Tag Archives: headaches

Leaps & Bounds

24 Thursday Oct 2019

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Since my Thanksgiving post I have sat staring at a blank screen uncertain of what to write.

The way things were going last week I was almost at my breaking point and that point came on Saturday morning.  I finally had the courage to say “Beat it”!  That made me feel better but I suffered ALL weekend long with a headache from hell but it was a much quieter weekend without the nastiness.

Amid that HFH I did manage to get into the truck and we took a drive up around the southern point of Georgian Bay so I could take pictures of the turning leaves.  I managed to keep the pain down with a fistful of medication and enjoyed most of the day.  The drive home was probably the worst part of it as hell reared its ugly head for yet another pass.

I haven’t fully recovered from the torrent that led to that breaking point.  The constant finger-pointing has cut deep.  The way I was spoken to, the repetitive nature of it all of made me become repetitive.

Love is not enough to hold a relationship together.  Love is being together.  Love is spending time together doing things with the other person.  Love is talking about anything and not getting upset with what the other person tells you.  Love is sharing and caring.  Love is sweet embraces.  Love is enjoying the same things but accepting what the other person enjoys that you may not because, after all, we’re all different.

I already knew that because of the beautiful gift I was given for 17 years.  Yes, there were some extreme exceptions to that because of our limited time together but we still shared all those things.

But now I’m seeing it on a different level.  Now I get to see it from a person who isn’t needing to hide me.  I have met some of his friends and some of his family.  We have been out for meals, Oktoberfest, to a party and I assume there’s more to come.  So far it’s quite similar to the characters I have written about for years in my novels.

Lastly, I can now say that my mom knows.  We were having a very emotional heart-to-heart last night and it came tumbling out.  In the end she’s glad that I’m having fun and getting out of the house.  My daughter feels the same way.  Reaction-wise, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.  Yes, there are still a few hurdles to jump but I think with the number of people who are rooting for me, the remaining people will be easy.

Yes, there will be people who will only see his silver hair and disagree with my choice but that’s it… it’s my choice and it’s a gift I have been given from above…

Here are some of the pictures from Sunday…

This is…

30 Tuesday Jul 2019

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at times just CRAP!  At this moment I am BORED!  I’m tired, I’m getting a headache and I’m bored which is just adding to it all.  The weather is getting more and more humid which means that the pressure system is shifting and that means pain for me.  I’m also sitting all day which does nothing but contribute to that.

I’m at a crossroads and there’s so much going on at once that I’m starting to not manage it well.  It feels like multiple sources of pressure all at once and the fact that I’m barely sleeping isn’t helping because I’m in a major catch-22.

I know what would help me sleep… no pain, a blank mind and the perfect temperature, among other things!

I have no idea what I did with my novel with these edits but some of what I did is exactly what I said I was trying not to do… highlighting sections to take out or change and taking out too many words… it’s STILL not ready.  I don’t think it ever will be!  Maybe it’s something I’m just going to have to shelve for a short time after all.  I do have enough months since I was going to bring it out in the fall anyway.

I think I really do need to find a weekend where I can escape to the trailer, by myself.  I think I need to clear my head, spend some time walking the beach if it’s there, taking pictures, spending some time with the sunset and allow nature to do it’s thing!  Toes in the sand, listening to the waves on the shore and taking in some sunshine.

Sounds like a wonderful plan… take the cats along???

 

A Down Day…

24 Wednesday Jul 2019

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Though my night seemed better I did end up taking migraine medication this morning.  It has been cloudy, then sunny, then cloudy again today.  My back has also been really sore today and I think there was some rain or storms in the forecast but who knows.  I spent a great deal of time sitting at work yesterday.

So I watched a couple of recorded Christmas movies this morning while I edited with the cats throwing me looks… not sure if that’s related to what was on TV or the fact that I was sitting with that pink binder, again.  Oh mom!

So now, this is my poor baby who is finding editing to be as exhausting as I am now…

TIgger_Editing

I know exactly how he feels!  I’m halfway through and, honestly, I’m hoping this is the last.  I can’t believe some of what I’m finding… it looks like I was highlighting to enter edits but was taking words out… and, for, what, if… and so on.  I am having to reinsert these words to make sense of sentences which is only adding to the issues.  I’m also not doing a lot of major repairs anymore which is a good sign.

