Tag Archives: work

It’s not over…

27 Thursday Dec 2018

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Tis the season to be holly, jolly and merry… how about melancholy?

It’s more a state of mind.  As we sped through Christmas I was trying to take it all in.  Create those memories in my mind and sear them there for all time.  So few occasions throughout the year bring us together like the Christmas season.  We give because we want to and aren’t concerned with what we get in return.

We enjoy the lights and the love, joy, peace and hope it brings.  It’s beautiful driving around with less traffic on the roads and enjoying what others have done to their home to say “hey, we celebrate too”.

We take moments to connect to friends just to say Merry Christmas.  We eat and drink together and we share rare hugs.  We laugh together.

At church on Christmas Eve I had tears in my eyes when I was once again reminded of the reason we celebrate Christmas and his asking who takes that meaning to heart and carries it with them… I do, for sure, every single day but not everyone does… in fact, too few do.

For the next two days I have to return to reality and work.  It is probably my least favourite part of life in general.

I had a frank conversation with a very good friend on Christmas Day via text.  I was asked, for starters, if I’m taking another certificate program for life coaching and I said how much I’m forcing myself just to go to work and then I come back home and just want to veg out.  With the season and the joy I get I am finding it more difficult to do work where I don’t get any joy.  That probably strikes a chord with a number of you because we can’t all take joy in what we do.

Despite my drive down to the college being sooooo frustrating, I take joy being in the classroom… it lifts me up and I usually leave exhausted but happy.  When I’m with the crew at Enhanced Wellness Studio, I feel lighter.  When I sit here writing a blog post for you, I can’t wait to finish and hit Publish.  I know that it’s in there; I know I can feel that joy but I need to find something that brings me that joy AND pays the bills!

I just haven’t found it… yet!

Anyway, I just recalled that I have an assignment to work on for EWS and their blog and I’m running severely behind on that!  Gotta get to it!

Off and WRITING!

Figuring it out… slowly

04 Sunday Nov 2018

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It’s always amazing how the mind works.

In my situation, I was incredibly unhappy in my job for more reasons than I can share here because some of those issues should be addressed but, unfortunately, it’s impossible for me to be the one to address them with the right people.

So I finally managed to step away but have found I’m still not happy… as I shared in my last post.  But I’m the type of person who always needs to identify the answer to the question “why?” because I feel it’s important.  Most people who start a new job should be ecstatic and when you tell people it’s a job they tend to want to know why!  So little things slowly come to light when I least expect them too.  Up to now it had to do with tearing the office apart and putting it back together again and doing it again and that the rules are constantly changing.

Today, just now, I also realized the one email that had gone around saying that even on our days off we should be checking our email!  I don’t know why that didn’t strike a chord sooner but it certainly did in these moments!  I’m having an issue focusing on anything to do with writing because I’m so overwhelmed and I realized that I was online at my old job and was able to take 30 seconds to peruse an email pertaining to writing to see if it was worth following up on later.  I was always connected and in sync.  Now I don’t have that but what has replaced that as well is that email thing… when I was off on Wednesdays, I never gave much thought to work.  Unless someone texted me from the office to ask a question I was able to do whatever I wanted.  I never had to get onto the system to check anything.

So yet another point against!

So I guess that’s why my agitation levels are rising.  I am feeling very overwhelmed by everything and everyone.  I guess that’s also why Christmas movies are a constant on my TV right now too… the entire season, the message that Christmas sends are soothing.

I actually started to write a short story the other day… I’m just not feeling into finishing it…

And so it goes!

I’m Just Not Happy…

28 Sunday Oct 2018

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I have been busy, yes, too busy to even come up with a blog post.  Too busy and too overwhelmed to come up with a blog post.

And incredibly disappointed.  In myself, in the new job, and, in some ways, the world in general.

I should write about it!

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, I was incredibly unhappy at the old job.  And I actually have NO regrets whatsoever in leaving.  I miss it because it was my home for more than 12 years but I don’t miss the stuff!

I knew going out that the new job was likely not to be my final stop but I didn’t think that a month in I’d be as disillusioned as I am already.  And maybe it’s completely related to being told on day 2 that the entire office needs to be packed up for painting and then not being given enough time to unpack it and doing training on top of it all which meant less time to unpack and organize.  Out of only 15 shifts I have had a trainee with me for 7! I never really got the chance to settle in… oh, and now we’re getting new furniture which means that at some point in the very near future, everything has to be packed up, again!  I also haven’t adapted to the new schedule yet either.

