In defence of fakes

One of my least popular ideas is to establish a Gallery of Fakes.

This is like a normal art gallery except that instead of original works, it contains high quality replicas of some of the best works from around the world.

Come on. Let me talk you through it.

At the Louvre, you have to battle the hordes to get a look at the little old Mona Lisa. You might get a peek at the top of her head from a distance. Then in seconds you’re pushed along by the next people wanting the moment they paid a massive airfare for.

In my Gallery of Fakes, you can enjoy a life-size replica of Mona and take your time looking at it properly. There will be no crowds to disturb you.

Even the 3D brushstrokes can be reproduced as in the original.

You can touch it. Why not? I’ll made the reproductions so good that they even feel the same.

I once went to a Van Gogh exhibition in Tokyo and managed to see bits of his most famous works from quite a distance. A bit disappointing. I didn’t battle through the crowds for a closer look. Some things require peace and quiet for proper appreciation.

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Third World mindset

Imagine the home of a middle-class family in a Third World country. Their high-volume karaoke suddenly stalls and mum checks the laptop. Correctly, she starts deleting some of the dozens of video files saved to desktop, then installs the long-overdue updates, which takes more than thirty minutes.

She says haha, they have two other old laptops that also aren’t working properly because they’re clogged with too many saved files.

A cage in the garage holds some small dogs. Their shit reeks.

Outside in the backyard, there is a junk pile. Street dogs wander to and fro.

I’ve been thinking about why the Third World is the Third World, and how much of it is mindset vs poverty.

Here are some aspects of Third World culture that I’ve noticed in my travels, including in some non-Third World locations. Note that none of these are caused primarily by a lack of money, but rather by lack of social trust, forethought, agency, and pride in one’s work and surroundings.

Lack of maintenance

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3 sayings about Japan

Foreigners have certain sayings about Japan that can help you to understand deep parts of the cultural iceberg that are normally hidden.

1. The Japanese would rather lose their way than win any other way.

Tradition and what the boss said to do is valued, at times, more highly than life itself.

This was apparent in the Pacific War.

In Papua New Guinea, the outnumbered, poorly trained and equipped Australians were nearly blown away by the the approaching juggernaut. However, when they adjusted their tactics to prepare for following assaults, they were confused to find that the Japanese forces kept on attacking in exactly the same way again and again and again, thus nullifying their otherwise formidable power and halting their advance.

The Japanese were unable to change right in the middle of things.

In another incident, the Emperor once asked his government why the Americans had been able to fortify captured Pacific islands so quickly compared to the Japanese who had held them for years. The answer was that the Americans immediately shipped machinery to each island for construction. This seemed an alien and scientific way of fighting to the banzai-charge preferring Japanese leadership.

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Germans and the Last Man

I always had an image of Germans as hard-working, humourless bot-people, turning only from their toil on rare days off to listen to weird bands or attend pro-refugee rallies.

I now work with a lot of Germans and I’ve been surprised at how much I got them wrong.

Germans are one of the few ethnic groups Australians don’t already know well. There are many people with German ancestry in Australia, but it goes too far back to make much difference aside from celebrating Christmas a day early, making all the other kids jealous as they sleep that extra night waiting for those pressies.

To be fair, some of the stereotypes I saw busted may be recent innovations. Others might be regional – I deal mostly with the south, especially Bavaria. I’m already starting to see Berliners as other Germans do…

First, Germans don’t work long hours. They have some of the chillest labour standards in the world. By law, they are not allowed to work over ten hours per day. Companies will be in serious trouble if they get caught keeping people on longer than that, even if they pay them overtime rates.

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Who weeps for the sober-hearted?

I’m off the piss.

There’s no big reason, only a few small reasons: my blood pressure’s a bit high, gf doesn’t drink, I see blokes around me who do nothing but drink and are horrifically out of shape, plus it makes me sleepy and prevents me from doing anything else.

For me, this was not a major decision. ‘Shall I go from three beers a week to zero? Sure, why not.’

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The Rousseauian state


By Maurice Quentin de La Tour – Unknown source, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=24158

Jean-Jacques Rousseau had a strange hold over rich people of a liberal bent, as described in The Intellectuals by Paul Johnson (review here).

He would guilt them into feeling terrible about being rich and comfortable despite the injustices of the world and his own poverty, receive their hospitality and sponsorship to continue his world-saving mission… and then he would attack them with additional guilt for not giving him more!

For some reason, the more people gave him, the more they felt that they were failing him.

Rousseau was like a champion vacuum cleaner salesman but without any vacuum cleaners, and instead of selling you something he’d yell insults at you then put his hand out for money.

In the 2010s, a modern form of this sort of thing became trendy among the elite AWFL set. They would invite a speaker of colour to come over for dinner and give a presentation to a group of friends, and the guest would proceed to scold them at torturous length for being white, privileged and not doing more as allies – in return for a hefty fee.

