Rest and recovery

With the pandemic and working from home, work is relentless. A 40-hour week is a rarity, not a norm anymore. I am not alone in experiencing this. Anybody I talk to nods in agreement. And everybody agrees that this is not a sustainable model. The burnout is quick and the recovery time is longer. 

I will confess that I have a tendency to take on more and fill up my day with work and commitments. I always have a mental to do list, a deadline I am chasing or a commitment I am working towards. Nothing wrong with it but you know you have crossed a line when even the things that you like doing seem to be drudgery.  

This year, I am learning the importance of building rest and recovery time in my routine. To carve out some room to just be without any agenda. To realize that some days, less is more.  Gratitude for these lessons learnt.

Within and without 

I have noticed that I tend to expect things out of others when I am lacking them within. 

For instance, on days that I am sleep deprived and lacking energy, I unintentionally expect Da to pitch in with my morning chores. “Why can’t he unload the dishwasher? How come he gets to focus on getting ready for the workday while I am stuck with chores?” Truth is, he is doing his routine. I am doing my routine. He prefers to help out in the night when the weight of the workday is behind him. For me, knowing that the house is in order is a weight off my shoulders.  Normally, this is how it works. But on days that I am sleep deprived, unbeknownst to me and more importantly to Da, I expect him to compensate for my lack of energy, feeling of helplessness and step in to ease my load. Of course, the poor guy is clueless about the storm brewing in my head and ends up getting an earful. 

These days, when I get annoyed, irritated, or upset, and act with a sense of entitlement or righteousness, I try to pause (it’s a practice, I fail more often than I succeed) and wonder – what am I missing from within? Can I acknowledge that, be compassionate to myself  and be more graceful in asking for help? 

Gratitude for this realization and lesson learnt. Thanks to my near and dear ones who often bear the brunt of my tantrums. 

Playdates

I have a group of boisterous fifth graders, all masked up, creating a ruckus in our dining room over a game of Dungeon and Dragon. There are peals of laughter and giggles over toilet humor and slapstick comedy.

I love hosting  kids in our house. I love seeing my child in the context of his friends. I love getting a glimpse into their interactions. I love seeing them grow up together. 

With Ram, we have not hosted as many play dates as we did for Hari. Just keeping up with day to day commitments and activities normally leaves us huffing and puffing. Not to mention the pandemic constraining all forms of social interaction over the past two years. 

I am grateful that we are able to resume playdates and see friendships blossom firsthand. 

Vaccine for 5 to 11 year old

“Ram, how are you feeling about getting vaccinated,” I asked after it occurred to me that I had not talked to him about it. 

“I am really looking forward to it mom,” he said with excitement written all over his face. I was quite surprised with this reaction. Kids getting thrilled about getting a shot, ever heard of that? Clearly, we are living in Covid times. 

“How come you are excited about getting a shot Ram” I prodded, wanting to take a little peek into his head. 

“You know….  it will keep us safer!” He exclaimed. 

His appointment is not due for another couple of weeks. Some peace in knowing that he is waiting in line and it’s just a question of time before he gets the armour that we have. 

Gratitude for all the work and the people who did the work to get us here. 

Doing good feels good

Being able to give back to the broader community is a value that I hold close to my heart. I started volunteering because I wanted to contribute and make a difference. It didn’t take long to realize that the act of volunteering was enriching my life in ways that I had not imagined. 

Every month I get an opportunity to get first hand information on what our elementary school is upto from the principal. I get an understanding for how much is asked out of our administrators and educators and how hard they work to make it a level playing field for our children. Likewise, I get a glimpse into how the local library works and how it brings the community together. I love volunteering at the Indian heritage school teaching seventh grade. I have forgotten the subject matter I learnt in India and the lived experience in India is now becoming a distant past. Going to heritage school, week after week helps me stay connected to my roots like no other. 

I am acutely aware that I need the volunteering opportunities more than they need me. I give so little and get so much more in return. Gratitude from the bottom of my heart for these opportunities and trust placed in me.

Happy Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to you and yours. May the light within you brighten the people and world around you. 

We had a simple celebration at home. Touch of sesame oil on their head, and nalangu for their feet. We all wore new clothes, ate bakshanam. I made each of our favorites for dinner – rava dosai for Da, arachuvitta sambar for myself, masal dasai for Hari, and sathumadhu sadam for Ram. Caught up with family and friends. Exchanged bakshanam with local friends in the evening. And did I forget to mention that I got a new kurti?

I also had a few non-Indian friends and colleagues reach out with diwali wishes. Two first graders in my neighborhood came up to me and wished me and talked in depth about diwali based on what they learnt at school. That truly made my day. It made me wonder if this is what inclusion feels like. 

Gratitude for the simple pleasures and living in a community that celebrates diversity.

Being wanted

“Mom, can we talk? I just want to catch up with you.” came an unexpected text from the child as I was doing my gorcery run at Trader’s Joe. A little worried, I called him. “All ok?” “Oh yes mom. I haven’t seen you all evening, I missed you”

Grateful for these tender moments of being wanted.

Deepavali bakshanam

In the 20 years that I have been married, this is the first year that I have  made bakshanam the weekend before Deepavali. Year after year, I would come up with grand plans to do bakshanam in advance but year after year I would just end up winging it. And trust me, nobody can ever wing it when it comes to making bakshanam. First you need to figure out what you want to make, then assemble the ingredients, and then spend another half day making them.  No short cuts or cutting corners. 

This year was different. Thanks to my childhood friend, who came over, rolled up her sleeves and just ran with it. Gratitude to my friend V for making bakshanam happen this year. Half the effort, doubt the fun!

Gratitude 

For the past couple of years,  expressing gratitude has felt right and wrong at the same time. Right because it came from the bottom of my heart, and there was no underlying malice or agenda. Wrong because at some level it felt like a privilege to be able to sit back and count my blessings when there was suffering around.

Then I realized who am I to make these judgments? In fact, by judging so, I am underestimating the power of gratitude.  Gratitude not only thrives but gives us the strength to carry on when the going gets tough. It is not reserved, finite or conditional. It is a gift that keeps giving. 

Life has a way of balancing things out and taking care of all of us. Where there is pain, there is also strength. Where there is hardship, kindness and compassion have a way of finding their way.

I should not confuse other people’s battles as mine and get mired in it. I have my own battles to fight. My job is to surrender to my present, and give in to what life is asking of me in the present moment. In doing so, I am contributing to the collective harmony in the universe. 

With that conviction and faith, I start this year’s thanksgiving month by paying my gratitude to the universe for making space and protecting all of us.