Unicorns

A mystical creature who missed the boat
Because of a disagreement with a goat
All of the animals were called aboard
The unicorn stayed back, on his own accord
God told Noah to gather them all
Said “time is wasting, so don’t let them stall”
The unicorn, you see, was unique in a way
Able to converse, like humans today
He and the goat got into a spat
Over hierarchy between a mouse and a cat
He relayed this to Noah, just let it be told
But Noah said God would let it unfold
Animals, by twos, shuffled on to the ark
But the unicorns stood tall making their mark
History states the unicorn didn’t exist
But the mouse will attest he tried to assist
Animals pass on stories that the unicorn won
By standing his ground for the mice, unsung.
Hierarchy will cause much disagreement
But we must stand tall for who we represent.

Just a silly little made up story, but if you really think about it, what if it happened just that way?  Even animals had empathy for each other in that story.  What kind of hierarchy stories can you think of that change the course of how things are done?  Do you struggle with the chain of command? Have you ever stood tall for something you believed in that changed your life forever?

*Recycled post, my muse is not musing this morning. Got some news about a couple of friends yesterday (one passed with cancer and another diagnosed with cancer) and I just am not into writing. I am so over this cancer taking over our friends lives… Hopefully muse will be back for V tomorrow.

Cheers,

       

Trellis

Since spring has sprung, Tall Cool ☺ne and I have been working on a lot of outside projects. We started building a “potting shed” two years ago and it’s really coming together this year.  There’s an outside sink and plenty of counter space for transplanting flowers, a peg board with all the tools for what we need and just under cover space for whatever other outside projects that we find to busy ourselves with. We’ve nicknamed the potting shed “Upta Camp” because that’s what it’s kind like,  Although it has a dirt floor, and the lawn mower and rotor tiller are parked in it, I found myself being careful not to spill potting soil when I was doing a transplant the other day.  Isn’t that funny?

We have a few different trellis systems in the yard.  A small trellis for the rose bushes that grow behind the shed.  There is a wooden lattice trellis to block some tires in the back yard that is actually a shooting backstop. A fence trellis in the front yard holds the passion flower vine that is fresh with new blooms, although, as you can see above, it’s somewhat overtaking the fence.  Even a tree masquerading as a climbing trellis for a creeping vine. The vine was over-powering the tree so much we were concerned it would kill it, so we had to remove the vine from the tree and relocate it to another place.  The relocated vine is struggling some, but I think it will be okay.  I’m hoping it will eventually cover up those tires. (Harvey Town)!

All that to bring me to the T post of the day.  Trellis: a frame of latticework used as a screen or as support for climbing plants.  Each one of us is like a climbing plant.  We strive to grow and as we grow we need a balustrade of sorts to support us along the way. Some people are content with a little handrail while others are unfulfilled unless they have a huge network of support. Every person is different.

In my A-Z empathy journey I’ve come to realize empathy is not just to be used when someone is going through a hard or bad time.  Empathy can be sharing in joy with someone too.

“You got a new car, Wow!  Congratulations, good for you!”  “You got the promotion at work?  Excellent, I always knew you were the best person for the job!”

Sometimes we are the trellis for others and sometimes others are the trellis for us.  When this post came to mind, I was starting to feel like the tree with the vine growing all over it, sucking the life out of me.  Lucky for me I was able to recognize that I need support too and even though my banister is lacking right now, I can always go to the ladder of Jacob for help. Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

Who do you need to be a trellis for today?  Who has been your trellis lately who you can thank? Support your trellis, but let your trellis support you too.

Cheers,

 

Sunshine me a Sonnet

I promised sunshine and smiles today for the S post.  Or at least that was the last note I wrote in my blogging journal. Will you settle for a sunflower and a spider?  Today I really wanted to write a sonnet

Could I walk in your shoes just for a day?  Would they be too small to fit on my foot? Could I fathom how the burden did weigh? Extending empathy with deep input.

Rose colored glasses are just tinted glass,  Help me see what you see, open my eyes,   Unknown becomes knowledge and will surpass Ignorance no longer hides in disguise.

That’s as far as I got with it.  I tried to go further but became distracted with the mail. (I think I’ve mentioned before I’m a huge letter writing fan). I’m so far behind on correspondence this month and I feel bad for not being a good pen pal.  But I received a surprise early birthday gift from my Auntie Margie yesterday and I cried (tears of joy). She sent me a new Bible.  If you could see my Bible, it’s falling apart and I bought a book cover/case for it to hold it together but it’s just a mess (picture the nerd with the papers going flying everywhere in the hallway at school).  I know they are the same words, but there is something about a new bible that just makes me want to read and explore more because each time I read scripture there is a new nugget revealed to me.

I was reading about King Solomon’s take on empathy in Ecclesiastes…I think he wrote the best sonnet ever (the book of Ecclesiastes). He said it best in Ecclesiastes 1:18 “For in as much wisdom is much grief and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.”

Solomon was the wisest king in the bible and shared with us the knowledge he learned through his life of experience.  Despite the troubles that often plague our lives, we can still find pleasure and experience joy and rejoice in the gifts God has given us.

The thing I’m learning the most about empathy is experience.  The more things we experience the better equipped we are at delivering empathy.

Oh, and just a little side note.  A lot of my life lessons and experiences came from growing up with a strict step father… he was having me write a book for him before he died.  He never finished it, but I did publish what he had given me in honor of him.  He always said, “Live life to the fullest and be full of life while you live.”

All for now,

Cheers,

Reality Check

 

True empathy involves reality.  I don’t know about you but I can tell when someone is just saying something to be nice (‘bless their heart’) and when someone is saying something because they really are sincere.  Sometimes the gift of discernment isn’t always fun discerning.  I think I mentioned back in the beginning that being able to empathize with someone involves life experiences. If we haven’t experienced something someone else is going through, how can we possibly understand it?