I suppose Tom Wolfe wrote about a similar affluent white liberal infatuation with communist and black power rebel groups, although I’ve not read that book yet.

So whatever this phenomenon is, it’s not new. There’s a mindset among the chattering classes that they don’t really deserve all that they have, and for some reason being berated about it makes them feel better.

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SEP field

Crooks poses for one of many photos and videos.

In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, there is an ingenious cloaking device called an SEP field. People hide their spaceships by generating this field around the vessel. Everybody who sees it decides that, whatever it is, it’s someone else’s problem (SEP).

This seems to have been the case with the Trump shooter. Just about everybody saw him loitering suspiciously. Officials photographed him, warned about, watched him and so on, but nobody thought to go over and deal with him, or to at least keep Trump off the stage until he’d been rounded up.

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Idol worship

We lay our scene in suburban Japan.

Emerging from a basement gym into an open, outdoor area, I’m presented with a fascinating sight.

A small stage is set up, only a foot or two high. On it stand six handsome young men dressed in anime-style, fantasy costumes. They have stage makeup on and their hair is magnificent. I’m not sure if they’re musicians, TV stars, YouTubers or what. They don’t seem to sing or dance, just answer questions and put on some sort of performance where they strike poses and such.

Then they each go into Covid-safe booth with a plastic barrier, and dozens of fans pay a fee to line up to meet and interact with their favourite idol. The lines are looong. It’s an impressive showing for out here in nowhere special.

Who are their fans?

Young women.

I would guess most are aged 18-35. I suppose university students have the time to pursue such hobbies and working-age women have the money. High school fans have neither.

What are the fans like?

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Inside the cathedral

ARA sponsors (from website)

What does the Australian Retailers Association mean to you?

Anyone? Hello? (Taps mic).

I first heard about this outfit in a news article related to the recent, failed Australian referendum on having an ‘Indigenous Voice to Parliament‘ enshrined in the Constitution. Most big companies, including retailers, were publicly supporting the referendum for some reason and the ARA story was them complaining that some customers were coming in to shops and taking them to task about it. Paywalled now.

I looked up the Australian Retailers Association and this is what I found:

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Too much of a good thing

HT

Each culture has one concept that it cannot grasp.

South Koreans are constitutionally incapable of wrapping their heads around the law of diminishing returns. Two thousand years of Christianity have failed to leave any trace of forgiveness or peacemaking on Eritreans. Taiwanese will never apply their brilliant minds to their driving.

In the Philippines, the impossible concept seems to be ‘too much of a good thing.’

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The last larrikin

Picture: Getty

Depending on where you’re from, you’re either well-acquainted with a certain Shane Warne or you’ve never heard of him.

For those in the second group, ‘Warnie’ was one of the greatest cricket players in the world. His pioneering bowling techniques were the terror of batsmen, helping Australia dominate the sport for decades.

You don’t have to understand anything about cricket in order to read this post, but for the record here is a clip of him playing:

Warnie is also the greatest and perhaps final example of an Aussie type: the loveable larrikin.

This is a great man of charm and character who is so hopelessly flawed that it seems almost innocent; like a child. The larrikin is not evil. He just can’t help being what he is.

My favourite Warnie scandal was the one in New Zealand. A long-time smoker, he’d signed up with a nicotine patch company (or something) and agreed to quit. However, a Kiwi boy caught him smoking in the stadium and took a picture. Warnie took off after him and grabbed his bag, demanding he remove the film from the camera. Cops arrived and he returned the bag. He denied swearing at the lad.

Classic Warnie: falling off the tobacco wagon would have been a much smaller scandal that shirtfronting a kid, but this is Warnie.

He can do no other.

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On revenge

The recent Abe assassination got me thinking about revenge.

This shooting was motivated by a long-held, deep-seated grudge. The assassin’s mother had lost the family fortune to the Moonies, leaving him without prospects in a highly credentialist society where university education is not cheap. His original target was the head of the Moonies but as she could not travel to Japan due to Covid restrictions he chose Abe, who had long associated with the cult and gained campaign funding and manpower in return for something or other.

Surprisingly, the crime has been effective in curbing the movement’s power. According to Japanese moral logic, the one who disrupts social harmony is the baddie, and the church itself is the disruptor in this case as it has caused a lot of trouble for a lot of people for a long time. Finally someone snapped and now they are being blamed. Many politicians are being exposed for their connections to the Unification Church, the organization is being investigated, and there is even serious talk of dissolving it.

Meanwhile the sarin gas cult is still going strong.

It’s hard to say if any of this was the assassin’s intention. I could not have predicted such reactions, but perhaps a Japanese person could have.

Anyway, revenge . . .

A few times in my life, people have taken revenge on me.

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What ends hysteria?

I’ve previously written about social manias throughout history.

We’ve discussed what gets them started, but how do they end? Is there a way we can cut them short?

