids and families and parents and life in general? I'm terrified...of everything.

I'm so full of grief and frustration, and I'm so angry.

Chronicle

lyss — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 07:17:45 GMT

Chronicle was awesome. It started a little slow, bu developed really well into something kind of amazing. It was found footage, which we all know I love the pants off of(I even liked Project X), but it wasn't horror (though there were some horrific scenes). I think I like found footage because it allows the film makers to give us a really in depth and really personal look at the characters involved. In Chronicle you have three main characters. Andrew, Matt and Steve. Matt is Andrew's cousin who seems to kind of tolerate him in a family kind of way. He isn't mean to Andrew, but the definitely don't have the same life philosophy. Matt is like a lazy philanthropist. He knows he is smart. Andrew is a sweet kid who gets picked on by everyone from his father to his school mates and decides to start filming his life. It almost seems like he is using the camera in order to live outside of his own life. Steve is the budding class president and popular kid with a good heart.

Matt convinces Andrew to come to a party in order to get Andrew out of his own house. The kids at the party are horrible to Andrew physically and emotionally and Andrew goes outside to get away. Steve come over out of nowhere and says he is looking for Andrew "with the camera" in order to film something cool that he and Matt have found. Andrew is kind of afraid, but he goes along. You find Steve to be endearing almost immediately when he remembers Andrews name and the first time he ever met him. Even Andrew seems a bit charmed. Without giving too much away I will tell you that what they go to film changes their lives forever. They all grow in separate ways throughout this film all the while something amazing is happening in the background that you can not miss. It gets a little brutal, takes no prisoners and totally delivers.

At the end of this movie I felt like I had just witnessed the birth of a Super Hero. Capital "s". 10/10

MINOR SPOILER

*Note: If the shakey cam thing scares you then this film might be okay. About a quarter of the way in Andrew begins to control the camera with his mind, which makes it not at all shakey.

Whodunit?!

lyss — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 06:49:32 GMT

I am so overstimulated tonight. I am irritated, and grouchy. Snappish even.

Chad got out of work late tonight, and I didn't get to go to the gym. I made dinner, roasted tilapia in chile sauce, and crash hot potatoes, and then I just...did nothing. I feel so apathetic. I have so much that needs to be done and I spent the day feeling tired and grouchy and ...wishing I had the energy to get up and do more.

I'm also watching Happy Town, which was cancelled a few years ago before it even had the chance to hit a stride. I love shows like these. Harpers Island, Happy Town, Persons Unknown, etc. are all shows that feature a limited cast and a deep mystery. I don't know why, but I love mysteries. I also love shows like Haven where the cast is less set, but there is still a very evident overall mystery. I also love movie length stuff with the same kind of feel.

Any other like that I might like?

Tension Tamer!

lyss — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 05:38:32 GMT

So I am finishing the day out today with a cup of hot tension tamer tea sweetened with honey. I actually put cream in it tonight which is not something I do normally. I'm a black tea kind of gal. I used to think teas like this one were just gimmicks, but the tension tamer version definitely works for me. I haven't tried the extra strength version though. I get stressed or over stimulated pretty easily and hot tea helps me sleep. It's probably a placebo.

I made a cake today! The one I mentioned before. Ugh. I made a few technical mistakes. I am not a very patient woman. I added my butter into my icing a little too fast and not all of it incorporated the way it should have. It tasted good, but a little on the buttery side. It was pretty though, and my mom liked it.

I am taking the week off from everything except the gym and maybe grocery shopping this week. I mean, I will still keep my house in working order (god forbid I stop lol) but I think I need some down time. PLUS I am starting my diet/lifestyle change/diet parade again on Monday with a challenge week of no fast food or junk food. Junk food doesn't need to be defined, we are all intelligent adults here right? Anyway, so no outings to food or frozen yogurt this week. I need the head start.

I finally found a facial moisturizer I like! I have a bit of dry skin on my face and I have always had issues with the way lotion feels on my face. It always feels greasy or too wet, almost like no matter how much you rub it in, it never gets absorbed or goes away. This stuff is kind of awesome. Its light, and its a gel, it goes on fast, gets absorbed and dries leaving my skin feeling really good. I want to try Hope In A Jar next because it has some pretty glowing reviews, but this just felt so good on my face I made the purchase on an impulse.

As you can see, not much to say today. Good night!