So I’m starting to open my job post emails again though I haven’t applied for anything, yet.  I really thought I could just coast through the rest of the year at least before I ramped up the search.  I have to admit, I do miss the challenges of family practice.  In whatever I do, I also need to make sure I have free time and hours to offer the wellness studio.

So starting Thursday is NaNoWriMo!  Let’s see if I can not only get off my butt and write every day but that I can find, deep in the recesses of my brain, a story to tell!  There’s not much there right now!

The other awesome, exciting thing is that Christmas movies start on Thursday on W Channel here in Canada… tonight on Hallmark in the US.  Just in case anyone needed to know that!  So this Thursday, since it’s one of my days off, my intention is to have W on all day and just bask in the movies and the messages they send.  I am going to miss that this year… it was one of the upsides of my surgery last year even though it didn’t happen until the 16th of November.

I am so excited about the movies starting this year because it has made me realize that despite my surgery last year and the circumstances around that, it was a very special Christmas.  Being off (yes, post-surgical pain and the subsequent repercussions included), allowed me to bask in the season… my favourite season.  I had visitors, I was surrounded by my Christmas decorations.  I could listen to my Christmas music and watch the movies.

I recorded about a dozen of them and I have been watching them… they have been grounding me almost… and with the endings, yes, as predictable as they are, I am usually in tears… that’s how much the messages are getting to me.

It has been a long, tough year, almost 2 years and I’m seeing things in much different light than I did… hopefully that’s as much a part of maturing as it is growth.  Spiritual growth even though the waist is growing a bit too.  I can feel the change and, when I’m at peace, I’m enjoying it immensely.

Back to IT…

10 Monday Sep 2018

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No, I’m not talking about the movie (1990 or 2017 version), I’m talking about work…

But I need another week or so off!

Everything came down the chute this weekend and I have been incredibly busy:

I had three likes on two different novels during last Thursdays #PitMad pitch day on Twitter so I had queries to prepare and send out;

Enhanced Wellness got in touch with the need for bios for me, and

Passport Health set up and communicated my email and other logins to me!

I also wanted to compose a farewell email for some of my patients, plus

I needed to finish my Instructional Plan for school!

My to-do list zoomed from 0 to 100 in 8 seconds!

I have managed to accomplish everything EXCEPT work out a schedule for Enhanced Wellness mostly because of the job change and the need to find some time for a training session or two as a refresher for the travel counselling.

Along the way I have started to develop another longer-term to-do list… mainly around my writing and I can’t help but wonder how much my writing will suffer with all this going on?  Or am I overthinking because my official start date for Enhanced Wellness is tomorrow, September 10, and my official start date at Passport Health is Wednesday, September 12.  All that means that I officially have three jobs–TWO full-time plus a part-time for the remainder of September.

YIKES!

Needless to say that on top of stressing about tomorrow my weekend has been FAR from relaxing as I have consumed myself in getting all this done!

So now I’m going to call it all quits and go sit down and chill out with a movie… and it might just be a Christmas movie!

News! News! Good News!

03 Monday Sep 2018

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Well everyone, IT has happened!  Unfortunately it’s not a publishing contract and nobody has commissioned me to write a series of articles.  It’s all about my sanity!

Whether you believe in God or some other higher entity or nobody at all, I have to be the one to say that though my faith has been tested, it has prevailed!

No, this is not a lesson and I’m not preaching, it’s merely me telling you that sometimes… just sometimes… really good things DO happen.

So after fretting like crazy about what to do about this part-time job I woke Friday morning with a migraine… a migraine to the point of nausea… I assume I’d had it all night to reach that point.

On Thursday afternoon I applied back to a travel clinic I had worked very part-time at about four years ago.  They had put up a post earlier in the week.

She had emailed back later that evening saying she really wanted to talk to me and asked me to complete a 30-minute questionnaire.  Well, before I spent 30 minutes on a questionnaire on Friday morning I wanted to know how part-time it was.  How many hours?  You get the drill.  So I emailed her back.  She wanted to call and I told her it was a great time.