I know this reads like I’m regurgitating what I’ve already expounded on.  Let’s visit the reality checks of Empathy.

  1. Try to put yourself in their shoes.
  2. Remember we all put our shoes on the same way.
  3. Respond as if you were going through same thing.
  4. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
  5. With differences of opinion, refer to reality check #4
  6. Remember a few words mean a lot more than an emoji.
  7. Be real, sometimes a hug is all that person needs
  8. Remember we are all God’s creation, good, bad, or indifferent.
  9. There isn’t always a resolution.
  10. Reassurance can be the hope that someone needs.

I will be happy to have A-Z’s of empathy over.  It’s not easy coming up with all these posts.  I’d much rather be writing about fun things like balloons and kittens or circus freaks and bluegrass festivals.  Hey!  I’m being honest.  How’s everyone doing?  Stay real.  Be back tomorrow with a little sunshine and smiles.

Cheers,

   

Quixotic

 

With only ten more posts to do for the A-Z’s of empathy I’m finding myself struggling with not repeating what I’ve already expounded on with empathy. It all seemed like a good idea at first and I have to admit I have learned a lot about myself about how and when I deliver empathy.  I have even caught myself a few times where I had to pause, ponder and ~dang pen ink ran out.  I had to rethink my responses.

If we have that fellow feeling with another person we can relate to what they are experiencing, but without that understanding and identity knowing what to say or how to respond is vain. Sometimes I set myself up for failure. Okay not sometimes, most times.  I make lists every day and never finish them.  I set goals that are impossible to achieve (in my mind it’s to challenge myself because when I have a goal I struggle to accomplish, it makes me look into ways to become better to succeed).  I know, I’m weird.  Maybe this A-Z of empathy I endeavor to persevere should be regarded as quixotic.  What do you think?  I leave you with a little Gordon Lightfoot.

Cheers,

   

Philippians 4:6-7

Today I really wanted to write about Penny.  She is my sister whom I have had no contact with since 2014. We had a falling out, words were said and since then my attempts (more than I can count) to reconcile have been futile. Tall Cool ☺ne says, “Don’t cast your pearls…” and my mother says, “she’ll probably never talk to you again…”  Encouraging, aren’t they?

I know I should just let it go; why is reconciliation so important? I think of her as my family bond, the person I used to take baths with when I was 5, my sister who I should be able to share all my hopes, my dreams, and my secrets with. We’re supposed to take trails down memory lane and be there for each other through triumphs and failures.

Most times what we want and what we get are completely different things. Not always bad and not always good, but different than what we expect.  Jesus went to the Cross, yet before that He went to the garden and prayed to His Father “…the cup to be taken away from Him…” but ultimately it was God’s will, not His.

We can’t predict the future.  We can’t purge the world from all the evil and corrupt things that happen.  People will pretend to be something they are not. Politics will continue to cause war and discontent between nations and countries.  Families will argue and feud like the Hatfields and McCoys (and it will probably be as stupid as over a pig).  Yet all these things will come to pass.

I know you are wondering what the heck does any of this have to do with empathy.  Everything.  The next time an opportunity arises to deliver empathy, first pause, second pray, third ponder:

Philippians 4:6-7 be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God and the peace of God which suppresses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I have a peace about my sister. One day when she’s ready I will be here for her.

Have you ever wanted one thing and received something different?  How did you react to that?

Cheers,

Obstacles = Opportunities

I have to say instead of writing a blog this morning I wrote in my journal after I had my Bible Study.  Bible study always comes first before anything else and this morning I struggled with a verse and I couldn’t let it go until I understood it.  Ever have a time when you read something and it just doesn’t make any sense at all?  So I wrote in my journal until it finally made sense to me and needless to say, it was time to go walk and no time to write.  Then, when I was trying to explain why I couldn’t understand it to Tall Cool ☺ne, he told me I had a carnival going on in my head.

Quick story to explain what he means by that.  We recently got rain barrels to help with keeping the garden and flowers hydrated without draining the well.  There was an obstacle filling the watering cans.  Water jugs didn’t fit under the spigot. Tall Cool ☺ne is so smart.  He just took an old hose, cut and hooked it to the first rain barrel, and voila, the water goes into watering can without issue.  I asked why he hooked it to the first one and not the second one.  When the rain comes out of the gutter it pours into the first rain barrel and then there is a hose on the back that drains into the second barrel. He looked at me like I had three heads and asked, “What are you talking about?”  I was thinking rotation and use the old first.  He said, “You have too many things going on in that head of yours. It is water and rain barrels, let me worry about where the water goes.”  Okay, but it totally made sense to me.

Obstacles equal opportunities.  The rain barrel is just an example and that really has nothing to do with empathy.  But I look back at obstacles that I thought were preventing me from doing something when in fact they were there to help me learn something. Those experiences can be used to share with others when they need help or examples.

My obstacle today caused me not to do so well in surveys at work.  We earn part of our salary based on a percentage of good surveys.  A lot of times it is something we have no control over; system issues, people don’t understand the survey system: 1 is bad and 10 is good.  Reading is fundamental and some people don’t read.  Most times it’s lack of empathy, or at least that’s what they tell me. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me. But I can tell you what my going forward plan is …. not only will I consider getting up at 3AM instead of 3:20 but something I hate, but I like my bigger paychecks, so more empathy work templates it is.  I will try my hardest not to have that obstacle again.

What kind of obstacles have you faced that can be used as opportunities?

Cheers,

   

Nobody Noble

As I’m reflecting on the past posts of my A-Z Empathy theme and I’m reading comments from faithful followers and bloggers, I’m grateful to have this opportunity to share my words.  But today I’m stuck with how to explain empathy.  Who am I to write about empathy?  Who am I to explain how to be empathetic?  We live in a time where want and desire has replaced need.  We think we need things and then we justify it by explaining it is to make us more efficient, to make us more productive, and to make us better at what we do. When it all comes down to it, it’s to make us more comfortable.  Am I right?