Prometheus

lyss — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 08:57:12 GMT

So let me start with: HOLY COW. I could not have expected more. Prometheus is very much a movie that stands on it own feet without the help of any of its famed predecessors, while also tickling the pants off of fans that came because of those original movies. I know everyone is raving about Noomi Rapace (and she was perfectly cast, and amazing. She reminded me of Ellen Ripley at one point, but I think the movie makers did that on purpose), but Michael Fassbender was absolutely riveting. His character David drove the film, and he played the part so well. Charlize Theron was great too, but she seems to always bring her A game. It would be hard to say too much without giving spoilers, but this movie was worth the ticket price for us. If you have never seen any of the Alien movies this film is enjoyable, but if you have...then you will pick out some very exciting things while you are watching it. 9/10

The next movies on my "need to see" list are Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Brave. :)

Just Another Manic Wednesday

lyss — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 07:27:20 GMT

I really want to enter some interesting text into this wonderfully empty white box here but I've got nothin'. It has been a long, but fun day of grocery shopping. I extreme coupon (ethically though) and that crap is a lot of work! Then I drove a friends mom home, then I went to a friends house for about an hour and a half. NOW I am sitting here at my kitchen table eating cold sweet potato fries while my microwavable pizza ...microwaves. It's that kind of day.

Tomorrow I am going to relax and play cards at a friends house and on Friday night I intend to see Prometheus (12:25am Arundel Mills Bitches. Be there.). I might bake a cake on Sunday. I was going to bake it tomorrow but my friend Alex says if I bake it on Sunday she might get a piece.

My Saturday and Sunday are completely free! I am so excited I could cry!

I am a traitor to all things tasteful. I have been watching Teen Wolf and The Vampire Diaries. They are on Netflix and I have friends that talk about them like they are good (and um, TVD kind of IS, and I read some of the books too) and Being Human isn't updated with new episodes yet and Falling Skies isn't back on until the 17th and God only knows where HAVEN went. I can't watch Game of Thrones until the whole season has aired because it makes me crazy to wait, The Killing got a little slow for me and Grimm and Once Upon a Time are on season break! ...I do need to catch up on Doctor Who though...

Anyway, I'm feeling manic (LOL) so off to listen to some music and decompress!

There are no zombies

lyss — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 20:53:11 GMT

One of the things going about that really irritates me right now is the whole "OMG IT ISN'T DRUGS OR INSANITY, ITS ZOMBIES! THE GOVT IS LYING TO US. IT'S ZOMBIES!"

Two things: 1. Yes, that needed caps. 2. NO IT FUCKING ISN'T ZOMBIES.

Not all of the cases involved cannibalism (to my knowledge) and um, if zombies are real and the virus is spreading...then to whom? How does it jump countries without more incidents? Oh, right, it DOESN'T. I enjoy a good conspiracy theory just as much as the next person but the fact of the matter is that this is sad. There are people who have lost their lives in horrifying ways. The case in Canada? That is depraved and horrifying and disgusting. The fact that you've got jokes? Not a good thing. I can understand dealing with horrifying things with humor but honestly? The people making jokes are not the ones being touched by these tragedies. The CDC actually had to release a statement telling people there was no zombie apocalypse going down. Seriously guys? Are we that fucking stupid?

It makes great fodder for a novel or movie, but not so much for real life. It isn't funny, and I assure you that no one dealing with these cases or these people is having any fun.

Another thing that really irritates me is the number of people that really think that people are going out to Wal-Mart and buying the bath salts that you use in the bath tub, smoking them and losing their ever-loving freaking minds. NO. "Bath Salts" is a street name or whatnot for an actual drug, which sucks for your body and brain.

Oh, and there there is the Privacy Statement bull going around Facebook. everyone is posting it like it protects them or their posts from a now "publicly traded" company. Please. If you didn't read your user agreement then that is YOUR bad. Plus, if you are putting your "valued" intellectual property out there on a social media network like Facebook...it probably isn't very valuable. Just sayin'.

I can not go through everything that I have seen posted in the past month because I would need more time and patience. everything from what you see here to stem cells being used in Pepsi. Let's remove the lifeguards from the gene pool for a bit. Can I get an AMEN!?

FACT CHECK PEOPLE. Snopes and Google are right there!

Sunburns and Ed Gass-Donnelly

lyss — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 22:48:08 GMT

So yesterday at the lake was pretty nice. The weather was cool, but the water wasn't bad and the sun came out for most of the day. Mother nature didn't threaten us with a storm until around 7pm when the day was already mostly over anyway. I applied sunscreen a few times through out the day and I am still so sunburned today that I can not put a shirt on. That being said I am now spending today on the couch watching Netflix.

Small Town Murder Songs: 4/10

I really wanted to like this movie more. I added it a while back when it became available on Netflix streaming. Then I was reminded of it again from a blurb that I read in Entertainment Weekly, but again didn't watch it. THEN on Bloodydisgusting.com there was an article about a sequel to The Last Exorcism (which I thought rated maybe a 3/10 so no real excitement there). Ed Gass-Donnelly is directing it. I figured despite the fact that I really hated the end of the first movie I might end up watching the second one. I have heard great things about Small Town Murder Songs. So I watched it.

