For over 13 years, the first half of my Sundays was booked for teaching at the Indian Heritage School. It was an activity that was very close to my heart. It was my way of keeping a slice of India alive and kicking in my life. Wearing salwars, marking Indian holidays, being part of festivities, surrounded by desis. All of these mundane things filled my heart. I started teaching when Hari was in first grade and have enjoyed every bit of it since then. In fact, there was a time when I thought teaching was my calling. Maybe it was, had I pursued it outside of Sunday School. Maybe it wasn’t, may be the pull was not strong enough for me to pursue it further.

Last year, Ram graduated from the Indian Heritage School and I found myself at a crossroad. Do I hold on or let go? It was Sophie’s Choice for me. I loved being the experience but I was also finding myself doing just enough. The passion that drove me had dimmed. And I found myself needing time to nurture other interests and accommodate one off committments. So, I finally chose to let go for two big reasons. I did not want to continue if I wasn’t giving my best. Students deserve to have teachers who bring their best versions to the class, don’t they? Secondly, I wanted to experiment with the experience of letting go of an identity that I found myself so attached to.

The first couple of Sundays were hard. I mourned not being there. Not being with the kids. Not being in the hall ways gazing at the high school art work or bulletin boards. Not teaching. I found it hard to acknowledge that I am no longer teaching. But the more I said it, the more I got used to it. The hold on the identity loosened. And in doing so, I found that there is an expansiveness and freedom when you are brave enough to let go. Identities can have a strong hold on us and can imprison us in a fixed mindset.

Today as I draft this post, I feel immense gratitude for the sheer opportunity of having been able to teach for this long without any formal training. I have seen kids transform from first graders to graduates to becoming volunteers. I have had the good fortune of building deep connections with several students. I am thankful to have learnt more about Indian culture than when I was growing up in India. I also have the immense satisfaction of having designed my own lesson plan in ways that were meanignful to me.  Being able to teach both Hari and Ram and see them in a classroom setting in the context of their peers was a precious gift. When I look back on my life, this will be one of the experiences that will count towards a well lived life. As far as what I am doing with my time now? Time is fluid, it has a way of filling up whatever space it gets! 

And yes, Ram graduated. He is volunteering on Sunday mornings assisting teachers in culture and language. I am not sure what Hari and Ram learnt about Indian culture or language but I feel content knowing that they got exposure to their roots. This is not the only way but it was our way of doing it. Grateful to both my kids for running with it although they had very little say in the elementary school years. Giving up half-a-day of Sunday was a tall order that was imposed on them and they were troopers to have run with it.

If you are reading and wouldn’t mind indulging me. I am curious – who are you strong identities? do you feel defined or trapped by your them? how does the thought of letting them go feel? Have you let go of identities and how did that make you feel? What lessons did it teach you.