I think I need a new laptop.  The one I have is more than 10 years old and there is this round black dot about the size of a silver dollar in the upper left hand corner of the screen (I don’t know what caused it).  But I have to minimize my documents and web pages in order to get to the file tab.  It’s annoying and cumbersome but I deal with it.  You would think I would give in and just buy a new one, but I don’t for a couple of different reasons.  1. I’m cheap and I don’t want to spend the money on a laptop when I can work around the issue of the one I have, and 2. New means change and I’m not ready for learning the “ins and outs” of a new computer…I’m used to this one.

This brings me to where I am with today’s post.  Sometimes I think I know the “what about” and the “why behind” the things others are going through.  Sometimes I think I can understand when I really can’t.  I’m nobody noble.  I’m here to be your friend, your mentor, your harbinger.

I know it’s not much of a post today so maybe you want to hop on over to some of the other participants in the A-Z blogging challenge.

My friend who is joining in the challenge for the first time.  Everyone loves a smile and some I’ve yet to visit and some I definitely want to get caught up on. Our founder of the challenge , our graphics queen, our spreadsheet guru. Faithful followers who visit and comment even when I don’t visit back. Some fun blogs that just make me giggle any time I visit. Ever read a good book?

Cheers,

         

Mentor

Happy Tax Day to the people of the United States.  A day a lot of people dread and others look forward to. I guess the ones who look forward to it don’t wait until the 15th, they file as soon as the w-2 forms come in so they can get that money fast. I’ve been on both sides and I’ve yet to figure out that happy medium where the taxes come out even and there is nothing owed and nothing returned.

In my younger years there was a time where I listened to unsound council who told me “we  don’t need to pay taxes”.  There was another advisor who said “Don’t ever mess with the IRS. Always pay your taxes.”  About ten years after listening to the unsound council I learned a hard lesson about what can happen when the IRS is not paid.  Wages were garnished, bank accounts froze, and it was a complete mess.

Today’s empathy word is mentor. A mentor is a wise and trusted advisor.  Someone who will come along side of you and knows what you are about to experience.  I’ve had mentors and I’ve been a mentor.  Being a mentor, for me, taught me more than I thought I knew.  I like to think I’m still a mentor to my children.  Sometimes I try to mentor my mother, but she’s a little stubborn … okay, she’s a lot stubborn.

Mentors are important because they help guide where one struggles. Tall Cool ☺ne guides me with things I beat myself up over. Like not being able to get a post done before walking or being too tired to wash the dinner dishes.  He reminds me that we can only do what we can do.  One thing at a time and it will all come together when it is supposed to.  He is my hero and mentor guiding me with things I struggle with.

There are good and bad mentors.  There are the ones who truly have the interest of others at heart and then there are the ones who just want to toot their own horn, so to say.  I’ve been in both of these places so I’m very good a recognizing both aspects of mentorship.

We all have that need for guidance and we all want to be that person that someone looks up to. Even if we don’t have a mentor we can look to we have the ONE who never fails and never guides us wrong.  Psalm 61:2…when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Do you have a mentor?  Have you been a mentor? Have you ever been led wrong?  Have you ever led anyone wrong?

Hey we made it to the half-way mark in the A-Z Challenge.  Be sure to visit some of the other 172 bloggers who signed up for the challenge.  I’ll be back tomorrow with my N for empathy, yet I’m clueless as to what that will be.

Cheers,

                         

Listen

I think I’ve mentioned how Monday mornings come way to fast.  I only have a few minutes before it’s time to walk so today’s word on empathy is: Listen.  In order to be able to deliver empathy, we have to listen, or in this day and age of text and instant messages, read.  I’ve heard it said, “reading is fundamental”.  We all have a need for righting the wrongs and being able to fix things.  In our own selfishness or pride it’s easy to miss a detail in reading or writing a message.  It’s easy to not hear something in conversation because we are too busying thinking up what our response is going to be.

In order to deliver empathy in a meaningful, honest manner, we have to take the time to hear what that person is saying/typing.  As I’m writing this post, my yellow cat is biting my pen as if to say, “Are you listening?  I want some kitty loving otherwise the pen is going to be your hand.”  Sometimes we have to listen to the lingo not just the words. Learn to read between the lines before responding, otherwise it’s just lickspittle.

I leave you today with this short and sweet post.  Listen to the lingo, live, laugh, and above all love.  Jesus loved us so much, He came and died for us..

Have you ever responded to someone and missed a detail?  Have you ever left out a detail and when someone responded back to you, it wasn’t the reply you were expecting because some detail was missing?

Cheers,

 

Kitschy vs. Knowledge

Kitsch was the word of the day yesterday.  I had never heard of it so I did some more research on it.  Apparently there is a hair product company named Kitsch. I was more interested in the definition: something cheap or tacky that appeals to popular taste.

I pondered that for a while and it brought me here.  I thought about how many times I tell someone about something I am going through and I automatically get a response for the situation. Never really thought about it until I saw the word of the day yesterday and I thought, yeah it’s a kitschy response.  Do you do this?  I do this all day long at work.

A situation that happened most recently help craft this post.  I was helping someone with their auto policy and they were upset about the increase in the premium.  I gave my premade empathy filled response (I mentioned this is mandatory whether we believe it or not) and added I’d be upset too if my policy increased over $1000 and I’d do whatever I could to get the bill lowered.  They also added that they had perfect driving record and never filed any claims.  That was odd that the bill went up that much and it was my goal to find out why.

When we were growing up if we couldn’t hit a baseball or dribble a basketball we didn’t get to make the team.  Cold hard truth: you aren’t good enough for the team.  In today’s world everyone makes the team whether they can or cannot hit or dribble a ball.  We don’t want them to feel like they are not good enough.  In my humble opinion, not every kid should make the team.  Maybe they would be better off on the chess club or the drama group.  This generation of entitlement is our own fault.  Instead of kitschy responses we should be honest and give them other options to look into.  Instead of saying “you can be anything you want to be”, we should be saying “it looks like you are not getting the hang of it with that hockey stick, maybe you would be better at figure skating”. Or, “I don’t think you will be the next Vincent Van Gogh, but a piece of clay might be right up your ally”.

