Wild Blue Living

Mornings are glorious to me. Especially this time of year. I keep hearing that storms are coming, residuals from the hurricane on the coast, but for now I am in love with these lovely Fall days. There is something about this time of year. Feelings of childhood are awakened by the cool, fresh air. Feelings that are connected to nature. Feelings that are hard to put into words, almost a type of euphoria. But a quiet, relaxed euphoria. I have been turning inward this season in a new way. Stillness and solitude are my new best friends. I will reach for pen and paper now because that is where my real joy from writing resides. Then I will sit on my cushion in front of the open window for my morning meditation. Such a delicious way to start the day. What nourishing activities feed your heart and soul on these delightful Fall mornings?

I found a place today for rent that used to be a yoga studio. A house actually in a cute neighborhood in West Knoxville. I don’t know if it’s for me but it’s for lease and has a little grassy area across from it, hard wood floors, lots of windows for natural light. I told Diane I could rent it and call it Miss Suzanne’s Yoga and Tai Chi studio. I thought, I could live there. I used to have a vision of having a space for other to come – meditate, have intellectual conversation on philisophical topics, read books, bring children who were interested in the same. A relaxed, comfy place. A gathering place.

As you may have noticed from previous posts, I have a lot of ideas. Reoccuring themes include: community, movement, mindfulness, meditation, connection, higher level existence, nature, and sunshine.

This space that I saw today didn’t meet the mark in a couple of ways. It wasn’t surrounded by nature other than the grassy area with two swings and a concrete picnic table across the street. And I didn’t really like the look of it from the outside.

Another vision was of a place in nature with floor to ceiling windows. A place people come to create. Large pieces of paper on the walls on which to paint.

Then there is my ashram on top of the mountain. A place people come for meditation, yoga, Tai Chi and Qigong. I am the teacher. They may be on vacation in the mountains and they add my sanctuary to their itenerary.

For now I must go meet a friend for Tai Chi in the park. I was hoping to use the bathroom before I left the coffee shop but one person left and another entered before I had a chance. Feel free to give me feedback on my visions. It’s often helpful to get another’s perspective. (Disclaimer – Sending this raw.)

Do you ever have one of those days where you run around trying to get things done and realize it’s the middle of the afternoon and you’ve only accomplished one thing on your list? Well. I am trying to tell myself it’s okay.

I’ve been developing a schedule, a routine, for myself. Go to the gym. Shower. Work out. Go to a coffee shop. Write. Then the rest of the day … ride my bike, hike, run errands. It usually goes like this instead … Take a selfie or 5 thousand while in my jammies in my car bed. Edit and post one picture for an hour or longer. Break down my sleeping quarters. Then head to the gym. Spend two hours there showering, running, and working out. Maybe go on a bike ride, drive around, or meet with my business coach on Zoom. Then find a coffee shop. Then around 2:00 start writing. It’s a start. My coach said to give myself grace. She is such a cheerleader for me. Such an awesome coach!

As I sat down at the Iron Horse to do my writing, I decided to work on my writing class a little bit first. It was very timely. I opened up to a writing by Dani Shapiro called A Memoir is Not a Status Update. She stated, “I worry that we’re confusing the small, sorry details—the ones that we post and read every day—for the work of memoir itself.” Her essay made me think about my decision to use my blog as a means to write my memoir, which had been my plan. It is very much a different animal. She touched on emoticons, the “addictive click and response” we receive on social media.

For me it’s about connection, something I don’t get face to face as much as I need. So I come here looking for interaction. I post on Instagram to communicate with people. To stay connected. Dani started her writing focusing on the lonely life of a writer and her own reaching towards Facebook for connection. Just as I write this, my mind jumps to … maybe I’ll check Tinder. What does this tell me? It tells me that I need to be more disciplined in the writing time I block off. It also tells me that I need to figure out how to meet more living, breathing people wherever I land.

I remember what it used to be like to write on my own, by myself, in my home. Especially in that first apartment in Columbia after I returned from discovering true love in Boulder. It was a time when the words flowed. The stream could not be turned off. Poetry, personal essays, flash fiction. Love and heartache can have such results. Such an outpouring. So I understand what Dani Shapiro is saying related to just throwing bits and pieces up on social media instead of going deep down in the trenches to pull out the real heart of the story when writing memoir.

I will have to do these things seperately it seems. Having seperate compartments for each. I still find value in different mediums. I still want to come here to interact with you. To communicate with you.

That’s it for now. Onto a different platform to work on my book. (That still seems so weird to say. My book. But I keep saying it. I will continue to say it until I believe it. Until it feels real.)

Love you!

