Kindness

As parents, we want the world to know how unique, capable, and lovable our children are. Sadly, humanity can sometimes act in immature ways.

Today, I am thinking of all parents, moms, dads, and caretakers who are raising children with different abilities and or in challenging life circumstances. They armor up, and put up a fight for their precious ones. It’s emotionally draining – very tiresome, and often lonely. 

I hold these individuals in my heart and wrap them in a blanket of kindness and compassion. I send a prayer that we as a society grow up sooner than later. I am grateful for being able to witness ordinary people live with extraordinary strength. 

Coincidentally, today is World Kindness Day. Normally, I am in for marking days like these. Not for kindness though. Kindness needs to be practiced, day in and day out. I agree, it is easier said than done but that’s why it’s a practice. You work on it. You get better at it. And one day it will become second nature.

Mommy Guilt. NOT!

Outside of work and home, I pursue a lot of extra activities. Each of them serves a purpose and they fulfill me in different ways. Not once have my kids stopped me from doing anything or sent me on a guilt trip. Da and the kids have always encouraged me to do things that I am passionate about. It is never viewed as time away from them. This has always been the case, whether they were tiny tots, tweens, and teens. 

I would like to think that in some ways they are growing up knowing that women are more than caretakers and that it is important to be multi-faceted. I know I always come back to my feeling refreshed and wanting to do more for them. Gratitude to a supportive family.

Fake it till you make it

The opposite of truth can sometimes be true as well. 

If yesterday’s theme was how parenting inspires authenticity, today’s is a contradiction of that. Sometimes, you just have to fake it till you make it. Like in the wreath anecdote I shared a couple of days back. Authenticity does not mean you spill every thought, every emotion, in your head out in the open. Some need more processing than others and as a parent, you use discretion and restraint so the authenticity is not too burdensome on those little shoulders. 

Thankful to that voice in my head that cajoles me to show up for my children and myself when all I want to do is sprint away from the discomfort.

Authenticity

With kids, you bring your authentic self. You say what you mean and mean what you say. You love them unconditionally and care for them genuinely. You are true to them and in the process true to your values. Through parenting, you live a bigger life. Forever grateful for that opportunity!

Liberty versus Boundary

Several months back, an interaction with Hari taught me a profound lesson. 

I was using something that was his. It didn’t occur to me that I needed to check with him before using it. He, on the other hand,  felt otherwise. “But Hari, I thought I could take liberties with you,” I reasoned. The moment those words came out of my mouth, I realized the flaw in that statement. 

On the face of it, being able to take liberty with someone feels like a sign of intimacy.  As someone who is benefiting from that arrangement, I felt good. I might even add that there was an implicit sense of entitlement. But as someone whose boundary was not respected, it left a bitter aftertaste for Hari. A feeling of being taken for granted. 

I am grateful that I had that epiphany that night. Now when I start using the word liberty, I know to ask myself – am I being respectful of the other person’s boundaries? Especially with near and dear ones, where boundaries are hard to draw and preserve, yet without it, the relationship flounders. 

Helping Hands

Today is the midterm elections in the US. Vote was top of mind and top priority for the day.

By way of fulfilling my civic duty, I have been participating in mailing campaigns this year coaxing potential voters to vote in the elections. For all the proliferation that social media has had, research indicates that handwritten notes make a difference. What I did this year does not even amount to a fraction of a drop in the ocean but it was all I could do amidst my other commitments.

I feel lucky to live in a town with engaged citizens who really do the heavy lifting of organizing the campaigns and making it so easy for the rest of us to tag along. All I need to do is write 20 postcards at a time for $10 (stamp, stationary cost etc.) It cannot get simpler than that!

Normally, I am racing against time to get this work done and any help anyone can provide, I gratefully accept. Ram always comes to my rescue. He is the one sticking stamps and underlining the verbiage that needs calling out. It’s a 10-minute job for him but he is providing it to me when I need it the most. He is too young to realize how much supported he has made me feel and I value it more than he can ever imagine. Thank you Ram. God bless you!

Reality Check

Being a parent helps me be a teacher at my Indian Heritage school. 

I use Hari and Ram as my sounding board. Through them, I get students’ point of view on my lesson plan. Because of them, I know the times of the year when there is a lot going on in school so I can accordingly pace the homework I assign. They tell me what works, what doesn’t. 

“Mom, I think the  Would you rather game is a good ice breaker” ,“Mom, you should ask them to write three or four things if you use YouTube videos to teach”, “Amma, don’t be too lenient or give too many choices” 

I get so much joy out of teaching and the only training I have as a teacher comes from parenting these two. Grateful to Hari and Ram for keeping me honest and grounded in reality

Overcoming inertia

Every fiber in my body is rebelling. I don’t want to do this but I know I need to do my bit so the child can do his part. As part of his scouts fundraising efforts, Ram has to sell wreaths. I don’t express my reluctance to him but he still tells me, “I got this mom, you don’t need to come.”  Perhaps next year he can go solo but this year he is inexperienced. He does not know what he does not know. So I insist that I accompany him.

We go door to door, knocking on our neighbors’ doors. He is the one who is actively selling, explaining that it is cheaper to get the wreath from him than Amazon, that this will help fund scouting activities, so on and so forth. Most neighbors indulge him but there are a few rejections. The child takes that in stride. 

I am so very glad and thankful that I pushed myself to do this. And look at what I got back in return? I loved watching him in action, seeing him make  conversations with people he does not know, and in general, put himself out there. Not to mention all the time I got to spend with him.. 

Team work

Today and everyday, I feel gratitude to my partner in crime, Da, as we muddle our way through parenting. We may not see eye to eye on all matters but when it matters, we are on the same page. We bring different strengths to parenting and we balance each other out. 

I limit their intake of processed food. He insists that they eat their veggies. I am up and early to make sure that their day starts on the right note. He stays up late and tends to them when they are sick.  I set up playdates, take them to the library and ensure that they do their part. He carves pumpkins with them, takes care of their school supplies, and watches Pokemon with them. I am the disciplinarian. He is the fun parent. I let them be. He nudges them beyond their comfort zone.   

Without this kind of partnership, parenting would be such a lonely affair. I am eternally grateful that we get to do this together. 

Empathy

One of the many things that parenting has taught me is to empathize with my parents. To acknowledge and appreciate that they gave their all, their very best in the moment. Some things that I failed to understand as a child, I now nod my head in agreement as a parent. As I raise two kids with different personalities, I realize it must not have been easy balancing the dynamics of raising twins that are like chalk and cheese. As I mentally prepare for my first  child to fly off the nest, I realize how gracefully they handled my transition from childhood to adulthood. As I have a meltdown and fall from grace, I realize that my parents too are humans with their strengths and flaws. 

Gratitude to my parents for going above and beyond.