Little moments of gratitude

One fine Friday evening we got this note from one of Ram’s teachers in middle school – “I am Ram’’s English teacher. I wanted to let you know that Ram worked really hard in class today and added many insightful comments to the class discussion, as he has consistently been doing since the year started. He is a role model for his classmates. Keep it up, Ram!”

Hari works as an after school counselor once a week for three hours. One of the tasks is taking the kiddie gang to the ice rink, making sure that their skates are tied and they are geared up appropriately for the rink. Early this week, one of my mommy friends texted me saying that she was at the rink getting her younger one ready when she saw Hari interacting with kids under his care and was impressed with how friendly and sweet he was to them. She commented that he is turning out to be a fine gentleman!

Undoubtedly, these little notes made my heart thump with pride. But it was more than just pride. It filled my eyes with tears of gratitude for these individuals who were kind enough to notice and thoughtful enough to let me know. In them, I found my children’s well wishers.

Preteen at home

Ram turned 12 this September. I may be biased but he is such a delight to be with and I am enjoying getting to know the person he is becoming. He is kind and considerate. He cannot bear to see me carry groceries on my own. He has to pitch in and make the load lighter for me. “Make whatever food is easy for you, ok mom?” A stickler for punctuality, showing up on time is very important to him. If he is late, it is mostly because of me and I cannot get away without being lectured (and reprimanded) on the value of punctuality. He is such an Upholder, follows instructions to the T, takes responsibility for his work and always delivers on his commitments. For this child, less is more. He is self taught and likes to be the master of his schedule. And did I tell you, how very witty and funny he is and delights in roasting his anna. He is fiercely protective of the people he loves. “Mom, I order you to prioritize fun over work today, ok” And he is the best cuddle bug ever and I will gladly be wrapped up in his warm hugs for as long as he will let me. He goes with flow with an open mind and very little expectations. He is in the zone when he is reading, writing or drawing.

Thankful for this cherished blessing in our lives and can’t wait for all the adventures ahead with this child.

Gift of Parenting

Every once in a while I have a tantrum in my head. How did it all happen so fast? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Except that everyone did, every step of the way. They told me kids grow up before we know it. It is one thing to nod my head and understand it intellectually. It is another thing to experience it. Why does it feel so sudden although he has grown up centimeter by centimeter right under my nose? I feel a pang that time has flown by quickly without giving me warning. But the pang I feel dwarfs in comparison to the gratitude that fills every fiber in my being. How did I get so lucky to raise two darling boys?

As a mom of a senior, parenting is at the top of my mind. This year, I hope to take this month to reflect on parenting and the lessons it has taught me, with humility and gratitude.

Comfortable with discomfort

Now that Ram is a Boys Scout, he goes on overnight camping trips frequently. For the most part, he packs on his own and we have a sanity check together towards the end. I agonize over packing for the night. Should he wear a pullover? One set of long socks or one short socks and one long socks? Is a winter hat needed on a Fall night when sleeping outdoors? You need pack layers but there is limit to what you can pack as you are the one lugging it around. No amount of packing or planning convinces me that he will be comfortable. I worry aloud to him to which he responds, “Mom, you should not pack thinking that you will be comfortable. You should get used to the idea that you are going to be uncomfortable and you just need to find a way to tolerate it.”

Much needed knock on my head. And he has spoken like a true scout.

Of cuddle therapy and crazy good dosais

It felt surreal and hit close to home as we met up with families that had kids moving on to college. The image of these kids as little people with chubby faces and innocent giggles is etched in my memory. They remind me that my own child will be moving on next year.

How could this happen? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Of course, everyone told me they grow up first. I nodded my head in agreement then. But now that I am coming face to face with reality, the perspective from closeby is so different from what it was at a distance. I feel like a petulant child clinging on to her cherished toy for comfort. I want to cling on to Hari and never let go of him.