They say, just do it! Do it everyday. So here I am. Not first thing in the morning. But not at the very end of the night either. In a coffee shop in a mountian city. Wide open here. Large place. Chill. Coffee. Tea. Food. Water. The sun has set. Big floor-to-ceiling windows line the front. Doors open. Sign flashes Open. Open till 9:00. My favorite kind of coffee shop. I need these places. They provide free Wifi. People leave. Not many of us left. Mostly college students this evening. How long have I been here? Since 4:30 maybe. I think. Too much time editing my Instagram posts for my friend. Took away from my writing. But I was happy to do it. I traced letters in my Kindergarten book that I picked up in Walmart when visiting Columbia a few weeks ago. I lose track of time. Track of what day of the week it is. Then I remember and wonder why Tuesday doesn’t feel like Saturday. Or Sunday, which also feels different than Saturday. It’s a little chilly. I observe my cup of tea getting cold. My cold water perhaps getting a little warmer. I am a different person when I write. I like that me a lot. This life of a writer. Again identifying feels good, like I mentioned in another post. Or perhaps I didn’t and just thought it. Can people please get their subject and object pronouns correct? It is not Him and I (went to church) for heaven’s sake! It is He and I. And it is appropriate to say me at the end of a sentence. Such as, Would you like to take a class with Bev and me? These things make me want to pull my hair out! I’m talking about educated adults speaking this way. When did this become a thing?

Am I writing a memoir here? Or just rattling? I personally think rattling onto thoughts onto paper (computer) is a good thing to do. But I must go. It is almost time for my Tuesday night Zoom meditation and I need to find a safe place to land where I can sit with my eyes closed in my car and feel safe.

Love you! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my words. That means the world to me!

Good afternoon fine folks out there reading this. Or, Dear Readers, if I want to follow in the footsteps of Stephen King. Some good footses to follow.

I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Northwest Arkansas smelling pumpkin bread bake, listening to coffee beans pour through a room-size machine and a baby cry, trying to stay present and not think about the phone call I need to make in less than an hour.

I am so happy to be here. So proud of myself for starting my new (travel) blog. For not adding the word finally in from of the word starting. I think this will not really be a travel blog. But then again it will. I will be writing more about my experiences, the people I meet, the thoughts I have, the changes I go through, and yes, the amazing, and ordinary, places I go. But the thing I am most excited about, as always, is sharing my journey with you. This journey is not just for me. It is for everyone I come in contact with, everyone I left behind, everyone I will cross paths with in the future, and anyone who needs to be seen and lifted up.

Now on to those scenarios for living. (I am so excited to be here writing to you!)

Scenario 1 ) I see myself in a little studio apartment. Open, big windows, lots of light. An easle. Wallspace for large sheets of paper. A feeling of love, joy, and connection to a craft. The craft of a creative. An artist, if you will. Where is this studio you may wonder. I may wonder. I am not sure where this studio is. That is the answer. But it feels so good in my heart and soul. This is a space I will live a free creative life.

Scenario 2 ) I am sleeping in my cozy car bed at a truck stop. I love being in my cozy car bed. I sleep like a rock while big truck and all other assorted automobiles pull in and out of the parking lot all night long (I mean I am assuming that is what is going on while I am dead to the world). I love that the parking lot is lit up. I love that it is populated by truck drivers, car campers, van-lifers. Maybe you have slept next to me, windows covered with sunscreens, blankets, or cardboard cutouts. Who knows. I like to move all of my items to one side. I love being so organized. Everything has its place. That is necessary. I have to know where everything is. And disorganized does not work for my mind, spirit, or my body. The noise, the lights … I know nothing. I sleep soundly. I use my plastic cup to urinate in when necessary. This excites me. To be self-sufficient. To figure out ways to make things work in this out-of-the-ordinary exsistence. I use a damp washcloth to wipe, being environmentally conscious. Besides I hate toilet paper. Who wants to wipe moist, delicate, parts with something dry and usually not so soft? (I have a whole lot to say on this topic but that’s another post.) I want to save the trees. Cotton feels better on my parts. I wash the cloth in the sink at the travel center when I go in in the morning to use their potty. One of my favorite things about this scenario is how resourceful I have become. I find this exciting, as well as something I am very proud of. Always new things to figure out. I like problem solving.

Scenario 3 ) Suzanne takes a job with a child care center, early learning program, or a parent education program working with new moms pre-natal and post-natal. She lives in Northwest Arkansas. She works out at the gym and teaches yoga and Tai Chi. What type of structure does she reside in? That is a tough blank to fill for Suzanne loves to live in her car and doesn’t know how long she can live at the truck stop and where she will shower everyday before work. Unless she continues to do so at the gym.

Scenario 4 ) Suzanne continues to travel. Seeking out new experiences, new places, new people. Coming up with new scenarios. First heading to Memphis. Then to Knoxville and Chattanooga in search of warmer winters than NWA can provide. From there she may explore North Carolina, Alambama, perhaps even Louisianna. Still, in search of warmer winters. Is she just going to continue searching for where the grass-is-greener? Looking for that perfect place? Does it exist? She finds it hard to settle.

Scenario 5 ) I keep my focus on writing my book, studying my 50 hr online yoga course, riding my bike, hiking in nature, getting together with friends, meeting new people, taking yoga classes, finding a Tai Chi teacher, being the Tai Chi teacher.

My challenge in this fine life is picking the life I want. I tend to want all the cake and to do all the eating. How does one choose when life is a big box full of chocolates? (Mamma always said … ) As previously noted, it ends up feeling like settling if I choose one scenario.

If it was you, what would you do?

Buffalo National River during 200 hr Yoga Teacher Training Jasper, Arkansas ….

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