Granted some people don’t like to be taught.  The young person with the $1000 increase on their auto policy lied about having an infraction on their motor vehicle report. First I asked if it was accurate because they said they had a perfect driving record.  They said it was.  I explained the ways we could bring the premium down if they did certain things, their response was “I’m not doing that because it was not my fault.” According to the motor vehicle report, it was their fault, but this person obviously grew up believing they could do no wrong and everything is someone else’s fault.

Empathy has to be honest and not misleading. Jesus cleansed the Temple.  Matthew 21:12.  Not that we have to overturn tables, but being honest is an opportunity to teach.  How have you been kitschy with your responses instead of taking the opportunity to teach someone how things could be different?  How have they reacted?

Cheers,

         

Judgment

Let me tell you a story about two brothers named John and James.

John, the older of the two, and James played on a little league baseball team many years ago.  Even though the two played on the same team they both were in competition with each other always trying to be better than the other one.  James could hit a home run like it was nothing, and John could pitch strikes all day long.  James couldn’t run and John couldn’t catch, but the coach always did his best to help them each excel at what they did best.

One Saturday afternoon the game was at the bottom of the ninth and the brother’s team was down by two runs.  There were two men on and James was up to bat.  John was coaching at third base.  If James could hit the ball far enough into the outfield he could have plenty of time to run the bases and make it home.  He stepped up to the plate and the crowd was cheering him on while others were making fun of him because they knew he couldn’t run that fast.  He whacked that ball as hard as he could, and it flew right out into the bushes at the edge of the outfield.  “Run! Run!” everyone was yelling.  James took off running, tagging first base, and the outfielders were searching frantically in the bushes for the ball.  “Run! Run!”  James kept on running and tagged second base.

The crowd started yelling more and clapping.  “Throw it!  Throw it!  Run! Run!”  John saw that the outfielders threw the ball into the short stop.  “Run, James!  Run!”  John waved James onto home plate.  James was running and the short stop threw the ball and James was running so fast and the ball was coming so fast.  Instead of the ball going into the catcher’s glove it hit James right in the head and knocked him out cold.  After six days in a coma, his parents took him off the life support and he died without ever waking up.

John grew up always feeling responsible for his brother’s death.  Even though he married and had children of his own, he missed so much of their lives because he spent more time in the bottle than he did at birthdays and other memorable occasions.  Eventually his wife divorced him and he grew into a lonely, grumpy old man.

One Easter Sunday, John was by himself as usual, when a knock came on his door.  It was one of his grandsons.  Ironically it was the one named after his brother, James.  He came in with a book in one hand and a thermos in the other.  “Grandpa, I have to share something with you before it’s too late.”  The old man gruffly said, “I don’t want to hear it.”  But James was persistent and he took two mugs down from the cupboard and filled them with hot chocolate from the thermos.  Then he opened his Bible and he spoke.

“One night there was a bright star which guided three men who were the three wise men to the birth of Jesus, who later in life became a carpenter and a fisher of men and souls.  He had twelve apostles who spread the Word of Christ.  But on one black day of hatred, envy and death, He was crucified.  He shed His blood for us to purify and save us.  He rose and is now in Heaven seated with the Father and the Holy Spirit.  He did all of this because of His great love for us.”

“Grandpa, everyone says you’re a mean old man because of what happened to your brother.  What happened to him is not your fault and Jesus loves you and forgives you.  You don’t have to feel like it’s your fault, just talk to Jesus and tell Him how you feel.”

Of course John, being the grumpy, old drunk that he had grown into wasn’t going to listen to what anyone had to say and he kicked his grandson out of his house and told him if he was going to preach to him not to bother coming back again.  That night, John died in his sleep.

There is a lot more to that story, but that is enough to make one contemplate who they are judging. As I started to write todays post I thought about whom I had to forgive and who I needed to speak a kind word to.  There is so much stuff that gets in the way of our lives that sometimes we lose sight of the true meaning of why we blog.  It is not about the accolades.

This little baby boy born in a manger came to live a sinless life only to die a brutal death on a Cross in order for us to have eternal life.  We celebrate His birth for that.  When we get wondering who did or did not comment,  when we judge others on what they do; over eating, or over drinking, or over spending, when we get so involved in things, we lose sight of what is important:  we forget to forgive. We are not here to judge.

(I know I’ve shared this story before.  I wrote it in 2011 at Christmas time and every time I read it, it brings a tear and a new prayer in my heart. I hope it does the same for you.)  Jesus had more empathy and sympathy than anyone ever.  He gave up everything for us.  I’m ashamed to admit I judge people too often and I need to stop that.

Who have you been judging lately that maybe it’s time to let that go?

Cheers,

                                                                       

Interpretation Impacts Others

In a virtual world of work at home and social media, interpretation has become so important. How people respond to the written word is much different than how people respond to the same verbal word. Being able to see an expression plays a huge part in understanding what the person is saying and feeling. Without that, the written word becomes our own interpretation.

Sometimes if we are not sure about how a person references something we need to ask. Don’t be upset with the interpretation of your own mind. Get clarification from that person. In the virtual world of social media and “I wanna be noticed”, it is easy for the typed word to be misconstrued by the eyes of the reader. Tall Cool ☺ne says all the time, “Say what you mean, and mean what you say.”  God gives all believers spiritual gifts. But we also have spiritual responsibilities. Within those responsibilities, we are to teach others the truths of God (Matthew 28:20) we are to serve one another in l♥ve (Galatians 5:13), we are to walk by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7), and we are to live wisely (Romans 16:19)

Have you ever read something and interpreted it differently than the writer intended? How did you react? Did you bring it to that person and ask for clarification? How was that taken? How can your interpretation impact others?