They give you an scene in the beginning that seems to be the end of something that they will lead you to in the movie. You never get there. Just so you know, it is never explained, and doesn't fit into the time line of the movie. It could be referring to an incident that happens before the movie begins but they never confirm it, and the imagery is shown to you again and again. The movie tries to revolve around the main character, a aging police officer named Walter who is trying to return to his religion and a normal life after he let his substantial temper get the best of him resulting in an "incident" months earlier. This incident could be what the opening scene and the subsequent flashes refer to, and what his family is sort of punishing him (by keeping him at arms length and not being very warm to him) for, but again, they never clear any of this up, which is just frustrating and not artsy at all. There has been a mur The crime the movie centers around is also not fully fleshed out. We learn who did it, but we never learn why except maybe a similar anger issue as the main character which would be wonderfully ironic if ANYTHING else in the movie was explained. The acting is wonderful, and more expressive than the writing or directing, and the soundtrack was great. I'm not sure if I would listen to any of the music outside of the movie, but it was kind of incredibly exhilarating and eerie. It matched the mood of the movie and it certainly amped up the atmosphere in the movie. So I guess at least there was justice in the title.

Meh.

Free fun and Snow White and the Huntsman

lyss — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 07:08:27 GMT

So I am kind of looking for free or cheap fun these days. We have a good time playing with all of our excess cash (that always some how ends up being needed after we spend it) but at some point we really need to get our feet under us. So where do we start? I think we already kind of have...

I have been cooking more at home again to start which is also better for us than eating out every day. I think I'm a pretty okay cook, and I make curries, steak, stews, pasta, and I have even started making fish which I was kind of terrified of until recently. I make this amazing chili sauce that goes into a foil packet with the fish and it all gets baked. It's super tasty. I also bake quite well (to my surprise). I make my own naan (Indian flat bread) and I can make this amazing pull apart bread, and biscuits, rolls, cakes and cookies etc. I feel really good in the kitchen area.

We are pretty committed to couponing. Extreme couponing too. It is NOTHING AT ALL like you see on TV. I don't clear shelves, I never get money back, and I don't cheat (like pretty much all of the women and men on TV DO). I do however save more than 50% of my grocery bill every time. We always have what we need and generally speaking we have the money for the extras like things for cookies and ice cream etc. I have an ice cream maker but I haven't gotten too far into that yet. We can not whittle the pet food bill down. We refuse to feed them crap. An ounce pf prevention after all..

We have been trying to find more free stuff to do with out spending money. I game with a group of friends, and we generally pot luck dinner there. So everyone makes something from home and brings it for dinner. It's actually very nice. We also get together for board games. Not like Monopoly or Clue (though we thought about playing Clue tonight) but games like Small World, and Last Night On Earth. We tend to eat in on those nights for the most part too. Chad plays video games while I watch Netflix on the laptop, or we watch TV or movies together. We just finished season one of the US version of Being Human, and I am on episode 3 of The Vampire Diaries. We will see how that goes.

Tomorrow (or rather in a few hours GOD WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING) we are going out to the State Park to swim in the lake and grill food and just hang out with friends. It is going to be a lot of fun I think. It is supposed to storm some, but not all day, and we have the pop up to offer us some shelter.

So, in any case I am looking for ways to have fun that do not revolve around food, which as a poor chic with poor friends it usually does. Poor people always share food! All of our events evolve around food! I'm not currently up to grand outdoor adventures or anything, but I am trying to refocus my attention. We are planning to spend money though, on movies, and I have a mini vacation coming up in July right before Otakon. Then our 5th anniversary is in October. I am really excited about that actually. I am pretty sure that we are just going to try and get away for a few days alone, but we will see how it goes. It's hard to get someone who can handle watching our brood.

