I so want the company of a man.  Someone to hold me for more than just one night.  More than one night on the dance floor.  Why does it have to end there?  I want to lay on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, patio door open, gentle breeze brushing my skin, the same way his fingertips brushed my bare arms when we slow danced.  I want that Sunday afternoon, to be this Sunday afternoon. To lay on the couch with Saturday-night-dance-man.  I know we both had a wonderful time.  Connected in a very nice way.  I also know we are very different.  But we could continue to share that loving connection.  People need affection.  A hug, a kiss, just to be held in a special way. As a species, it is a necessity.  From the very beginning, we need it.  In order to grow, to thrive.  In order to survive.

I have been sending my intention out to the Universe hoping for a soulmate in return.  I throw it out there like a boomerang and so often it hooks what is sought after and returns it to me.  So, I know the law-of-attraction works, but it just seems to be still attracting the wrong sort.  Something is off kilter.  Things have at least gotten stirred up again as of late, after a long dry spell.  But those who are attracted, are the weird, the unavailable, the fearful, the old, and/or the unattractive.  It doesn’t seem to matter whether it is in person or on the new consciousness-oriented online dating site I recently signed up with.  New-Saturday-night-dancer-man is very sweet, and a damn good dancer, but, as seems to be the standard operating procedure, I haven’t heard from him.

So I’m wondering what energy I am still putting out there.  What energy I need to change.  And how I can change it. How my vibration can be set at the wrong level after all the work that I have done.  Seems I am missing something, and I don’t know what.

My life coach told me when I am searching for answers, to just keep asking “Why?” -Ask the question.  Write the answer.  Then ask “Why?” Continue asking it and things will continue to unravel.  Clarity will hopefully be the result.  I guess it is time for that process again.  This time the question will be, “Why do I keep attracting unsuitable suitors?”  (or something to that effect)  Then, “Why?” Again.  And again.

I’ve got a very distinct picture of what I want in a partner.  I even have an actual photo from a magazine of ‘him’ hanging up on my easle.  Sometimes I look at him and ask, “Where are you?”  He always just smiles back at me with those beautiful eyes and sweet lips.  Yet he never says a word.  I’m open to connecting with someone in the meantime, while I wait for my soulmate to step forward.  Yet all that step my way have been the aforementioned. So I sit here writing, instead of hanging out, holding hands, head on a special shoulder.

I have to be careful not to fall into the victimstance mindset.  Maybe I have already been going there.  A little pity party is okay I guess, as long as I remember to switch gears.  To start doing some more digging, allowing for continued growth and discovery.

I’m thinking the next step will involve designing a t-shirt that says, “Single” on the front.  And “Available” on the back.  We’ll see what sort of fellas that attracts.

Copyright Suzanne Norton 2016