Cheers,

 

 

 

Harbinger

One that pioneers in, or initiates a major change.

This morning I come to my blank page in the A-Z notebook to write today’s H post.  (I always manually write my posts and then move them to a word document and then post to WordPress—yes I know, old and anal and too many steps for you young fast bloggers of the new age). Manual writing is a therapy for me and then moving to a word document is a form of proof reading to make sure I get things as right as write can be☺.  Engage thoughts before pushing pen I guess one would say.  Not to mention, as I’m writing, I’m hoping something more than halitosis comes to me this morning at 3:25AM.

I was thinking about how sometimes I just know what comes out of a person’s mouth is complete B.S. Have you ever experienced that?  They mean well and they say all kinds of things trying to be nice, but you know in your mind they are full of it and they really don’t have a clue as to what they are talking about. It’s like halitosis.  The road to hell is paved with good intensions.

Therefore this brings me to today’s H word of the A-Z’s of empathy.  Harbinger.  “I’m your Huckleberry,” as Val Kilmer portraying Doc Holiday in Tombstone said. (May Val rest in peace, I loved that actor).  I’m your huckleberry, the harbinger of the new and improved use of empathy. I don’t want it to be a template of fluff.  I want it to be real.  There is a way to be kind and not be fake. If we don’t know, we don’t know but we can still be kind about it. We don’t have make things up to try to make someone feel better.  Be real.  Be kind.

I think we’ve gone so far into making stuff up with fluffing the empathetic responses that now when we say, “I’m sorry,” people don’t even care.  For example the other day at work someone wanted to get an extension on making their payment because they had a family emergency and they just lost their job.  That’s really sad and I can relate to both of those things and I start with “I’m sorry that you are experiencing that…”  Immediately the person tells me they don’t care if I’m sorry, they just want to know what I’ going to do about the extension on the bill.  But then I get to see the notes and the same excuse has been used over and over again.  What I want to say is, “It’s too bad you’re a loser and you can’t seem to manage your money and too bad, so sad, your policy is about to cancel”, but instead I have to fluff it up with blah, blah, and blah. Like a bowl of rice.  By itself it’s not very appetizing but dress it up with some gravy or some stir-fry veggies and then it’s easier for people to digest. It’s still rice in the end and the same truth comes out.  Most days I don’t agree with all that fluff, but as I mentioned before, even if we don’t agree, we do have to submit to certain hierarchy and authority.

I think in real life situations with people we know and interact with on a daily basis we should be able to be kind, be nice, and yet be honest.  Don’t say we know how someone feels and we can relate to something that we’re clueless on.  I’ll be your huckleberry…I’ll come along side you and be there for you to cry with.  I might not know what you are feeling and I might not understand the why of what you are experiencing, but I’ll be here for you. If I can’t relate to it I’m not going to try to sugarcoat it with a bunch of rhetoric but I will be honest and truthful with what I do know.  What do you think?

Cheers,

                         

Green Eyed Monster

I was chatting with Ella the other day. Whenever we facetime she always wants to see here favorite kitty.  “N’anado”is her favorite even though Chow Maine is the phone cat.  For real, she has to call my mother every night after I get out of work and they have a little conversation before I get my turn to talk.  Fernando, on the other hand, hates the phone, hates to have photos taken, and is just a party pooper of a cat.  (This is truer than you know…he’s the pooper and Chow Maine is the puker).

What does this have to do with empathy?  Nothing really. But the other day while Ella and “N’anando” were looking at each other, I asked Ella what color he was.  She did not hesitate at all.  “Green!”  Robyn said, “No, he’s orange.”  This picture does not do justice at all to what Fernando’s eyes looked like when Ella was looking at him.  They were bright green and that was the first thing she noticed.  Fernando really is a green-eyed monster imposing as a big fluffy kitty.  Ella saw something her mom and me overlooked.

Empathy is kind of like that.  How many times do we immediately think we know what someone is going through, but we have overlooked the small details?  Instead of the big picture, sometimes it’s important to look at the little things. My sister and I used to judge our Christmas by how big the gifts were under the tree.  My mother always said, “Diamonds come in small boxes.”  (Yeah, well I wanted a tree house not diamonds.)

Someone commented yesterday that you can’t empathize if you haven’t been through it, you can only sympathize.  I whole-heartedly am on board with that.  I concur that we can’t truly know what someone is going through if we haven’t been through it ourselves.  Yet companies push the empathy thing.  They make templates that say we know what they are going through, we understand….blah, blah, and blah.  I think it’s wrong, wrong, and wrong. “Oh no, empathy can be learned”, they say.

I can honestly say that somethings people are going through I totally feel bad for them that they are going through it and I’m sad that they are going through it, but I don’t know how it feels and to be completely honest, I don’t’ want to know how it feels because I don’t want to go through it, ever.  If that sounds mean, I’m sorry.  Tall Cool ☺ne tells me I’m borderline sociopath.  Uh, no, I’m just being honest.

My cousin Randy was in a terrible motorcycle accident when we were 14 years old.  (That was a long time ago).  It was horrible because we were glued to each other every summer when Randy and his family came up to Maine from Pennsylvania.  Instead of playing outside, climbing trees, exploring the backyard at my grandmother’s house like we used to, now we were confined to a couch in the living room, watching TV, playing board games.  I have no idea what it was like for Randy losing everything he lost at such a young age.  Still don’t.  I only knew that it stunk that we couldn’t play outside like we used to.

We can’t know what it’s like for every situation. Sometimes the big picture isn’t a full description of what’s really going on. There are somethings we will never understand and if you are honest with yourself, you don’t want to understand.  But we can come along side of them and be the crutch.  We can say, “I don’t know what you are going through, but I’m here for you.”  Sometimes that’s all that’s needed.