Snow White and the Huntsman: 6-7/10

It was less than I expected. It was less epic. The queen was the central character, but the choppy editing sometimes lost that flow. Charlize Theron was AMAZING. She absolutely made this movie in every way, She was perfectly cast and she played the part well enough to make me believe her. Kristen Stewart was okay. I don't have the amazing amount of hate for her that so many people seem to based on Twilight, but I don't think she was a good cast choice. This may seem shallow, but I don't think she was pretty enough to play Snow White. She was supposed to be more beautiful than the queen, and honestly? She just wasn't. I am not terribly caught up in that crap about paper white skin and blood red lips. I don't think they take away from the movie the way that seeing her as unnaturally pale with unnaturally red lips would have. I would not have found that to be attractive, and Snow White is supposed to be beautiful. She should have had black hair though... Kristen Stewart didn't have many speaking parts, which is fine because it was interesting to see the movie told a little differently without the princess being the center of everyone's attention all of the time. Chris Hemsworth is NOT just a pretty face (though it IS pretty) he is a pretty good actor too, with a great screen presence. He is more captivating to watch on film than anyone else in the movie with the exception of Charlize Theron. I liked the dwarves and I liked the fantasy sequences though some of it borrowed heavily from other movies down to losing a white horse in a sinking swamp pit (Why hello there Never Ending Story!), but most movies borrow, maybe just not so blatantly. There is a budding love triangle that gets shot all to hell in the famous kiss scene (which I honestly LOVED how they wrote that part), and takes you all of the way to end of the story... Which leads me to WHY ultimately I gave this movie such a high rating. Potential. The story leaves you with so many things left unexplored, and so many ways to turn it around that you (or perhaps just me) can not HELP but want to see a second movie. So much foreshadowing to a place we haven't made it to yet. Plus the movie ends before the cannon fairy tale does, which means there will be more. All in all, I'm glad I watched it, but it really should have been better. It was the kind of movie that should have left you breathless but didn't, and I think the writing and editing was to blame for that and not so much the acting.

Good Night!

sleeping in

lyss — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 02:12:49 GMT

I really like it when the house is so quiet. I feel like I have some semblance of control at times like these. No one is asking me to do anything and there are no animal noises coming from any of my furry monsters. The tv is off, there is no music and the only thing I can hear is the hum of the air conditioner unit in the kitchen window - which I tend to find a comforting sound.

I took my time getting out of bed today. Yesterday was rough. My body is having a hard time handing the heat this year, and I was on my feet all day. So, I laid in bed awake after Chad left for work. Then I got up and dragged myself to Petco for cat food and Aldi for some extra freezer bags and some macaroni and cheese I didn't need. My food was super awesome today except that I ate that whole box. Hmm. I have been tracking what I ate today and even that doesn't put me over my points value so I guess it could be worse. ...But it could be better.

I scheduled a date for a seminar on bariatric surgery. June 26. It doesn't feel any more real now than it did before hand though. I read about women who get really excited and run screaming toward surgery. I feel like I am kind of circling it like a shark, looking for weaknesses. I'm not giving up on doing it myself, but I am no longer waiting to explore this option. I don't want to wait for anything anymore. Life is too short.

In any case, I need to go take a quick shower before the gym. I know that's weird but I feel gross if I don't take one before hand. I have been in so much pain and so uncomfortable recently that I have no idea how much I will actually accomplish at the gym from one day to another, but I am going because I need to. I didn't get a period this month (my first month off of birth control) and I was (and still am) feeling pretty down about it. I have been so out of the loop about PCOS recently because honestly birth control got rid of ALL of my symptoms. I was looking at some stuff and someone made these nifty key chains and buttons with the teal PCOS ribbon on them, and most of them say "Fight like a girl." I like that. It's kind of interesting that something so small gave me a little mental boost, but it did.

Snow White and the Huntsman tomorrow! Good night!

Stuff

lyss — Tue, 29 May 2012 07:48:37 GMT

I am really not feeling too good today. My stomach is really bothering me. I went back to a paid journal here. I actually made this icon back in the day. I am a little shocked to see it.

In any case I don't have a ton to talk about so a movie review?

The Darkest Hour: 5/10

I couldn't help it. I liked it. It was no where near as depressing and hopeless as Skyline. The acting wasn't bad either. The downside here kids is that as you are watching it you will find yourself picking other movies out of it. I think it "sampled" a lot of movies from Skyline to 28 Days Later.

The ONE thing that really made me laugh though is that at one point everyone is on a boat heading to a place of safety. The boat runs aground. They can see the place they need to go FROM THE BOAT THEY ARE ON. There is an explosion and everyone falls into the water, except Natalie. In split seconds this chick runs like a mile and within moments throws up a flare from a flare gun? Really guys? Meanwhile everyone else is so close to safety...that they just GO there. Though going after Natalie yielded some of the best human revenge on alien scenes, it did kind of feel like a stretch. I was totally with the movie until this point.

Good Night guys!

An Honest Facade

So.

*might as well.*

*the hardest thing*

*In which I get dramatic*

*affirmations for today...*

*Tis The Season!*

*On a positive note*

*Normal?*

*Eyes Burning*

*The movies!*

*The Portering*

*Karma*

*Mother Monster?*

*Post Baby Shower game of life*

*Some other things*

*Chronicle*

*Whodunit?!*

*Tension Tamer!*

*Prometheus*

*Just Another Manic Wednesday*

*There are no zombies*

*Sunburns and Ed Gass-Donnelly*

*Free fun and Snow White and the Huntsman*

*sleeping in*

*Stuff*