I go up to him and ask, some cuddle therapy? The child indulges me and gives me a warm hug. I feel wrapped in a cocoon of love. I close my eyes and soak in it. My heart is full.

He dangles his foot sitting on the kitchen island. I am making dosai and he is chopping it away, one after the other. There is one golden crispy dosai with cheese melting on it. Hari is thrilled. “This is crazy good dosai amma”

His last academic year with us will be gone in the blink of an eye. I can’t stop time from passing but I sure can make the most out of it with lots of cuddle therapy and making crazy good dosais.

Hari spent this summer getting a glimpse of adulting. He took public transportation to attend his summer program. He was over the moon about being able to use fancy gym equipments. He played cricket every weekend in the adult league. He drove the car on and off. He went to a professional baseball game and caught a foul ball! We made college visits. He wrapped up his standardized testing for college. And he managed to have pockets of time with his friends.

Hari – the bestest of the best as you start the first day of the last year of high school. Work hard but do not underestimate the power of rest and recovery. Have faith and know that your day will come. Take one step at a time and have loads of fun. Rooting for you. With lots of love.

On to middle school

New backpack with folders and writing instruments is tucked by his desk. The child has been coached on what to expect on his first day of middle school.

Remember the password to the locker? What is your homeroom number? Omelete with cheese for breakfast and paneer paratha for lunch sounds good? Head out to the bus stop at 7:15 AM. Head to the homeroom and your teacher will give the schedule. Dismissal is different from elementary school. Don’t dilly dally after dismissal, head out to find your bus. If you miss the bus, call amma from the front office. Check out what after clubs you have.

He is ready. And we are ready for him to be a middle schooler. Having gone through this with Hari, we are not anxious about what middle school entails. It will be a change for sure. Some days will be more challenging than others. But knowing what’s in store takes the edge off. Going with the flow is this child’s mantra, so he will figure it out.

Not bound by any commitments or deadline, Ram has had a summer of leisure. He taught himself a lot of things. He folded 350 pieces of paper to make a 3-D origami swan. He made a video with 190 frames of pictures that he drew himself. He wrote stories and easily read over 100 books. He played video games and watched TV to his heart’s content. He had several play dates, visited family and friends. He researched all kinds of pets to own. He started a spreadsheet to track GDP of different countries, their artillery and all unrelated stats that fascinated him. He did one week of camp in which he was the patrol leader and learnt the bitter lesson that leadership is all about herding cats. He also learnt, in his words, “the all important job of cleaning a latrine.” He camped in the woods, stayed away from us for a week.

I will miss his quiet presence. I will miss being his sounding board. I will miss seeing him indulge in creative pursuits. I am so grateful that he spent the summer according to his whim and fancy.

Ram – as you start middle school, here’s wishing you the best of experiences. May you learn more about yourself and the world around you. May you always stay curious and creative. And you can never be kind enough. Love in loads!

Primal Need

Yesterday was the 75th Indian Independence Day.

The status updates and stories on social media were filled with Indian flags and messages of patriotism. I felt like an outsider watching the festivities from a distance. Part of me felt disconnected. The most important people in my life – my parents, my sil, our nephew and niece, close friends – are in India. Undoubetedly, I miss them. But the need to be connected to the motherland, to one’s heritage, that sense of belonging, extends beyond the people in my life. It’s a pull that feels primal.

Quite the Experience

Giddy with excitement, I feel like going to the top of a mountain and screaming out loud, “I am at the most charming place in the whole wide world.” There is no mountain close by and even if there is one, I am too coy to act on my screaming impulse. So I have chosen to do the next best thing – connect to the internet, type out a blog post, and share the joy with a handful of unsuspecting readers.