I quickly cancelled the pick-up of the hiring package and waited for her call.

We were on the phone for 45 minutes… and it was amazing!  Oh my God (and I say that with utmost reverence)!  By the end of the call she had offered me the job at 32 hours a week and $2 more per hour than the posting because I’ve done this before and will require little training to get me up to speed!

I was so excited.  Even she said “I don’t know if you believe in God or a higher being but I sat here yesterday praying that the perfect person would come along and your application landed in my inbox.”

The other great thing is it doesn’t start until October 1st which means I am able to give that other guy a month’s notice.  I know most of you will say not to but trust me when I say that it’s being incredibly selfish ALL the way.  Despite him thinking it’s all about him and my respect for him (ha ha) it’s truly all about me!  I’m on vacation for another week so he has a week to digest it… he’s going to treat me like s**t anyway but it also gives him enough time to find and hire someone and that person should be able to start before I leave so there should be continuity of care for the patients that I will miss so much.

So for the weekend I have been at peace.  I am content with what has happened and I think it happened when it was supposed to for whatever reason.  Despite my lack of sanity at this point… where he has driven me to at this point, I can finally be at peace.

 

Too much or too little…

28 Tuesday Aug 2018

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I’m finding, now that I’m on vacation, that it’s a bit of a struggle because yesterday I ended up fumbling around and not getting any writing done because my mind kept bouncing between work in progress!

First my mind was on the Mystery in the Attic sequel and then it was on the third installment of the Mysteries of the Past series and finally it was trying to create something separate altogether!  That does NOT add to productivity!

So I read through that little anthology that I had been published in and I cried when I read what I wrote once again.  It made me cry, again.  I realized that I wrote and posted The Letter and haven’t posted any of my writing since.  I obviously didn’t get accepted for the Guideposts Writing Workshop either so there’s another story that has been written and is now just that… an unseen story.

My challenge is… what do I do with them?  As soon as I post them to my blog they are considered, in most circles, previously published… I can’t use them again.  But I would love to share them with the world and, maybe, get some feedback.

Since the Anthology really isn’t available for purchase (at least I can’t find it) I think I will post that piece!

It will be in my next post!

Owning what I can…

06 Tuesday Feb 2018

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My life has been insane for over a year as most of you know.

As I try to move out of the fog of the last year I find myself constantly being pulled back in.  When I want to put the pieces back together there’s someone who keeps taking the pieces away from me.

Post-surgically I’m still experiencing pain, numbness, burning, tingling and swelling at the surgical site and I still find I’m exhausted at the end of a day.  I try to rest but it seems the more I say I’m tired the more everyone expects me to give! It’s definitely a different world!

Work is killing me and I’m not just talking fatigue.  I’m talking about if-I-don’t-get-out-of-that-place-soon-I-might-jump-off-a-bridge syndrome.  But I’m not even getting any interviews which is REALLY frustrating!  Am I doing something wrong?

Then there is my writing.  I want to but don’t seem to be able to.  I’m thinking I’m going to HAVE to make another to-do list of some kind and start pushing my brain into it… I keep thinking I should start by editing some of my past work but the fatigue has been so bad I have difficulties focusing, even in the middle of a Saturday.  Perhaps first thing in the morning?  I don’t usually feel too bad at that time.

Other than that I haven’t figured anything else out, yet.  I’m too tired now!

Anxiety++

29 Tuesday Aug 2017

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I don’t even get to have the anxiety on the side!

I don’t think I have ever known anxiety like I have in 2017.  And it just keeps getting worse!  I am down to 37 hours before my procedure appointment and the anxiety has definitely made itself known starting with a mini attack yesterday afternoon!  Best case scenario is he takes a look and there’s nothing to biopsy.  Oh how I wish for that answer!

Anyway, as for work, well, it was a Twilight Zone week last week and I am now on vacation.  It ended on a good note on Friday and you know how bad it’s been.  The stress was greatly reduced this past week.

I’m hoping to get plenty of writing done in the next 2 weeks but I really need to eliminate this anxiety first!  It’s definitely taking its toll!

I did escape to the trailer this weekend, however.  It was Saturday to Sunday and I came back early for a bridal shower but it was awesome!  The weather was a bit cool but it was sunny!  AND… Saturday night was “Halloween” because the resort is closed by Halloween.  Had I known I would have taken my costume along and got right into it… oh well, I did go into town, got candy and some of the few decorations that were available.

