Breaking Free from The Time Warp

I left India when I was 23. I left India at a time in my life when most of the people that I interacted with – be it my coworker or the autokara anna – were older to me. Although I have visited India multiple times over the course of two decades, it’s the India from the late 90s and 2000 that is stuck in my head. Over these trips, I lamented about how expensive things are compared to when I grew up. It took a lot to hold my tongue from calling the auto driver as anna, who was likely decades younger to me. You see I have barely lived in India as a local in my adult years. So the transition from being young to becoming older in India never happened. But this time it was different.

I went by myself, without much travel commitments, solely to spend time with my parents. In the process, I lived like a local for those two weeks that I was in Chennai. I made micro connections during my stay. The iron man Babu, who addressed me as akka. The tailor who called me madam. The colleagues who looked up to me. I got a better sense of the cost of living in India. One entree can cost 190 to 300 rupees in a regular restaurant. One doctor visit can cost from 125 to 2000 depending on where you go and who you are consulting with. I read newspapers daily from cover to cover and understood the real estate dynamics and the culture dynamics. I watched movies with appa and amma on Netflix and was surprised that Pradeep Rangarajan was growing on me.

I would say breaking free from the time warp was one of the highlights of the trip that I am grateful for.

Daily Temple Visits

There are certain things you can do only in India. Like visiting multiple temples as part of your everyday routine. This is precisely what I did during my India trip.

I would head out around 8ish in the morning, first stop to colony kovil. I love this small temple, especially the sincerity of the gurukkal, who does deepa aradanai for the Pillayar and Anjaneeyar, visitor by visitor. You feel so respected as a devotee. You feel like going to the temple, again and again.

My next step would be to the Ramar kovil. The ommachi statues are divine and you can spend all day adoring them. The structure of the temple – part open, part closed – is another feature I love. The gurukkals here though have strict dos and don’ts in the temple. I will confess that I found it stifling for the first few visits but then it grew on me and I learnt to work my way around it. I was fascinated with how the regulars in the temples took it upon themselves to enforce the dos and don’t on newbies like me. They have been well trained!

The temple was such a conducive place to be grounded in the present moment. There was something to appeal to each of my senses. I would sit crisscross on the ground and let my senses take over me. The nice concrete floor that I sat on was so sturdy, so stable, so supportive. That sense of being held by Mother Earth. As I closed my eyes, I would focus on the different sounds – sometimes it was ringing of the temple bells and drums, overlaid by the bells from the aradhania, complemented by the shoklam recitation on the audio player, punctuated by side conversations by the devotees.Sometimes the ringing of the bells, took me to my dance practice.

Ding ding ding

1 – 2 – 3

Dhith – Dhith – Thai

Ha, then the smell of sambrani and oodhubathi. In Da’s presence, I normally would get uptight with strong fragrances as he is asthmatic. Without him around, I was able to relax and even revel in the fragrance. Then, the visit normally ended up in a prasadam, which typically was curd rice that I would give away (I can’t make myself eat anything that has curd in it!) but then once had the opportunity to taste some delicious chakkarai pongal.

What a blessing these visits were…!!! Eternally grateful for this opportunity.

One-Stop Shop

Today’s gratitude goes to Costco. We didn’t shop at Costco for the longest time. We never understood what the big deal was? That is, until we started shopping at the store a few years back. Fairly standard merchandize, not overwhelming variety. We know what to buy and what to stay away from. From produce to cleaning supplies to medicines to clothing to gadgets, you get them all under one roof. Better still, our Costco has a significant variety of Indian groceries. I never would have imagined that gulab jamun and mysore pak are things that I woudl shop at Costco . What is not to love about that!

Hand-me-downs

One hour before the child had to leave for his Model UN conference, he comes up to me and says, “Mom I need a blazer.” “What? Really? You need to wear formals today? Do you have formal pants? I need to iron your shirt. ” the words start tumbling out of my mouth. The child has guilt written all over his face. “But you didn’t wear it last time?” “That’s because I went to the conference straight from sleep over and borrowed my friend’s tie. ” Ayoo da….! parental failure at so many levels. After heaving a sigh, we let bygones be bygones and rolled up our sleeves to do the next sensible thing – go ransack Hari’s wardrobe! Between both their wardrobes, within the next half an hour the child was dressed in tip top formals.

Shout out to Hari’s hand-me-down that has saved the day for us on more than one occassion. Greatful that things fell in place.