What’s the green eyed monster that you are missing?

Cheers,

                                                       

Faithfully Fight Forever

Monday mornings come way to fast.  There are a lot of F-words I could expound on for today’s A2Z Challenge.  I’ve had a few people at work drop the f-bomb on me.  There was a time back in the day when I used to drop the F-bomb quite frequently and it didn’t bother me so much as it does now.  Now it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  Isn’t that funny?

I battled back and forth through the night with what to base today’s challenge on. Fighting doesn’t seem like an empathetic word. Faithful is definitely a word that might involve empathy.   Something happened over the weekend that made me realize that for me, being empathetic isn’t condoning something that is wrong.  Someone pointed out to me that I wasn’t being very empathetic over a situation that happened.

Ever since Eve succumbed to the serpent’s lies in the Garden, the battle of wills began.  Gaining control over another.  We all want it.  We all want to be right, even when we’re wrong.  Even when we break the law.

Maybe I’m wrong on this one, and I think I mentioned when I started this theme that I struggled with being empathetic at times, and was hoping to gain insight.  I have to admit that I can’t empathize with stupidity.  “Oh I know it’s against the law, but that doesn’t apply to me, so I’m gonna do it anyways.” (This is just an example, it is not the situation that happened, but someone did break the law).  A person robs a bank, gets shot by the police and now is laying in a hospital bed fighting to survive a gunshot wound.  I feel sorry for that person, but I have no empathy for them. Maybe some people have that.  I don’t. That person is an idiot who chose to break the law, hence they need to deal with the consequences.

I asked for spiritual discernment, even prayed for it and God is faithful. He will answer our prayers.  Sometimes it’s tough to see what I see in people and I wish I didn’t. But I can’t give it back. It’s like seeing a dead animal or an accident on the side of the road. You can’t not look after you look.  I’ve learned now if I see an animal in the road ahead in the distance, I look away or close my eyes until we are past it. I know that sounds incredibly silly but my heart hurts to see a dead domestic animal in the road.  Why would someone hit an animal and then leave it to die?  Why can’t pet owners take better care of their pets?  Not that wild animals have any less value than a domestic animal…they all have same, but my heart just can’t take the trauma of seeing it anymore. I wish sometimes I could look away from what I see in people.

We get to choose the battles we want to fight and the ones that aren’t worth putting in the effort. People who think rules don’t apply to them won’t sit high on my empathy list.  They need the chip knocked off their shoulder.  Everyone is different and everyone has a different story to tell.  That’s what makes us all so important in God’s eyes.  He gave each one of us a story to tell and made us all special in different ways.  We get to faithfully fight forever in the battles we chose to engage in.

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another person while sympathy is feeling sorry for someone and their situation without sharing their feelings.

What situations do you struggle with when you should be empathetic but you are sympathetic instead?  I’d love to read your examples so that I know I’m not alone.

Cheers,

   

Engage

It’s Saturday morning and I slept in until 4:45AM.  No walk today.  I took a look at my list I made last night of things to do today and I have no idea how they will all get done (they won’t).  I’m now behind on six letters of correspondence.  My son’s birthday is Tuesday and I need to put his package together even though the USPS still probably won’t deliver it on time if it gets mailed today.  (I just realized it’s been 4 years since I’ve seen my s☼nshine and 6 years since I’ve seen my daughter!) Where does the time go?

I recall back before I started working from home ten years ago, when I could spend my days writing, cooking, and cleaning … um, yeah, okay so I didn’t do much house cleaning, but writing and cooking was my life.  I remember when I would reach out to people, they never had time to talk or respond because they were too busy.  I couldn’t understand how everyone could be so busy to not have time to respond. I made the mistake of saying out loud, “God, maybe one day I’ll be so busy I don’t have time to respond”.  Be careful what you wish for, or what you say to God because He listens.

Therefore, this brings me to today’s Empathy word: Engage. I promised to visit other blogs—and I will eventually.  Too many times I see blog hoppers jump from blog to blog with a little generic template that says “here from A-Z, good luck with the challenge, blah, blah, blah”.  Maybe that’s okay for a lot of people but I’m not going to do that.  If I’m going to take the time to visit, you’ve taken the time to write it, I’m going to read it and at least make an effort to comment about what you wrote.  As I’m writing this post today, I’m convicted about the template life has become.

Templates are something I use in my life daily at work.  I have a whole folder of “Empathy Templates” for every situation that comes up.  You know what the worse part of that is?  It’s what our world has turned into.  Even our daily life.  I remember when I first moved to South Carolina from Maine and would watch the local news.  I would freak out because every single night there would be a report of a shooting. How could that be? That never happened in Maine.  Tall Cool ☺ne would say, “Happens all the time, you get used to hearing it.”  The sad part about that is he’s right. We fall into the products of our environment.

It’s easy to get caught up in templates, generic responses.  I do it all day long at work.  People can’t pay their bill, there’s a template of how I understand what it’s like to be strapped not having the money to pay bills.  People report a death, there’s a template how I understand because I’ve lost a loved one too.  There’s a template for everything and I don’t even  have to engage in what that person is really going through.  It’s heartbreaking because this is what our world is now.  We don’t have to engage because someone or something (Alexa, Siri…A.I.) has taken the time to put every response together for us.  Do you know what I mean?

How many times do you send a text message and the person responds with a thumbs up or a heart or my pet peeve is prayer hands. (I think that is a templated response that too many people use and really don’t even pray.) Instead of me going off on a tangent I’m going to end for now. I need to engage in my Saturday morning list of things to do.  Things for you to ponder:  The next text or email you get, how can you engage instead of sending a templated response?

See you all here on Monday with F-words.

