Tag Archives: tablets

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Comic Con

We were recently the recipients of The Grandparent Scam.  The son’s skepticism and quick mind shut it down in about 30 seconds.

Only the night before, I had read an online rant about it.  The author was amazed, and aghast, that people still fell for it.  The general public has been told about it, again, and again…. And AGAIN…. And AGAIN!! – what it is, how it works, don’t fall for it.  The entire World should be aware, yet every week, another gullible senior pays a phony ransom in iTunes gift cards.  However – over at our place….

The son had come home from his midnight shift, and was enjoying a snack and reading on his tablet when the phone rang at 11:00 o’clock.
Hello.
Grandpa?
Had I answered, this is where I might have already become suspicious.  The grandson never calls me Grandpa.  I am always Poppa.  It took the son a few more seconds.
No, this is Uncle Martin.  And then…  Randy??
I didn’t know whether you’d recognize my voice or not.  I’m in real trouble.  A guy punched me in the face and broke my nose.  Can I speak to Grandpa??
The son’s cynicism and suspicion began to kick in.  He’d caught the Grandpa vs. Poppa, and the caller didn’t Sound like he had a broken nose, and a dozen other little things.  He said….
What do you expect him to do – drive you to the hospital??
Uh… no, I guess not.  And hung up.
The son said, you could almost hear the prepared script go off the rails, and crash in flames into the ravine.  He wanted to let the scammer spin his tale of woe, to see where it led.  It could have been interesting and amusing.

This scam works best when the supposed victim is a vulnerable teen high-schooler.  We only have one  grandson.  He is 30.  He has a wife, a son, a car, and a job.  He’s far too intelligent and cautious to have someone randomly punch him.  At 11 AM, he should be halfway through his shift at his employer’s plant.
Been injured on the job?  Call your boss!
Been assaulted??  Call the cops!
Need transportation??  1. Call your boss. 2. Call an ambulance. 3. Call a cab or Uber. 4. If you can call your Grandpa, you don’t seem badly injured – drive yourself!

This particular con also works best, down in the Excited States, where a visit to a hospital can cost an arm and a leg, if you’ve broken an arm or leg.  Up here in Socialized Medicine’s Great White North, you might not even lose a day’s pay.  This grift is aimed at a far more credulous and suitable victim pool than us.  C’mon people – stop and think.  People lie, especially where money is involved.  👿

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Smitty’s Loose Change #10

Smitty's Loose Change

A screenwriter was paid $25,000 for two days work, to produce an outline for a successful movie. A story reported that he was given 25,000 “Big Ones”.   Now, twenty-five thousand dollars can be described, in slang, as 25 Thou, 25 Grand, 25 Gs, or even as 25 Big Ones, but, if there are 25,000 of them, they’re not Big Ones, they’re all little ones. I’ve read writers like this described as knowing the difference between wet and dry, but feeling that it’s a fine distinction.

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I recently discovered something even worse than helicopter parents. These are lawn-mower parents, who precede their children, and mow down every possible problem, obstacle and hindrance to their life. They conceal the realities of life for their unfortunate children and allow them no chance to mature and grow, to become self-sufficient, and to learn from experience and failure, and how to adapt.

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The Universe of Politically-Correct speech continues to expand and grow. I recently read an account of a small-plane crash which killed three people, described as a shatter landing. No George Carlin bathroom tissue was involved.

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The Grammar Check needs a slap as badly as the Spell Check. I typed I wonder what Eli Whitney’s Cotton Gin tasted like into a one-liner comedy post, and got back, ‘I wonder what Eli Whitney’s Cotton Gin is.’ 😯

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Bag man, and bag lady, mean completely different things.

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I recently bought myself a box of Wheat Thins crackers, as an occasional snack…. because I like Wheat Thins, and they were on sale. I opened the box, took a small handful, and sat down with a book. I popped one into my mouth and crunched it, and – What in Hell is this petrified wallpaper paste??!

My weak eyes and weak mind must have made me pick up the wrong thing. No. The box clearly says “Wheat Thins,” – but, as I look closer – under that, it says ‘Multigrain.” You assholes do know that oats, barley, quinoa and chia don’t make “WHEAT Thins”, right??! I would have been better off just cutting the cardboard box into small squares, and eating it. Now I know why they were on sale.  😯

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I also recently astounded my chiropractor. The clinic where he practices also has two massage therapists. I took the wife in for massage, and sat out front waiting and reading a newspaper. When he stepped out of his office, his eyes went wide.

“In all the time I’ve worked here, I’ve never seen anybody read a newspaper here. They all have their noses stuck into the blue glow of their smart phones or tablets. They bring a book, or they leaf through one of our magazines, but I’ve never seen a newspaper in this waiting room.”

I told him that I never have to worry if the ISP is down, I don’t have to ask for the Wi-Fi password, and my batteries are never low – although occasionally I have to remember to sharpen the pencil that I do crosswords and word jumbles with.

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Flash Fiction #153

Echo

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

LOCAL DIALECT

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

I have no idea. This place just seems to go on forever.  What’s the name of it – ‘Echo Emporium’??  It’s déjà vu all over again.  What do they do in there – make tape measures – package spaghetti – a bowling alley?  Oh look, another tower – just like the last one.

You kids aren’t watching ‘Groundhog Day’ back there are you?? I think we’re just driving in circles, nothing changes….

….When that pub owner suggested visiting the “Loch”, I thought he meant like Loch Ness. This is a canal ‘lock,’ and us with no boat.

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You don’t have to go to Europe to have trouble with local dialects. A ‘Yankee’ had a retirement home built in Florida.  When it came time to install the driveway, the contractor asked him if he wanted poured concrete or shale.  Concrete seemed so common and blah.  He liked the idea of crushed grey stone, so he ordered shale.

When he went out to view the finished installation, it was this horrid, loose, dusty white….stuff. “I ordered shale!  That’s not shale!’

“Shore ‘tis. That there’s oyster shellshale.”

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Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

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Flash Fiction #42

Barbecue

 

 

 

 

© Copyright – Rachel Bjerke

Thinking Outside The Box

Fountain, where are all the people?

I don’t know, Barbecue.  We used to be the center of entertainment.  They cooked meat and roasted corn on you, and splashed fingers and sailed little boats on me.  They had picnics.  They enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air.  They laughed, and talked, and joked, and played out here.

Now, the few times I see a person, they carry something in their hand that glows.  I hear them complain, “There’s no bars out here!”

I fear we’ve been abandoned.  Now they’re trapped inside, not merely the house but their heads also.  It’s not healthy!

 

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.