Anything seems possible….
….if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

A pun, an innuendo, and a limerick walk into a bar….
….No joke.

I am getting so old….
….that I have started lying about my children’s ages.

I am so old I can remember….
….when Emojis were called hieroglyphics.

Is it a sign that I am getting old….
….that I have started buying giant print alphabet soup?

I try not to let my age get me down,….
….at my age it is too hard to get back up again.

Too much sex can cause memory loss….
…. I read that in a Medical Journal on April 14th at 3:18 p.m.

I try to be a nice person….
….but sometimes my mouth just won’t co-operate.

My life diary – I was born,,,,
….Then everything bothered me – that brings us up to date.

As a chronic procrastinator….
….I’m deathly afraid of Saturday the 14^th.

In ancient Greece, Chiron was a half-human/half-horse, doctor….
….Centaur For Disease Control

I spent $300 on a limo, but it didn’t come with a driver….
….all that money, and nothing to chauffeur it

I looked up my family tree….
….I found out that I’m a sap.

Don’t worry about getting older….
….You still get to do stupid things, only slower.

The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock….
….It said, “What’s the matter, can’t you afford a watch?”….
…. “Are you too lazy to lift your arm up you idiot?…. “
….It was Greenwich Mean Time.

What’s an acorn?….
….In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

Diet books are popular because….
….they appeal to a wide audience.

String theory may explain everything….
….Then again, maybe knot.

My ‘alone time’ is….
….strictly for the safety of others.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.  He said, “Thanx”….
….I said, “Don’t mention it.”

When I get naked in the bathroom….
….the shower is the only thing that gets turned on.