Editing is really tough.  Something that could go on and on if not reeled in.  I’m trying to avoid that trap but when I was writing, I did tell you how much I wished I could vomit the story out and I believe that’s what happened.  Details were lost or forgotten and that was found on the first round of edits.  Then the second round of edits found me adding a section with a few more items that were found because I could imagine this house with this amazing attic where someone may have hidden items.  Now I’m on Round three because, if nothing else, all the newly added sections still need to be edited.  It’s also tough because you need to step back from the story and try to look at it from the perspective of the reader and what they might want to read and not read.

Whenever I get there, I need to do a proofread for spelling, grammar, sentence structure and I hope that’s next!

I hope to get for a swim tonight… it’s 86 I was just informed… works for me… maybe movement in the water will help loosen up the binds that hold my spine hostage!

 

 

 

Complete & total exhaustion!

23 Tuesday Jul 2019

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I think all those 4:00 and 6:00 a.m. mornings have caught up. Last night was worse… I heard my daughter come in at 12:30 or so and I was awake for a couple of hours and then I woke at 6:30!

It’s like the fatigue gremlins have it in for me! If I get a single good night’s sleep they take it away from me threefold and make me feel even worse and I join their ranks once again.

What’s crazy is this morning I didn’t feel so bad. Then 3:00 and I wanted to step in front of a bus! I have to knock on wood but at least I didn’t end up with a headache!

In that time this morning I managed to enter 67 pages of edits and then spend time with my pencil editing up to page 84! Then I fell off the wagon!

By the time I got home I didn’t want to move off the couch even though I was hungry… didn’t even want to find something to eat.

So, my friends, my readers, I’m calling it a night. I hope that since the next two days are MINE that maybe I will actually sleep tonight, and tomorrow night, and that will translate to better nights again.

I hate feeling this way. I’m tired of feeling this way. I LOVE summer and it’s a month over already and I just have felt like doing much…

And I don’t know why!

Not so hot…

21 Sunday Jul 2019

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Today started around 5:00!  I finally managed to go back to sleep around 7 for another hour and a quarter but about an hour ago the fatigue started to move in along with a headache… another headache!  It doesn’t look like I can blame the weather so perhaps it’s all the fatigue, among other things, catching up!

It’s not as hot today which has made it more tolerable and I have edited 50 pages before I had to quit.  I sat outside to do some of that but the cats drove me nuts.  I haven’t been for a swim yet either but there’s still time left!

I think I have narrowed the list of titles to the following…

Shattered Memories
Bridge of Secrets
Hidden Secrets
Hidden Memories
Secrets of Jealousy
Jealous Secrets
Box of Secrets
Haven of Secrets

I think I might just have to take a step back from the novel, whatever it is, and do something else… you know what I haven’t done since before my surgery?

Gone to Waterloo Park with my camera.  It was September 2017 when I was out there last.  In fact, other than the beach and horses, I’ve hardly had my camera out.  I think it might be time.

So I’m keeping this short.   It will soon be 4:30 so I’m going to figure out what I’m going to eat for a very light supper and I think I’m going to head over there right after and then come back here for a swim!

YES!

Hot, Hot, Hot!

20 Saturday Jul 2019

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Today wasn’t a very busy day, for the most part.  Laundry and then I left here about 3:30 for my niece’s 6th birthday party.  I stopped on the way… my daughter is house-sitting right now at a small farm and she wanted me to see it.  Then I went to the birthday party which was FUN, FUN, FUN but HOT! HOT! HOT!

I also had to go say hello to my two favourite ponies before I went to my parents’ and fell into the pool… except I think the pool had to be about 87 or 88 degrees and did nothing to cool me off.  I came home and went in the pool here and it was 83… MUCH better and now, believe it or not, I’m under the blanket on the couch watching…

CHRISTMAS MOVIES!

I posted my Title dilemma on the Word Nerds Unite Facebook page and I have been getting a lot of suggestions and I really like some of them.  They seem to be picking out words that I wouldn’t have initially and so I’m adding those to my list.  Of course the list is growing which, at the same time, is not a help to me because it will make deciding even more difficult but will hopefully put me on the right track for choosing something that will POP!

My favourites so far are: Secrets at the Bridge; Hidden Secrets; Shattered Secrets and Jealous Secrets.

I need to decide soon but I have also started editing again, just not tonight because after all the activities in the heat my sleepiness has set in which may or may not be preceding a migraine.

So I will end it here and say… until tomorrow!