Let’s examine some examples and see if any patterns emerge:

Economic bubbles
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The reason we lost our liberties and voting power

At the Pub, Brisbane 1982
*Karen voice*: “Excuse me everyone, can you show me your digital vaccine passes, please?” I pity the fool. Image: At the Pub, Brisbane 1982 (© Rennie Ellis) via source

The commonest furphy in liberal democracies is that power comes from voting franchise and individual liberties.

That is, people are strong because they can vote and because they possess rights that are protected by courts and constitutions.

This is backwards.

People have rights and the franchise because they have power.

Voting
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Multiculturalism and social trust

If the headline’s assertion is not already familiar to you, read this first.


I was once flying back to Sydney from Bangladesh and the flight was delayed by twelve hours – a common occurrence in those parts. The airline put us up in a nice hotel by the airport, twin-share. I was travelling alone.

An Aussie guy spotted me and suggested we share because he didn’t want to spend the night with ‘some random Bangladeshi.’ I looked him up and down, decided he was alright and agreed.

The night passed without incident.

I was younger and more pious then, so I thought we’d been a bit racist. Now that I’m older, I can see why it made sense.

When I see an Aussie, I can sum him up at a glance with a very high degree of accuracy. Toffy Poms sometimes complain that they can’t ‘place’ Australians in terms of class because we all speak the same, but we can tell who’s who.

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Black swans of trespass

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be another poetry post. However, please humour me for a moment by reading this short piece and deciding what you think of it. You’ll find out why later.

Durer: Innsbruck, 1495 (published 1943)

I had often cowled in the slumbrous heavy air,
Closed my inanimate lids to find it real,
As I knew it would be, the colourful spires
And painted roofs, the high snows glimpsed at the back,
All reversed in the quiet reflecting waters –
Not knowing then that Durer perceived it too.
Now I find that once more I have shrunk
To an interloper, robber of dead men’s dream,
I had read in books that art is not easy
But no one warned that the mind repeats
In its ignorance the vision of others. I am still
The black swan of trespass on alien waters.

Bookmark your thoughts. Whatever your opinion, the story behind this poem is a tale for the ages.

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The last 3 good albums

I’m haunted by three albums released from the late 1990s to mid-2010s.

Partly because they are ethereal and strange, partly because they seem to be the last good albums ever recorded.

I might be wrong about this. Perhaps I’m just a grumpy old man and you can draw my attention to more recent good albums.

On the other hand, maybe downloading killed music as we once knew it, leaving us with nothing listenable except for free, bland focus music.

Edit: here’s another view of what’s wrong with modern pop. It’s not the only one:

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Woke Inc. shelves multiculturalism

I was reading yet another Hate YT story and realized something interesting: we never hear the word ‘multiculturalism’ any more, even from the same elites who once pushed it with the same gay abandon they once spruiked the campus rape epidemic and Bruce Jenner.

I thought this might just be my impression, not reality, so I checked Google Trends to see how much the word is being searched worldwide.

This is what I found:

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The return of the aristocracy

If you’ve poked your head out of the cave lately, you’ll have noticed a pattern.

Our rulers want to change our lives.

They suddenly want us to eat bugs, live in pods, refrain from eating beef, enjoy our lack of privacy and own less stuff. They also want us to travel less, especially in Australia where travel for most is banned.

It’s Woke, global warming, Covid and WEF nonsense rolled into a single, unified campaign against the common man.

Why?

Who stands to benefit from us eating bugs? Who wins by stopping us from flying to Bali for a holiday?

In terms of absolute monetary benefit, no one. There’s not much money in marketing bug burgers or renting out bungalows at Bonnie Doon.

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The best games ever

a person with collar shirt

This article examines the antics of five athletes to synthesize a grand unified theory of why the Olympics are cactus.

I’m old enough to remember the Sydney 2000 Olympics. It was a special time – just about all Australians were proud to have it and hoped to put on a really good show for the world.

Do you remember Eric the Eel? He had no Olympic-sized pool back in Equatorial Guinea to train in so he almost drowned. The crowd cheered him on wildly and he just made the distance. Unkind people thought we were being racist and/or condescending but far from it – we genuinely admired his spirit. The balls of the guy, to even make the attempt! That is the Olympic spirit.

I have nothing against the concept of the Olympics. The world’s greatest sportsmen gathering every four years to compete in peace and friendship. Going back the Greeks, it was a triumph of human creativity and abstract reasoning to put aside conflict for a couple of weeks, enjoy the show and perhaps imagine a better world.

What killed the Olympics? Various things. Cheating, politics (i.e. banning Russia), IOC corruption, professionalism, corporate sponsorship, cost overruns, white elephant stadiums. No doubt there are more. The Olympic spirit has been dying for decades. Why cheer drugged-up pros who are playing for millions of dollars? Give us the good old days of mustachioed, pot-bellied accountants stopping for a fag and a dram of whisky as they run the 1896 marathon wearing hats and bow ties.

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