Cheers,

                           

Defer to Differ

I think I mentioned I chose the theme empathy because it’s something companies are stressing their employees use more of when dealing with customers.  In my job, we get correctives for not using enough empathy.  Personally I think that’s ridiculous but we all have a hierarchy we have to adhere to.  We don’t have to agree but we do have rules we have to follow.  I figure in this journey of A-Z through empathy I’ll learn something and maybe even share some insight with others.

Yesterday during our walk I told Tall Cool ☺ne I didn’t know what I was going to do for the letter D.  I was tossing around Devil’s Advocate in my mind but couldn’t come up with how that would have empathy.  Empathy and devil is just an oxymoron.  Tall Cool ☺ne always has a good story to tell about the people he works with.  A bunch of hillbilly rednecks if you ask me but they are entertaining.

He told me about an email that was sent out using the word differ instead of defer. Of course the two words have completely different meanings and the way it was used in the email made no sense at all … another word was used incorrectly in the same line so it was just nonsense. (Spell checking is not proof-reading, people!) We joked about it and had a good laugh that made the grueling 4 mile hike at 4:30 AM at least entertaining.

Hence came the title of today’s post.  When we come in contact with people, first impressions mean a lot.  It’s hard to have confidence in someone who has a bad first impression just like it is easy to be misled by someone with a good first impression.  Shouldn’t we all have a motto to “defer to differ”?  Yield to the distinctiveness of someone we come in contact with.  We don’t know their story.  We don’t walk in their shoes.  God’s word says He will not give us more than we can handle: “No temptation has overtaken you except such is common to man; but God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation, will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” {1 Corinthians 10:13}  What God prepares one person for isn’t the same as another. I am fearfully and wonderfully made…we all are.  And we all carry different baggage that we should defer to differ.

Who do you need to give more grace to?  How’s everyone doing?

We’ve almost got week one down.  Don’t give up!  You can do it!

Cheers,

barbie

Character Building

One of my favorite tasks of story writing is building characters.  What kind of character do I want? Hero or villain?  Good or evil? What kind of idiosyncrasies would I want them to have?  I love being able to create a character exactly the way I want them for the story I’m about to write.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if we had the power to do that with people we deal with every day?

I remember a time when I was in the fifth grade. I took a bracelet from my mother’s jewelry box, (yes, I stole a bracelet from my mother) and brought it to my fifth grade teacher as a gift.  The teacher returned the “gift” to my mother with a note.  I have no idea what the note said and that’s all I remember about that incident. Whether I got in trouble for stealing the bracelet or not bequeaths me.  I do remember that fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Batcheldor, took more time out of her busy schedule to pay attention to me, to ask me about my day, to help me with things I didn’t understand or I struggled with learning.  (Teachers like her are a blessing!)

As I’m exploring the A-Z’s through my theme of empathy, each day I pray that God gives me something new to learn.  I know we are only three days into this and if I make it to the end, all the glory goes to God, not me.  Each day is a new lesson in understanding how to be more empathic and God gives me something new to expound on.

We have the opportunity to build people up or tear them down.  Our words have the ability to make or break someone.  Granted real life is not building characters in a novel, wouldn’t it be a novel idea if we could?  We can make someone feel better when we say something nice, when we come along side of them and help carry the burden of what they are experiencing.  The old adage comes to mind, “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”.  No matter what we might think in our mind about someone, what we say out loud matters.

Have you ever experienced a time where someone had the opportunity to build you up or break you down and they took the high road to build you up?  How can you use that experience in helping someone else?

I might add, be sure to visit some of the other 162 bloggers who have signed up so far.  I haven’t had a chance to do so yet this week…. (I’m telling you that work really cuts into my hobbies).  I plan to get caught up on Saturday.

Cheers,

                       

Broken

I’ll try to come up with photo later.  This is part of the Empathy theme.  I’m a little behind on getting my posts together and TCO is ready for that 4 mile hike. I promise to visit everyone’s posts later this week.

 

Tall Cool ☺ne and I have conversations about the people we deal with on a daily basis.  A lot of the people he deals with are the same people because they work for him. It’s like Groundhog Day, over and over and over again (we joke about that a lot). The people I deal with are different people but with the same issues, which resembles Groundhog Day over and over again.

People are prideful, boastful, arrogant, and entitled.  We tend to forget our own stiff-necks when we talk about the people we deal with.  There was a time when we sounded, acted, lived just like they did.  But then there was a breaking point.

If you come to our church you will hear Pastor John talk about how he accepted Jesus one February day back in 1978.  Whenever he talks about that story it reminds me of my own day in March of 2008.  Some people remember dates but almost every Christian remembers their breaking point of when lost became found, blind became seen. Our prideful nature will lead us down a path of destruction.  It’s only at that point of brokenness when we realize we cannot do life on our own anymore.  Some of those brokenness stories if you hear them are heartbreaking, suicidal, fearful, downright catastrophic moments.  But then in that moment of weakness, in that moment of ending it all, when all hope was gone, ♫♪ there was Jesus♪♫.

When dealing with the stubbornness of the world today, the entitled, the pompous, the arrogant, let’s remember in that moment of wanting to tell them to get a life; we were there once too.  Thinking about the brokenness they may have to endure will change our perspective of dealing with people. One day maybe they can experience being freed from the bondage of sin.

Have you experienced a breaking point?  Sometimes sharing your brokenness can be a blessing to someone going through the same thing.

 

Armageddon Accountability

This image was borrowed from an online website, it is not owned.

*This year’s blog theme is Empathy.

What does Armageddon Accountability have to do with empathy? We face a certain Armageddon every day. Right shoulder angel whispers in our ear to do the right thing. Left shoulder devil says it’s okay to be a little late to work – it doesn’t matter, everyone else is late; who cares? Right shoulder angel reminds us to go easy on the sugar because we’re trying to cut back and lose a few pounds. Left shoulder devil tells us we’re already fat and cutting out the sugar isn’t going to make one bit of difference so go ahead and have another teaspoon or two or three if you want.

