My digital home

On a whim, I was browsing random posts on this blog and realized that this place is my digital home where moments, milestones, epiphanies, and reflections that are close to my heart live. This blog has seen me evolve as a person and has frozen moments from my life to eternity. Ram’s liking for Angry Birds theme songs, Saturday sleepovers that included Hari, the Halloween and Christmas celebrations, Ram’s preschool stories, the passing of the seasons, the passing away of people and just so much more…. I am so thankful that I have jotted things here and can revisit and relive them over and again,.

Thank you to readers who liked and commented on my posts this past month. Thank you for being part of my thanksgiving journaling this year.

Everyday role models

Drafted yesterday but forgot to post…

Some days the effort you put in is all you see and it feels like you don’t have anything to show for it. Thankfully, when this sinking feeling strikes, you just need to look around and see yourself surrounded by family and friends who are working hard, doing things that matter, reiterating your values – control what you can control, be patient with yourself, you can only connect the dots backwards, don’t set your sights just on the destination, and most importantly, just do your part.

Thankful for everyday role models.

R&R

After a week of slowdown, today was spent getting ready for the work week. We spent the day raking leaves, setting up the christmas tree, and in general getting a lot of work done. Grateful for the rest and relaxation this week brought. Grateful for being able to completely unplug and get away from work. Grateful for no chauffeuring around. Greatful for the thangiving break.

Tenderness

Today, I spent a lot of time with Ram going over his school folder, and his Tamil homework from Sunday school. And every time I do that I just wish I did more of that. He soaks it all up and gives so much in return for me to hold on to. Gratitude for this tenderness.

Little Moments

Recounting some of the finest moments during thanksgiving week and paying my gratitude

A cozy thanksgiving dinner with my childhood friend and her family – food and friends, does it get any better than that?
Working on a 750-piece jigsaw puzzle together – yay teamwork!
Watching Jungle Cruise with the Jing Bang Gang – quite entertaining.
Got some reading time after a really long break – lifted my spirits.
Hari video calling Ram from the mall store to check what he can buy for Ram – tugged my heartstrings like no other.
$5 PJs on sale – cheap thrills!

Life flows…

I think of…

My parents-in-law and my grandparents who have passed away
My children who are growing fast and furious
Friendships that I thought would last a lifetime but lasted only for a season
The carefree years of my high school and postgrad days when I developed a sense of who I am

And for a brief few moments, I feel a pang, a longing for the things as they were or for things to not change… and then I think of this quote by Dr. Seuss

“Don’t cry because it’s over

Smile because it happened”

A simple but powerful reframing, isn’t it? So I reflect again…

… of all the ways in which my thatha and patti pampered me and filled me with experiences that only they could give me as my grandparents and I feel fortunate to have had all those years with them. I think of my mom-in-law and how her personality has had a profound impact on me. I thank my stars for bringing her into my life, for making me a better person. I think of our children and want nothing more than for them to have a safe, strong and joyful flight. I am beyond grateful that we are the ones to nurture them under our wings. I think of friendships and my postgraduate days that lasted a season. True there is no rewinding but isn’t it wonderful that they happened when they happened and played a role in helping me become who I am?

We can’t change the cycle or the nature of life. However, we can live our present moment deeply and fully. In doing so, we are allowing gratitude to flow in and take its place when the moment has passed. And at the end of the day, as we rest our heads on the pillow, we can smile with contentment knowing that life flows with twists and turns and that we have the privilege to flow along with it, moment to moment. .

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Today and everyday, may you have and find things to be grateful for.

A new experience

For the first time, a dog visited our house. Not just outside but inside the house. It was endearing to see her run up and down exploring the new place, and resting her paws on the window sill and taking in the new sights. Not that I have not seen dogs do this earlier but to have one in our house felt very different. Surprisingly, it felt uplifting to simply have her puttering around doing her thing.

I now understand why pet parents are head over heels with their pets. Once you are used to that sort of companionship, there is no looking back. I can see why dogs are therapeutic, life changing, and are capable of healing broken hearts.

I am thankful to have had this experience. It has given me a whole new perspective on a subject that I am not familiar with.

Friendly voice

The booster shot left me feeling a little sore and fatigued as I woke up this morning. Nothing to worry, just some lethargy and a feeling of not being in form. But that’s all that was required for my mind to make a mountain out of a molehill.

My mind: I want to cancel my annual physical. I just want to stay home.

Friendly voice: Maybe but that can be decided at 9:00 AM when the office opens. For now, all your need to do is just get out of bed and brush your teeth.

My mind: I am too tired to exercise. Maybe I will just go for a walk around the neighborhood.

Friendly voice: Are you sure you want to break the chain of exercising daily? Do a little something, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just something to not break the chain.

That’s how the entire day played out. My mind was resisting and rebelling all day. The voice that was looking out for me was firmly steering me in the right direction, and convincing me to take one step at a time. Thank God for that.

After I returned from my appointment, I plonked myself on the couch and worked on projects that I have been putting off – hand written thank you notes, calling the plumber, clearing my email, finishing some paperwork… all wihtout exerting myself physically.

Thanksgiving blessing

The picture fills me up with love, warmth and gratitude. It was taken a couple of months back when we went on our annual apple picking trip to a nearby farm. Both Hari and I are cracking up. He has been strength training for the past several months and on a whim asked, “Hey mom, I think I can lift you. Want to give it a try?” I dismissed him stating that I didn’t want either of us with broken bones in the middle of the farm that day. But he persisted and in a moment of weakness I relented with a word of caution, “Just don’t drop me like a hot potato, ok?” It took a couple of tries but to our surprise he managed to lift me. Both of us shrieked and broke into loud laughter with disbelief. And that’s the moment the picture captures. A tangible proof of the passing of time even when the heart cannot grasp it and does not know the difference between the child that you carried and the one lifting you.

Today this handsome, gritty, hardworking, driven, lovable child of ours turned 17th. We had a quiet celebration at home ordering his favorite Thai food and devouring peanut butter ice cream cake. Happy B’day dearest Hari. Enjoy the journey, do your part and always be kind. You will do well whereever you go and whatever you do.

Deeply grateful for the privilege and joy of raising this child.

These days a household without a pet, especially a dog, is an exception rather than a norm. Boy am I thankful that my heart does not skip a beat as it used to at the sight of a dog a mile away. These days, I can be in the same room, let a dog circle my legs, and with some coaching can let it sniff my hands.

I am fascinated by how much happiness dogs bring to their families and how unconditionally they are known to love and are loved in return by their families. Part of me wishes that we could give that to Ram. Neither Da nor I is fond of having pets, so conversations around pets are lopsided to Ram’s dismay. The child has said he will take matters into his hands when he goes to college.

For now, I am thankful that I have overcome my phobia for dogs to a certain extent under certain circumstances.