2024 Reflections

As 2024 is drawing to a close, some reflections on the year…

Embarked on the adventure of knowing my mind…. from what little peek I got, delving within has mostly taught me how limited my worldview is. The inner work is hard, lonely, freeing, empowering… mostly, it takes a lot of courage to simply sit with the rawness of all that you encounter.

Achieved some discipline on things that I struggled with in the past – I limited night time snacking to fruits, regular brushing and flossing at night, reciting Vishnu Sahsranam, vitamins intake, quasi fasting for quasi ekadesi.

Donated blood for the first time. I learnt a valuable lesson in staying hydrated and another reminder as to how if foundational it is to take care of yourself. You can be there for others only if you are there for yourself.

Books and podcasts have been my best friends this year. I indulged in book borrowing therapy, joyfully clicking the borrow button on the catalog, a felt a rush of adrenaline when I get an email notification for pick up and a boatload of anticipation when I saw a book of my choice with my name tag sticking out at the library pick up shelf . I am happy to say that my house is littered with books. I read only a fraction of the books that I borrowed and probably read only a few pages on some of these books. But I am not embarrassed about it… the books that I did not read gave me as much joy as the books I read. I do not know the count of books that I borrowed, I do not remember names of all the authors or titles I read nor was a deligent about writing reviews. But the words linger, shifting my mindset, influencing my attitude, and everyday living.

I uncovered the joy of reading books on my phone. I know wherever I go, as long as I have my phone, I have the option to read. I love that I can copy the verbiage and share it with myself on WhatsApp.

I uninstalled Facebook and Instagram on my phone. They are useful tools that add value but I don’t like how they hijack my attention when I have unlimited access to it.

Completed Mindlfulness Based Stress Reduction program and loved every bit of it.

Served as a juror in a criminal trial. It was a solemn, humbling and fascinating experience.

Attended three weddings and met a dear friend after a decade and a half!

Went on four 10-mile hikes and one 20-mile hike as part of Ram’s hiking merit badge

The year left me yearning for …

Being closer to nature

Dance practices

Writing

Work life balance

Being part of the local community

Spending more time with the kids

Approval and validation

My go to resources for this year were…

Guided meditation

Tuning into my body and senses

Books on mindfulness

Surrender and taking refuge in higher power – prayer and the idea of loving kindness

Leaning in on people who are not judgmental

Heartfelt gratitude for all love, light, and support that this year brought.

Reflections and Intentions

Another year has gone by just like that!

Highlights of the year for us have been our India trip and Hari starting college.

We went to India after what felt like centuries. We soaked in the company of my parents and sister-in-law and her family and couldn’t have asked for a better gift. Cherry on the cake was meeting our extended family too.

Hari starting college was bittersweet. We couldn’t have been more excited for him. But it was also a bit of adjustment for all of us, which I have written ad nauseam here. But life has a way of teaching you to adapt. He will be going back this week after being home for 5 weeks. He enjoyed the break from adulting, and we let him be more of an adult with his own routine and preferences when he was here. That seems to have struck a happy balance.

Ram has been an active seventh grader. His new adventure this year was taking part in the First Lego League, which he quite enjoyed. Scouts, guitar and karate continue to have his loyalty. He worked very hard on his scout merit badges and has been having a blast learning new songs on his guitar. Books, drawing and creative pursuits remain his sanctuary!

Da’s work has kept him on his toes and he changed jobs and is liking it.

No big changes at my end. I find myself drawn to “being” rather than “doing” more these days. In that sense, perhaps I went with the Flow, my word of the year. I am most proud of working with Ram on a personal fitness goal for his scouts project. The project itself was low key but it taught me a thing or two about how much the mind resists and persuades you away from discomfort and has given me a lot to work on.

For the new year, I am setting an intention to explore my inner resources and work from within. My word of the year is “Within”. Wishing me well and here’s wishing you all well in your pursuits and endeavours.

A new rhythm

It has been more than 10 days since Hari has been away from home. We are slowly settling into a new rhythm.

The day of the move itself was quite mixed. The energy in the campus was palpable and contagious. Hari was thrilled with his room and so were we! It was exciting to set up his new place, there was comfort in knowing how his new home feels like. Even as I gave the big goodbye hug to him, I began to wonder what all the fuss was about…. I felt nothing but delight. We were asked to head out separately to attend the ceremony in which the admissions officer passed the baton to the undergraduate dean and there was a series of talks welcoming the class of 2027 or 27ers as their school likes to call them. And then it all culminated into a procession when it was announced that the parents will now part ways… and just for a moment Hari and I made eye contact, and he left. Just like that. This was the moment of truth. Gosh, that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Unbeknownst to me, all those tears that I never knew existed came gushing out. I felt like I was demoted as a parent. Thankfully, that lasted for a few moments only and I was able to collect myself and reframe how I felt about it all.