Just like those Armageddon’s we also face accountabilities. We’re accountable to our spouses, our parents, our jobs. We have to get to work and punch in on time; catch the school bus and make it to class before last bell rings; make it to the doctor’s office so that we can sit in a freezing cold waiting room 45 minutes before the doctor comes in to see us for five minutes and then refers us to another specialist; make it to church before the countdown clock ends, the list is endless.

How can we take our daily Armageddon Accountability to bring glory to God? Use it. Use those struggles to our advantage. Empathy isn’t something that’s easy. I admit I struggle with it. My problem hasn’t been that I don’t have it. My problem is instead of just putting myself in that person’s place, I’m quick to judge them as to why they are in the position they are in. “Oh, you don’t have money to pay your bill, but you have a nice manicure and fancy clothes.” Or my pet peeve at the Walmart are the ones paying with SNAP [formerly known as food stamps] while talking on the latest and greatest I-phone! INSANE!

I’ve come to accept that I’m not the judge (good thing too). There is only ONE. I’m here to serve Him. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (And here on this side of eternity we will continue to do so).  ALL in my dictionary means the whole amount….everybody! I don’t know anyone else’s story or why they are in the position they are in. But I do know this: Iron sharpens iron. How would I want to be treated? Everyone battles Armageddon Accountability. Everyone is different and some handle things better than others. We aren’t here to make that call of the why they are in the position they are in.  But we are made to bring glory to God.  We are here to help each other. How can you take your life experience and help someone that is struggling? Is there something you are struggling with (other than making it all the way to Z in the A-Z Challenge )?

Cheers,

                       

2025 THEME REVEAL: A-Z of EMPATHY

Wow, another year has flown by rather quickly. I started getting my thoughts together in January. January 10th to be exact. As I started pondering whether or not to have a theme or to just wing-ding it, I kept getting nudged ever so gently with the word EMPATHY.

Ever since I started my cushie work-at-home job, on several different campaigns, the key word has been empathy. Companies build metrics around it and customer service surveys rely on it. I struggle with it.

Empathy is not something we automatically have as a personality trait. Life experience is where empathy comes from. Ten years of reviews at work and the key that I’m missing is showing more empathy. I’m one of those people who is quick to judge rather than trying to put myself in that person’s shoes and understand the situation. I admit it.

Hence my theme this year is the A-Z’s of EMPATHY. I’m not sure where it will lead me, but I am sure I will definitely learn something. I had planned to have all of my posts done ahead of time. As you can probably guess, that didn’t happen. This post is based off notes I wrote down back in January. Can you relate?

I’m looking forward to catching up with all my fellow bloggers, making some new acquaintances and having a fun time blogging about empathy for the month of April in the A-Z Challenge.

Cheers,

New Years


December 31, 2024

Dear Family & Friends:

In the past I’ve written the notorious Christmas newsletter. I didn’t take the time this year but instead took time to write a Happy New Year’s letter. Hey, maybe it will be a new tradition. Maybe it will inspire someone.

Have you made your new year’s resolutions yet? I used to make a list, but then I stopped because I’d get mad and beat myself up over failing. Recently I thought about it again and decided maybe I need that challenge in my life. Don’t we all need to be challenged?

Resolution #1: I want to be a better [insert word here]: mother, father, brother, sister, employee, employer, Christian, etc. The list is endless. Everyone has something they can be better at. It doesn’t have to be big; simple small changes. The old adage says, “Pennies make dimes, dimes make dollars, and so on, and so on.

Resolution #2: I want to be more forgiving. Set aside the wrongs that have happened in our lives; the raise we didn’t get, the job that was passed to someone else, the relative who didn’t acknowledge the gift, the friend who talked behind our back, the driver who cut us off in the church parking lot, poor customer service, that list is endless. Let it go. If you are holding on to some old grudge that happened years and years ago, let it go. Life is short and tomorrow is not a promise.

Resolution #3: I want to be more intentional about sharing the Gospel. I know God puts opportunities in our lives every day. I want to be more aware and take advantage of them. If you have not yet made your peace with God, here’s your chance. You can do it privately in the comfort of your own home. Repeat these words:

“Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. In Your Name. Amen”.

God bless you if you said that prayer. The angels are rejoicing in heaven and you and I will meet again there. If you are still undecided, it’s okay. Jesus still loves you and we will not give up praying for you.

Resolution #4: I want to be more giving and helpful to those in need. Recently our very close friend was diagnosed with Laryngeal Cancer. He’s got a fight ahead of him. Talk about a wake-up call to not take advantage of the time we have been graced with on this earth. Every day is a gift.

Included with the hard copy letter is a bracelet for you to wear as a reminder to pray for Jeff. Maybe you don’t know how to pray. Hey, it’s okay, some people don’t. We all have to start somewhere. It’s really easy. God knows each one of us intimately. He knows our hearts so it doesn’t have to be a Billy Graham sermon ~ it can be as simple as, “God, I pray for Jeff Ayer to be healed.” Ultimately it is God’s will to be done. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Miracles happen for those who believe. Prayer changes things. God may even move in your own life. I implore you to wear this bracelet and pray for Jeff every day. (If you bloggy buddies are interested in these bracelets, let me know.)

A little more history on the bracelet. Forgive me for the length of this letter ~ sometimes I’m long-winded with the pen. The Only God theme is something Nen (and Jeff) came up with through the trial the two of them face ahead. Things happen big and small, good and bad, and through all of them, they are taking a stance that Only God will see this through. Only God will be the answer to all of our prayers.

If you’d like to do more for the Ayer’s through this season they face in their lives, please let me know and I’ll put you in contact with them. Right now Jeff’s diet consists of bland soups and protein shakes.  

Every prayer is music to God’s ears and every prayer counts toward bringing glory to the Kingdom of God.

Happy New Year and be blessed and cheers,

Chris ♥Barbie

*Thank you for taking the time to read all the way through this letter.

**James 5:15 And the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up.