Beware: brutal honesty!

Lately I have noticed my mood spiraling downward.  I have eluded to it here quite frequently but it is having quite the impact on… well… everything.

And as I sink into this oblivion, again, I ask myself once more (like I said, done this before), what it is I want which, of course, is linked to how I feel.

For one thing, I’m tired.  I’m sleeping but not sleeping and studies have been done proving how much of an impact pain has on quality of sleep.  However, the more my stress levels rise, the greater my pain, the more fatigued I feel which adds to the stress I feel.

What is causing this stress?

Work on a number of levels… I’m not happy where I am, as I’ve made fully known, because the company does what they want, when they want with no concern for employees… they have no boundaries.  Neither do the patients for that matter, as per my story yesterday.  I also get bored doing the same thing day in and day out… I like variety and family practice had plenty of variety.

I’m not happy with the paper because the editor will not respond to my emails so I am left hanging and wondering what is going on there.

I’m not happy with the college and there being not guarantees on teaching hours.

That leads directly to the next biggest stressor… Financial… after all these years of feeling fairly secure, without the college income this summer everything is already soooo bad that numbers are waking me up in the middle of the night and adding to the stress!

There are other things including loneliness as I am often found on the couch even if I’m writing or editing and watching a movie.  Sometimes I want that peace and quiet, don’t get me wrong… we all do… but even when I’m with others like visiting my parents I come home feeling lonely… there’s a difference between being alone and loneliness and sometimes my feline babies just don’t cut it.

So what do I want?
SERENITY seems to come to mind.  TRANQUILITY.  A simple sense of peace.

A bank account with a nice cushion so I don’t have that stress.

Writing jobs that would actually be consistent to contribute to the above.  I had been told by the paid blog woman that it was long-term but I haven’t heard from her in months and the paper… I’ve already covered that issue.

I’m also completely fed up with this city and I so want to move to the beach.

Bottom line is to be able to write full-time from anywhere I want, including the beach.

I also wouldn’t mind some company from time to time, but isn’t that what we all really desire?  It’s not good for us to be by ourselves all the time.  We tend to go a little crazy even when we have fur-babies and characters in our heads to talk to.

So here rests my post for today.

Thanks for listening.