*In which I get dramatic*
Today has been an extremely long and frustrating day and I haven't really gone anywhere or done anything...which might be part of the problem.
I got a call from my doctor today telling me that my blood tests came back and that my liver tests were off in a bad way. She tested for everything under the sun and I'm clear so now we know its just the meds that I am taking for a condition that I have had for 10+ years that is FINALLY helping. Like seriously. I have had a skin issue for over ten years and I have seen multiple doctors for it and NOTHING has helped until these stupid, tiny, cheap little pills and now if my liver enzyme results get any higher when I go back on the 12th I have to stop taking them. The doctor doesn't want to take me off of the meds and they are working so maybe it will clear itself up by then. I've become a pessimist concerning this particular issue though.
I feel like a leper. I desperately need some new bras but I can't just be fitted for them because of this skin issue and I'm not comfortable trying them on either. What I have isn't contagious per say but I wouldn't want to try a bra on after me. I need to be fitted too because I have measured myself and been measured by friends/family time after time and I've never gotten the same number twice and most of the time its vastly different than the time before. So I want this to go away. I wont sacrifice my liver for it though. I'll just go back to peeling blood soaked ill fitting bras off of my skin at the end of a con, or after the gym.
Seriously, as time goes on I begin to think I have a serious anger issue regarding my body, and especially my breasts. I don't know if it contributes to my self defeatism or pushes me to try harder in regards to getting lighter but I do know that I find my darkest thoughts stemming from my inability to wear a bra and therefore look normal in ANY top ever. Every time I have to lift a strap or pull the back down on a bra that just wont stop fucking RIDING UP I just want to vomit all over someone with a B-cup.
I'm struggling with feeling positive about my body image and getting healthier and losing weight. I have trouble reconciling them or feeling like I can have positive feelings toward my body when I am trying/failing/trying/failing etc to lose weight. Every fail feels like another brick in the retaining wall that surrounds my own personal leper colony.
I think maybe I'm just so tired of having to find new reasons to love myself.
I got a call from my doctor today telling me that my blood tests came back and that my liver tests were off in a bad way. She tested for everything under the sun and I'm clear so now we know its just the meds that I am taking for a condition that I have had for 10+ years that is FINALLY helping. Like seriously. I have had a skin issue for over ten years and I have seen multiple doctors for it and NOTHING has helped until these stupid, tiny, cheap little pills and now if my liver enzyme results get any higher when I go back on the 12th I have to stop taking them. The doctor doesn't want to take me off of the meds and they are working so maybe it will clear itself up by then. I've become a pessimist concerning this particular issue though.
I feel like a leper. I desperately need some new bras but I can't just be fitted for them because of this skin issue and I'm not comfortable trying them on either. What I have isn't contagious per say but I wouldn't want to try a bra on after me. I need to be fitted too because I have measured myself and been measured by friends/family time after time and I've never gotten the same number twice and most of the time its vastly different than the time before. So I want this to go away. I wont sacrifice my liver for it though. I'll just go back to peeling blood soaked ill fitting bras off of my skin at the end of a con, or after the gym.
Seriously, as time goes on I begin to think I have a serious anger issue regarding my body, and especially my breasts. I don't know if it contributes to my self defeatism or pushes me to try harder in regards to getting lighter but I do know that I find my darkest thoughts stemming from my inability to wear a bra and therefore look normal in ANY top ever. Every time I have to lift a strap or pull the back down on a bra that just wont stop fucking RIDING UP I just want to vomit all over someone with a B-cup.
I'm struggling with feeling positive about my body image and getting healthier and losing weight. I have trouble reconciling them or feeling like I can have positive feelings toward my body when I am trying/failing/trying/failing etc to lose weight. Every fail feels like another brick in the retaining wall that surrounds my own personal leper colony.
I think maybe I'm just so tired of having to find new reasons to love myself.