So far… well… better…

14 Sunday Jul 2019

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I wish I could say so far, so good but it’s a bit better.  My head has not been hurting today and I slept better last night… I slept the entire night anyway but I had to take some meds to accomplish that.

I’m still really tired now but at least my head isn’t pounding.

I managed to get most of that article written but I’m not sure I’m going to get much further than that.  I do need to give myself a bit of a break from this stuff.

Christmas movies are on for Christmas in July on W Network here but Hallmark elsewhere.  I think Hallmark is actually running it for two weeks in the US however we get two measly weekends.  This weekend and next weekend.  It’s just not fair!

However, they ran a new movie this weekend that was enjoyable.  The male lead character is actually a popular kids author who goes by a nom de plume but he has writer’s block! He hasn’t been inspired and the female lead, an event planner, teaches him that creativity can’t always wait and that often times it’s a case of having to plan work time and often the creativity just falls into place.

I have been finding that, at least with my article writing.  I still feel the need to be inspired when writing my fiction but at least the article writing thrives no matter the mood!

I am tired tonight, among other things.  I turned out the light last night at 9:55 and will likely do that again tonight.

Goodnight!

Oh my aching HEAD!

13 Saturday Jul 2019

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I’m keeping this short for a number of reasons, number one being yet another headache!  I woke with this just before 6 this morning… yeah, that’s right, I bypassed 4 a.m. but I have been awake since 5:50.   I took meds, the headache went away and started to come back shortly before lunch and is just progressively getting worse.

I have tried to ignore it, I did some work on the final article but I was really struggling with work and articulating words.

I had a glass of wine last evening, that didn’t work.  I think I will have to resort to some of my mightier sleeping pills that I keep for these occasions especially.

I know what I really need but… well, maybe someday!

I am off to a birthday party… with kids… IF I can manage it.  I’ve tried some oils and I’ve just taken my migraine meds so with a little luck in an hour I will be feeling MUCH better.

I hate 4:00 a.m.

12 Friday Jul 2019

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Today was the third, or fourth day that I have basically woken at 4 a.m. and only dozed until I had to get up.  No, that’s not quite right, the other morning I managed until 6 a.m. but didn’t go back to sleep at all so it’s probably about the same.

So, at this point, I HATE 4 a.m. because it doesn’t leave me alone!

It wasn’t as bad on my days off because I was able to putter and shift my focus but today was brutal as it all caught up and I was forced to focus over and over on itineraries.  It ended up not being too bad a day because I had one person come in and we rescheduled her and her son and another appointment didn’t show up. But it took its toll anyway.

I came home with my head pounding.

By supper my daughter was asking me a question and I would start to answer and then actually had to stop and ask her what she had asked…

Tomorrow will be another long day for me so by Sunday I might end up in bed all day!

I did manage, somehow, to finish that third article and got it sent off after supper.  One left to go and I have my research notes on that.

I am going to go and pour at least half a glass of wine.

Goodnight all!

Using the mind…

05 Friday Jul 2019

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My daughter just burst through the door, changed her clothes, grabbed a couple cups of water and is heading off to the barn to look after the horses before going to Toronto… the why is irrelevant.

But, at the last minute, she runs back upstairs and comes back down carrying a… sweater!  It is currently 37 degrees here and feels close to 40!  It’s HOT outside… which is great, but it’s HOT.  Her boyfriend asks her if she nuts… she says it could snow in a half hour with our weather!

I pointed out that not even in MY wildest imagination, which has produced a dozen novels, would that, or could that, actually happen!

Our minds like to wander.  When we’re angry, sad, disappointed, thrilled, excited, joyful, disgusted, horrified we all have stories and ideas that go through our minds… we think of things to tell people, we have conversations in our heads.  We are all storytellers even if we think we’re not.

I have managed to get one of the four assignments completed and submitted.  That felt good but very little is actually feeling good today.  I’m very emotional for a wide array of reasons.  Today is my last day of vacation… Monday I’m back to work.  With the events of yesterday I wish I could gain more time.

I haven’t managed to get to my own work this week and I haven’t even managed to get the copy delivered to the person who wanted to read it.  I’ve really fallen behind.

Additionally I’m still angry and sad about what happened to the new vehicle yesterday and… well, I’m feeling pretty lonely today and I don’t think that’s going to pass anytime soon.

Maybe it will encourage me to get back to my murder story and get the edits/proofreads done and move a step closer to finishing it!

 

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