We are on our Saturday jaunt to a nearby library and I am head over heels in love with this space. For starters, outside the library, there is an inspiring story walk that Ram and I took turns reading out loud. There are chairs and tables under the trees for folks to just sit, talk and relax. The lobby is quaint with a Victorian sort of charm to it. There is even a piano sitting in the center. It’s so fitting to see thatha and patti seated comfortably, thumbing through the books. The shelves are tall, stacked with books, every inch of space put to good use. However, let this not mislead you into thinking that this is ancient and out of date. Far from it. I think I spotted a 3-D printing station. Around the reference desk, there is a photo booth to indulge patrons and readers. The teen room is small but filled with the latest and the greatest collection. The children’s room is renovated and it is crystal clear that the space has been designed keeping little readers in mind. Books are arranged to their heights, there are two aquatic turtles, and one side of the room has glass walls. There is a small outdoor space with tents and chairs so you can go out and read.

In working closely with our local library, I have learnt that libraries are no longer spaces where books are stored. They are morphing into spaces where you have an intellectual experience that extends beyond books. In visiting different libraries, I see the difference and the appeal. Does it mean this evolution is taking the focus away from books? Quite the contrary, it brings you back to where it begins – books!

I am not the only one enamored by this palace. Ram, who is not easy to impress, was equally impressed and asked that we come here often. Alright, time to check out and head back home. Our Saturday is made!

Humor and perspective

The image of those tiny fingers mixing piping hot rice with a scoop of mango dhal and eating it with bottle gourd sabzi on the side kept coming to my mind. Eating rice with your hands is an art. One that came naturally to you if you grew up in the southern part of India. You barely gave it a second thought.

In our household, I am probably the one that eats the most with my hands. The rest prefer eating with silverware. In fact, I don’t think Ram has ever attempted to eat rice with his fingers. Needless to say, I was chiding myself for this parental failure. How could I have not insisted on something that is so inherently cultural for us? I remember inculcating it as part of our weekend ritual for Hari but like a thousand other things, somewhere along the way in the craziness of everyday living, it went sideways and eventually forgotten. Sigh!

As these thoughts were swirling in my head, Ram was conveniently seated next to me. Without my knowledge, the thoughts came tumbling out.

“Hey Ram, next time we eat rice, do you want to try pesangi and eat it with your hands. I would love for you to be comfortable with that experience.”

“No thanks mom, I prefer to eat with a spoon unless everyone around me is eating with their hands”

“But how will you eat with your hands all of a sudden one fine day if you haven’t tried it before”

“I know to eat rice with with my hands mom”

“Really? I have never seen you eat that way.”

“ Let’s just say that I like to keep my talents to myself”

It made me crack up so hard. And just like that all that self reprimanding from a few moments back melted and evaporated. No need to take myself so seriously. Could have I done better? Sure! Is it a lost opportunity? Yes but this is not the only opportunity!

I am not perfect. They will live and learn. For now, we will not indulge in public display of our talents and have a hearty laugh at ourselves. Humor as means to finding perspective is so underrated!

National Book Lovers Day

If you take comfort in the written words, here’s celebrating National Book Lover’s Day.

Speaking of books, Ram and I have embarked on a summer of library hopping. Every Saturday, when possible, we head out of the house bright and early to check out a library that is part of our home library network. I get a kick out of checking out these spaces. Each library has a character of its own – one with its tall ceilings and tinted glasses, another one renovated with modern furniture, and yet another one that is ancient with outdated check out systems but with a rich collection. One benefit from visiting libraries within the network is the privilege of being able to borrow books from an out of town library with the option of returning it to our town library. Can it be any more convenient? Ram loves nothing more than browsing and piling books, and plonking himself on the couch with a stack beside him.

These trips have been such a gift for me! Even when I don’t do anything with the kiddo during the week, it makes me feel like there is something special we shared every weekend this summer. As long as we are in town and do not have visitors, this is a non-negotiate part of our weekend. Sometimes we take a detour on our return trip, and head over to a local ice cream shop, or check a bookstore and simply window shop. It is our exclusive time when we choose to be whimsical about what we do.