There way more than 50 kids and that’s all I bought candy for so I put my empty bowl inside and went to the beach (for the second time) for the sunset.  It was beautiful!

So speaking of giving away things, this weekend, for the last long weekend of summer, I am giving away Confessions in the Mural on Kindle from September 1-4.  Here are the links…

Amazon.com:

Amazon.ca:

So make sure you get your copies before it runs out!

As I said, I hope to get some writing done!  I also plan on heading back to the trailer in a little under 2 weeks and I’m going to stay until the afternoon sometime!

Therapeutic Writing

07 Monday Aug 2017

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As you all know I have been having an awful time at work.  I have personal stuff going on that you are aware of. My partner-in-crime is also having a tough time with family things right now so we are truly in the same boat.

I have continued to journal every day to get my frustrations out of my head, though they remain.  I haven’t worked much on my NaNoWriMo story and really do need to get back to that as, it too, was actually very therapeutic and I miss it.

On a happy note, I applied for a job on Saturday and I got a call yesterday to set up an interview.  It’s set up for Wednesday at 1:00.  I don’t want to jinx it but, on the job front, it’s the happiest thing ever!  There are questions I could have asked on the phone, like how many hours, but I figure, if nothing else, it would serve as practice.  If it works out, great, no complaints here.

I’ve journalled about that and it feels good, it feels right.  It would be cool.  I would learn new things and be able to teach them a thing or two about various disease processes, far more than they might know from anywhere else.

And so many people right now are playing the “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” and “better the devil you know”… well, the devil I know is starting to show signs of his tail and horns so I think, in this instance, the devil I don’t know can’t be any worse.

So that’s where things are at in this moment.  Of course I have concerns not only about my vacation but, more importantly, how this could impact my procedure at the end of the month.  I would love to be able to say I can’t start until September 5th but there are other boundaries to cross before I get to that point and I have to stop getting ahead of myself… I think we all tend to do that and for those of us who are writers, we often play the “what-if” game until our minds are numb.  It’s part of who we are as writers because that’s what we do every time we sit down and make up more of our stories.

We push that into our real lives because that’s how we operate.  And it’s not always a good thing.  It leads us to anxiety and builds up our expectations beyond where they should be.

It’s who we are.  So I shall move forward, like always, and cross bridges when I get to them and try, as hard as I can, to keep this particular line in mind rather than allowing it to run wild!

 

Happy Halloween

31 Monday Oct 2016

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Today was, simply put, HORRIBLE!!  The boss was grumpy, people were demanding and I just wanted to come home and not go back.

I’m sure at least some of you wonder why I stay.  And lately, that keeps crossing my mind too.  And I must say, I’m torn.  The number of patients I like and who brighten my day outweigh those who don’t.  I will never find (despite recent behaviour) a boss and work environment like the one I have.

As far as searching goes, well, I’m ahead of you in that department.  I get plenty of jobs to my inbox daily.  But I’m torn for more reasons than just what I used to have.  For starters, he has talked of selling the practice and the thought of being there for the patients when that happened and being the link to their histories kept me going.  I don’t know when that’s going to happen.  I have also, more recently, been mulling over the idea of moving away to my home-away-from-home, the little town, Goderich in a couple of years.  Do I take on a new job just to move away in a couple of years?

There is much to consider when you make moves like these.  Of the intense questions… will I like it? and what if I’m not happy? top the list.  However I’m not very happy now so I guess that technically strikes the last question.

So I will carry on, for now.  I will keep you post.

On the Halloween front, well, I had a whole five kids go by.  What did I expect?  A lot more than that!  That wasn’t worth racing home, eating a crappy supper,  dressing up as Cinderella only to help my daughter with some of her homework while eating too much candy on the couch!

Well, that’s that.  Halloween done for another year!  Now we move on to Remembrance Day and Christmas.

Oh yeah…

and that wonderful month long write 50,000 words in 30 days challenge calling NaNoWriMo!  I’m looking forward to getting started tomorrow… IF my wrist and shoulder are up to the challenge.  I miss my laptop!

Well, to those of you who are writing with me… good luck!  See you at the finish line!

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