Back home, the next couple of days were a bit disorienting especially because he had spent a lot more time at home since he graduated from school. I had to remind myself that we didn’t need to coordinate who was taking the car when or that I didn’t have to make meals that suited his likes and dislikes. The house felt empty without him.

Now, I have bouts of missing him but that’s ok. That is the season of life we are in, and our own feelings feel secondary. What matters is he is figuring things out. Everything is new for him from breakfast to the shower to his friends to his classes. He needs the space and time without us suffocating him with our love and concern.

Like a transplated sapling, he is laying his roots and adapting to his new habitat. “Got this plant for free and I brought it for my room” or “It’s foggy and beautiful when I go to the gym” or “Laundry done and folded” or “What I really like about the college is there are so many international students, it’s so cool ma.”

This is JOY in this phase of parenting and I am beyond greatful for it.

Now… May 26, 2023

Today feels momentous…!

Anybody and everybody who crossed my path in the past month would know this. May 26th is Hari’s last day of school. I have mentioned this in passing. I have mentioned this in elaborate detail. I have mentioned this in every single phone call, every alternate day, to my parents this month. I have mentioned this in my team calls at work. I have mentioned this as I make small talk to strangers I have just met.

It has been at the top of my mind. Every time I say it aloud, I let the enormity of it sink in and yet it boggles my mind. How could it be possible that this exuberant child who was eagerly waiting for his school bus on the first day of school could already be rushing out of the door to catch the school bus on his last day of school? How is it possible that all this feels like yesterday? How is it possible that 13 years have gone by… poof… just like that? Is this how the passing of time supposed to feel?

Hari has been intentional about wanting to spend time with his friends and making the most out of the last few weeks of school. Playing spike ball (didn’t realize it was a sport!), hopping from one playground to another on school Skip Day (they can officially skip school, can you believe that?), taking pictures with his friends on Destination Day (really cute!), going out for dinner with his debate gang, and fantasizing other fun things they could do in the summer.

I take a step back and reflect on the past 13 years.

Coming up with an interesting lunch used to be a challenge in the elementary years but as he grew older and his palette improved, more options meant less hassle. The morning drop off at the bus stop during elementary years was a delight for as long as it lasted. It was also a relief when I was no longer allowed to accompany him because it meant less juggling and less anxiety about being on time to start my work day. The most difficult thing as a working mom has been those guilt-ridden days when I sent him to school although I knew he could use some rest at home. Thankfully, they were far and between. For the longest time, as a working mom, my goal was to pick him from after school no later than 5:00 PM. That was my way of proving to myself that I wasn’t letting my child down because I was working. Then there were those calls – “Mom, I forgot my trumpet, can you drop it off?”, “Mom, I missed the school bus can you pick me?” – again, didn’t happen often but when they did, it was a welcome change of pace. And not to mention all the chauffeuring, packing snacks, lugging different gears… all that relay race from one activity to another. Then of course there were these school extra curricular activities – Big Backyard, Science Fair, Math team, Science club, Spaghetti Dinner, band concerts, the Moving-on-Ceremony, the field trips, the baseball tournaments, the frisbee games, the playdates, sleep overs, outings…. And oh did I forget to mention the goldfish that he won in a lottery at school which we died in a span of two weeks due to our lack of care taking. We hit an unexpected milestone yesterday. Hari woke up at 7:51 AM with a mere four minutes left to catch his school bus. He scrambled. I scrambled. And he made it. With this, we have come to a full circle. It feels like we have had the entire gamut of school experiences and have made it through.

Before he stepped out today for his school, Hari and I held each other’s hands for a minute to acknowledge all the goodness and offer words of gratitude to the teachers, the resources, the opportunities, the community, the nurturing environment… that have shaped him, allowed him to flourish, and prepared him for the road ahead. We owe a debt of gratitude and hold this blessing close to our hearts.

I started writing this post after shedding a bucket full of tears. I was overcome with emotions as I scrolled through the pictures on my Google Photos. Although he turned an “adult” earlier in the school year, somehow finishing high school feels like the end of his childhood. In the senior parents workshop earlier this week at school, the social workers told us that this would feel like a loss. And truth be told, it does feel like one. Except that this loss feels like a victory in disguise because this is what we were meant to do – raise him, let him go, so he can figure out his place in the world.

As I write this post, I realize life ebbs and flows. It is constantly changing. As tempting as it is to get hooked to the years gone by, especially because we have cherished them with every fiber in our beings, life happens in the now, and we live our best lives when we soak in what this moment has to offer. I remind myself, there is beauty and joy in every phase. Today, one chapter comes to an end, paving way for another.

Hari – these past 13 years have been a blessing, a joy and a life filled with rich experiences because we have had the privilege of raising you. Appa and I are swelling with pride. You are hard working, gritty, funny, driven, resilient, perceptive, and kind. And as you always say, you do you! Love you more than you can ever imagine and here for you in whatever form you want us to be in.

Gratitude

The college application process has come to an end and Hari has ended in a place where he sees himself at home for the next four years. It has been an arduous, gruelling journey. We are infinitely grateful for all the blessings along the way.

To teachers and counsellors for the letters of recommendations. To the registrar’s and dean’s office for sending in the transcripts and keeping the paperwork in order. To the seniors and mentors who guided him. To the peer who wrote an excellent essay on him. To the essay coaches who pushed and supported him and were only a text away during the holidays. To well wishers and family who blessed him. For the numerous seminars that educated us about what the process entails. To experienced parents and the senior parent support group who generously shared their journey. To the alums who interviewed him. For the numerous opportunities that he was able to avail and allowed him to present a holistic application. For that one application, where all the stars aligned. For the wherewithal to afford this process and beyond. Most of all, to a child who is driven, hard working, perseveres and is resilient. Heartfelt gratitude to the powers above.

The Barcelona Chronicles, First Impressions

8:30 PM

We wanted to mark Hari’s senior year with a get away and our only option was Feb. break, that too only for 4 to 5 days. Given that every inch of our mindspace was occupied with the college application process until the beginning of January, we scrambled at the last minute to make the trip happen. This was our criteria – no beach, we will not be going to a place colder than where we lived, and if the stars align, somewhere outside the US would be nice.

And that’s how we landed on Barcelona as our choice. It was off-season but the winter in Barcelona was like spring for us. Barcelona has beautiful beaches but it was hardly beach weather so no such temptation. Finally, the place got us excited with its architecture and the culture. The people that we had talked to raved about the city.

We travelled from Wed. to Sat. which included the travel days. We stayed in the heart of the city, a few feet away from La Boqueria. On the day we landed, as we walked closer to our hotel, I was mildly disappointed when I saw that we were surrounded by all things we would see in our own home city – Taco Bell, McDonald, Uniqlo, H&M…. of course, we were in a European city, not someplace exotic, what was I thinking to begin with? Then it hit me, I came here looking for novelty, instead what the city offered was familiarity. Once I accepted that, the place had more to offer.

Some first impressions of the city…

We took the metro bus from the airport to the city and were impressed with how easy it was. We could purchase the tickets with a credit card just as we boarded the bus.That is, no advance purchase needed. The bus itself was state of the art with outlets to charge your cell phones and free wifi.

The locals speak Catalan but language was not a barrier as most people that we interacted with knew english. When we went to Costa Rica, I felt like we came back feeling like the culture and language rubbed on us and I found myself telling muchas gracias back home. But the abbreviated nature of the trip and the limited interaction with locals, left us bereft of that experience.

We were warned that the city is known for theft and robbery and that we should hold on to our belongings… In fact, there are several YouTube videos that give tricks and hacks. We were cautious and were mindful of our belongings but overall the city did not feel unsafe to us.

On the first day, we walked and walked, while being jet lagged and sleep deprived only to realise that cab fares were fairly cheap especially if you considered that the ride was four of us. Lesson learnt! But we did walk a lot on purpose because that was the best way to explore the city.

I chuckled a bit when I saw everyone bundled up with winter hats, warm jackets when the weather was in the upper 50s… strange that this is coming from someone who is wearing two layers inside the house in winter.

There are plenty of cafes and small coffee shops that are quaint and delightful. And the hot chocolate there was liquid chocolate… delicious!

That brings us to the topic of food. While we could not take it for granted that every restaurant had a veggie option, it was not challenging to find vegetarian food in general. Our dinner was something that we looked forward to. The kids feasted on empanadas and us on paellas from the La Boqueria market every night we stayed there.

And oh the spread of cooked food, fruits, nuts, olives, cheese and chocolates was such a visual delight at the La Boqueria market.

Did I forget to mention how beautiful the small alley ways were…? I could not get enough pictures.

Those are some first impressions of the city… more to come!